Is It Too Late? To Tell You, I love You

Chapter 1
Carrot Juice


    It wasn't to hard to wake up, the loudness of keys continually going brought me to open my eyes. “Ha!” I yawned, mocking the horizontal bars above me since this time I didn't hit my head on them. I turned back and forth in my small bed. I was on the bottom, naturally. Of course Frankie got the top bunk, this being his room and the fact that I was too scared it would break and I'd squash him. I finally lifted my blanket and sat up, crouching. Frankie's room was big, the walls a light green with 2 or 3 superhero stickers on them. The ceiling covered in different sized glow in the dark stars, while his door hung a poster of his brothers. I loved his window, it had a small space where you could sit on and stare out the window. Looking over the bright green trees, the white willow and a small fountain that held Koi fish. The little pebbled path that led to the main entrance, all wet from last night's drizzle.


I rolled out of bed, rubbing my eyes. I saw where the noise was coming from, a corner of the room where Frankie was on his mac. I stepped on his batman action figure, my foot feeling a piercing pain. “Ahh! Frankie, please pick your toys up after you play with them!” I yelped as I rubbed the sole of my foot. His head snapped up, jumping since he hadn't noticed I was up and he closed his laptop quickly. “Morning Maya...what's up?” He asked, totally nervous.


“Frankie...what are you doing? Up so early...on the computer?” I asked, smirking at his guilt filled face. “Technically it's a laptop. Nothing, just playing games.” He smiled, that toothy mischievous smile. “Right...” I replied casually and grabbed his laptop as quickly as I could. “Mayaaaa!!! Give it back!” He jumped up and down trying to take it from me. “Not until I see what you were doing.” I laughed as I opened it up and spotted one minimized page. It was an aim conversation with a screen name called MaddyP1998. “I knew it! I knew it!” I giggled as I handed him his mac back, jumping up and down on his couch.


Frankie was too busy blushing and pouting to answer me. “Awh. I'm sorry Frank. It's just so cute you like her.” I gushed as he went into extreme pout mode. “Fine. I'm sorry!” I groaned. “You ruin all my fun.” I pouted back, he cracked a smile. “She's just a friend. Ok?” He whined, I nodded still grinning. “Whatever you say.” I ruffled his hair and helped clean his room. It had been a week since Selena's party, a long and hard week.


I could have been at home but Denise and Paul decided i would be living here while my mom was away. It was for the best, I would be all alone in that big house and I felt at home here. “Pass me that pillowcase. I need to throw it in the hamper.” Frankie yawned as I threw it to him and he swished it into the hamper. “Nice shot.” I told him, it was 6 in the morning, here him and I were the early risers. We finished making our beds and even dusted. “High five.” I said as we finished and the room looked spotless. We laid on the couch for a while and watched cartoons until a sweet voice yelled. “Anyone up yet?” Denise bellowed from the stairs. “We're up Denise. Good morning.” I yelled as Frankie yelled good morning too. “Great! I have the juice ready!” She stated, Frankie and I exchanged frightened glances and sprinted out the door.


When we were all on break and in the house, Paul made his specialty; carrot juice. “Open up!” I rapped on Kevin's door. Frankie was already yelling, warning the boys. “CARROT JUICE! SOMEONE OPEN THE DOOR!” He desperately cried, all three doors opened quickly. Nick pulled Frankie in while Kevin grabbed my hand and we darted into Joe's room. “Oh man! I was hoping he had forgotten.” Kevin cursed as Joe paced back and forth tapping his chin. “I really don't want to drink that!” I whined, it was the most horrible thing; carrot and orange juice mixed into one! “None of us do!” Joe snapped. “Come in. Fro Bro, do you read me? Over?” Joe talked into his walkie talkie, I couldn't help but crack up. “This is Fro Bro, reading. Over.” Nick answered, I could hear Frankie in the background.


“Are the parentals on their way? Over.” Joe inquired as he peeked through his door. “Not yet. Tell Maya I said good morning. Over.” He responded, I felt a grin spread upon my face. “Here.” Joe tossed me the walkie, I clicked the button and spoke into it. “This is Maya, good morning to you too. Over.” I giggled as I heard Nick laugh. “I think someone will have to make a sacrifice and go down.” Joe sighed, Kevin backing away already. “Not me bro, I hate that stuff. It makes me gag. You do it, your name is Danger.” Kevin argued, I heard Nick and Frankie yell from across the hallway. “SAVE YOURSELVES!!” Nick screamed as I heard Frankie start protesting and trying not to cry.


“It's for your own good. Come on Nicholas! It helps your eyesight!” Denise pressed, then I heard a sigh of defeat and it was quiet. “Oh man! She got to them!” I gulped, I could smell the horrid stench of the juice. “Crap.” Kevin muttered as we heard the knob click, Paul had gotten a spare key. “Run! Hide!” Joe whispered frantically as the knob started turning. “Where?! There's no where to hide!” Kevin hollered, we all looked at Joe's window. It was right by a tree branch, sturdy enough for us to crawl on. “Ladies first!” I announced as I ran to the window but Joe pushed Kevin and I over, already crawling on his stomach and reaching the tree trunk. “JOE! YOU IMBACIL!” Kevin yelled as Paul smiled at us and handed us two glasses full of dark orange thick goo.


“Bottoms up.” We groaned as we clicked our glasses and pinched our noses as we gulped the concoction. The nasty wretched thing going down my throat, the smell and taste of carrots filled me, making me want to hurl. Kevin did, he covered his mouth and darted out of the room to the nearest restroom. “Oh you guys! It's for your own good.” Paul laughed as he took my empty glass and walked out the door. “Ewww Eww!” I groaned as I took a clean towel and wiped my tongue, leaving orange splotches on it. Nick walked in, his nose scrunched and small spots of orange on his wife beater. “You got a carrot juice mustache.” He pointed out, as he took the towel and wiped the top of my lip.


“Thanks.” I laughed as we walked out of Joe's room. “He's such a traitor.” Nick agreed as I told him how he'd run out of the house. “Yeah, I should have seen that coming.” I added as we raced down the stairs, he won only by a second or so. “It's ok, he gets the best of us.” He grinned, putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked into the kitchen. It was something normal he'd always do, but since my feeling had changed it became uncomfortable for me. “Good morning.” Nick kissed Denise's cheek and gave her a hug, she smiled as she took my hand and brought me into the hug. “How did you sleep?” She asked as she pressed me close to Nick. I gave her a stare and walked to the kitchen table, setting down the plates.


“I slept great.” I replied, I was lying. “Really? Nick told me otherwise.” Denise mumbled, I glanced at Nick who was hiding his face, making believe to look through the fridge. “Really? What did Nick say?” I asked, irritated. “You were having a nightmare. You were yelling.” He muttered, embarrassed. “Oh.” I whispered, knowing what my dream was about. I had been dreaming about that day in San Jose which then fused into the night of Selena's party. “Um...did I say anything?” I asked, praying I had not screamed his name or anything related to that night. “No. Just a yell here and there.” He sat next to me, squeezing my hand. He was the only one who knew what had happened at San Jose, something he saved me from and something I would thank him for the rest of my life.


Denise had made waffles with fresh strawberries on the side, while Paul had chased Joe all the way to the outskirts of the gated community. “Dad!” Joe cried as Paul made him drink a second glass of carrot juice, all of us happy at the sweet revenge. “So, Maya. Your mom called.” Denise told me after we had done a quick prayer. “Really? What did she say?” I drank my glass of water. “She told me to tell you, she's doing great. Also, she has a surprise for you. But we need to wait a couple of days. And, that she loves you.” Denise smiled as she pated my hand, my eyes watering. “Is she coming soon?” I hoped, praying for a yes. “I'm sorry sweetie. She's getting the best treatment, which unfortunately is far from here.” Paul replied, I had lost my appetite.


I helped Kevin and Nick do the dishes while Joe played video games with Frankie. Paul walked down minutes later, briefcase in hand, newspaper in the other. “I'm off. I love you all!” He waved as we all said good bye. I went upstairs and took a shower. Letting the steaming water fall, trying to, as Joseph would say, destressify. When I was done, I went to change, thankfully Frankie was still downstairs playing World of War craft. It was hard, having Nick so close to me, and still not being able to talk to him like I used to before. He didn't notice though, only Denise did. I was just more reserved, but still the cheery best friend of Nick Jonas.


I got into a tank top which I covered with a hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans, my usual sneakers on and my hair up. I went back to my usual black eyeliner and lip gloss, the mascara and eyeshadow had been a one night thing. Nothing to do today, this was supposed to be the time I'd be rehearsing for my musicals coming up. “Frankie, want to go watch a movie?” I joined everyone in the den, watching Frankie totally crush Joe. “Nah. I have friends coming over.” He replied, not taking his eyes off the television. “mmkay.” I shrugged as it started drizzling again, the wind was picking up. “I'll be back later. I'll go to the mall while I wait for the first showing. Is that ok Denise?” I checked to see if I had my wallet and cell phone on me. “Of course sweetheart. Have fun.” She added as her eyes had worry in them, I knew she could tell I was trying to get away from the house.


“Would you mind if I came along?” A kind and tender filled voice asked, Nick's. “Oh, um...sure.” I half smiled, my heart pounding. “Great. I've been meaning to hang out with you, just the two of us. But somehow you're always busy.” He grinned as he darted up the stairs to get ready. I sat on the L shaped sofa and waited, my eyes on the TV where Frankie was shooting at Joe's character. I was quiet, bitting my nails and trying to think of an excuse I could make so he wouldn't tag along. “Maya, would you help me? I can't seem to find my reading glasses.” Denise beckoned, when I knew she had them perched on the island in the kitchen, as always. “Sure.” I answered, getting up slowly and looking at the clock. It was 8:27, the mall wasn't even open yet I could bet.


I reached the kitchen, where Denise was waiting for me, seated on a stool, her hands clasped together, her face full of grief. “What's wrong Denise?” I questioned, upset that she looked so stressed. “I want you to tell him.” Was all she spoke, her mouth frowning, bitting her lip. “Denise...we've talked about this.” I complained, it was true. Everyday when we were somehow alone she brought the subject back up like something casual. “Maya, you're only hurting yourself. I know you're trying to be a good friend but it isn't healthy. You could get sick out of all this stress.” She continued, I knew she meant well but I had already made up my mind. “No Denise. I'm fine with it. Ok? Please let's just drop it. For today.” I added, “Because I know you'll bring it up tomorrow, and the next day and the next.” I grimaced, I wish she didn't. “Alright dear. Haven fun.” She gave me a kiss and sure enough, her glasses were on the island.


“Ready.” Nick announced as he came down the stairs, shades in hand. He was wearing black skinny jeans, boots, and a white v neck tee and a jacket over it. “Shall we?” He continued, his arm in midair waiting for mine to go under his. “Let's go.” I smiled, as we walked by each others side. It wasn't as weird or nerve wrecking as I thought it'd be. I felt so safe and serene with him so close to me, like back when we were just friends. Well we still were just friends, except I had developed more deeper feeling than he'd ever know. It was already 9:56 by the time we were walking out of the house, by the time we got outside the gates of the community I was sure the movie theater would be open.


“So, what movie would you like to see?” He smiled as we walked down the block, full of identical houses, some different shades but always the same structure. The wind picking up debris of autumn leaves and making our hair fly as we walked against it. “Dark Knight sound good?” He nodded, we'd been waiting for it to come out since forever. “What brought this on?” I finally asked. “What?” He stared at me puzzled. “Wanting to go to the movies with me.” I explained, he raised his eyebrows. “I just wanted to hang out with you. Don't you want to?” He continued, a bit surprised at the edginess of my tone. “Yes, of course.” I responded quickly. “Then what's the problem? Why, did you think I'd be spending all my time with Thalia?” His voice silky, he noticed I didn't answer. “Maya, you're my best friend. You and my family come first. I can spend time with Thalia any other day and besides I want to get as much time with you before you leave for New York.” He added, clutching my arm harder, excited for my upcoming performances.


“Right...Well it's good to know you haven't gone girl crazy yet.” I teased as we reached the gates and they automatically opened, letting us free from it's clutches of snobby rich neighbors. I hadn't gotten around telling any of them I wouldn't be going to Broadway, I'd get too many questions, questions I wouldn't be able to answer. “Well I am crazy about her, but not crazy enough to ignore the people that mean the world to me. So what's been up? You haven't been around lately.” He changed the subject, I knew this question was bound to come up. “Sure I have, I'm always in the house.” I replied cheerily, acting as though I had no clue what he really meant. “I meant..” He took a deep breath, “Your mind seems to be somewhere else, you don't seem like yourself. I don't know, you seem more guarded. A bit distant from everyone.” Why was he able to pick up all these details so easily?


“Wow, you've been meaning to point that out huh?” I commented, my hands now in the pockets of my jeans. “Don't be mad Maya, I just want to know if somethings wrong.” He admitted, we finally reached the familiar streets of our neighborhood. “I'm not mad at you Nicholas, and nothing is wrong. But thank you for your concern.” I answered earnestly, I valued his care so much. “I guess it's just I miss Selena.” I added, which was part of my problem. I had no friends who were not working at the moment, all busy living their dreams on stage or doing something exciting. “That's reasonable. After all, you guys are very close.” He agreed, happy that it could explain my sudden change.


Another reason that I didn't want Nick to come, was because I knew this would tense up once we arrived. Although all my friends were busy, they made time for me, something again, I was thankful for. Selena was already overwhelmed with work and her upcoming CD that I assured her it was ok that she didn't visit. But their was one friend who told me was free today and would love nothing more than to spend time with me. That friend had really gotten close to me, I was pleased when we made plans. That friend was also one of the main reasons I was still in one piece, always calling me or messaging me when I needed him. “Nick?” I lowered my head, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Yeah?” We reached the movie theater, it was actually full of people. “I hope you don't mind, I invited another friend before you offered to come.” I announced, his eyes were on me, I could feel it. “That's fine. As long as it's not.....” But he had suddenly stopped as we reached the ticket window. “Ethan.” I smiled as I saw him leaning against one of the walls.


“Ethan.” Nick growled under his breath. There he was, in jeans and a brown snug crew neck sweater that hugged his body and emphasized his muscles. His sneakers matching as always and his beauty catching everyone's eye. He could have passed off as a model, we walked towards him. “Hello Maya. Nick.” He nodded as he was already holding two tickets in his fingers. “I didn't know you were coming Nicholas, I would have bought an extra ticket.” He was already taking his wallet out, ready to pay. “Same here.” Nick threw a quick scowl at me. “I'm paying for my own ticket.” He told Ethan, who put his hand up. “It's my treat. I told Maya, I'd pay and she agreed. You can pay for the snacks.” Ethan bought his ticket, Nick mumbled a thanks. The guy taking the tickets grimaced at me as he saw the tension between my two friends. “Enjoy the movie.” I laughed dryly, knowing that would be hard to do. Nick bought every possible snack available, Ethan helped his carry them as we reached theater 2.


The trailers were about to begin, and we walked fast enough we were able to catch three seats in the middle and not have to watch all the way far back. “Go in.” Ethan Told me sweetly as we reached the seats, but Nick was already protesting. “You go in first Ethan. She can sit in the middle.” His glare not too visible from the darkness. “What ever you say.” Ethan winked at me, causing me to giggle. “Something funny?” Nick snapped, my laughter ceased and I walked towards my seat followed by Nick. The bulbs above finally dimmed until they were no longer emitting any light. Ethan handed me my drink, an iced tea. “Thank you.” I smirked as he took a sip of his mountain dew. People started shushing each other, it was pretty crowded for a 10:30 am movie.


The sound of the trailers boomed around, I heard a little kid squeal but his mother told him to quiet down. Already, people shutting their phones off, their ringers lowering or being put on vibrate. One of the trailers I loved was the one for Twilight, I was on the edge of my seat as I watched it. “Once it premieres, we'll come see it.” Ethan assured me, and I nodded happily that one of my all time favorite books would be on the big screen. Then the movie was about to begin, all our snacks placed on their laps since their were so many. “Popcorn?” The both asked, accidentally clinking both bags together as they offered me some. I sighed deeply, anger trying to take over as I saw the bits of popcorn now across my lap. “No. Thank. You.” I replied, trying to calm down. I wondered if they could manage to frustrate me anymore throughout the movie, I'm sure they'd find a way.


Chapter 2
Being The Dark Knight

    You know where you're at the movies? And there's always that group of people who annoy the hell out of everyone in the theater? Yeah, that's us right now. Well not us, more like Ethan and Nick. Once the movie started it got quiet, except for the rare sneezes or kid wanting to go potty. Nick started whispering, asking me if I wanted some sour patches from his candy box, rattling it. “Shhh” Someone from behind hushed him, Nick turned around and glared. “Nick, just watch the movie.” I whispered. It started and I loved it so far, it was funny, action packed and had some pretty hot actors if I do say so myself.


Then, it all pretty much started going downhill from there. Nick's cellphone went off, causing everyone to start complaining. He grinned at the sight of whoever was texting him, Thalia was my guess. He shut the volume off and started texting away, so much for enjoying the movie. “Want some Buncha Crunch?” Ethan asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I was suppressing a fit of giggles, when he did that it looked pretty funny. “Yes, please.” I mumbled, not to disrupt the other people around. He poured some chocolate in my hands but some fell on the floor, causing the tween couple in front of us to turn around and glare at us. “I thought you didn't want any?” Nick snapped, as he raised his eyes from his cellphone screen. “I wasn't hungry a few minutes ago.” I shrugged simply, besides I loved chocolate, who could say no?


In a way, I found myself totally understanding Bruce Wayne. How he was sacrificing so many things for the one he loved. Trying to bring a bit of peace and how hurt he was when he lost Rachel, the love of his life. Maybe Rachel was confused, maybe she didn't love Harvey and she actually just hadn't realized how much Bruce really meant to her. Of course I was using Rachel to represent Nick, even I couldn't hide that from myself. But Rachel had set her mind on Harvey, just like Nick had chosen Thalia. I knew my eyes would start watering, and they did, when Rachel died, because I could tell that Bruce was dying of pain and no one would ever steal his heart like Rachel did. Stupid Harvey.


“Excuse me.” I whispered as I got out of my seat and made my way to the ladies bathroom. Nick stood up and let me through, too busy on his phone to see my eyes full of tears. Thankfully it was too dark for anyone to see me cry, I made it outside. I squinted since the bright light made my eyes dilate. As I went to the bathroom my tears stopped, it was easier to be strong out here. I went in quickly just to check my eyes and came back out. I sighed, faking a smile and walked back in. “Why'd you leave?” Nick questioned, phone finally away. “Nothing, just drank too much iced tea.” I laughed, he nodded and we went back to seeing the movie.


Ethan took my hand and squeezed it, letting me know he was there. “Thanks.” I mumbled so only he could hear me. “That's what friends are for.” He smiled and it was quiet for sometime. The movie was ending, I could tell. But Nick was shaking his leg, anxious to be able to leave. “Are you late for something?” I harshly snapped, he checked his watch. “Whens it going to end?” Too distracted to notice how annoyed I was. “When it does.” Ethan answered curtly. “Thalia was wondering if I could meet her at the aquarium.” He let me know, I bit my cheek. “Then go, no one is stopping you.” I answered, I was trying control myself but apparently that wasn't happening.


“I wouldn't want to leave you alone.” He admitted, at that moment Ethan put his arm around me. “Don't worry, she won't be.” He gave Nick that dazzling smile he had, his dimples at their fullest. “I'll just tell her to wait.” Nick replied, sending a quick text and going back to watching the movie. “You done?” The boy in front glowered, my temper was already up and then little boy trying to seem intimidating was on my nerves. “Want some gum?” Ethan offered, Nick and I took a piece. It was a crappy day, and now it was a pissy one too. Nick kept popping his gum, sending waves of rage throughout the theater. I wanted to maybe punch him but I calmed down and patted his shoulder. “Hmm?” He turned his eyes from the screen and stared at me. “Could you please stop popping your gum? It's bothering everyone.” He quickly apologized and spit it out into his empty popcorn bag.


The movie was over, a great ending. Everyone clapped, people still did that? I took my gum and placed it on the kids head. His girlfriend disgusted at the sight of it, he just gaped. “Now we're done.” I glared as Ethan laughed behind me and we walked out of our row. “That's some temper you've acquired.” He chuckled, Nick already waiting for us outside. “Yeah, sorry.” I blushed, maybe I was ruining everyone's day with my bad mood. “I like it. You shouldn't have to hide your feelings.” He added, we walked to where Nick was waiting. “Hey. Look who's here.” His tone innocent with fake surprise. Thalia was next to him, wearing a beige blazer with capris and brown pumps. Her hair half up and the rest flowing.


“Maya, so good to see you.” Her sweet voice sang as she hugged me and Ethan. “You too, how have you been?” As though I didn't know. “Great. How was the movie?” We all walked outside, the rain still lazily pouring over and the clouds covering the small rays of sun. “Rushed.” Ethan smirked, Nick's fist clenched. “Well, we're off. We get to feed the dolphins in half an hour.” She gushed as Nick grabbed her hand. “Maybe I should drop Maya off first.” He argued, but Ethan was already taking his keys out. “It's fine Nicholas, I'll drive her.” He suggested, I saw his shiny Toyota Avalon parked not too far away. “Have fun with the dolphins.” Ethan added, a small sneer in his tone.


“Maya can't ride with you.” Nick was now staring at Ethan, ready to have a go. “I believe that is up to Maya.” Ethan pressed, also ready to have an excuse to beat Nick. “Nick. Stop.” I finally stammered, furious. “Maya...” He began but I cut him off. “You're going to be late. Ethan is a great driver.” I waved and walked with him to his car, not daring to look back. “I'm sorry. He just gives me this attitude and I can only take so much.” Ethan grimaced, with a click of his control the car was already started. “I know, I'm sorry they're such jerks, well except Kevin.” I replied, getting in. The heater on, drying my damp hair now and the amazing smell of his air freshener. “Seatbelt.” He smirked. “Wouldn't want a reason for Joe to come and beat me.” I laughed as he drove out of the parking lot and was on the road.


“Can I ask you something?” Ethan asked as we were waiting for the stoplight to turn green. “Sure.” I answered, pointing at the now greed light. “Why do you take it?” He continued, eyes on the road. “You mean Nick? Because he's my friend.” I replied, the traffic starting to pile. “No. I mean how can you take it all when it's obviously hurting you. I mean the girlfriend coming in and ruining your friend's day out must have hurt.” His voice sounded admiring, I gave him a small hug. “Thank you.” I grinned. “For what, and you didn't answer my question.” But he seemed pleased. “Well thank you for caring, and it's because of friends like you that I can take it.” I admitted, he had gone from just another friend to one I could count on. “It's been a rough week.” He deliberated, by the way I spoke or maybe looked, maybe I looked worn out.


“A bit. We should hang out more.” I added as we reached the gates, I got out because I didn't want for him to have to drive all the way back from the house. “You have my number, when ever you need to just give me a call.” We waved and I was walking in the rain. I put my hood up, it was one of those days. The security guard recognized me and let me in, I walked slowly letting the rain soak me. I felt the coldness send shivers up my spine, my thoughts on what Nick and Thalia were doing. I was wondering if I could ever be fully happy for them, it should be that way. This would be much easier if I was in New York City, shopping when I was free, rehearsing with my friends and miles away from Nick.


I needed to do something because sooner or later they would realize I had nothing coming up. Nothing, but watch Nick be happy. No, that wasn't true. I could do many things, like hang out with Frankie, or find a way to create peace between Joe and Ethan. But what I wanted was something that required my full attention and determination. Something came to mind, of course I would need Kevin's expertise. For now I would mope around a bit longer, I was entitled to that right? I mean, if you're giving up the love of your life you should be allowed to mourn and agonize. Time, I think that would help me a lot. I took my hood off, took my hoodie off and tied it around my waist.


The rain on my skin, tingling it and the iciness flowing throughout my body. I always loved the rain, you could secretly cry under it. It's droplets gave more beauty to nature, releasing such a fresh scent you just had to inhale. After many blocks, I saw the house I called home. As soon as I was in a close proximity, Joe spotted me. Nick must have called him to make sure I arrived safely, but mostly, that I arrived. They would just have to get used to Ethan, he was a big part of my life now, of course not as big as Nick but big enough. I sighed as I saw the door creek open, waiting to lock me into glumness and misery.


“Where's Ethan?” Joe barked, startled at the fact I was drenched in water. “I told him to drop me off at the gate. I didn't want you to glower at my friends.” I angrily told him, he thought it over for a moment. “True.” He nodded as I scowled and walked away. “Kevin?” I asked, as I entered the living room. “Over here.” His voice answered, I followed it up the stairs. He was in the game room, doing what I knew he'd be doing; playing the guitar. “Hi, were you out in the rain by any case?” He teased as I rolled my eyes playfully. “Try walked in it. I was wondering if you could help me.” I began, he stopped playing and looked up. “Of course. What do you need help in?” He balanced his guitar perfectly on his knee, without any hands.


I want you to teach me to play the guitar.” I stated, his eyebrows raised. “But you already know how to.” He pointed out, probably remembering Selena's party. “Not well. You're like the best guitar player. Would you help?” I used my innocent face, hoping he'd give in. “Fine. I'm helping Frankie as well. We'll start tomorrow.” He grinned, I knew he'd love to teach me, anything to do with a guitar brought him happiness. “Maya?” I turned around, walking back since I was already leaving. “Yeah?” I asked, perched at the door. “Are you doing this to distract yourself?” His voice full of sympathy and understanding. “Yes.” I admitted, bitting my nails, the black polish starting to chip off. “Then let me tell you, I'll be very hard on you. You won't be able to think about anything else.” He grinned, I sighed relived. “I hope so.” I mumbled as I walked out and went into the kitchen.


Denise was already working on lunch, everything smelled extremely good. “Can I help?” I gave her a small hug as I sat on the swiveling stool and laid my head against the island. “Would you make the salad?” She had the lettuce and other vegetables set aside. “Sure.” I nodded as I started cutting up the lettuce into smaller pieces. I reminisced as I thought of someone who would probably be as depressed as I was. Emily had taken the role of making the salad when I had assigned the girls to make a dinner together. That was one thing we also shared in common, another thing came to mind. Neither of us got Nicholas to love us.


Chapter 3
Ethan

    Paul had taken off work and come home for lunch, he arrived with his briefcase over his head as an umbrella. “Hello family.” He said as Denise came out to greet him while I checked on the food. Joe came down to try and steal some, I slapped his hand with a spoon. “Not on my watch.” I grinned as he pouted back into the dining room. Frankie somehow managed to sneak up on me and steal a piece of steak. “Franklin!” I yelled, in a fake angry voice. He giggled as he ran into the den and watched TV with Nick and Kevin. Nick had arrived a couple of minutes ago, very pleased.


The phone rang, Denise was busy helping Paul out of his drenched coat and whispering, to answer it. The boys were glued to the TV, I sighed as I ran to where it was placed. “Don't worry, I got it.” I laughed sarcastically. “Hello. Jonas residence, Maya speaking.” I tucked it between my shoulder and ear while i lowered the heat on the broiler. “Maya?” A sweet and gentle voice asked. “Mom?” My voice cracked, I hadn't heard from her in such a long time. “Oh sweetie, it's so good to hear from you! How are you? How's everyone?” She began, she didn't sound sick, for once i was happy she was away because apparently they were treating her well.


“I'm fine. Everyone is well. We're about to eat lunch. I wish you could be here.” I didn't care about the silent tears falling, I didn't care that Denise and Paul were coming my way. “So do I. What's for lunch?” She asked casually, I thought I heard a voice in the background. “We're having steak, baked potatoes, salad, and garlic bread.” I smiled, Denise wiping my tears and Paul's hand supportively on my shoulder. “Sounds yummy. Now I'm drooling.” She lightly chuckled. “Why? Can't you eat?” Suddenly worried that she wasn't eating properly. “Yes, I can eat. I'm just limited, sort of like a diet. But I still indulge.” She added, hearing the concern in my voice. “I miss you mom. I really need you.” I admitted, Paul and Denise seemed uncomfortable so they left me alone. “Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I miss you. But hopefully I'll be able to return soon.” I nodded, even though she couldn't see me.


“So, how are the boys?” But I knew what she meant by that. “They're happy. I'm happy for them.” I mumbled, making sure I wasn't being overheard. “Are you now?” She challenged, I took a deep breath before I answered. “I'm trying.” I replied. “Yes, I heard. Ethan is such a good boy.” I was utterly confused. “How do you know about Ethan?” I asked, Denise now back, she was serving the food while Paul took the plates to the table. “You're not the only person I stay in touch with. His mom is one of my best friends, don't you remember? Besides, Ethan's always loved talking to me. He calls now and again, letting me know that you're ok.” She admitted, I wasn't angry at him though, I was grateful.


“I have to go now, it's lunch time here as well. I'll call again soon. Tell everyone I said hello. I love you Maya.” She ended. “I love you too.” I answered as I hung up. “Ready to eat?” Denise asked as she hugged me tightly. “Yes.” I nodded as I joined her in the dining room, everyone was waiting for me. “Hows Karen?” 4 different voices instantly questioned. “She's doing well. She says hi.” We all grabbed hands, Paul already starting the prayer. “Was the movie good?” Paul smiled as he sliced his steak and popped it in his mouth. “It was alright.” I shrugged, Nick senses the double meaning of what I said. “Look, I'm sorry. Jesus, I can't even make plans with my girlfriend without everyone getting mad!” His tone shocked me, he was irritated; pissed off.


Everyone's eyes were on Nick, and on how he had lashed out on me. “Nicholas Jerry Jonas.” Denise seemed almost as furious as Joe and Kevin. “What is the matter with you, that's no way to talk to someone.” Paul put his fork down and waited for Nick to speak. “It's ok. No need to get angry at him.” I gulped, trying to keep my eyes dry. “Is it ok if I take my food to my room?” After Paul agreed, I lifted my plate off the table and quickly darted up the stairs. I could already hear voices arguing as I shut my door. I ate my food, tears spilling on the plate now and again. You have my number, when ever you need to, just give me a call. Ethan's voice filled my head, I grabbed my cell phone and started searching my phone book. “Hello?” My voice quivered, I could hear his heavy breathing. “Maya! It' great to hear from you. Sorry, I had to run over here.” He explained why he was huffing. “Sorry. Did I catch you at a bad time?” Hoping I didn't, I really needed him.


“Of course not. What's wrong?” He already sensed the reason of my call. “Do you think we could hang out tomorrow? Go some where?” I asked, again hoping he had no plans. “I'd love to. Would you like to go somewhere in particular?” I sighed of relief, he had no plans. “Anywhere is fine. Even just a stroll in the park.” I didn't want to hang up yet, it felt good to have other friends besides the ones who lived here. “Alright, I have a great place in mind. I'll pick you up around 5?” His voice sounded as excited as I was. “That's perfect.” I replied, it was quiet for a couple of minutes, but it was peaceful. “Maya? Can I talk to you?” But that wasn't Ethan's voice, it was someone at the door, already coming in. “I see you have company.” Ethan's tone playful but also concerned. “Yes. Unfortunately.” I mumbled, Nick waiting for me to answer him. “Oh, did you get into a fight?” His voice was definitely worried now.


“Pretty much.” A two word answer, it'd be painful to describe how he had talked to me. “I see. If he wasn't your friend, I'd break his pretty face.” He joked, but I also noted he was being completely honest. I half smiled, my mood lifted. “No, there's no need for that.” I chuckled, Nick now surprised at my smiling face. “Well, I should go. I'm sure he's there to apologize. I'll see you tomorrow at 5.” My stomach squirmed, excited at the thought. “Sure. Thanks for everything. Bye Ethan.” He said bye and I hung up. “That was Ethan?” Nick's face calm, but his tone grave. “Yes. Can I help you?” My irritation coming back, I was picking at my food now. “I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have reacted like that.” He sat next to me on the couch, I turned the TV on.


“I really am sorry.” He continued, I clicked the volume up button. “It's just that Joe and Kevin were annoying me, telling me how it was rude of me to leave all of the sudden after the movie. Joe especially not happy with me leaving you at the hands of Ethan. Then my mom saying I had to remember I have a family and I can't spend every second on the phone. My dad saying I should be worried about the upcoming tour.” His hands were on his eyes, he looked horribly stressed. “Well life's not fair.” I commented, taking a bite of my baked potato. He looked up at me, I tried to keep my eyes on the screen, I was unsuccessful. “I'm sorry Maya. It's just you know how my last relationship ended, and now I'm blessed with such an amazing girl. I want to enjoy this.” He replied, I stared into his hypnotic eyes.


“I know. But you have to manage your time wisely. Don't forget you have brothers.” I told him, not adding myself. “What about you?” He turned the TV off, I had no where to look now. “You don't have to spend time with me. I have other friends. But I'd be nice if you took your time out and not ditched me. I want you to be happy, but not if you're going to ignore everyone.” I finally spoke, it amazed me how easy it was to say it all. “But I'm not ignoring everyone!” His voice starting to raise, he breathed and tried to calm down. “But if you keep this up, eventually you will.” With that, I took my plate and brought it downstairs to the kitchen. Nick followed me the whole way. Kevin took my plate and put it on the pile he had, Frankie drying them off.


“Will you help me? Could you help me have time for both things?” Kevin snapped his head up, realizing our conversation. “She's not your daily planner, Nicholas.” Kevin acidly told him. “He's right, I'm not. This is one of those things you have to do by yourself.” I agreed, Nick glared at Kevin. “Are you busy tomorrow? Maybe we could hang out.” He suggested, I snorted. “Sorry. Kevin's giving me guitar lessons.” I answered, he bit his cheek. “How about in the evening. I'm sure you won't be playing the guitar all day.” He smirked. “Nope. But I already made plans.” I remembered happily as I walked to the backyard. “With?” He followed as I sat on the rocking chair. “Ethan?” The fresh air already soothing me. “The one and only, is there a problem?” I was giddy that it bothered him so much, that's what he gets for being a lousy friend.


“No. Just be careful.” I scowled, standing up and standing inches from him. “Why? What's he done to you?” I was getting sick of their attitudes towards him. “Nothing, but he's shady.” I laughed at him, Ethan was far from shady. I ended up watching a movie with Joe, he didn't seem to mind. I was super anxious for the day to end, tomorrow I'd be totally full of work and then hang with Ethan. “Joe?” I asked, facing him after it was done. “Yeah?” The movie ended so he turned the TV off. “Nothing.” I chickened out, I was going to ask him something. It was 6 now, maybe Frankie would want to do something. I went up the stairs to our room, he was reading.


I was officially the only one not doing anything, I decided to check my emails. I had 64 new messages, I quickly deleted any spam and went off to read the rest. I was shocked at 2 messages I got.

Hello Maya,

This is Jeremy Reggia. I have heard about your performances on Broadway, you sound amazing. I took a quick visit to NYC but I was told you had dropped out of your leads, I was hoping to catch you in action. I was wondering if you would consider playing a supporting role in my upcoming movie. It is a Hollywood movie, I'd love to have you on board but I'd like to talk you you personally. Reply to this message, it's my personal email. Great talking to you, take care.


I was practically having a stroke after reading that, but I kept reading the next one. I knew the person who had sent this, he was a director for a couple of Disney Channel shows. He was asking me to please come over to the set and audition for a couple of roles he thought I'd be suitable for. I had to reread the messages to realize I wasn't daydreaming. I replied to the first email and then called up the director for the Disney shows. I couldn't believe it, maybe luck was finally on my side.


The next morning I was up, it was 8 in the morning. I ran to the bathroom, beating Nick who was right behind trying to get in first. I took a shower, singing and all. I got out quickly, I put on my favorite blue shorts and a t shirt with my gladiator sandals. My hair in two pigtails and my eyeliner and lip gloss on. After Selena's party, I asked if I was allowed to keep the guitar and I was told it belonged to me; Nick had gotten it for me. So that was the guitar I grabbed when I made my way downstairs, taking one bite of toast and a sip of apple juice. “Aren't you going to eat?” Denise saw me hurry scarfing down the toast, worried I might choke. “Nope. I can't be late for my lesson.” I smiled, Frankie joining me as we ran back up to the game room.


By 12, I had calluses on my fingers. Frankie had give up for the day around 10. “You sure you want to go on?” Kevin seemed amused at how much I could take. “Yup.” But he frowned, looking at his watch. “Ok, I have to be honest. I kinda made plans.” He grimaced. “Oh. I didn't know. Who with?” I smirked, he blushed although he tried to hide it. “Danielle.” He mumbled, this time really red. “Like a date!” I giggled, they had been getting really close these past weeks. “Maybe.” I put my guitar, Liberty, on her stand. “Go! Hurry! Let's get you ready!” I grabbed his hand and we went to his room to pick out an outfit. By 1 he was ready, looking mighty handsome. “Have fun!” I smiled as he grabbed his car keys and headed out.


I was alone, Denise had taken Frankie out with his friends to a bowling party. Paul was at Hollywood Records, Joe was working out, and Kevin had just left. I didn't know where Nick was, and for the time being I didn't want to. But I started hearing someone singing, Nick's angelic voice was coming from his room.


Called you for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close but you were far away
Left me without anything to say

Now I'm speechless, over the edge, I'm just breathless,

I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
hopeless, head over heels in the moment,
I never thought that I'd get hit by, this love bug again


It sounded amazing, I was sure he'd written it a couple days ago, maybe on the night of Selena's party. He saw me come in, grinning as he continued to play. After he finished he turned to me, placing his guitar on his bed. “You think she'll like it?” Sounding curious. “Like it? She'll love it!” I replied, my throat starting to get dry. “So, where is everyone?” He noticed the quietness of the house. “All out, it's just you and me.” I shrugged, he seemed happy at the thought. “Good. I think it's time we hang out, whether you want to or not.” He teased, I faked a shocked face. “Really? What are you going to do if I don't want to?” I challenged, but he was already chasing me, ready to tickle me to death.


“What time is it?” I asked Nick as we stopped playing basket ball. “3:48. Why? Oh..” But he then realized what I was anxious for. “Yeah. Time seems to be going by slowly.” I huffed, laying on the grass, Nick sitting on the basketball besides me. “You sound anxious.” He accused, I was, anxious to get out of here. “A bit.” I admitted, Ethan's warm smile and friendly tone in my head. “Where are you going?” I sat up, my legs cramping. “I don't know, he said it was a surprise.” I smiled, my mind now on where he could plan on taking me. “Want to play another quick game?” He suggested, I shook my sweaty head. “I think I'll take a shower. I have to get ready.” I replied as I ran into the house and jumping in the shower.


At exactly 5, Ethan was knocking on the door. I had decided on a navy bubble tank and khaki shorts with brown sneakers. My hair was up in a ponytail and my eyeliner was on, I was looking for my lip gloss. “Come in!” I yelled, rummaging through drawers. Ethan walked in, wearing jeans with a white wife beater and a tan leather jacket over it. His hair was as always perfect, a smile on his glowing face. “Hi Maya. Ready to go?” His voice velvety and rich. “Yeah, just looking for my lip gloss.” I replied, Nick walking into the room. “You left it in my car last time.” Ethan said, I sighed with relief. “Great.” I said happily as I followed him to the door. “Bye Nicholas. I'll be back...later.” Not knowing when I'd be back. “Alright, you have your cell phone on you?” He inquired, his arms crossed. “Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “Don't worry. I don't bite.” Ethan laughed, making me chuckle.


His car was waiting for us, parked in front of the house. “So. Where are we going?” He opened the door for me and shut it as soon as I was in. “You'll see.” His grin made me forget the previous argument with Nick. “Awh. I'm curious now.” I pouted, he started driving away from the house. “Well, I'll tell you something.” Driving with one arm and the other holding mine. I felt a bit alert, seeing that his eyes shone more than usual. “Ah. My eye is itchy.” I casually spoke, taking my hand out of his nervously as I scratched my 'itchy' eye. As soon as I was done, he took my hand in his once more. “Ethan....” I began, my voice begging for him not to do this. “Shhh. Let me say what I have to and then you can say whatever you want.” His voice cheery, full of hope. I waited, but he didn't say anything. “When are you...?” I couldn't finish, what would I say? “I'll tell you when we get to the place we're headed.” He looked over at me quickly, his smile bringing color to my cheeks; blushing.


Chapter 4
I'll Be Anything You Need

    Ethan finally reached a parking lot, it was enormous. I got out and my sneakers made crunchy sounds as I walked over the pebbles and loose asphalt. “Where are we?” I looked around but I only saw enormous trees who's autumn colored leaves whooshed in the wind. “Isn't it obvious?” His warm smile making me excited. I walked in a circle overlooking everything around. There were nothing but trees everywhere, the brittle leaves under my shoes crunching, the smell of nearby pines, and a few benches every now and then down a small path.


“We're in a park?” I could feel the chilly wind getting stronger, sending shivers down my back. “Should have brought a sweater.” Ethan teased, already shrugging out of his leather jacket. “I'm fine.” I raised a hand telling him not to bother. “You sure?” He asked as he put it back on. “Positive. So, you decided to go with my stroll around the park idea?” I walked along his side, trying to still be close but at the same time not wanting to give him the wrong idea. I decided just to walk along his side, our ams brushing now and again. “Well, sort of. I thought that'd be good but then inspiration struck.” We walked quietly, now and again spotting people walking their dogs or roller blading down the cobble path.


Finally we veered off the path and he lead me to a small ivy green booth, I could barely see through the old dirty window of the booth, but someone was there. Ethan took out a bill and handed it to the old man behind the window, he looked at me then back at Ethan and a grin appeared on his face. “Enjoy.” His voice rough but still kind, his face full of creases but still grandfather-ly like. “Enjoy what?” I was out of the loop, Ethan was walking down a semi steep slope, his feet trudging as he tried not to fall forwards. “Wait here.” He kept walking down, I heard his feet finally come to a stop where he was shuffling around. I heard some sort of screech, like fingernails against a chalkboard, but not with that painful sound in your ears.


After a while Ethan came back up for me, taking my hand to be sure I wouldn't fall and roll down. I carefully dodged any tree roots or bug rocks I could scrape my knees on. As I made it down I realized what had made the loud noise, a row boat was waiting at the edge of the slope. “Nice huh?” He looked at me with such intensity I felt his gaze warm my insides. “It's great.” I smiled, he carefully helped me in as he adjusted himself and unhooked the rope that tied the small boat to the wooden stump on land. “This is...wow.” I managed to say, this lake was breath taking. “Thanks. I wanted to see that look you get on your face, you haven't had it on since...” He didn't have to end the sentence for me to understand what he was talking about.


“Since Nicholas.” I bit my lip, because I knew it was true. After that night everything changed in me, but not in a good way. The hope of him ever falling for me had faded, my face seemed paler than San Jose, my nightmares were worse. “Yeah. But it's nice to be the one responsible for bringing you back to the surface.” Ethan's arms rowing the boat while he spoke to me, his voice soothing. “It's nice to be on the surface again, thanks.” I half smiled, as I looked at the sky. It was turning pink with hues of purple and a tint of yellow from the earlier part of the day. There were willow trees now and again, my favorite kind. Stooping so low, we'd have to crouch to not get tangles in it's vine like branches.


There was a small bridge that led to the other side of the huge park. A couple leaning against it watching the beauty of the lake. They spotted our rowboat and waved, holding hands, faces radiating their love. We waved back, as our rowboat went under it and we passed the other side, Ethan brought the oars inside the boat and placed them underneath our seats. I'll let the lake carry us now, I think I rowed enough.” His voice, it's very hard to explain but in a way it relaxed me. There was such matureness in it, like you could be sure everything would be ok when he was around. This was a new Ethan, I remembered him back when I would be rehearsing along with him, he was all about joking around and acting like the tough guy. Now he seemed more tender, not afraid to show his soft side, something that made him even more amazing than he looked.


“You seem to like the quiet more than I remember.” He edged closer since our bench like seats were a bit apart. “It let's me think.” I answered, breathing in the freshness the tress gave off and the cleaner air. The scenery of this place was something you would see in a postcard or maybe on a calendar, so surreal in a city so busy. “I've been thinking too.” His voice suddenly sounded serious, but at the same time delicate. “About?” I looked up, my stomach suddenly flipping out as I saw his eyes full of affection as he stared at me. I managed to look away, I could still see the bridge that was behind us now. The couple was still there, gazing at each other, the lady now in his arm as he held her closely and laid his cheek on her head.


“About what I've been like, and what I am now.” I snapped my eyes in his direction, I was expecting something else, but relieved it wasn't what I was thinking. “Oh?” I eyed him as he sighed and his eyes were far away, remembering things I couldn't see. “Back in the day, I was such an idiot.” He chuckled as he remembered his former self. “I would date any girl that I thought was pretty, no not even pretty, that I thought was hot. Then I'd move on to some other girl, not having a specific reason for the girl when I broke up with her.” He waved his hand lazily portraying how fickle his actions were. “I hope you don't get mad when I say this.” He began, a smirk on his face. “I used to laugh at you sometimes. When Nick and the boys would enter the room and invite you on tour or to a special occasion you'd stare in awe, as though amazed. I thought it was pathetic.” He grimaced at the end.


“But that changed later on.” He reassured me, as my face scrunched, a bit annoyed. “After a while, about a year later I realized why you'd stare like that. It wasn't at them you stared at, it was at him.” I realized who in particular he was talking about, letting him continue. “I think I realized it before you did, the way you just gawked at him, of course, he was as clueless as ever.” His chuckle a bit dark at this. “But of course, you were as clueless as him. Well, until now, now that he decides to find someone, you realize you like him.” He sighed at this and continued, for some reason I had nothing to say, I just wanted to keep listening. “I guess it's natural.” He shrugged, we were very far away from where we had first started off, but the lake only got more beautiful the deeper we got in.


“Then you went missing for a week, I think you went with them out of the country or something.” I nodded, I had gone to Europe for one week, missing rehearsals for a bit. “It started to hit me, right after you left. I saw the way you looked at him, the closeness between you guys. How it was all starting from a simple yet strong friendship. It looked so real, so genuine. I realized that's what I wanted.” He looked up at me, his eyes so beautifully lit, I felt the air around me start to fade and I took a deep breath. “I wanted someone to look at me like that. To fall in love with me. I realized the reason I went from girlfriend to girlfriend, they were all missing something. I wanted a girlfriend who was smart, pretty, real...” He took my hand and squeezed it, I looked down at it instead of his face, fearing the look on it.


It would be the look I had when I was staring at Nick. I had thought he was going to talk about how he had matured, but I was wrong. What I was afraid he would say, was coming, he had just taken a longer route, instead of just dropping all of it on me in one moment. “Someone like you, Maya. No, sorry. Not someone like you, I wanted you.” He paused, his eyes full of worry as he said it, but still having that amazing smile on his face. “Oh, no. Not like that.” He chortled as he saw my surprised expression. “I mean, someone as perfect as you are. Someone who can make me lose my head, someone who I could see myself with no matter what. That's you Maya.” He raised my chin, not to kiss me, thank the lord, but so I would look at him.


Something was stuck in my throat, I couldn't say anything. But his warm eyes and soft hands told me it didn't matter, he didn't want an answer. I had to give him one though, I couldn't let him think I was feeling the same, or that I could. I couldn't possibly ever feel the way he did, my heart had already been stolen, then crushed. “Ethan...” I begged but he took my other hand, holding them both as he looked at me. “I know, I know.” His voice sounded glum, but he still held on the same. “I know you love Nick, even though he hurt you.” He added, but he grinned and continued. “I'm willing to wait, even if it takes a thousand years, well, hopefully not that long. But I will wait. Because I know, somehow, you'll fall in love with me.” His voice full of hope and security, as though he knew what he was saying.


“Ethan, look...” But once again he didn't let me continue, he was going to finish before I got to protest. “Just give it time. But before you run out on me, listen. I'll be anything you need, you don't have to feel anything for me. I'll make due with our friendship, I'm willing to be your friend, your support, your whatever. I can be very patient. That's all I'll ever say on that topic, from now on. That's the last you'll hear of me telling you how I feel.” He ended, letting my hands free, only for them to fall and hit the wooden bench. “Ow.” Was all I was able to saw, the pain stayed there. My hands slightly numb but still feeling the pain of the thud and the nerves sending electric shocks. “Did I surprise you?” He smirked.


“I definitely wasn't expecting all of that.” I cleared my throat, shoving away the impulse of scooping up some water and drinking it. “Yes, well...I thought it was time to let you know.” He shrugged, it was night, I realized. Only a glimpse of pink light fading in the shadows of the darkness. “We should get going.” He looked up as well, then grabbed the oars and started rowing towards where we came. “That's the last time you'll talk about that?” I mumbled, he looked up and nodded. “Well, that's comforting.” I sighed, trying to stop his words replaying in my head. The end of his lips turned down, but then he smiled. “Don't be comforted. Just because I won't talk about them, doesn't mean I won't try to change your hearts feelings towards me.” Then he was quiet, that was the last thing he said. After that our whole trip back to land was peacefully quiet, as though his confession had brought calmness to the lake.


He quietly helped me out, asking me to stand as far away so he could pull the boat onto the surface of the pebbles. I moved back, slightly tripping, still dumbfounded after our conversation. After he had pulled it as far from the still water, he took my hand and helped me walk up, I realized how harder it was to walk up than down this slope. “I could carry you, if you get tired.” He teased, my cheeks flooding with color now. “And let you have your chance to seduce me? No thanks.” I manages to joke back, he chuckled as we finally made it up. It was getting even colder, the wind slapping my face hard, slicing my cheeks. “Walk behind me.” He suggested as we walked down the now familiar cobbled path.


The wind broke around him, it didn't hit me since his figure covered me. I noticed how his feet moved, in a beat, directly straight and firm. His hands tugged in his pockets, as he whistled a soothing tune. Before, the Ethan I thought I knew, was easy to figure out. But now, it was as though he was someone new, someone who had many levels to him. Levels I wondered if I would ever know, he was so sure of himself. It was getting too cold for me, I did something I knew would be considered 'leading him on', but he had made himself very clear. I took myself and snuggled inside his jacket, for warmth purposes, of course. “Just because I'm cold.” I warned him, my arms around his waist, why was it so damn cold at the end of august. “Of course.” He lightly laughed, I rolled my eyes.


As soon as we were in his car, I took the liberty of turning the heater on. It gently purred into my face as I rubbed my hands together. “Would you like to go get something to eat?” He mused, rubbing his stomach. I looked at the digital clock above his stereo, it was 8:51. “How on earth did it get so late?” I was alarmed at the fact that time had gone by so quickly. “I guess it just flew by.” He shrugged, but he had a smug look on his face. “With me, your time would seem like it flew by. You'd never have to worry about having to go and face Nick so soon.” He lightly pointed out. “Yes, you're right. I'm glad we're good friends.” Emphasizing the last word hard so that it shook my frame. “Yup, the best of friends.” I glared at him as he tried to suppress a smirk.


By the time we were at past the gates, it was already 9:15. “You're going to get pounced on.” Ethan pointed out, in tune with my thoughts. I was sure Joe and Nick would be calling the SWAT team to look for me, or having a riffle to shoot Ethan with. “I don't think it's me they'd pounce on.” I replied, he just grinned. “Well, my car is pretty fast. I'd kick you out and then run for it.” He joked as I gave him a playful nudge. He was right, it would be as though he would have never told me. He wasn't bringing up the subject, I was very happy about that. “Well here we are, Jonas residence.” He stated so professionally. “Oh, I think I saw a pair of eyes at the curtain.” He added as I saw the curtain sway back and forth, as though someone had gone off to tell them I had arrived.


“Yup. Well thanks.” I told him, what could I say in this situation? “No problem. I could tell you again if you'd like.” He teased, but I just rolled my eyes. “I meant the boat ride.” I chuckled, it was truly amazing. “Yeah, I thought you might like it.” He agreed, he pulled me to him, giving me a hug. “Bye Maya, sleep tight.” He winked as I stepped out of the car, leaning by the car door “I'll try. Good night Ethan.” I ended as I waved and trudged to the door. “I'll see you tomorrow! I promise!” His laugh assuring me he'd be at my, well at the Jonases, door. “Just warn me at what time.” I answered as I knocked on the door, but I turned the knob and it opened.


“Have fun with the interrogation.” And he was off, I gulped. It was easier to be braver with Ethan around, he carried himself so well. But what was there to fear? Just a couple of angry teenagers, nothing else. I ran my fingers through my hair as I deliberated whether I should go in. After Ethan's confession, nothing could shock me like that. I turned the knob quickly and walked in, but no one was in sight. My breathing relaxed and I started heading up the stairs, realizing how tired I was. “Hold on, Maya. Could you come here?” A voice full of hidden rage asked, I gulped. When either Joe, Kevin, or Nick were angry, I could never tell their voice apart. Whoever was waiting was purely mad, and that somehow made me happy.


Chapter 5
The Almost Truth

    “Nick, don't sound so commanding.” Another voice boomed, I recognized it. It was Kevin, he didn't sound angry at all, but still I could sense the concern in his tone. I walked closer to the sofa and realized that the whole Jonas clan was seated there, waiting for me. “Hello sweetheart. How was your...date?” Denise wondered and got two glares from Nick and Joe, Kevin suppressed a laugh and glanced at me. “My evening with my friend Ethan, was great.” I replied as I casually sat next to Frankie who was on the love seat as far away from Nick's arm chair.


“So....” I tapped my knee, not trying to look at anyone specifically. “What's up with you guys?” I asked curiously, but apparently it was the wrong thing to say. “What's up with us? What's up with us? Joe, why don't you tell her what's up with us?!” Nick's voice was hysterically on the edge of cracking and breaking into fury. “Sure! I'll go right ahead.” Joe mimicked his tone, just as angry as Nicholas. Paul noticed the alarm in my face, he glared at them as he spoke. “Guys, that is enough. I promised you could be here to hear the conversation but if you're going to act like this...” His head shook as though embarrassed by their behavior. “I think it's time for Frankie's bed time.” Denise suddenly remembered, Frankie groaned. “But I'm not sleepy.” He suddenly yawned as Denise smiled and took his hand as they trudged up the stairs.


“You wanted to know what's up? Well we'll tell you.” Nick continued, but at least he had controlled his tone. “But first. Is there anything you're keeping from us, Maya?” His eyebrows rose, his arms crossed against his chest as he scrutinized my expression. “No.” I lied, keeping my face as relaxed as possible. Denise was now coming down the stairs, sitting next to me and gave my hand a small squeeze. “You see, the boys just got confirmed that they will start their tour in 2 weeks.” She grimaced as looked at them. “Well that's great!” I smiled reassuringly, still not seeing the cause of the hostility. “Yes. We thought so too.” Paul agreed, the same disappointed expression on his face.


“We wanted to surprise you, invite you on tour with us.” Kevin added, not wanting to look at his brothers. “So, we wanted to clear at least a week for you. Since I knew you'd be doing your musicals, I called Cathy.” Nick suddenly stopped since he was talking quickly, he gave me a small dejected look. “We asked her when you had off. She sounded mad, and acidly responded 'Yeah, I know she's not going to do the musicals, no need to rub it in'. I didn't understand so I asked again. Now she was the surprised one, 'didn't she tell you? She dropped out of them. I figured you'd all be the first to know' she told me.” He finished, sitting on the arm chair looking away.


My face was drained of all color, I could only look at Kevin who wasn't mad. I finally regained my voice and answered. “So I dropped out of the musicals. What's the problem? Now I can go on tour with you guys.” I pointed out enthusiastically, trying to keep a happy expression, if that was possible. “Why? Why did you drop out? And don't give us some crap about you getting bored because I knew you wanted this more than anything.” Nick snarled, he had never even come close to speaking to me like this. His eyes were squinted and I saw a cold and piercing look, his jaw tight and color rising to his cheeks. “That's none of your business Nicholas.” I used the deadliest tone I could conjure. “You are not my mom or your parents, you don't speak to me like that.” I added, I saw the horror in his face as I used his same acidity. “What did Ethan say or do to make you drop out?” Joe suddenly mumbled, I turned to him and gaped.


“Honestly! What is it with your obsession on 'Ethan is a bad guy' thing? He had nothing to do with my decision! He actually begged me not to drop out.” I hissed, but he wasn't buying it. “Did he threaten you? When you were out with him, did he tell you he would hurt you?” Hi voice sounded concerned now. “Joe! Ethan is a good guy!” My eyes now filled with furious tears. “Ethan is the most disgusting thing I have ever been unfortunate to meet.” Joe spat, Nick nodded. “Kevin, back me up! Tell them Ethan isn't like that!” I cried, Kevin stood up and put his arm on my shoulder. “Stop this, right now. You're making her upset. I trust Ethan as well.” He told them, which sent them into fits of fury.


“He got to you didn't he?” Nick growled. “If you just knew...” Joe shook his head disgusted. “Joe, I might know more than you think you do, so shut it.” Kevin's tone was full of rising rage. “Knew what? Just spit it out already! I want to hear what makes you think so badly of him! Tell me!” I roared as I made Joe look at me. “Do you really want to know? You want to know even though it might change the way you look at him?” His sudden smile scared me. Now I didn't want to know, if it made me run from the guy who was helping me cope, then I never wanted to know. “Fine, I'll tell you.” Nick snapped, taking my silence as a sign to continue. “N-no. Don't.” I finally whispered, but Joe's angry eyes told me he would continue. “No, Maya. You wanted to know, so now we're going to tell you!” Joe threatened.


But someone else's grave voice was now speaking. “Joseph and Nicholas. I want you both in my office in 2 seconds. Kevin take Maya to her house, she needs to be somewhere away from those two.” He jabbed his finger at Joe and Nick, who were now headed to the back of the house. “Denise will come over in a couple of minutes.” Paul added, he gave me a pained face. “I am so sorry about those two.” His eyes on the ground. “Paul, don't apologize. It's not your fault they dislike Ethan.” I answered, trying to show him he had nothing to grieve about.


“C'mon Maya, let's get you home.” Kevin steered me towards the door and we walked down the street in silence until we reached my house. As we went inside I took out my cell phone and my hands shook as i started dialing. “Hello?” A voice yawned, his warm exhausted voice soothed me somehow. “Ethan?” I gasped, I was trying to suppress as many sobs as I could. “Maya? What's wrong? You ok? I'm on my way!” I could hear on the other side of the phone his hands grasping around for his car keys and him trying to get back into his clothes as fast as he could. “Thanks.” I sighed as I heard his car start. It was funny how just by my voice he knew something was wrong. But I wasn't in a laughing mood, in any mood.


“I'll tell mom to stay back home, you probably want to talk to Ethan alone. I'm sure he'll be good company for you at the moment.” Kevin half smiled as I gave him a bear hug. “Thank you Kevin. You're my favorite Jonas at the moment. After Frankie, of course.” I grinned, not too happy but enough to give him some relief. “Of course.” He lowly chuckled as he waved and went off. I ran upstairs to shower, Ethan would be here any moment. As soon as I was done I changed into an over sized gray t-shirt and shorts. I walked around in my brightly colored knee length socks as I saw that the fridge was still well stocked. It was unlike me to go into one of those cliché ways and take out a pint of ice cream and have a cry fest, but I did.


“Come in!” I bellowed as I heard someone knock, in came Ethan. “So sorry I took long! I came as fast as I could!” He came over me and held me, I instantly felt safe. Like Nick could be kissing Thalia in front of me and I wouldn't break, that safe. “No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you over like that. What time is it? 11?” I snapped my neck in the direction of the clock. “Don't worry about the time. What happened? Something must have shook you badly to put you like this. I thought you were choking or something by the gasps I heard over the phone.” He lightly joked, I grimaced. “It's something Nick and Joe were screaming at me.” I shrugged, not wanting to recall the angry eyes, the snarls, the look of disappointment on their faces.


His eyes seemed to tighten, as well as his fists. “What did they say? I'll go break their pretty faces right now.” He growled, getting up. “Don't be so dramatic, Ethan.” I managed to roll my eyes, he relaxed and stared at me. “So? What was it?” His eyes now curious, he noticed how calm I got when he was around. “Um, I might not want to know what it is. You see, they never got to tell me.” I frowned, Ethan looked so heavenly right now. A couple of minutes ago they were talking about him as though he was a murderer, but right now it didn't matter one bit. “Then what's the problem?” He cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out why I was so reluctant to speak. “It's about you.” I muttered, he was a bit rigid but sighed. “I should have known. But I can't blame them.” Like at the lake, his eyes seemed to see something far away. “Would you like to know why Nick and Joe hate me so much?” His voice was cautious.


“They told me it might change how I feel about you.” I confessed, a smile broke through his face. “Are you already in love with me? So soon?” His voice silky and cheerful, but still teasing. “You know what I meant.” I rolled my eyes as I moved closer. “Will you tell me?” I looked into his now sad eyes, pained somehow. “Of course. I wouldn't want you to feel I'm keeping anything from you.” His voice was low and quick, as though trying to warn me. “Please realize, I was younger and I was stupid, very very stupid and there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't regret this.” He sounded sorrowful, as though depression hung over him. “Ok.” I urged trying my hardest not to hug him and comfort his pain.


“I guess it all started with me not having many friends. I was so vain because I thought I was the hottest thing to walk this earth. I'm not proud of it.” He inched me closer so I could rest on his shoulder. “Everyone had friends, and I was just so annoyingly arrogant I didn't. At rehearsals you would be around a bunch of kids and laugh and gossip and talk with. I only had me, but then Freddy came along.” His face looked disgusted, of course I knew Freddy. He had moved, already being a model and also acting. He was 'hot' but his face looked scary at times, he usually got a role as the bad guy. “I thought he was the coolest thing, so when he saw me he thought I was cool too. Even though he was 2 years older, he still seemed to like me.” Ethan shrugged, as he put his arm around my shoulder.


I tried to close my eyes and remember the 'good ol' days. I saw Ethan, how his face always seemed smug as he eyed everyone, how his chest was puffed out as he walked. It wasn't like that now, he was so serene, sort of timid. I also remembered Nick, although this was a while back, a bit before Ethan was in Broadway. How his face was so professional and his smile lit the whole place. How we'd chase each other around the enormous theater until our small break was over. Then we'd run back to the stage where our coach would go over lines, over details. The only 2 plays we had all done together, together being Nick, Ethan and I, was when we were older. I saw a flicker of jealousy back then when Ethan saw everyone swoon over Nick, and his brothers when they would stop by.


Somehow Ethan and I were friends, even back then. Although at that time we weren't close, I couldn't even call it a distant friendship because we only acknowledged our existence. Only reason I didn't feel hate towards him when he made some joke at the expense of Nick or any of the boys was because our moms were so close. Another thing I now realized was the weird bond we shared, we were both brought up only by our mothers. Not that it bothered us, but we somehow knew some of the hardships we had endured. I sighed deeply as I tried to make sense of what he had been saying, but I realized my eyes wouldn't open. I didn't want them to, I was too busy reminiscing to want to stop myself from dozing off.


I was somehow not passed out yet, I let my mind drift back to the days where everything surrounded the word friendship. None of this loving Nick nonsense and none of the anger that raged inside me because of the on going wars between the boys and Ethan. It sucked having to grow up and realize life only got harder as time passed by, hopefully I had endured enough pain to not feel anymore in the future. I thought I heard a small chuckle from somewhere, maybe part of my dream. “You,” A voice paused, trying to speak softer and quieter, “are the only one who could fall asleep when I am trying to tell you something vitally important.” I managed to move my mouth and answer, the corners of my mouth trying to suppress the coming smile. “We'll have plenty of time to talk about it. Also, I'm sure, plenty of time to fight.” I shuddered, from being cold but instantly fell asleep.


A part of me felt when I was gently rolled on to the familiar leather sofa. I instantly felt it cool me off with it's cool and comfortable feel. My cheek pressed against it made me feel tingly, as though it wiped away a temperature I had had. I also thought i heard voices, 2 I knew wouldn't fight. “I hate that they're doing this to her. I know you're a good guy Ethan.” The kind and wise voice said. “Thanks, but I'd rather wait for her to judge me. Your brothers might not know the truth but they're certainly close.” This voice sounded defeated and glum, I didn't like that. “Remember that gasp she did when she talked to you over the phone?” The sweet voice asked curiously. “Yes. I thought she was out of breath or choking.” I felt the shudder go through the person as he spoke.


“She does that now and again, when she's sleeping. She also yells sometimes, I feel like she's keeping something from us. But Nick says to back off the subject, I can tell he gets angry when I bring it up.” The voice admitted, I shivered as I thought of a face that had once tried to hurt me but I had been saved by the guy I loved. “Figures. He thinks he knows her so well.” This person snorted and sounded sarcastic. “He does. He just doesn't know the parts she hides so well. Hmm, I was wondering if you knew what this could mean, when she's having a specific dream she starts yelling 'Look at me! Look at me!”. The voice flinched as he thought of the yells I had produced. “I'm not sure, but I have a hunch. She shares a room with Franklin right?” His voice sounded amused. “Yup. Why?” The second voice asked, surprised by the turn of the conversation.


“This kid must be a very heavy sleeper. I mean, seriously, to not hear her yells?” His voice sounded much more calm and back to it's usual tone. “Frankie, could sleep through a dozen earthquakes.” The kind voice chuckled, and the second voice joined in. “Well I should go, I don't want your brothers see me here. God knows what they would say, what I would do..” His voice drifted trying to imagine the situation, my stomach squirmed. “I know. Thanks for not beating the crap out of them, Ethan. I appreciate that.” I heard a strong handshake and an exchange of smiles. “Well, I'd do anything for Maya. Besides, they are your brothers.” The second voiced added as I heard a jingling of car keys. “Bye.” the two voices said, and that was when my usual nightmares took over.

Chapter 6
New Maya


    It didn't take long for me to get this obsessed. These past 6 days, I rarely spent time at home with the Jonases. It was crazy, Ethan was like an amulet to me. “Are you off again?” Denise grumbled. “Yes.” I answered indifferent. “And you're still not going to tell me what it is you're doing with Ethan?” She sighed, she was worried at my new found hopefulness.


“Nope. I'm off.” I answered as I heard a honk from the front yard. “Tell the boys I said good morning.” I grabbed my folder and ran to join Ethan outside. “Maya! Good morning.” Ethan's radiant smile made the morning even better. “Good morning.” I hugged him as I got into the front seat. Ever since that fight with the boys over Ethan, I was even closer to him. The fact that he was willing to tell me what the boys loathed about him made my respect for him grow. Although I never asked him for an explanation, I trusted him through and through. It was 9 in the morning, but the boys were catching up on their sleep for the tour coming next week.


“Alright so right after meeting with Riley, where do you want to go?” Ethan asked as he drove with one hand and fixed the side view mirror with the other. “I want to cut my hair. Buy some new clothes.” I replied, he nodded as we got on the road. Riley was the director of more than half of the Disney Channel shows. He had called me up and wanted to meet me as soon as possible, Ethan had been my ride and support these past days. But after the second day, Riley recognized who he was and asked him to run some lines.


“Do you think he'll tell us if we got whatever roles he has for us?” Ethan pondered, I squirmed. “I don't know. But how amazing would that be? We get to see Selena today.” I remembered. So far we had missed her every time we went because we were on opposite sides of the sets. “Great!” He answered as he grabbed my hand and held it the whole way. It wasn't uncomfortable anymore, it felt completely normal to me. Not that anything had changed between us, but I felt as though Ethan was something more to me. He was my rock, just like I was Nick's, and I was Ethan's as well.


“So how are Nick, Kevin and Joe?” He asked as we parked and got out. “They've been coming in and out, doing loads of sound checks and planning what to play and stuff.” I smiled, I would be joining them on tour. “Urgh. I'll miss you a lot.” He groaned, I squeezed his hand. “Me too. As soon as we stop here I'll let you know.” I promised. “You better.” He grinned as we took out our folders with our scripts. Riley was sitting down in his director's chair, talking away on the phone quickly.


“Yeah, I'll tell them. That's great, that way we can share them and no more fighting.” Riley chuckled as he hung up the phone. “Maya, Ethan. Good to see you, good to see you. Come to my office, I have some news.” He greeted us as we walked quickly passing all the school sets. “Thanks for this, Riley.” I told him, not just because I might get a couple of roles but because it was keeping me extremely busy.


“No problem hun. Alright, down to business.” He sat in his arm chair and swiveled around to face us. “I talked to Jeremy, remember the fellow?” He smiled as we sat down on the two chairs. “Of course. He offered me a supporting role in his new movie.” I stated. Jeremy and Riley had gotten into a huge argument because apparently they both wanted me in their projects. It was honoring that they thought I was this talented. “Well we sorted out the scheduling. We decided that you'll work on my two new shows coming up, right after that you fly to wherever the movie will be filmed and start. He thinks it's better, he wants to see how you are on TV.” He was shuffling papers out, contracts.


“Does this mean....?” I was stunned at how everything was falling into place. “Of course love. You got the roles! Shocker.” He added sarcastically. “And Ethan...?” I continued. “Yes, Ethan as well. You'll both be in one of my more anticipated shows.” He ended as he got up and shook both our hands. I was jumping up and down, Ethan and Riley chuckling at my response. This was too good to be true, this was just as good as Broadway. “I also have a surprise.” He stood up and went over to the door as he opened it someone jumped in.


“Selena.” I smiled as she came over and hugged me back as we started catching up, I left Ethan to work out things with Riley. Selena and I walked out and sat on the stools on a cafeteria set. “It's so good to see you! I missed you so much!” She told me as Paul walked over and laced their fingers together, their relationship better than ever. “Hey Maya.” He grinned as I waved back. “Paul, I see you've been taking good care of Selena.” I replied as he nodded and we hugged and went back to talking. “So you're going on tour huh? How do you feel about that?” She frowned. “I don't know. I haven't seen much of Nicholas. I guess that's a good thing.” I shrugged, lies. I missed him as though every time he walked out of the door he was leaving for good.


It hurt most of all when he invited Thalia over for dinner, how they had all these inside jokes that no one understood. How they fed each other bits of food, everyone found it endearing even Denise. I had lost the war, that was more than clear. It still stung though, no matter how strong I seemed, I was still sobbing when no one was around. Everyone thought that somehow I managed to get over him, even Joe and Kevin. I was able to keep such a good act up, even Ethan believed it. I was trying as hard as I could, I didn't want anyone feeling bad or uncomfortable.


“So, I heard you got the roles. Congrats! The set you'll probably get is right besides mine! We'll be back to being inseparable.” We smiled as Ethan came and handed me my contract. “This deserves a celebration.” He pointed out, he excused himself and started making some calls. “Maya, he's like practically drooling over you. Have you realized that?” Paul felt bad for Ethan, but not as bad as I did. I was giving Ethan some false hope, even though I was making it clear that I still felt the same way.


“Alright, let's go shop and get your hair cut.” Ethan held his hand out as I stood up and took it. “Selena, will you come?” I hoped, it pained me to be away from everyone. “I'm sorry but I have to wrap up these episodes. But I'll see you later, ok?” She grimaced but I nodded as we said good bye. “We'll be seeing them soon, don't worry.” Ethan pointed out as he noticed my hesitance to want to leave. “I know.” I sighed as we got into his car and looked over our contracts.


“The show doesn't have a definite name yet.” I saw as it seemed to have a couple of possible titles. “Yeah and we don't know who the main leads are either. But at least we know the plot.” Ethan replied as we entered the traffic of the shopping streets. Rodeo Drive, I didn't expect we would be shopping here, it seemed too over the top for me. Then something hit me, like the wind knocked out of me. “Shit.” I muttered as I bit my nails. “What's wrong?” He turned to look at me with his intense and uplifting gaze. “The tour starts on Friday.” I remembered. “Yes, and?” He frowned. “Well we're leaving a day before, to set up and all.” I added, hoping he realized what the problem was. “Oh, and today's Monday.” His eyes didn't seem as shiny as usual. “Yeah, so that means..we only have 2 days.” I shrugged, trying not to let the fear overwhelm me. “Great, just what I needed.” He groaned sarcastically. “Alright,” His tone seemed desperate “Let's make the most of the time we have.” He raced through the streets as we looked for a parking spot.


Nick's POV
“Where the hell is she! I can't believe she's doing this to us!” I kicked the wall I was standing against. “Nick, chill.” Kevin came down the stairs as he rubbed the corners of his eyes. “She's hanging out with her friends. We are taking her on tour, she wants to be with them before she leaves.” Joe reminded me, I didn't give a fuck. “Why Ethan?! Why is that stupid son of a...why him?” My voice sounded strangled, Kevin already tense at how I was referring to his friend. “Why do you spend so much time with Thalia?” Kevin snapped back, oh he wanted to fight did he?


“Just because you don't have a girlfriend, Kevin.” I mumbled but I made sure it was loud enough he could hear. “Nick...” Joe sounded reprimanding. “No, let him continue.” Kevin's arms crossed, his face not even annoyed. “You think I'm jealous?” He scoffed making me feel like a four year old. “You really think I would bring my girlfriend over everyday and feed her in front of my family? OR pretty much ignore the fact that my best friend is next to me, and I don't even see her there. OR the fact that she has to endure all this crap you're putting her through..” Kevin suddenly went quiet and put his face in his hands and breathed deeply.


“Kevin....” Joe seemed as cautious as Kevin did. “What are you talking about?” I snapped, completely oblivious to whatever they were keeping from me. “Nothing.” Kevin waved me away and went to the kitchen. Then everything he had just thrown in my face made me angry. “The only reason I'm spending extra time with Thalia is because I won't see her while I'm on tour!” I yelled defensively, Joe didn't look at either of us. “Pshh, yeah ok.” He laughed meanly. “Like you weren't going to invite her on tour as soon as you saw an opportunity.” This took me by surprise because I knew I would have done that. “You're being so selfish Nicholas. Joe and I are the only ones trying to help her get through all of this.” Again he stopped himself and took a long drink of coffee.


“Get her through what?” I was becoming more and more irritated. After a few seconds Joe answered. “Her mom, remember her? Karen, the woman that's a second mother to us? I know you've been busy making out with Thalia , but you must have remembered her at least once.” Joe sounded bitter as he slammed a carton of juice and a plastic cup on the table. I didn't, I had totally forgotten about Karen. Was that why Maya was staying out of the house for so long? Why she was spending time with Kevin and Joe than with me? Did she realize I had forgotten about her problems, only bothering her when I had questions about my relationship? I felt like the lowest creature alive, almost as low as Ethan.


Joe didn't seem to like the tension in the kitchen so he left. Kevin was just staring horrified at his mug of coffee. “Listen man...” I started but Kevin raised his hand. “No, Nick. I shouldn't have brought anything up, even if it it's true, it was rude of me.” He finally looked up at me, he shook his head and made his way out of the room. I felt it inside me, there was something wrong with Maya, something everyone else but me knew. Something that she wasn't letting me know, maybe more than her mom being ill. The door bell was ringing, I ran to it but Joe was already opening it. He went rigid, and I knew who must have been there.


“WOW! Maya! Look at you, you look absolutely fantastic! Ethan.” He added, as though letting him know he could go now. “Ethan, come in.” Kevin greeted as we threw him a glazed look, which he completely ignored. “Thanks, bro.” Ethan came in first, dragging Maya in. “No...you're making a big deal out of it..” She giggled, maybe she wasn't as sad as i thought she was. As soon as she stepped in, I realized what Joe had meant. Maya came in, trying to walk as slow as she could, Ethan holding her hand as he brought her in.


I felt mad, had he completely transformed her into someone else? Was he her best friend now? I mean she looked really nice but still, why change now? “I thought I'd treat myself to a hair cut and some new clothes.” She shrugged, that at least made it better and made her look nicer in my eyes. Her hair wasn't wavy and layered anymore, it was perfectly straight and an even cut, her hair perfectly symmetrical and long. Her side bags now longer, covered half of her face but in a very nice and mysterious way. She was wearing a pair of purple skinny jeans with sandals and a blue tank top with a purple and black scarf.


“You look amazing, just like Joseph proclaimed.” Kevin chuckled as he gave her a welcome home hug. “Aren't you going to compliment Maya's beauty?” Ethan's voice sounded annoyed. “Of course. She is my best friend. Maya you look fabulous.” Oh great I sound gay. “Thank you. So what have you guys been up to?” Her and Ethan put down all the shopping bags they had with them, she stretched and yawned. “Did I wear you out?” I didn't like the way he grinned at her, as though he owned her. “I'm pretty sure you did, I can't remember walking like this, I feel as though I've been walking since forever.” With that she plopped onto the sofa next to Kevin.


“Well, it was nice seeing you Ethan.” I went over to the door and opened it widely. “Thanks, I'm sure you enjoyed it,” He grinned, knowing I wanted to kick him out. “But I will be staying for a while.” He shrugged and sat next to Maya. “Yes, I have some news, well Maya has some news. I thought we'd make a celebration, so I invited Selena and some other people over. Surprise.” He added as he saw Maya's gaping face. “You didn't. Ethan, I didn't want to say anything till...” But she looked up at me and sneered. “Yes, I think that's good. That way people won't scream and insult me, telling me I'm keeping stuff from them.” Her icy stare was not directed at me, she was looking at the wall, but we all knew that was directed at me. Who was Ethan to invite people over to our house and make a party? "And I asked Kevin if it was alright, by the way." Ethan smirked, as though reading my mind.


The door bell rang again, I knew who it was. I had been waiting for her to arrive but now I felt guilty, Karen's face would now appear in my mind when I strayed away from everyone. “Hi!” Thalia's beautiful face shimmered as the sun started to sink slowly, it was around 5. “Hey.” I gave her a small peck on the lips, making sure the door covered us. “Look who's arrived.” I announced, Thalia walking side by side with me, a dessert in a large brown paper bag. The den looked packed, the walls made me feel trapped in everyone's gaze. The couches were so together, as though telling me Thalia wasn't invited.


“Hi Thalia!” Ethan stood and shook her hand, she seemed happy at the attention. Ethan gave Maya a look, I didn't understand it, as though telling her to take his lead. “Hello Thalia, so good to see you.” Her smile seemed bigger, her side bangs criss crossing on one side, looking so professionally done. “Maya you too! Wow you look like a model.” Thalia sounded completely honest, and i had to agree. “She does, doesn't she? Well I think we should all pitch in and get the house ready if we're having a party.” I suggested, everyone got up and nodded. “ I don't think we've been to a party since Selena's.” I smiled, everyone's face went down, except Thalia's. “Yeah, just like Selena's.” Maya's smile looked pained, but she smiled at me and Thalia.
Nicks's POV Ends


Chapter 7
Last Goodbyes


    Today was something I looked forward to and something I feared. It was Thursday, tonight I would be leaving along with the Jonases on their new tour. Those tow days with Ethan had passed by so quickly I couldn't understand why the time fly by, he was trying to squeeze in more time so our goodbye wouldn't be as upsetting as I knew it'd be. Thalia and Nick were also pressed for time, they were practically glued together, if you get what I mean. Denise and Paul welcomed Ethan to stay all day today, apparently we were having a party...great...another one.


“Have you picked up everything from your house, Maya?” Paul was checking off the list he always made, making sure no one forgot anything. “Yes, sir...oh wait..my laptop.” I remembered and darted out the door, dragging Ethan along. “So are you excited?” His question seemed to want only one answer, a no. “Very, but at the same time upset you won't be tagging along.” I answered, slowing our walk down. “Oh yes, I can imagine Nick and Joe thrilled to see me everyday.” He snorted as i rolled my eyes and took out my key.


I had cleaned the house up, no one would be residing in it for a while. It pretty much looked like an open house, all the furniture in place, everything stacked neatly, but nobody inside. “Wow, your house looks bigger than I remembered. Of course the last time I was here it was dark and you were a mess.” He remembered as I walked up the stairs, him right behind. “I was, wasn't I?” Making sure I emphasized the past tense. “You're better now.” He confirmed. “Yes, I am.” I looked around my mom's office, the only room I was willing to go in. “But you're not completely well, you're just handling it.” He stated after a while, so much for putting up a good show.


“I. am. well.” I responded as I unplugged the mac I had left charging overnight, looking around for it's case. “Right, did you really think we all believed you were all better? We all know you're just pretending, I know you thought you fooled us. Sorry to disappoint you.” He didn't say it in a way meant to offend, but to let me know I should drop the act. “Jeez, I can't seem to do anything right.” I huffed as I sat on the computer chair and spun, trying to breathe properly. “You're just not doing it right. When you're trying to recover from something you have to stop trying to make everyone feel good, you have to take care of yourself.” He sounded so calm and soothing.


“It's not easy, I'm trying.” I answered as I stuffed the laptop in it's case and got up. “Obviously, you're tiring yourself out from trying so hard. It pains me to think how much harder you're going to try when you're on tour, Maya.” As I came towards him he put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a gentle squeeze. “Don't worry. I'll be working hard trying to keep the boys on schedule and besides I'll be talking to you a lot.” I smiled as we walked down and stood at the bottom of the steps. “Hmm, you might not want to promise that.” He grinned, he looked at least a bit more chipper.


“Why?” I returned the smile as I shut the lights off and closed the door behind me, hoping the next time I entered it would be with my mom. “Well I'll be calling you twice a day, everyday. Not to mention emails every hours, texts, video chats...”He raised one eyebrow. “That seems pretty much what I expect.” I replied, I was glad he would be in touch with me 24/7. “And even if you get so annoyed at my calls and decide to just not answer, I'll find another type of communication until you tell me off.” He warned, I could feel our farewell not too far.


“That will never happen, you on the other hand, might get tired of me calling you at 3 in the morning.” I smirked as we walked and reached the front door f the Jonases. “Pu-lease! I could never get tired of hearing your voice.” At this I decided it was time to go in before the conversation steered in another direction. “You're back!” Denise jumped up surprised and chuckled nervously. “Yup, anything wrong?” I asked as I set down the laptop on the nearest desk. “Nope. Be right back.” She took large leaps as she went out the door and I started to follow. “Maybe you should wait, besides I wanted to tell you something.” Of course, the conversation was steering in that way, I couldn't help but feel completely nervous.


“I know I promised I wouldn't bring this up again, but you're leaving my side and I wanted to remind you.” He shrugged as he looked beyond me, probably wondering where Denise had gone. “I'll be missing you, no matter how much we stay in touch. And I'm scared, yes, I'm scared. That you might get your prayers answered and Nick will finally realize he loves you back.” He waited for a protest but I felt a lump in my throat, trying not to hope of that possibility. “I'll still be here, Maya. Loving you, waiting for you to realize you love me too.” He ended it by giving me a grimace and a shrug, as though not knowing how to close the confession.


I didn't have time to answer because luckily Denise ran in, smiling and nodding at Ethan. “Ok you can come outside now.” He told me as he steered me towards the sliding doors and out to the porch. “Close her eyes, quickly, before she sees anything.” Denise sounded giddy and anxious. Ethan's hands went over my eyes, his soft yet firm skin gently shielding my sight as he stood behind me, steering me in the right direction. I felt his mouth only millimeters from my ear, my insides boiling at the deep and slow breaths of his voice. “Happy Birthday.” His hands went down, now on my shoulders.


“SURPRISE!” Everyone jumped up and clapped and cheered. The backyard was packed, faces smiling and laughing at my shocked face. How on earth did I forget my own birthday? It couldn't be, I was sure it must be an early celebration. “Today is September 14th?” I turned and asked Ethan. “Yes, shocker, I know.” He laughed as we walked towards everyone there. Denise, Paul, Kevin, Joe, Nick, Frankie all standing together with brilliant smiles. Selena and her Paul, holding hands and holding a present in the other. My hometown boys, the same ones who had gone to Six Flags, all holding white thick envelopes and waving cheerily. Demi standing by a long and wide wrapped up box, which I could only imagine to be my present.


John Taylor, Garbo, Ryan, and Jack also standing and singing happy birthday as Ethan lead me down the porch to where everyone was standing. Ethan's mom smiling as I went by her, Ethan nodding and looking red. I saw more people Chelsea, Danielle, Madison, all 'supposed' friends of Joe, Kevin and Frankie. Ethan pulled out a chair and sat me down, I was still dazed at all of this. “Aren't you going to say anything?” I snapped my head in the direction of his voice, Nick grinning at me. “I'm kind of still in shock.” I admitted as everyone laughed and started into another chorus of Happy Birthday.


I was seated at a decorated table under the cover of a oak tree, a balloon arch surrounding me, the rest of the tables on my left and right as a circle. All covered in a light blue mantle, with dark blue matching plastic cups and plates. I finally managed to speak. “Thank you so much, I'm pretty much choked up.” My voice sounded strangled, the first person to come to me was Denise, tears in her eyes as she hugged me. “Happy Sweet 16! Maya, you've grown up so much! I love you like one of my own!” She sobbed as I couldn't help but chuckle lightly and pat her back. “Thank you Denise, you are my second mother.” I told her as she beamed and I hugged her back.


She wiped her tears quickly and grinned as I saw everyone lining up presents in hand and ready to pounce on me with hugs. “Happy birthday Maya. I hope you enjoy it. I love you, this is from all of us, us being Joe, Kevin, Frankie, and I.” Nick gave me a breath taking smile and held me in his arms, his arms so strong and smooth, his biceps covering me in his hug. I had to take a deep breath and thanked him. “Joe wanted to hold the present.” Nick rolled his eyes and turned to his brothers, Kevin coming next and his amazing laugh starting. “16! Can you believe that?” He gave me a quick hug as he stepped back, remembering me as a child. “I can't, actually.” I smiled, he rolled his eyes playfully as Joe came up next.


“Here. But you'll have to share him.” Joe grunted, but his hug and kiss were still as happy as his brothers had been. “Share him...what are you...” But I saw the big box he held, a box with holes. I pretty much snatched the box from him, everyone coming closer and surrounding me to see what was inside. I could have cried, actually I think I did. It was one of the cutest thing I have ever seen, a puppy. Not just any puppy, a Pug. I laughed as I saw Joe's pout as the Pug licked my nose. “I promise I'll share.” I laughed as I held my Pug up. It had the softest black and shiny fur I've seen, it's cute little tail wagging back and forth, such a cute little thing i was holding in my arms.


What made me laugh was it's expression, it was adoring. It's cute little tongue sticking out, standing out against it's black fur, the pink reddish moist thing trying to lick anything in reach. “Oh my goodness.” I breathed. “He's really mine?” I wondered as I looked up at Nick. I had never had a dog, even though I had always wanted one, this i had told him repeatedly in our youth. “Yup. I saw him and I instantly knew he'd be perfect for you.” He commented as everyone wanted to pet my Pug, him loving the attention and running toward different outstretched hands.


“Does he have a name?” I was only asking Nick the questions, dammit. This boy was making my life even harder, was it possible for someone to fall in love with a person over and over again? Yes, yes it was. “Nope, he's waiting for you to name him.” He stretched out his hand and helped me up off the floor since I had knelt down to play with him. “Oh god, I can't think of anything.” Afraid someone might call him something and he would take that as his new name. “Don't worry. We'll have time on the tour bus.” He added, at that moment the sliding door creaked and Thalia came in, holding a leash with a bow on it.


“Happy birthday Maya! I know it's supposed to be a present for you, but I thought you might want need it for your puppy.” She gave me a hug and kiss as she took her turn in waiting to play with the puppy. “Thank you!” I gave Kevin and Nick long hugs, Joe had run off with my pug while everyone chased him, wanting to hold it. “Told you she would like it.” Nick nudged Kevin's rib as Kevin half smiled. “Well at least you did something right for once.” He answered, I gave him a glare.


Everyone seemed to start with the same sentence, “Well after that gift, mine won't seem like much....” but every time I told them they would mean as much. They did. Demi had gotten me an electric guitar, promising me her and Kevin would help me out if I had any trouble, which she doubted. My Jersey boys had all gotten me gift cards. “For when you're on the road, you'll want to get some good food. We picked the best places you should stop at.” Kenny said as the all nodded, we group hugged and exchanged thoughts on which places would be the best.


Next was Denise and Paul, I told them that I was already overwhelmed by the party they threw me, but they said it was the least they could do. “We hope you like it. To store all of your thoughts.” Paul gave me a hug and Denise a bone crushing one. It was an amazing notebook, my name on the front in silver steel letters. It had so many pages, but still small enough. It was so simple yet meaningful. “Thank you so much, I'll have loads to write about.” I answered, at that they looked at each other and Paul started to pat his pockets. “Almost forgot.” He chuckled as he handed me a pen tucked inside a silk handkerchief.


I was so sure it was pure gold, I really didn't want to ask. Next came Selena and Paul who had bought me a new camera and photo album. “To fill with loads of pictures of the places you'll be visiting.” Paul grinned as Selena nodded. It felt like they thought I was moving or something. I had gone away with the Jonases before but I guess they sensed it would be different because my mom wouldn't be there and I wouldn't come back until the whole tour was over, usually I came back for 2 weeks or more. It did feel like goodbye, everyone wanted my trip to be comfortable and happy. Chelsea had bought me a beautiful bracelet, made out of jade with inscriptions on it. Madison, Frankie's girlfriend as I liked to call her, bought me jewelry box. Danielle, a couple of knick knacks to make my bunk more homey.


Finally it was the band, the people who I also considered family. They all gave me hugs and congratulations. “Where's my present?” I demanded, in a playful offended voice. “Well we bought all the pizzas.” Garbo smirked as I laughed along. “You'll get it once we're on tour.” John Taylor added but Ryan and Jack promised to make a song for me later on in the day. Later on, it was already 4 in the afternoon, we would leave at 7. We were all sitting on the grass, playing with my pug which I decided to name Pudgums. Which was pronounced Pudjums, the d sort of silent.


We all ate pizza and danced, Ethan was the first to ask me to dance. The Jonas boys were completely mad, especially Frankie. “ I had to whisk you away before they hogged you.” Ethan shrugged as he twirled me, everyone dancing in groups. “Your mom, I haven't seen her in a while.” I looked over to her, she was chatting with Denise and Paul, probably discussing my mom. “Yes, she wanted to see you. I don't think she's seen you this grown up, and that way she can meet her future daughter in law.” At least he said it playfully but it didn't keep me from turning red.


“Sorry, I keep forgetting to stop bringing it up. Well I've only brought it up 2 times so I think that's pretty good, for me.” He slowed our dance to a sway, I was sure eyes were on me. “This stinks. I'm not even dressed properly for a party.” I frowned, I was wearing a snug green and black striped sweater dress, with black converse. “Are you kidding? You look wonderful.” Ethan looked at me, making me feel completely embarrassed. “You're really pretty. I'm not just saying it because, well you know, but it's true. Especially with that new haircut.” His dimples showed as he gave me a wide warm smile.


“My turn.” Frankie bumped Ethan's leg, and Ethan broke out into laughter. “Of course. Sorry little man. She's all yours.” Ethan winked and Frankie and I danced. “You like him?” Frankie was the kind of kid who got straight to the point. “Hmm. I wish.” I tried to give him a smile but it ended up looking like a grimace. “Weird. I always thought you'd end up with Nicholas. But then again, he's going out with Thalia, I guess she's ok.” He shrugged as we danced a little faster since the song changed. “Don't do that to me Frankie. Please don't talk about Nick and me like that, it's not going to happen.” I told him and myself very seriously. “Okay.” That was his answer but we talked about other things.


It was starting to get darker and darker, very slowly though. The small rays of sun shine going through the gaps between the branches of the oak tree, looking magnificent. “Alright. It's time for the last present.” Denise announced, we were all eating cake by this time. “What? Who from?” I questioned, she came out with a large monitor connected to a laptop. It started opening a window and my mother came into view. I had to take a couple of breaths before I realized she was alright, she didn't seem sickly looking to my relief.


“Karen!” Everyone yelled as she waved around since she could see all of us because of the web cam. “Hey guys, hope you're all doing great.” She smiled as she looked around until she finally spotted me. I would have run to the screen and hugged it but I remembered everyone was here. “Mom.” I grinned as she waved and smiled at me, spotting Ethan who was making his way to hold my hand. “Ethan, my you've grown!” She commented as he put his hand around my shoulders and smiled. “Yes, you look beautiful as ever Karen.” He told her as I heard a grunt form two people. “Hello Loraine.” My mom told Ethan's mom as she said hello. “Well down to business since I was only given a couple of minutes and it's almost time for you to leave.” She stated as she looked until she spotted Nick.


“Both of you surprisingly almost share the same birthday, only 2 days apart.” She motioned us forward. Nick and I moved closer to the screen, he squeezed my hand, something I was only used to doing with Ethan, it felt different from Ethan's. “I just wanted to wish you two a happy birthday. And, I really hope you enjoy your presents, I had them picked out a few weeks back. You'll have to get to studying if you want to use them.” Her face full of joy as she saw our confused expressions. “Denise, why don't you show them?” Denise nodded as Paul and her went to the farthest part of the yard where there was an enormous cape towering, something huge hiding under it.


Her and Paul went to corners and pulled it back, I heard a lot of 'ooohs and no ways'. Nick and I looked at each other and ran towards our gifts. Mine was a sparkling metal navy blue while Nick's was a sleek and shiny black car. “Karen, you didn't!” He laughed as he got in and inspected his. “I did.” She chuckled as I just gaped at my car. It was perfect, the interior all black leather, gps system, great sound system, I didn't know much about chrome spinners but these looked like some of the best. “Mom, wow! Thank you so much.” I cried as I got in and honked the horn.


“You still need to get your permits, so don't you two try and take them for a ride. Denise and Paul will give you the keys once you've gotten your permits and Kevin will teach you to drive.” Kevin raised his hand and Joe crossed his arms. “Whatever. I have my motorcycle and my Pug.” I gave him a glare, Pudgums was mine. “Well I have to go, here it's already late. Have fun on tour sweet heart.” She waved and said goodbye to everyone and they all came to see our cars. My car was a Jaguar XF, I was pretty jealous, Nick had a BMW Z4 Coupe. I still loved mine, but Nick's, it was just so much. “You have to let me drive it sometime.” I mumbled as he laughed at my expression and gave me a kiss on the cheek.


“You know it.” He smiled as Joe and Kevin took turns sitting inside. It was already 6, soon everyone would be leaving and it would be time to go. “Want to go make sure you didn't forget anything, sweetheart?” Denise suggested as I nodded and trudged up the stairs. I really didn't want to leave, but I also wanted to. I knew it would be even harder dealing with Nick without Ethan, but I also wanted to be with him, as his best friend. I walked up the stairs to Frankie's room, his stuff was already packed like mine, waiting by the door.


“I knew you'd come up.” Ethan was sitting on the small couch playing Frankie's X Box 360. “Yeah, I need to make sure I'm not forgetting anything.” I replied as I sat next to him as I let out a long sigh. “Do you really want to go, are you sure?” He put down the controller and turned to face me, looking really sad. “Yes, I just want to know I'll be able to be strong.” I answered as he pressed me against him and put his arms around me, cradling me. “You were able to deal with it the first time, you can deal with it now, you're stronger. I'd kiss you but I'm guessing you'd slap me.” He added amused at the thought. “You guessed right.” I grunted as he let me go and reached into his pocket. “I got something for you. It's no car, or puppy but I hope you like it.” He smiled as he handed me a small burgundy box.


I opened it and it was a small necklace that fit like a choker. The stone was jade so it matched with the bracelet I had gotten. Until I touched the small jade stone I realized the stone had something carved into it, I moved my fingers against the carving. “Just so I'll be on your mind.” He said, his name was carved and only visible if you were real up close or ran your finger over it. “Thank you.” I gave him the longest hug I could, that was our goodbye.


“You ok?” Nick asked as Big Rob put the last of our bags in the cars. Our cars were going to be sent over later, so we'd be the first ones to drive them. “Yeah, I just guess I'm still a bit down after saying good bye to everyone.” I told him, he helped me up and took me to a empty bunk who's curtains were closed. “Maybe this will cheer you up.” He smiled as he pulled the curtain. “PUDGUMS!!” But he covered my mouth, we were supposed to leave him with the neighbors. “I'm trying my hardest to be the old best friend I was, the really good one.” He tickled me as Pudgums pounced on us and licked our faces. It felt like before, just friends, but as soon as his face was inches from mine my other feelings clouded my mind. Who knew how long it would take for me and him to be the same again, but i promised myself that's all we would ever be, no matter how hard it was.

Chapter 8
J.A.M.F


    “Time to pick bunks, first come first serve.” Denise informed us, over our conversations in the back lounge while we played with their new entertainment system. We all stood up and started running toward the bunk section, I was determined to get a top left bunk. “Dibs on the top left.” Joe yelled as I out ran him and sprinted to the top left one. “Nope. Denise said first come first serve.” I grinned as he yelled but finally decided on the bottom left. “I feel small.” He complained as Kevin took the bottom right, which of course left Nick with top right.


“Guys, we have some news.” Paul came and stood in the small walking space between the bunks. “We won't be staying in the same bus. The band will take our bunks and we are switching buses.” He said as Denise came and nodded. “If this is because of me, I could always bunk with Garbo, he has an extra bunk where he keeps his clothes..” But Denise interrupted me. “It's not you Maya. We just want to....spend some time alone...” All the boys started to yell and cover their faces with pillows. “Mom, no matter how old we are, we NEVER want to here details. Just go.” Kevin waved them away as Joe sang out loud to block anymore information. “Alright.” Denise laughed. “Goodnight.” They both whispered as they got off.


The doors suddenly burst open and a roar of noise came in along with Jack, John, Ryan and Garbo. “Next row.” Nick yawned as they nodded and made their way to the next row of bunks, Frankie following right behind. “They kicked me out too.” He whined as we all laughed and started to doze off, tomorrow we'd have to be up bright and early. I would also be taking over my mom's job, which pretty much consisted of keeping the boys on time and reminding them of their appointments; an assistant. I was given my own blackberry to keep all of their meetings and any other scheduled things in it. Burning Up Tour, here I come.


Unfortunately, to keep the boys and the band on schedule meant I would have to be the first to wake up. I decided to give them a few extra minutes of sleep while i showered and got ready, it was only 4 in the morning after all. It was nice to be the first in the shower, it was already packed with our favorite shampoos and all the necessities. I shuddered at the thought of sharing this bathroom with 8 other guys, that would be a bit awkward. As soon as I jumped out I went to the lounge where our suitcases were stored for the moment, unzipping mine and looking for clothes. When you're going to be running around trying to manage these boys there is no time for dressing up. I decided to go with a pair of faded skinny jeans and a green scooped necked striped top and stole one of Kevin's scarves. I was already putting on my converse when John Taylor came in.


“Wake up time?” He yawned as I nodded and put my blackberry in my back pocket, not much space in there in a pair of skinny jeans. “GUYS TIME TO WAKE UP!” John yelled as I ran to the kitchen with my eyeliner and lip gloss in hand, starting a pot of coffee for them. 7 different groans started as John kept yelling at them to wake up, Frankie already jumping out with towel in hand, beating John to the shower. I quickly opened the cupboards looking for coffee mugs while the boys grudgingly got out and started to jump out and come to the kitchen and sat down all crammed around the small table. “Morning.” I smiled as I waited for the coffee to heat up while I took out the cream and sugar and placed it on the table while they yawned 'morning, Maya'.


The pot of coffee was ready and I gave them their mugs while they all took turns serving it and sipping it quietly. I reached into the refrigerator and served myself a glass of water followed by some fruit, not much of a breakfast person. I tugged my phone out of my back pocket and started scrolling down to today's date and checking their first appointment. “Alright guys, you have to get ready. Go pick out your clothes while you wait for whoever is in the shower. “You all have to be at Michelle's bus to make any last minute fixes to your outfit's for tonight's concert. After that, back here to store all your stuff into the drawers and for some breakfast. You have 47 minutes, so get to it.” I finished as they took their last sips of coffee and darted to the lounge. “Thanks for the coffee Maya.” Everyone said as I waved them away so they would hurry, Frankie coming out of the shower, already picking out what to wear.


I put the mugs in the sink while I took out a bowl of cereal and some milk for him. I smiled at myself, this was taking up every bit of my time, no seconds to spare to think about other things. I decided it was time to call Ethan, we'd been away for10 hours already. It was 5, I was sure he was close to waking by now. “Hello?” I muttered as he picked up his phone. “Maya! How are you?” He didn't even sound tired. “Good, did I wake you?” I wondered as I took a couple of seconds to sit down and talk to him. “Nope, I've actually been waiting for you to call.” He admitted as I grinned. “Thanks, so what are you up to today?” I was using the bus's phone since the blackberry was only for business calls and anything to do with the boy's scheduling. “I don't know. Maybe going to the gym, not much to do without you here.” He yawned as I could tell he was stretching and getting ready to get dressed.


“You?” He wondered as I heard his loud footsteps as he walked around his room. “Just making sure the boys are on schedule. I'm -” But Joe's yells interrupted me. “Maya! I need your help! I don't know which outfit to choose!” I sighed, I would have to hang up on Ethan, who had been waiting for my call. “It's ok. We'll talk later. Miss you.” He hung up and I darted to the lounge, John Taylor getting out of the shower, Kevin already waiting to go in. “Never mind.” He smiled, I bit my tongue. “Did you sleep well?” Nick asked as he took off his shirt and grabbed a towel heading for the shower, then seeing Kevin get in and coming back into the room. “Just dandy.” I waved airily, keeping my eyes on his face.


“Good, oh, let's go check on Pudgums.” He suddenly remembered as we walked to only empty bunk. “Gross! That's what did this to my sneakers?” Garbo held up a pair of tennis shoes with small scraps missing and bite marks. “Our bad.” Nick smiled as we saw my puppy sleeping. “What if it needs to pee?” Joe came forwards admiring it. “Diapers?” Frankie suggested as he dropped his bowl into the sink and shrugged. “Well, that'll have to do for now. I'll put it on my list.” I said as I took my phone out and added it it to my 'to do list'. “Alright, some of you go and shower on one of the other buses.” I finally decided as they nodded and left with their towels and clothes. They had less than 35 minutes and Michelle took her time examining their wardrobe.


Basically I am now their assistant, well co- assistant since that's Fee's job. I'm supposed to have them ready, on task, informed, and advised, I wonder how my mother handled this. Finally they were all off the bus so I could deal with washing the dishes and getting my hair straightened. Joe's straightener worked miracles so I borrowed his, I was attached to my new look. I packed my floral over sized pocket book with everything needed: folders with their schedules ( my back up in case the phone got misplaced), sharpies (for fans when they popped out of no where), red bulls, candy, paperwork, their private cell phones, cards (for when Frankie got bored), 2 juice boxes (in case Nick's sugar level got funky), and everything Paul advised me to carry around. The most important thing was the blackberry.


“Maya you ready?” Denise came in, her smile brighter than ever. “Yes ma'am.” I nodded as she handed me something, argh, a credit card. “I have one.” I took mine out of my wallet and waved it. “I know sweetie. But you're basically taking over your mom's job, and I know you'll protest to a check. So this is our way of paying you, use it whenever you would like to.” She pressed but I felt shocked. “Denise I'm not doing this for money, I want to.” I explained but she tucked the piece of plastic in one of the wallet pockets. “I know, but you just signed up for a hell of a job. You'll want this for when you can squeeze in a break. Please take it.” She added, how could I say no to her? “C'mon. We're all having breakfast at Denny's.” She said as we closed the door and it slammed behind us.


The morning sun was already scorching, I felt the heat of it as we walked out to 2 car expecting us, SUVs. “Morning Maya.” Big Rob said as I had to squint to look up at him. “Big Rob! What's up?” I shook his hand as he held the door open for Denise and I. The boys were already inside, dressed and ready. “Where are we?” Kevin yawned, holding another cup of coffee. “Arizonaaa!!!!!!” Joe cheered, I rolled my eyes, it's not like he actually remembered living here. “Awesome. Let's go eat.” Nick proposed as Big Rob drove off, the scenery passing us by. “We have something for you.” Kevin told me, oh great, another credit card. “Let me guess? A bunch of cash?” I groaned as they all laughed lightly.


“Do you have that VIP backstage access pass we gave you?” I nodded as I took it off and threw it to him. “Here.” He threw me another one, it had my picture and the words J.A.M.F on it and under it, staff. “JAMF?” I read out loud. “No. J-A-M-F. Jonas Assistant, Manager, and Friend.” Frankie stated as everyone around clapped. “Pretty clever, huh?” He smiled as I beamed. “You!” I squeezed him and ruffled his hair. “So, what's after breakfast?” Joe stared out the window. I quickly took out my phone and expertly scrolled down to the next thing on the agenda. “Quick call to a local radio station, then meeting the mayor, interview with a local channel.” I shut my phone and stuck it back into my back pocket. “Wow, you beat me.” Paul chuckled as he put his phone back into his dress shirt pocket. “All part of the job.” We arrived at the place and got out, the other SUV stopping behind us, carrying the band.


“Hand me my phone Maya? Got to make a quick phone call.” Kevin came up as I handed it to him. “Is that my scarf?” He stared at it, still too groggy to recognize it. “No..., so calling Danielle?” I smirked as he bumped me. “No...” But his flushed face gave him away. “Table for?” The hostess scrunched her nose trying to count all of us. “12.” I announced, already having counted them as soon as I got in the car. “Oh crap.” I told myself. Everyone turned to stare at me. “Sorry?” The hostess, confused at my sudden cursing. “Nothing, just forgot something...” I stared at the boys, someone was missing. “Oh.” Nick, joe, and Kevin slapped their foreheads.


“Something wrong?” Big Rob inquired, noticing our worried faces. “Nothing.” We all replied, as the hostess showed us to our table, which were just 3 tables put together. I felt my blackberry vibrate, it was 3 separate texts all reading 'Pudgums'. I nodded, wondering what one little puppy could do to a bus full of suitcases filled with clothes and things lying around. We all ordered different plates of breakfasts as we chatted of the first show coming tonight. “I love the fire!” Frankie exclaimed as he high fived Ryan, who had agreed that was his favorite part. “Yeah, ruin it for Maya.” Kevin winked. I couldn't wait to see the concert, I would be backstage, closer than any fan.


“What's on the agenda after this?” Paul asked me after our plates arrived, we passed around the syrup, jam, butter, ketchup and milk around. “Um, let me check.” I took out my phone and checked, there would be a couple of local stations wanting to talk to the boys about today's first show and sound check the rest of the day. “Local news interviews, Kevin still needs to call that radio station and sound check.” I put the phone back into my pocket and took a bite of my toast. “Cool. Well to an awesome first day of the tour.” Paul raised his orange juice glass and we followed, clinking to the start of a new adventure.


“JOE!! JOE!!! JOE!!” A small girl was screaming at the top of her lungs as we made our way out of Dennys. “Here.” I threw Joe the sharpie and he smiled as he went over to the girl, she was shaking madly. “He's so full of it.” Kevin rolled his eyes as we saw Joe puff out his chest and give his signature smile. “So, how are you enjoying yourself so far?” Nick asked as we got into the car, headed to a certain spot where they would meet with the TV stations. “I love it.” I gave him a small hug, putting my best effort to make everything well again. “Good. You're going to love all the things we're doing! It's crazy!” He chuckled as we sat next to each other as Kevin and everyone else got in the car.


“Would you feel ok answering to the press? If they have any questions and the boys are busy?” Paul covered the speaker of his phone as he asked me. “Sure. Saves the boys the necessity of repeating themselves.” I told him as he nodded and went back to his conversation. “Is it alright if I make a call?” Denise turned around and looked startled. “Honey, of course it is. It is your phone.” She smiled as I started dialing. “Hello? Ethan?” I didn't look up, knowing I would have two guys glaring at me. “Maya, how are you? Did you have breakfast yet? How are you doing?” His voice was a relief to me, he didn't seem a bit angry at the fact last time I had to hang up.


“I'm ecstatic. I'm officially an assistant.” I bragged as he congratulated me. “You deserve that. I can't believe you've been away for less than 2 days, but I miss you.” I turned my head so the boys wouldn't see me blush, Ethan was full of ways to make me feel important. “Same here. So are you at the gym?” I changed the subject to something more light as I felt the sudden gust of wind as we raced down a highway, trying to arrive in time. “Yup, working on the biceps.” I could imagine the grin on his face. “Wait, how are you talking to me then?” Unless he had a third arm. “I have you on speaker.” His voice full of delight, I heard a bunch of guys yell my name and make kissing sounds. “Sorry about that. They think we're a couple and they think I'm such an idiot for being love sick.” He explained, why was it so hard to feel the same way? “You're not an idiot.” Was all I managed to reply, not knowing what else could be said.


“I feel like one. How can I fight for you if you're miles away? So how are you being treated?” I could hear him grunt as he lifted weights. “Very well. They're complete gentlemen.” I said a little louder, so the boys wouldn't be as mad. “We would NEVER do anything to make you feel bad.” Nick made his voice as loud as possible, and Ethan exploded at that. “Are you kidding me? Put him on the phone now! I want to shove some information in his ear, he's the biggest reason you're broken!” I heard the weights thud onto the ground, Ethan panting. “No. What are you going to say? Everything I've been trying to hide?” I whispered, he seemed to think things over. “You're right. I'm sorry, I didn't realize, I guess i just let my anger get the best of me. Sorry for screaming.” He apologized as I heard him take deep breaths.


“Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. Well I'll leave you to your weights. Thanks for always being there Ethan, love ya. You're a great friend.” I added, realizing he would take it the wrong way. “It's good you added that last part.” He laughed as he said good bye and hung up. “Long distance relationships hardly work.” Big Rob mumbled as he drove, that made Joe and Nick smirk. “I'm not going out with him. And even if I was, we'd make it work.” I replied, making the guys frown. “Jeez, I wouldn't be surprised if you kept Ethan voodoo dolls.” I groaned as the car finally stopped.


It was sunnier, probably 9 by now. When we got out cameras started flashing, people started recording and coming at us at a fast pace. Big Rob got out and they halted, I couldn't help but giggle at how intimidating he looked. “Please, nice and slow now.” His voice low and deep as everyone started stepping back.


Kevin, Joe, and Nick walked forwards as they shook the few hands, and took quick pictures for local newspaper photographers that showed up. For some reason, people think working for celebrities is a very glamorous job. It really isn't, especially the more famous they are. You have to hold loads of stuff, explain who you are to the press before they start spreading rumors. Luckily I hadn't had to experience that part of my new job yet. Kevin, Joe and Nick answered a few questions, chatted and we said goodbye as we walked back into the car. “Well that was pretty good, especially for the first day of tour.” Kevin laid his hands on the back of his head as he rested it on the top of the seat. “Yeah, I was expecting loads of paparazzi.” Nick agreed and Joe nodded.


“Maya, could you pass me my other phone, please?” Nick held his hand out and I nodded as I took it out of my bag and handed it to him. “Off to the arena.” Big Rob announced as we all cheered and Frankie stuck his head out of the window screaming 'Burning Up Tour'. “Who are you calling?” Denise asked as she jotted down things in the agenda she was carrying around. “Thalia. Hopefully she's awake by now.” He shrugged, everyone else looked at me. I put on my biggest smile and showed that I didn't mind, because at the moment I didn't. She was his girlfriend, and I was expecting him to call her, so it didn't catch me off guard. “Are the buses going to be at the arena?” I wondered. “Yes. They'll be in the private parking, all 7 of the buses.” She smiled as Paul handed her his phone. “That's great. We'll be expecting him then. Thank you, good bye.” She shut the phone and handed it back to Paul and they sighed.


“Something wrong?” I questioned but she shook her head. “On the contrary, everything is very good. You see, Paul was called at the last minute to go to Hollywood Records. So we're dropping him off at the airport right now, and then heading to the arena. The problem was who was going to help us out manage this week Paul will be gone.” She explained. “Wait, dad's not going to be here our first week?” Joe interrupted, his face scrunched up. “Sorry son. I have to deal with some offers that have come up, and to see how the album is coming along. I'll be back as soon as I can.” Paul grimaced, I knew he would feel horrible missing the first night of the show. “Well, as I was saying.” Denise continued, “Since Felicia is still on vacation and Paul is going to be out, we're going to need someone to help us out.” She smiled. “Wait, Fee isn't back yet? How on earth are we going to manage?” Kevin sat up, completely awake now.


Without Felicia, Paul, and my mom, who on earth was going to take care of these guys scheduling? “Well, we have Maya. Besides that's what I was talking about on the phone. We have someone who will be handling all of that along with Maya until your dad gets back. He'll probably arrive tonight.” She finished as we all looked at each other, who was this new person. Whoever it was, must have real guts to face thousands of press people harassing him. “His name is Billy. We were lucky that the management was able to get him at this time, he dropped everything he was doing to come and help.” She patted my hand, seeing the sudden stress on my face. I would have to deal with everything and everyone by myself, until this Billy came. Denise would already be busy helping out the boys, Big Rob holding the fans back, that left me all alone.


I could deal with it thought, I breathed in and relaxed. Besides, this Billy sounded like he was a really good assistant, but probably not as good as Fee. I checked my phone, it was 11. I could see the airport now, planes taking off and landing, loads of traffic. “I think I'll walk from here.” Paul suggested as we arrived at the place where his private jet would be taking off from. “So you all won't get mobbed. Besides, sound check is more important. I'll see you all soon. Good luck Maya.” Paul hugged all of us as he left, kissing Denise and shaking Big Rob's hand. We were off as soon as he was inside of the waiting area. “You boys ready for this?” Big Rob asked, trying to ease the sudden tension we all had. “YEAH!” Joe yelled, pumping everyone up. “Yup! I bought a new guitar!” Kevin grinned as Nick gave him a high five. “YEAH!” I agreed, for the moment forgetting everything I might have to deal with. Just happy to be with my boys once again, facing everything else could wait.

Chapter 9
Low Blow


    I realized why we hadn't been mobbed back there with the TV reporters earlier. As soon as we arrived at the entrance of the arena, the car was surrounded by hundreds of paparazzi. “Oh boy.” Denise frowned. The cars had to make an immediate stop, if it moved even an inch, we could have run over someone. Thankfully the windows were tinted black, otherwise the cameras would have blinded us to death. I then realized, it would be my job, and my job alone, to deal with all those people out there while Denise tried to sneak inside the arena with the boys. “BAH!” I threw my hands up, not knowing how else to react to those hundreds of people waiting for an explanations to millions of questions.


“Good luck honey, we'll meet you inside.” Denise patted my shoulder as I opened the door, the press moved back thinking it was the boys. Big Rob took that chance and sped down the parking lot to the entrance of the private underground parking. Everyone's excitement was over when they saw it was only me. “Who the heck are you?” One chubby and short balding man with an expensive looking camera asked. “I'm Maya, I am the Jonas Brothers assistant and will be answering to the media, any questions, suggestions, complaints. I deal with that.” I ended my speech with my hands on my hips, trying to look authoritative, I probably didn't.


They all had that 'oh' expression and then it was a roar of voices throwing questions at me. I sighed and tried to spot the boys, they seemed far enough and were being escorted inside. “Is it true Demi Lovato will be joining the tour?”, “Are Joe and Demi going out?”, “Who are you?”, “Will the boys be doing a meeting with the press?” were some of the questions I was able to make out. “Demi Lovato will be joining the tour but no she is not dating Joseph.” I screamed over the oncoming inquiries. All I could make out was the color of peoples bright clothes, the cameras flash blurred my vision. I could smell loads of body odor, probably from those trashy magazines trying to discover some 'juicy' information on the boys. I also felt nudges as people were pushing towards to me, getting snap shots or trying to have an interview with me.


I was so unsure of what to answer with so many people asking, what if they took my yes or no answer when it wasn't meant for their question. But something I was sure of, was a booming laugh behind me. “Everyone back up, don't make me ask again unless you want me to call security.” Some voice commanded, I turned around but couldn't recognize this new person. Ah, must be Billy. He was not what I had expected, I can tell you that. I expected some high fashioned prep who was always busy, moving around, carrying stuff and wearing the latest stuff. This Billy was the opposite of that. He was wearing a pair of baggy jeans with a tee and a pair of sneakers, his staff backstage pass reflecting the suns rays.  It looked good, i guess.


“You must be Maya?” He stated as he came forwards and stood by me, he was way taller, taller that Ethan. “Y-yes. You're Billy?” I looked up at him, his face didn't look too friendly at the moment. “Obviously.” He scoffed, then he went back to staring at all the paparazzi. “Move back at least 5 feet, then we'll answer any reasonable questions.” He told them he had such security when he spoke. I admit, I felt sort of intimidated. This guy would be helping out along with me for who knew how long, I didn't know how I felt about that. One thing I did know, I missed Ethan a bunch. His amazing smile that hinted of amusement and a joke coming on. This guy also had blond hair and green eyes, but his were bright green unlike Ethan's pale ones. His presence made me feel lonesome for some reason, he didn't seem to like me very much.


They all started asking questions about rumors going around. We immediately shot those down, all false. Then it came, for some reason I had not predicted this to come up. “Is it true Nick Jonas is going out with Thalia? From the show? ” A woman with a sort of pointed nose and wide eyes asked, her red lipstick very visible. That nearly knocked all the air out of me, I felt small invisible drops at the corners of my eyes. A low blow, a blow below the belt, illegal in boxing, an unsportsmanlike or unfair action or attack. That's what that felt like, an unfair attack to Maya, the best friend secretly in love with Nick Jonas.


Billy looked over to me, noticing my sudden silence. He gave me this do-i-say-yes-or-no look, I nodded. “Yes it is true, next question.” He answered quickly, but that just started a dozen more questions about Nick's relationship. I wasn't able to speak, I knew if I did, that I would start bawling. Billy threw glances at me now and then, mad that I left him to deal with those questions he obviously knew nothing about. He ran his hand through his hair quickly, the paparazzi getting on his last nerves. “Alright, that's all for now. Thank you for coming.” A deep and grunt like voice announced, Big Rob riding in a golf cart, coming towards the crowd. They immediately started leaving, taking a few last shots of the arena. “Hop on.” He jabbed a finger at the back seats that faced the direction you were leaving.


Billy rushed by me and got in, not even looking at me. I dragged my legs forward and sat as the corner, making sure i made no contact with Billy. “ I was under the impression that this would be a co assistant position. Correct me if I'm wrong.” He did nothing to hide the rage in his voice. “You're correct.” I swallowed. “Would you care to tell me why you decided to clam up and not help out at all?” He turned to face me, it was a cold stare. I knew that if Ethan was here he would have told Billy to apologize and then punch him for looking at me like that, it made me laugh. That made Billy even more furious.


“You find this funny?” He snarled. “No, sorry. I was thinking of one of my friends. I am sorry about leaving you to do everything, I promise it won't happen again.” I answered, trying to give him a reassuring smile. “It better not.” He snapped as he looked at the now empty parking lot, we went into the short darkness of the small tunnel like path that lead to the private one. Maybe I should have thought over taking this job, but now it was too late, too many people depended on me. It was 2 already, I was sure the boys would be inside doing sound check. The whole way into the arena was quiet, so this was how working with Billy would be like.

--


“You're alive!” Joe grinned as I came in right behind Big Rob. Joe spotted Billy, his access pass and understood. “Thank you for coming Billy.” He shook Billy's hand very professionally. Joe surprised you like that sometimes, he would be this goofy kid but at the same time he appreciates everything and everyone. “It's a pleasure Mr. Jonas.” Billy nodded as he shook Joe's hand. “Call me Joe.” Joe smiled as Nick and Kevin jumped off the stage to see what was going on. “Who's this?” Kevin smiled as he shook Billy's hand and introduced himself. “I'm Billy. Your new assistant.” He told Nick and Kevin as Nick waved at him and went back to playing on the piano.


I felt my eyes sting, no tears but they were just irritated from holding them back. “I'll be right back, going to the bathroom.” I let them know as I started walking. “When you get back, could you please come and see me. We have to work out how we will work together.” Billy told me, not even looking up, playing around with his iphone. I didn't even bother nodding, he wasn't going to look at me. I power walked all the way to the bathroom, wiping the small tears about to form. I was so weak, I thought I was growing stronger, but soon every magazine would have pictures of Nick and Thalia. Would i be able to take all of that, absolutely not. But I had to, not because I had to but because I wanted to. I really did too. I wanted to be able to breathe and not choke when I saw them kissing or being all couple-ly.


There was a knock at the door. “Maya, are you ok?” Kevin asked, creaking the door a bit open, letting the hot air inside. “Come in.” I instructed him, he came in and closed the door behind him. “Billy was letting us know about the questions they asked, and I heard Thalia came up. You ok?” He looked as though he felt completely helpless. This was also the worse part of it, everyone suffering along with me, they didn't need to worry themselves when they were so busy. “I will be. It just caught me off guard. I'll be ready next time.” I sighed as I applied more eyeliner to the part where it was starting to fade from the small tears. “Alright, time to go check out the sound check.” I smiled as he gave me a pat on the back as we walked out.


“Kevin you're such a great brother.” I let him know as I saw Joe grab the mic hold it close while he sang. Nick playing the guitar along with John Taylor. “Oh my bad. I gotta get up there.” Kevin ran up to the stage and Benji threw him his guitar, Kevin joined in. “I'll pick you up at seven, we can drive around and see a movie..” Joe sang perfectly, he winked at me and made me giggle. Probably practicing for when he saw the girl that caught his eye later on. I saw Denise up front with Frankie watching the guys practice, when I joined Frankie was dancing around. “BB Good.” I smiled as I sang along. After that Nick went over to his piano, I knew what was coming up. I hated I was so sentimental to this song, but I was. Every time he played A Little Bit Longer I could not help but cry.


Probably because I had seen him go through every thing that caused him so much pain. How skinny he looked, how depressed then angry he would turn, making everyone worry. Then when we finally went to the doctor's how we were all crushed, and feeling so ignorant not knowing much about diabetes. How scared I was when Nick asked if he was going to die, it still made me shudder even thinking about that. He kept playing, he was completely alone when he played, always thinking about how strong he had to be, what others were going through, as though he was all alone in the room. I looked at Denise, she was wiping loads of tears, I didn't do much to cover mine. “Oh, I can't ever get used to this song.” She gave me a watery laugh as I gave her a pat on the back just like Kevin did to me.


“So, are you ok with your job?” She cleared her throat. “Yup, oh wait! Billy told me to meet him, where did he go?” I looked around but he wasn't anywhere. “He went backstage, probably one of the dressing rooms.” She said as I ran backstage. There were so many doors, but as I ran I spotted him sitting on one of the sofas and ran back. “Hi.” I smiled as I came in and sat across from him. “What took you so long?” He turned his head from the TV he was turning off and looked at me. “Sorry. I'll try to not need to pee so much.” I answered sarcastically, a reflex when someone talks to me like that. “Whatever. Ok, so how are we going to split this job up?” I really didn't know how that was possible. “I don't think you can. I think we just have to help each other out, and stuff.” I shrugged.


“Well back there you really didn't help me out much, are you always like that? At least that way I'll be aware I have to do all the work.” That really got to me, my temper was really rocky these days. “Don't worry, that was just a mistake. Don't get too mad when I take over and do all the work.” I answered, not waiting for his response and walking out. No sooner was I out and I bumped into someone. “Demi!” I rubbed my head, it stung a bit. “Sorry. I'm just so clumsy, I was looking down.” She apologized as she gave me a hug and we walked back to the stage. “Aren't you excited?” She grinned as we met Denise and she said hello. “Yes. Major.” I laughed, using one of her lines from Camp Rock. “Haha. You know I don't talk like that.” She joined in as the boys spotted her and came and gave her hugs.


“Dem! How are ya?” Kevin asked as Joe and Nick sat down. “Good. Just got in, the band is chilling while I come and practice.” She told them. I liked Demi a lot, just as much as Selena. She wasn't a drama starter and she was perfectly honest and sincere. At least I would have another girl friend here, I was sure to see Selena since Demi and her couldn't go more than 2 weeks apart. “All right. Wanna do our duet?” Joe flipped his mic around his fingers, showing off as usual. “Sure. I bet the fans can't wait for that one.” They all went up and started playing. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. I had to call him, I ran out of the room quickly and made my call. “Ethan?” I said as soon as I heard the other line pick up. “Maya. Hey, what's up?” His voice, like medicine to me. “Nothing. Just wanted to talk to you, I wish you were here.” I admitted, not caring what he made of it. “Yeah, I wish I was with you too. So how's your job so far?” I laughed at that. “It's a long story.” I told him. “I always have time.” He assured me, so we spent half an hour on the phone, as I explained the paparazzi, Billy, and everything else that had gone on.


“I'm sorry about the Thalia incident. You probably needed me.” I did, but I didn't want to make him feel even worse. “It's ok. Billy was some help.” I lied, he was no help at all, he made it worse actually. He did, that Billy. “Oh? Is he competition?” He was joking but it still made me feel happy, i don't know how you can explain it. “None at all. He's hideous, ugly as anything.” I joked around, but then I felt someone storm right by me. Crap, crap, crap. “Oh man! Ethan I got to go.” I groaned, it was funny, kind of. “Let me guess, he was right behind you or something.” He started chuckling like crazy, at least I kept him laughing. “How'd you know?” I sighed as I tried to look for poor Billy. “You just have terrible luck. Well call me and tell me how things turn out, text me, call me, email me. You know.” He sent me a kiss over the phone and I went off searching for Bill, I was playing around with names I could call him.


I was not making this any easier. Bills , another nickname I came up with, and I started on the wrong foot. Now he heard me call him ugly...how would this even work out. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to chuck something at me. Joe was rubbing off, him and his big mouth. I didn't find Billy but I found Nick and Demi playing their x box. “Hey! Have you seen Billy?” I panted, I was running around looking for the guy. “Yeah, he said he was going to get some things. He said he'd be right back.” Nick answered, always so helpful. “Want to play some games with me? I already crushed Dem here.” He smirked as she playfully punched his arm. “Too competitive, this kid.” She said as she handed me the wireless controller. “The only person who can take him is Maya, they're like peas in a pod.” Frankie mumbled, I hadn't even seen him in that corner where he was playing his PSP. “Yup. Peas in a pod.” Nick grinned as we started playing, Frankie was right. I could so take him, his competitiveness rubs off as well.


Chapter 10
Billy And I


“Oh look, there goes Billy.” Nick commented as we finished playing, I got up and ran after him. In the quiet halls my footsteps were probably booming, but Billy didn't look back. “Wait!” I yelled after him, but this seemed to quicken his pace. Finally he turned and went into the warm up room. I was running so fast that when he suddenly turned I almost knocked him over. “What do you want?” He snapped, I felt even worse as I saw that I had insulted him. “I just wanted to apologize for what you heard me say before. It was a misunderstanding.” I tried to explain, thankfully blocking his only exit. He looked at me and then laughed, but it wasn't friendly. “A misunderstanding huh? So let me get this straight, you called me ugly by accident?” His voice was spitting sarcasm and hatred.


“When you put it like that, it sounds horrible.” I told him. How could it not sound horrible? I had called him ugly...hideous. “Don't worry, your words don't keep me up at night. Besides, you aren't a sight for sore eye as well.” He sneered, ouch. That did hurt, no matter how I had just met the guy a few hours ago. “Can I explain? I didn't mean to offend you.” I pressed, I really thought maybe we could be friends. I needed friends, because Nick was just etched into my mind, I need people who I could develop feelings for. Not the same feelings, obviously, but friendship feelings, trust feelings. “I don't need an explanation, if you don't mind I have things to do.” He ended, trying to kick me out of the room.


No, I was going to persist until he heard me. Besides this was a co-assistant job. I was his co, whether he liked it or not. “I think you mean, we have things to do.” I couldn't help but grin at his expression, nothing to say back. “Whatever. We need to fix the place up for a couple of interviews they'll have after the show. Then we have to make sure all their wardrobe is set up, so when they need to come and change it's all ready.” He went off listing things that needed to be done. He wouldn't even stop to see if I was catching all of this, I was though.


We were both engulfed into work, not talking. “I was talking to a friend, a really good friend. His name is Ethan.” I started, walking around tidying the messy room up. “I don't care Maya.” He hissed. “I'm sorry were you speaking to me, Billy? Sorry I was talking to myself. I do it all of the time.” I lied, he was red from rage and storming through the room, fixing things that were already fine. “Anyways. Ethan is very close to me, and he likes me. So he was asking if this new guy, Billy, was any competition to him. Of course I didn't want Ethan taking the next plane here and challenging Billy to a duel to the death. So I told him Billy was ugly, even though he is not.” I ended, taking out the boys wardrobe and hanging it in it's specific order.


“Could you pass me those waters?” He stretched out his hand, waiting. His same rage was radiating, not even a bit less furious. “You are unbelievable! I am trying to apologize here!” I shouted, a single tear escaping my right eye. He turned around, probably ready to shout back. He stopped, and his expression softened. “Are you crying?” He seemed horrified. “No.” I firmly stated. It was just one tear, a furious one. He didn't make me upset, it was just everything going wrong. He started laughing, hid his face in his hands and laughed again.


“Are you laughing at me?” I took the defensive and bit my cheek, mad. “Yes. How can I be mad at a girl, when she's crying!” He looked at me, trying to see if I really was sorry. “You don't think I'm ugly?” He was skeptical, but I smiled. “Of course not. It's just Ethan seems like the jealous type.” I shrugged. “Alright then, I accept your apology. Just no crying.” He shuddered, sticking out his hand. “Agreed. Sorry about that, I'm not the one to usually cry.” At least not in front of people that is. We went back to getting everything ready for tonight, no glares or shouts, just two assistants working.


7:30

We were all in lock down, all stuffed into one room. Nick playing his ipod, Kevin strumming his favorite acoustic, Joe doing pull ups. Denise and Paul playing with Frankie while the band took turns playing Rock Band. Everyone else was either from make up, wardrobe, or other needed people, also Demi's mom and sister. Demi was already out playing with her band, I was sitting watching through the TV that broadcasts the show. Billy was showing the interviewers to another room, where they would wait until the boys finished the show. I was nervous and anxious, I couldn't wait for the first show. The boys promised me I would be amazed and awed. I probably would, everything they did was amazing.


But something was bugging me, Billy. His face was a reminder that someone was missing here, someone I really needed, Ethan. “You Ok Maya?” Nick came over and sat next to me, taking my hand and holding it. He was trying too hard now, trying to make up for the moments where he was a lousy friend, not that I ever thought of him as lousy. “I'm ok. Just wishing...never mind.” I shook the idea of telling him how much I missed Ethan. “I'm so glad you're here.” He kissed my forehead, it tickled. “Thanks.” I giggled, Billy came back. “Maya, there's some one here for you.” As soon as Billy said those words I dropped Nick's hand and ran out of that door. Boy did I run, you'd think I was trying to win a marathon.


Billy ran along side me, laughing, it was a hearty croaky laugh. “Where's the fire?” He tried to out run me, but at that moment, I doubted anyone could. “Ethan! I've missed....” When I reached the back door where I saw someone standing, I felt a sudden shudder. Ethan's hair was not dark, he was taller, and he dressed a bit more fashion forward. “Maya!” The figure turned around. “David.” I managed to smile, it wasn't a real though. I mean it was great to see him, but not who I wanted to see. He came over and hugged me, Billy cocked his head to the side, confused. “Huh.” He said. “I could have sworn this was that Ethan kid. The way he couldn't wait to see you...well I'll leave you two.” He turned and left, David grinning as usual. He seemed taller, maybe thicker from working out or something.


This was a horrible feeling, emptiness. I had no happy thoughts at the moment, I was sure David would have enough for the both of us. “It's so good to see you.” He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, oh right, he liked me. “You too.” It'd be even better if you somehow brought Ethan here, but I couldn't say that. “How've you been? I heard Thalia...” But he frowned and apologized for bringing it up. “It's fine. I'm doing well. How's Emily?” She was hopefully coping better than I was. “She's..well crushed. I've never seen her so...depressed. She decided to go to boarding school, you know, to get away.” At least she could, the Jonases would have never let me go, I wouldn't have let me go.


David told me what he had been doing after he left, working with his grandfather for a summer job. There wasn't much I could tell him, it would be very sad and depressing. I cut out the details, like crying for days, the nightmares, the times I wanted to never wake up again. “I've been holding up. My friend, Ethan, he's been great. I don't think I could handled it without him.” I added, Ethan's face popped into my mind. “I would have tried to come and help but I was overwhelmed with work.” He sounded full of guilt. “Oh, don't even worry about it. I understand, don't feel bad.” I smiled, putting my hand over his, trying to comfort him.


“You look beautiful, better than ever. Your new hairstyle looks amazing.” He complimented. “Thank you.” I replied, this was awkward for me. I would have been ok with Ethan saying it, after all, it was Ethan. “I heard about your mom. I am so sorry. If there's anything I can do.” He put his other hand over mine, securing it. “Thanks, but there isn't much anyone can do except for the doctors.” I shrugged. “You seem to be going through a lot.” Yeah, amen. I just laughed, at everything I had to deal with, it truly was a lot, but somehow I put one foot in front of the other and made it so far. “Maya, time to go.” Big Rob came, he was going to escort me to the front row, right smack in the middle. “I'll be back later.” I smiled but he sighed. “I have to go. I had to beg to stop by, we're going back to California.” He came up and hugged me, and just left.


I could tell it was hurting him to see I had not changed the way I felt about Nick. So that's how it looked, that's probably how I looked when I stared at Nick. I followed Big Rob where only a few fans noticed me as I made my way to the front of the front row, in front of the security guards while everyone else was behind them. The countdown started, the music getting louder, the screams ringing in my ears. I screamed too, as I saw the fog and three figures rise from the stage floor. I took out my phone, taking pictures. Why? Because even if I had known them for years and everything, I was a rabid fan.

3 Weeks Later

“Billy shut up!” I yelled, I swear that boy was going to drive me up a wall. “Maya, I swear! I will hit you! Let me do this!” He shouted, we were both really tense. Somehow we had misplaced my blackberry AND his i phone. “Did you look over there?!” I was sure to pass out, we had a huge list of things on the agenda for the day, and no way of knowing when, where, or anything. “Of course I did! Did you look by the table?” He was taking long strides to cross the room to the couch, where maybe they fell in between the cushions. “YES! Dammit, how could you lose your phone as well?” This was ridiculous, nothing was going right.


Don't get me wrong, the boys tour was going better than expected. I just couldn't handle the god damn stress over my shoulders. I never thought it was so hard to handle them, boy was I wrong. I had to juggle the work, the schooling, missing Ethan, trying to find time to rest, having paparazzi all of the sudden pounce on me, and who knows what else, I was exhausted. This situation was not helping either, losing our phones. Billy and I would always bicker, it was hard to get along at times but at the end of the day, we were glad we had each other for support. But I always felt that twinge of fury that he reminded me of Ethan, someone who I dearly missed. He didn't call as often as he did, or text me every other second, I truly felt horrid at the thought of him forgetting me. He also never caught me on time, when I answered, he was busy, when I called, he was busy.


Billy had stepped out of the room, now walking with more ease and smiling slightly. “Frankie had them, wanted to play with them.” He sighed as he tossed me mine, I put it safely in he comfort of my jeans pocket. “So, any plans tonight?” He sat down on the black leather sofa, I took the seat next to him, as we finally had a break in the day. “Nope. Probably school work later on, then we have to make a few phone calls, some paper work, then the show, and hopefully some sleep.” I yawned as I rested my head on the comfort of the soft and spongy cushion. “Yeah, at least I don't have any school work. So, how's Ethan?” I had confided in him, a lot about Ethan, never getting tired of telling him about how great he was. “I don't know, he hasn't called this week.” I answered, hearing the despair in my voice.


“Oh, well I'm sorry. So did the press ask about Nick and Thalia's relationship today?” He took a couple of papers and fanned himself with them, the heat was unbearable. “Of course. That's all they talk about nowadays. I knew this would be a bad idea.” I mumbled, too tired to even talk. Nick and her were as strong as ever, having video chats, emailing, texting, instant messaging, phone conversations...never stopping to breathe. “They're very happy. I'm actually surprised they survived, and their relationship seems so pure.” He added, not realizing how much this still hurt me. It never stopped aching me when I thought of the way Nick yearned for her, never wanting to sleep if it meant he would get to hear her voice or see her through a screen. It didn't help that he sometimes made me sit with him while they conversed over the computer, well I was her friend, and I did like her, but it hurt.


“I guess he's tired of having her far away, huh?” He seemed thoughtful. “Why do you say that?” I wondered. “Well, he is having her brought here so she can be on tour with him.” He shrugged, as if it were so obvious. I swallowed hard, I didn't know what to make of this. Thalia, on tour with us? Nick had promised he wouldn't bring her because this was a family thing, and he promised that she would never be the point of his existence, he had promised from the very beginning, what happened to that commitment? “How do you know?” I questioned, as soon as I was sure my voice would not break. “He had me reserve a first class flight from California to our next stop on tour, which is New York.” He explained, I sat up, not up to resting any more.


All I knew is that I needed to make a phone call, to the one person who would get me through this. I left the room, feeling disgusted with myself. It shouldn't affect me like this, I should be happy. He was my best friend, I was his, I should be delighted at his finally found love. It was hard to explain, but I was, underneath it all, I was happy for him. But at the surface, which seemed thicker than down deep, it killed me, I didn't know if I could take much more before it ended me. I knew if I did not feel so strongly about him, then I would not mind his non stop long distance calls with her, i would encourage them. But when was life that easy? Never. Of course, right when he decided to try to find someone, my feels came out, I wish they hadn't. I had never in my life experienced something so powerful, it was my demise but it was my life as well. I loved the fact that I could have so much unconditional love towards him, but I despised it because it slowly burned me alive.


“Hello?” The receiver was picked up and I could hear someone's breathing. “Ethan?” I wondered, who else? “No, this is Catherine. Who's this?” She sounded polite, but who was she? “I'm Maya, a friend of Ethan's. Is this the right number?” It couldn't be, why would a girl pick up. She laughed lightly. “This is Ethan's number. Let me get him.” I heard her yell out his name, and I heard footsteps running towards the phone. “Thanks.” I could hear his smile as he thanked her for picking up. “Hello? Maya, is that you?” His voice was still a relief to me, like a sudden surge of peace. “Ethan.” I was seriously holding back tears of happiness, but also of frustration? Probably because he wasn't here and because Nick was definitely my demise, my own best friend.


“How are you? I'm so sorry I haven't called...” He started, but I cut him off. “It's ok, don't worry about it. It's not like you're obligated to call me.” I felt bad at the sudden edge in my voice. “I'm sorry. But I've been busy.” He sounded pleased at my disdain at his lack of calls. Busy huh? With what? That girl Catherine? Well at least he wasn't suffering over my absence anymore. “That's cool. So what's been keeping you?” I asked, as I saw Billy come out, and he stood across from me, his leg up against the wall. “I was offered a leading role in another movie! It's been great, Catherine here is the leading lady. We've been rehearsing.” He explained, not that I needed an explanation for her presence. Not like it could bother me.


“Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!” I smiled, I really was. “Thanks, so is it over yet? So we can get to working on those shows. I miss you.” Billy overheard Ethan's loud voice and snorted, I tried to kick him but was unsuccessful. “Who's that?” He questioned quickly. “Billy. Sorry.” I answered, I felt the need to tell him Billy was here, a taste of his own medicine. “Oh.” He replied, I was giddy at his lack of answer, weird. “So, how are you?” I wondered, maybe he missed me as much as i missed him. “I'm holding up. It's very hard to be completely happy since you're no there.” I felt elated at this. “Well if it makes you feel any better. I really miss you, it's impossible not to.” I spilled. I was so used to Ethan's honesty, his hints about how he felt about me, that it just made me a bit more open. “Crap. Now I really want to catch the next plane to New York, that's where you're headed right?” He inquired.


“Yes. Guess who's coming?” I sounded so sulky, it was very unlike me, but then again she was the girl who had Nick's heart. Was I still hoping? It seemed like I was still clinging to a small portion of hope that he would one day love me. I was so much like a fan who was truly in love with one of them, always having that small portion in her heart that fought against all the discouragement and kept on believing in that impossible dream. “I knew that bastard would invite her on the tour even though he said he wouldn't.” I could sense the rage in him, it awed me how much he wanted to protect me, how much he....loved me. I mean, I knew it all along since the day he told me, but I usually fled from that word. It seemed so easy to consume the way it tortured him, how he might feel helpless at the fact he couldn't do much, it seemed easier to understand his lack of calls. He probably felt horrible not being here with me, Ethan, so amazing, I did not deserve him one bit.


“You there?” I had been caught up, mulling this over in my head. “Yeah.” I answered, a sudden dryness in my throat. Billy was still here, I realized. He was staring at me, scrutinizing my expression of fury and amazement. He shrugged and left, he shrugged a lot, that Billy. “Are you mad?” His voice was smaller, fearful. “No. Why?” I managed to laugh, he could never do that to me, he had the opposite effect actually. “I'm sorry that I called him a dirty bastard.” His voice actually truthful, no matter how much he disliked him. “Hey, you just added the 'dirty' in.” I accused jokingly. “Yeah, I know. So why are you so quiet?” I wanted to tell him why, but it would be awkward for me to thank him. What could I say? Thank you for loving me, even though I don't?


“Just thinking.” I sighed. “About him.” He concluded, sounding hurt. “Actually, no.” I never thought of Nick, when I was around Ethan, well only if he brought him up. Otherwise, it was as though he was back to being my old best friend when Ethan occupied my mind. “Don't try to spare my feelings, Maya. I know you love him, you always will. I gotta go.” He hastily said, I could tell he was just going to hang up. “Ok. Bye Ethan.” My eyes, starting to moist. Then I felt a pair of arms around me, maybe Nick? But they were a different type of soft smooth skin. The skin lighter, a different cologne surrounding his shirt, but a good one. I guess at the end of the day Billy wasn't just a work support, but a life support as well. Maybe we could develop a friendship, after all i think i needed  someone else because it seemed i would be receiving blows from every angle.


Chapter 11
Maya


Ethan's Perspective

    “Thanks for this, Catherine.” I handed her a cup of coffee as we took a break. “No problem. So what was the real reason you made me come and recite lines here than in the studio?” Her curiosity seemed to be hopeful, I really hope she's not attracted to me. I doubt that there would ever be one girl I would see the same way I saw Maya. Yet she seemed unaware that my love for her grew with every passing breath. She was engulfed in her own pain, not that I blamed her. I wish I could have her in my arms again, never having to let her go, even if I was only consoling her. I realized i hadn't answered Catherine, my mind was always states away, wherever Maya was located.


“Because, well, I wanted to make Maya jealous.” I told her truthfully. “Oh, what's she like?” She wondered who could capture my attention so much, she probably imagined Maya was some goddess, she was. “She's just so perfect, you'd have to see her for yourself.” I answered, feeling pain at the thought of her so far away, near Nick. It didn't sound like I had made her jealous, then again I doubted she was the jealous type. She might be deeply in love with Nicholas but she would never feel hatred or jealousy towards Thalia, just agony, like the way I felt. But maybe she would never respond to me the way she responded to Nick, because I knew that deep down I knew, I did not deserve her.


Every time she called I ran to the phone, dropping anything I was doing, just pleased that I was still on her mind. But every day that went by was harder to deal with, any moment Nick could realize that he had a perfect woman besides him and that she loved him. I would do anything to keep her from suffering, but she stubbornly put herself on the spot, now a soon to be spectator of Nick's gooey love with Thalia. She needed me, or maybe I just let myself believe that, I was so afraid to lose her. I really don't care that I'm not worthy of her love, because I obviously don't have it. I don't think I've ever felt like this, it's so incapacitating. All that matters to me now is her happiness, selfishly hoping that it's with me.


“You thinking about her?” Catherine concluded after my long silence. When wasn't I? It isn't just that she is beautiful, I really don't care much about that, but then again it just makes her even more breathtaking. “Yes.” I sighed, would it be bad to run to the airport and take the next flight to New York? But she needed to grow strong and immune to the heart break, no, heart crush, that was coming. It was crazy how much she could take and stand up blow after blow. It justs says how much his friendship meant to her, she would sell her soul so he could be happy. Would I sell mine? I doubted it, I was selfish, and I wanted her so. I would make sure no one would ever hurt her, love her till it crushed me.


“Well I better go. It's late. I hope it all works out.” She gave me a hug and took her lines with her as she headed towards the door. I didn't even show her to it, I wanted to wallow in my depression. I have never wanted anything and now, all I wanted was her love, for her to see me the way she gazed at Nick. That boy was such an idiot, but that worked to my advantage. The longer I fought, maybe I would manage to fill a small crack in her heart, at least. I had gone out with many girls, telling them I 'loved' them because they were so easy to believe it, this must be my punishment. But I would gladly take it, as long as she considered me part of her life, even if I was just a friend. She's just so vulnerable to break again, I don't think I could bare to see her broken like that night of the party.


My apartment was full of stuff, but it felt so empty. Maya had never been here, maybe one day I could give her the grand tour. The usual bright onyx painted walls looked drab. The couch I was laying on felt lumpy, the light from the antique lamp gave me a headache. I clicked the remote and turned on my sound system, in the silent room hearing the right CD start spinning and the small noise it made before playing. One of my favorite calming CD was playing, just some classical music for when I needed to relax. I was able to shut my eyes for a few minutes, but even in the dark, Maya's smiling face appeared, her eyes full of sadness, sadness that could be so easily taken away.


The next morning I awoke, with dried drool on the side of my mouth. Gross. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, at least I had pleasant dreams. Just a dream though, nothing that possibly happen in real life. I went over to my calendar hastily, grabbing the sharpie off the coffee table. I made a squiggle diagonally over today's box. It was frustrating, 2 pages later, which just meant two months later, was the last day of their tour, too far away. I ended up pressing hard on it, a drop of black ink dripping down the smooth calendar page, finally coming to the end of the page, halting and then free falling swiftly on to my white carpet.


It was plain old torture, Maya would be so far away for 2 months and a half. Could I live that long, I would though, just so I could meet her at the airport and see her face in person again. I got out of last night's clothes and grabbed the towel from my linen closet. Going into the wide bathroom and turning the shower on, the water turned to the hottest point. My back muscles were tense from lying uncomfortably in that small space. I splashed some cold water from the bathroom sink onto my face, retrieving my razor, having a stubble that was going to slowly grow into a beard. The mirror was already fogging, with small condensed water droplets on it. I rubbed it with the back of my hand, while with the other I applied shaving cream.


I applied a generous amount as I took off the razor's cover and started to slowly run it over the side of my face. It had to be carefully done, not too hard and not too soft or the hairs would not come off. One wrong move, one accident, and a small pearl of blood would start appearing. As I thought of this in my head, I thought of Maya and I. This is how our relationship was, in a way. I couldn't do anything too fast, I had to take it slow, and yank those horrible pasts from her, so she would be smooth, not jagged by the many times she had been hurt. I tapped the razor against the sink, the small hairs mixed with shaving cream falling against the sink, I opened the faucet so they wouldn't stick there. I did this until my face was clean, the way Maya liked it, I hope.


I threw the razor out and hung the towel on the door knob as I stepped into the steaming water. I felt the tension slowly start to fade, the splatter of water running down my body. I just stood there, letting it calm me and sooth my soreness. I closed my eyes as I started reaching for the shampoo bottle. It clicked open and I squirted it on the palm of my hand. As I slapped it onto my hair, I thought of the first time Maya and I had hung out as friends. When she had called me up and asked me if I'd like to go to the movies with her. How I quickly jumped to thinking she might have feelings for me, when mine had already started to become clear right after the party. I laughed, accidentally swallowing hot water, stinging my tongue. She had agreed to go and see that movie that was coming out soon, Twilight, I would turn that into a date however I could.


It wasn't hard to fall in love with Maya so quickly, I should have seen it coming. The first time I had seen her in such a long time, I noticed how much she'd changed. That night when her and Selena had gone out and seen Indiana Jones. It took me a while to realize who she was, her hair was longer, she was taller and more 'developed'. Something that had bugged me was how fast she turned down her roles when it interfered with her and Nick, but I understood now. Not that she knew, and I hope she would never, because she would kill me. I had also given up my roles in all the Broadway shows I had lined up. Right after she had run to my arms crying, after she had finished her song, I knew I could not let her go. I had only scarcely reunited with her and spent less than a week with her, but I felt as thought something pulled me closer.


Back then, I had told myself it was just that I felt bad for her. Telling myself I was trying to make up for never being too nice to her, just being a good friend. But I knew she would need someone who wasn't related to Nick, to help her cope. Then I found myself not wanting to be involved in Broadway if she wasn't, who cared about a job? I didn't even think about how I was going to pay my apartment rent, or what my mother would say, all I knew was that Maya was broken. Then when she had called me to hang out, I realized my sudden anxiousness and what it could be. It's funny, I would have been the last guy to fall in love. I used to be such a ladies man, going from girl to girl, breaking hearts and not really caring. I always took my looks as the most important thing to me, now the most important thing was being good enough for Maya.


Guys usually see being in love as something stupid, they think it's better to 'play the field'. Back then I would have called any guy in 'love' a fag, but how can you? You don't know what love does to you until you are in the midst of it. You grow a bit more mature, rationalizing, turning into a man. I think that's what the girls go crazy over the Jonas Brothers. They're gentlemen, who don't look into what a girl looks like, but what her soul is like. I wasn't raised by my father, especially one like Paul, so I wasn't always constantly reminded and taught how to treat a girl. Not that, that is an excuse to treat a girl as though she's not important, now I know. Love at such a young age is the best, it really helps you learn from your past, something that's inevitable to escape.


At 18 now, I feel as though I am wiser. Seeing the different loves there can be, experiencing them, wanting them. To me, Maya is the ideal girl, for anyone, but no one could want her love as much as I do. I snapped out of my reverie, seeing that I had only shampooed. Maya could really make my time fly by, and I would never notice, nor mind. I decided to finish showering, or I would surely prune up. As soon as I was done, I wrapped my towel around my waist and walked out of the bathroom, leaving the door open so the steam would disappear. I walked into my room, the bed made since I had slept in the living room. I opened the doors to the medium sized walk in closet and went to my shirt section.


I found a white button up dress shirt, and a red tie to go along. After putting my briefs on, I found a pair of jeans, I was tempted to try on the one pair of skinny jeans I had, but decided I would look absurd in them. As soon as my socks were on, I heard my phone go off, of course, like always, I ran to it. “Hello?” I breathed as I reached the kitchen, this was good exercise. “Hello, is this Ethan?” I heard the producer's voice ask, the one from the TV show. “Yes.” I tried to breath normally, false alarm, not Maya. “How are ya doing? Well I have some slightly bad news.” He started, I walked over to where my sneakers were and put them on, as I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder blade. “It seems as though we might have to speed up production. Which means I will need you and Maya starting to film in less than 2 weeks.” He said brusquely.


“Oh, well, Maya is on tour with the Jonas Brothers.” I explained. We were really hurting our chances at this, after all the producer was being patient enough. “Yes, I know. But I'm sure they can survive without her. I really need you two here, the show is already being anticipated. I don't think we can make the viewer's wait any longer before they start to lose interest.” He explained, but I was thinking about what he said before, they could survive without Maya, while I couldn't. “You're absolutely right. Would you like me to get her? She's going to be in New York City tomorrow, and now that remember, the Jonas Brother's aren't even that busy those days, they really don't need her.” I convinced myself quicker than i could breathe.


“There you go! I knew we could compromise.” He laughed, probably relieved. “So, I'll take a plane to go see her.” I told myself more than him, I grabbed a pen and note pad, leaving my mom the message in case she came to visit. I looked around for my wallet, finding it in the spaces between the couch. Grabbing a small suitcase, I started filling it with clothes, more suitable for the cold. “Then it's settled. Oh, and plane ticket on me.” He added cheerily, this had gone better than he expected. “Thanks. I'll be in touch.” I bade goodbye as I grabbed some cash and my debit card and looked for my cell phone charger, threw it in the bag and lastly searched for my car keys. I had the debit card between my mouth as I left the apartment key under the mat, shutting the door.


I knew this was just an excuse to go looking for Maya, but I did not care. I had gone too long without her face, without her hugs, without seeing her struggle with the honesty of my feelings. The elevator was taking too long, I launched my suitcase down the stairs and ran, the elevator too slow for my sudden urgency. As soon as I was done, I went into the parking and clicked my car open. I threw my suitcase in the back seat and revved the engine as I backed out. Nothing mattered more than getting to Maya on time, now. I had to get there before Thalia could, before she could break my Maya down even more.


Chapter 12
Promises Are Broken, Promises Renewed


“You ready for this?” I taunted Nick as he took another look at his booklet, as though he could memorize everything at the last second. “I guess. I should have studied more.” He regretted. “Yes, you should have.” I agreed, he spent every second on the phone or on the computer. “Well, let's do this.” He smiled encouragingly as we walked into the DMV. I had spent the whole week, using my break as study time for my permit. Billy, 20, and already having his license, helped me review and learn everything that could pop up on the test. “It's fairly easy, you get to make six errors.” He had told me, so I wasn't worried. Nick on the other hand, was wary that he wouldn't know what to do, I doubted he regretted being on the phone with Thalia though.


When we were inside, we waited on the small line. As soon as we got to the front, we asked the middle aged woman for 2 permit forms, filling in any information needed. “I'll hand them in.” Nick offered, I gave him my form and he went up to the desk and the lady took them and put them on a stack. “It's a nice day, huh?” Nick grinned, he was happier than usual. This took me off guard, what could possibly make him happier than his usual chipper self. Of course, he must of heard about Ethan's lack of calls. “You're a horrible person.” I mumbled, his head turned and his mood changed. I was so hurt, he was elated at the distance between Ethan and I while I suffered.


“What are you talking about? What did I do?” Everything, all of this was his fault. “You're happy because Ethan isn't talking to me.” I stood up and moved my seat, I sat across of him instead of the now empty seat next to him. “Maya, it was bound to happen. He's not a good guy, I know he hasn't changed, see? He's probably surrounded by girls at the moment.” He imagined, this made me madder than I thought possible. “You don't know Ethan, and you do not speak of him like that in front of me.” I spat at him, horrible images going through my mind; Ethan and Catherine together. “Maya, you do not know him either. Has he told you what he did...what he might still do?” His voice was lower and graver.


“No, and I don't care. He was going to tell me, but I didn't care what it was.” I responded, not looking at Nick's face. It was as though he was a different person, not my best friend, but an outsider trying to make Ethan look like a bad person. “It's like I don't even know you anymore.” His eyes were narrowed, his lips pursed. “And who's fault is that?” I instantly answered, my voice as hard as my eyes. “Would you care to follow me to the testing area?” A man asked as we both stood up, not looking at each other. The room was painted a light creamy yellow, the windows covered with long with shades. As soon as we stepped in, I felt a shiver go up my spine since the air conditioning made the room extremely cold. We were handed each a number two pencil and asked to sit down. Nick planted himself on the 2nd seat of the first row, I marched to the back of the room in no specific seat.


The questions were fairly easy, just like Billy had promised. The few people in the room were each handed a laminated poster with numbered signs, which you had to name on your answer sheet. I took a peek, Nick was scratching his head absentmindedly with the end of his pencil. I only needed two more questions so I decided to look around. There was a girl, probably my age, with chocolate colored hair, getting up and heading to the woman behind the desk. She handed her, her sheet and tapped one foot in anxiousness. “Oh, I'm sorry. You almost passed. You got 7 wrong.” The lady grimaced, the girl blew her hair out of her face and trudged out of the room. She put her hands in the depth of her pockets and gently closed the door behind her. It made me doubt my answers, I decided to go back and check them over.


Everything seemed correct, I only had one question I wasn't sure about. I eliminated the stupid answers and was down to two possibilities, a fifty-fifty chance. I went with D and got up, smiling at Nick's worried glances at the clock. “Thank you.” I said as she took my paper, she took out another white paper, comparing answers. “Congratulations. Perfect score.” Her voice impressed, I could see myself on the road, but in Nick's car. “Please go to the front desk, they'll take your picture and finish your registration.” She informed me as I left without glancing back at my friend. The difference in temperature made goosebumps form on my arms, I rubbed my hand against it, the friction adjusting my heat. Everyone seemed to be leaving, the DMV was going to close soon, I was the only one on line. My picture was taken quickly, I hoped I didn't blink at the flash.


“This is your temporary permit, your permanent one will come in the mail.” The lady replied, as she printed out a thick piece of paper; my permit. I thanked her as I sat on the yellow wooden bench, waiting for Nick to come out. 10 minutes later, he was out, relief on his face. His grin grew more pronounced as he went over to the lady, she took his picture, of course he wasn't bothered at the flash, grown immune to it. As soon as he was done, he came to my side, I could feel his eyes on me but didn't look up. “You're not expecting an apology are you?” His voice was bemused, it made my rage grow. I breathed in, calming myself for my own good. “Of course not. Now, if you were a mature man, like Ethan...” I answered, I could see his face shocked and angered at the comparison.


“Ethan is...” He also took a deep breath and sat next tome. “Do you realize all we talk about is Ethan? I don't want to fight with you, especially over him.” He made me look at him, I was mesmerized by his warm and dark chocolate brown eyes. It was stupid, how looking at him, made me smile, how it could overpower my anger. “What would you like to talk about? Thalia?” I suggested, heavy sarcasm in my voice. “No. How are you doing with work? Is it tiring you?” Of course it was, and I was glad. What was causing me grief was the fact he hadn't told me that Thalia was coming. “I'm doing great with work, is there anything you'd like to let me know?” How could he not see the hint? The again, he was oblivious to everything I said. I was beginning to think he was oblivious to me.


“Not really. So, are you ready to learn to drive?” He smiled as we got up and headed out the door, Kevin waiting outside in his car. “Yes, I can't wait to drive.” I already knew the basics, maybe i could move far away. “Same here. Well I think your free from work tonight since tomorrow we're off to New York.” He beamed, remembering who he would see when he got there. This was getting out of hand, my hands were curled up into fists, I wanted to hit something badly. We reached Kevin's car, he was on the phone, it seemed he was having an argument. “Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Whatever. Bye.” He hung up and turned to us, with a forced happy face. His grimace reappeared when he saw my face, probably flushing from frustration. “Nick, get in the back seat.” He asked, making me sit in the front, so I could easily cry without being detected.


Kevin's Tahoe had an even larger windshield than most cars, since it was larger than most vehicles. I stared out of it, trying to catch everything we went by, looking at the blur of autumn leaves and the sun's last rays of orange, since it was right in front of the road. I got a text from Kevin asking what happened. I replied telling him I was just being stupid, and that if he knew that Thalia was coming, he didn't. “Wow, doesn't even trust us anymore huh?” Kevin thought loudly, hoping Nick would catch the hint. Let him be happy, I thought. I don't think I've seen Nicholas so vibrant and elated in such a long time, it was something I had missed. I had always wished that one day he would be like this again, in such a good mood, laughing, smiling again. This was a mock of my wish.


He was happy, something I had been longing for, but with me suffering. I should have made that wish more clearly. Nick's laugh was like Kevin's but not as contagious. Nick's gave you a feel, like nothing could go wrong, it just made you laugh too because if he was laughing, then it had to be funny. I missed my old best friend dearly, the one who would once in a while be crazy like Joe, but I also loved the serious one, the one who was always on task, focused, determined. Too bad I could not enjoy this new and chipper Nick Jonas, because I was being selfish, if I could just put my feelings aside and try to enjoy it, then there would not be a problem. I made believe I dropped something under my seat and wiped my tears, making sure my face gave no sign of crying. I sat up and practiced my calm and kind face. “So, are we picking up Thalia from the airport in the morning?” I wondered, my voice pleasantly tender.


“W-what? You know?” He looked at me through the small mirror over my head, only our eyes visible. “I'm one of your assistants. Don't you think I was bound to find out?” I grinned, in a teasing manner. “Oh, right. Well if you'd like to come, then sure.” He seemed happy that I wasn't ticked off, I was happy he was happy. “Hmm. Where you planning to tell mom that you invited her? We might not have a bunk to spare, she might have to sleep on the sofa.” Kevin suggested. “I could give her mine.” I offered, he pinched me. “No. Why would you have to give yours up? You belong here, if anyone should have to suffer, it's Nick.” Kevin had to understand that he couldn't always try and protect me, sooner or later something Nick decided was going to hurt, I just had to be ready to handle it.


“What do you mean, suffer? All Maya is doing is giving up her bunk, that's all.” Nick replied, I could feel the tension growing. “THAT'S ALL? Try giving up her musicals, giving up her l-” At this I clamped Kevin's mouth with my hand. “Kevin! Shut up!” I hissed, but it was too late, the words had been said. “What? What do you mean give up her musicals? For who?” Nick's voice was flowing rapidly, trying to get answers. Not that he would get any, from me or from Kevin. I shot him a look, if he opened his mouth again I would surely slap it closed. I stared out of my window, hitting the small button and letting the whole window go down. Instantly the wind threw my hair all over my face, moving every second into different directions. I drew in small breaths with so much air at such speed in my face, and stared at nothing in particular.


Nick realized he wasn't getting an answer, he went to the back of the car and stared, no, glared at me through the mirror. I wasn't looking but I could feel it, no tears anymore. Because I wasn't going to cry anymore, I would enjoy Nick and Thalia's relationship, just like I had promised from the beginning. It seemed I made this promise a lot, but this time I would keep it. If I really did love Nick, I would find it in my heart to be there and support him, and be his friend. Was this the constant war Ethan's heart was in? I truly hoped not, because then I could feel his pain, but I hoped it wasn't even close as destructive as mine, because mine was killing me. At that moment I was engulfed in guilt, I was putting Ethan through so much, if he truly was in love with me, which he was, no matter how much i wished he wasn't. I wished he was with me so I could put my arm around him and comfort him.


We arrived at the hotel around 6:39, we were to make our suitcases and be ready for the ride to New York. I got out of the car first, not realizing the height of it, and stepping out, I fell 3 feet down, scabbing my knee slightly. “You ok?” Nick was already by my side, his hand outstretched. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I nodded, taking his soft and warm hand, clasping it around mine as he heaved me up. “Can we talk?” His voice wasn't filled with his usual deepness and quietness. “Um, actually I wanted to show Billy my permit, he wanted to know as soon as I got it.” I lied, I couldn't let Nick corner me and question me. “Alright, later then.” He walked back into the car, Kevin was going to go look for an inconspicuous parking space. “Don't worry I won't say anything” Kevin had texted me, at least I was more relieved.


I walked into the hotel, taking the stairs, up to the 14th floor. I needed time to think, I'm not very sure about what, but I needed time alone. Back before any of this had happened, I was always surrounded by the boys, especially by Nick. I now found myself wanting more and more alone time, or at least time away from him. But I couldn't stay away, he was my best friend, he was the boy I fell in love with, the boy I would probably be in love with for the rest of my life. I need to be with him, so I wouldn't tear apart our now strained friendship. I really had to focus now, more than ever, I had to bury those feeling for him, bury them as deep as I could. As I thought of this, it caused so much pain, it felt like I was sticking a needle through my heart and patching up a wound that did not want to be healed.


I reached the 8th floor, I decided to sit down and control myself, I was sobbing while I was running up the stairs, it didn't sound pleasant. I breathed in, it seemed harder to breath now a days, everything seemed harder. I felt a burning feeling in my stomach, it was hard to ignore, I decided to take the elevator from there on. When I reached the 14th floor, everyone was already putting their suitcases by the door, the bell boy already waiting to wheel them down. I got my card and slid it, the light on the knob turned green and clicked open. My suitcase had been barely unpacked, I put back in my toothbrush, comb, shampoo, and the few clothes I had out. I was out of the room, ready to pull my suitcase, but the upper part of my stomach started hurting, I clutched my abdomen, it was a gnawing sensation.


I pulled in a breath and sucked it up, I didn't want to be the reason we were late on the bus. “Hey, you.” Billy ruffled my hair, I turned up to see him break into a smile. The pain doubled as I clearly thought of Ethan, I pinpointed the pain to a specific spot, feeling myself heat up as I tried to hide it. “I'm guessing you didn't pass. With that face.” He grimaced, taking my suitcase and carrying it for me. “Thanks. I did pass.” I replied as we waited for the elevator, being the last ones out. “Oh, it looked like you were in pain.” He pointed out. Was this the same emotional pain I felt? Had all the hardships turned to physical pain? Now trying to kill me in both ways? “Nah, I'm probably just hungry.” I made up, my stomach seemed to lighten up at the thought of food. Big Rob was waiting for us, taking our bags as we ran for the bus, fans had spotted it and now realized who had been staying at this hotel.


I got in, Billy and Big Rob behind me, everyone was on one bus, too much chaos to have gone into the other bus. “We'll make a stop soon so some of you can get on the other bus.” Big Rob informed us, I took a seat on the edge of a lower bunk while Billy went to the fridge. Joe was staring at me intently, Kevin probably had told him what happened. “Maya?” Denise's voice startled me, I had not seen here behind so many guys. “Yes Denise?” I asked, trying to locate her. “I was cleaning up the bus, and I think I found someone that belongs to you.” Her voice was a bit sharp. “Oh.” I answered, seeing my puppy jump onto my lap as patted him. “When were you planning to tell me we had a stray with us?” She was irritated. She should be, i had kept him a secret for almost a month.


“Um...” I had not expected to be reprimanded, and Denise had never had to. “That was very irresponsible of you.” She told me, I felt horrible, it was a horrible feeling when you were the reason of Denise's rare anger. “I know, I'm sorry. It was very irresponsible.” I agreed, I didn't want Joe getting in trouble. Joe's face turned, his frown became more prominent. “Mom-” He interrupted her before she lectured me. “No, Joe. It's ok.” I mouthed, I was already in pain, why not just let it all pour down on me. “I'm afraid we'll have to leave him in California with the neighbors, so we'll have to make an unplanned stopped.” She added, I nodded. Maybe she'd let me stay too, but I shook the thought, I wanted to be here but could i survive?


10 minutes later, we stopped and Denise and the band got off. Apparently Nick had asked them to leave because we were going to need to talk privately. Kevin and Joe were around me as we sat in the lounge, putting a DVD in. “Maya, would you come over here? I'd like to talk to you.” Nick's small voice spoke from all the way in the front of the bus, the waterworks started before my next breath. My tears spilled as I shook my head at Joe and hid my face in my hands. I had to stop and clutch my stomach again, an acid burning feeling causing me to cry from the pain as well. “Tell him, she's in the bathroom. He's all the way in the front lounge, he won't be able to tell.” Kevin told Joe, as Kevin came to my side and gave me a box of tissues. “It's alright. Maya, this is not healthy. You look, I don't know. Just not in good shape.” He said, I could hear the disgust in his voice. He was right, I felt my usually clingy shirt very loose, like it was a size bigger. “Could you pass me the scale, Kevin?” I wondered, as I dried my eyes and blew my runny nose.


He placed the scale in front of me, I stepped on it and waited for it to get my weight. I had lost 7 pounds, in only a couple of days. “I lost 7 pounds.” I said before he could ask, this made his face even more alarmed. “Maya, I think it's time you took a break from the tour, a break from Nick.” These words he had just said, added to my pain, but it was my emotional pain which increased. “NO, I can't do that. Everyone needs me, Nick, needs me, I can't leave all of this...” But he handed me some tea that had been heating. “No, Maya, your health comes first. Everyone will agree if I told them, but if I told them, you'd be bombarded with questions. Dad's coming back, he's going to meet us in New York, he'll take over alongside Billy.” He reassured me, but it did nothing.


“I cannot leave, Kevin. I'll be worse all alone at home. I need to grow up and deal with what life throws at me.” I answered, Joe coming back into the room, raising his eyebrow at the scale. “She's sick.” Kevin explained. “No, I'm not.” I snapped, just because I lost a couple of pounds, now I was sick? “Maya, you don't need to grow up, you're already grown up. You're just being too considerate of everyone else. Go home.” He ordered me, Joe was torn in agreeing and arguing so he said nothing. “No. My home is deserted, my mom is far away. My home is with my family, and you guys are family to me. I'm staying.” I stated as I rushed to my bunk and grabbed a towel and bathrobe, I slammed the door behind me and started the water.


I needed a bath, so I could relax and fall asleep, so I'd be ready for tomorrow morning. I had decided to bury those feelings, that's what I would do, I wouldn't hold it against Nick. It wasn't his fault I had fallen in love with him, it was mine. Thalia was the girl he loved, he had made his choice. Now it was my turn, I could either be miserable or filled with joy along his side. I would choose friendship over anything else, no matter how hard it was.


Chapter 13
Flights and Landings


Ethan's POV
Flight 354 will be delayed an hour, the lay over from Milan has not arrived yet, which is heading to New York City and will take this plane as well. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.


        I was pacing back and forth, another hour to wait. Another hour that kept me from finally reaching Maya, it was torture. I had decided not to bring my only suitcase as a carry on, it would only cause me trouble to put it in the compartment above where i would sit. All I had on me was my wallet, my cell phone and a whole lot of impatience. Now I had to wait for some people from Milan to arrive so they could also get on the damn plane. But I was also reluctant to get on the plane, what would happen once I arrived in New York? Would Maya agree to leaving the tour she had been looking forwards to? I had not thought this out as well as I should have, but the thought of being with her again had led me to evade these questions.


No matter, I would find a solution when I was in front of her, when I was with her it was easy to think things out. I checked my watch, only 4 minutes had gone by, only 56 left. I wondered what she was doing right now, here it was 8 in the morning so in New York it was 11 am. Hopefully she was resting, she had told me this week she had a break. It was so hard just to focus on walking straight with Maya on my mind, she was just such an important part of my existence now. I wondered what I would say to her when I arrived at her door, I wondered what she would look like, probably as beautiful as ever, maybe more.


I had dozed off, it was 30 minutes later. There were people around me, grabbing their luggage and getting up. “Sir, we are boarding now, the Milan plane has landed and the passengers will shortly be arriving, you should go and get your seat before more people arrive.” A flight attendant advised me as she also made her way to the line. I jumped up, ready to leave this suffocating airport. Once I finally reached the front of the line I heard a buzz of voices approaching the line. The Milan passengers had finally arrived, they seemed agitated. “Thank you, we hope you enjoy your flight.” The man smiled as he handed me back my boarding pass and passport. As casually as I could I cut in front of people and walked quickly down the hall like tunnel that connected to the plane. I needed to be on the plane so I could have the comfort of knowing I was a little closer to being with Maya.
Ethan's POV Ends


Maya's POV
It's a horrible feeling, being sick. Last night I had awoken at least 3 times to throw up, this morning was no different. As I gently opened my eyes I felt a pang inside my stomach and the feeling of an acid like substance going up my throat. I was ready to pull my curtain, but my hand grabbed nothing but air, it fell limply to my mouth as I tried to hold back the puke. I sat up carefully trying to see what was going on, this wasn't my small living space but a grand room, painted a light waterfall blue. The dark wood furniture matching excellently with the bed, I realized I was on. I didn't have time to appreciate the beautiful design of the room anymore because I felt a second urge to gag, I sped down the nearest hall of the room looking both ways for a bathroom.


I had to turn around and run back, since I had passed it. I pulled my hair up with one hand and grabbed the corner of the sink with the other. I could taste the horrid acidic feel of the stomach acids in my mouth, I looked to the sink hoping to find something to rinse with. There was a toothbrush in a plastic wrapper with a toothpaste box under it. I turned to find some towels, and I did. Under the steel bar there were 4 expertly folded towels inscribed in gold thread with the words Trump Hotel. I took the toothbrush and toothpaste and started brushing my teeth. I noticed that the sink was one of those modern ones that looked like a really expensive vase with a mosaic style to it. I let the water run and took some in my palms and splashed it onto my face, I felt my very warm forehead cool a bit.


I grabbed one of the towels and dried my face. Last night had been horrible, the pain was barely bearable and the puking added to the discomfort. Then I had felt my temperature go up a bit, yet today wasn't as bad as yesterday. I felt my stomach, it was icy cold against my warm hand. I found my suitcase by a black wood dresser which had a mirror over it, all the furniture the same color and giving the room an amazing vibe. I went over to the mirror to see the damage of yesterdays sleepless and restless night. I could see the drained color from my skin, the dark circles under my eyes and the dryness of my lips. I was a mess, and I only had god knows how much time to get ready and accompany Nick to the airport.


I went over to my bedside where I spotted my phone charging, it was 11:20. 11:20? Didn't Thalia's plane land at 9:38? If it did, then why was I still here? Nick had not woken me up, he had left me behind. I swallowed, the feeling of acid still in my throat. The only explanation I could come up with, was that he didn't want me to go. Maybe he had never intended to take me with him. It didn't hurt as much as I was expecting it to, I was expecting tears to start falling uncontrollably down my face. But it was just surprise that filled me. Last night when I had the high fever and the cold sweat running down my forehead I thought less and less of Nick, the dream I was having last night had faded as my fever ran higher and as I ran to the bathroom to upchuck.


I walked slowly over to the bed I had been sleeping in, as I sat down I realized why I hadn't woken up by myself either, it was so soft and comfortable you doze off. The nightstand next to the bed had a flower vase with white lilies, the aroma was calming. They were blossoming easily from the light that was entering through the wall. Or at least it felt like a wall, a glass wall. The window behind my bed was almost as wide and tall as the wall, it's curtains drawn and tied to either sides. The view was magnificent, it got better and better as I went over and stood in front of the window. You could see the red, brown, and yellow hues of the leaves. The way the wind every now and then picked up the fallen leaven and the way the swayed in the air. I could make out the round patches of sand colored dirt as the baseball field, where i was able to see the bright white uniforms of kids, maybe adults, playing a game.


The room was very peaceful, whoever picked it for me must have known I needed serenity at the present time. I could have probably stayed in this room and lived here, waking up everyday to this view and the light colors of the room. I had a need to call Nick and sarcastically thank him for taking me with him and then dramatically hang up the phone. But it didn't compare to the urge of calling Ethan and begging him to come on tour with us, I unplugged the phone from the charger and pressed number 2 on speed dial. I'm sorry the number you have dialed is not in service, please check the number and try your call again. This had never occurred, every time I called Ethan would always answer or his voice mail would go off. But there had never been a time where his phone wasn't answered, this worried me. What if something was wrong? Or worse, what if he was hanging out with that Catherine girl.


I took a deep breath, today was a new day. Thalia would arrive in maybe an hour, and I had to be ready to greet her with the most sincerity and kindness I could achieve. Before anything had happened she was my friend, and is one of my best friends, I had to make myself used to having her around the boy who I was starting to forget about, in the sense of love. We were going to be here a week, maybe longer, I decided to unpack. There were 2 dressers and I only needed one so I folded all of my clothes into the one with the mirror hanging over it. It was almost 12 now, I had to get ready for lunch or breakfast, or whatever it was time for. I picked out some of the most friendly welcoming clothes I could find in my suitcase. I realized it was the first week of October, already? It felt like it, although I was inside I could see the wind picking up now and then, the thin and brittle dry branches of the trees flicking towards where the wind blew. New York City, the best place to shop, I would buy some new clothes this week, what better way to heal a girl's heart than shopping?


I laughed, it was one of those care free laughs I hadn't laughed in a while. I liked the sound of it, it wasn't forced like before, so I laughed again. I found a pair of black faded skinny jeans, I put them over the black wood headrest. I found a dim blue colored BDG v neck thermal, it almost looked gray but it had a brightness to it that made it look blue. I grabbed a gray warm scarf I would put over the shirt, like Kevin had taught me so long ago. He had still giving me guitar lessons, I had been mastering electric now but he said he had taught me all he knew. So basically now I am out of evasive actions, not that I needed them anymore since I renewed my promise of burying my feelings. I went back into the bathroom, slipping out of my clothes and turning the hot water knob, the steam filled the room, I felt so tranquil today, like a new start.
Maya's POV Ends


Ethan's POV
I had finally gotten on the plane, but drinking so much water while waiting for everyone else to take their seats made me have to use the bathroom. Crap, no service on the plane, I didn't want to think of the charges if I tried to make a phone call. As I got out of the bathroom I was faced with the trouble of making my way back to first class. The bathroom I had used was all the way in the back of the plane while my seat was in the front. I started my way through the crowd of people. I managed to squeeze my way through a middle aged man, balding, in a brown coat as he stuffed his carry on in the compartment above him. His mustache was dark black and he had round glasses over his small brown beady eyes. On my other side a woman tried to calm her child as he was already scared of the take off, I tried to give him a reassuring smile as I walked past him.


He saw my face and he seemed more relaxed, his mother turned to see who had stopped his wailing and she smiled at me in a thanking manner. I waved at the kid as I walked forward, trying not to bump into anyone. I started hearing complaints behind me, had I tripped someone accidentally? As I turned I had to hold onto the seat next to me, I was almost knocked to the floor. A head of platinum blond straight hair rushed by me, not caring to see if she had hurt anyone, she moved so swiftly and fluidly in her heels. I was only able to catch the sight of the hem of her brown dress. I tried to look forwards but only saw crowds of people going back to getting installed into their seats, I moved forwards making sure I wasn't in anyone's way.


After what seemed like 20 minutes I reached my row, the second row of the first class. I realized that there were 2 people already seated in my row, I luckily had gotten the last seat so I could probably get up and out easily. The man next to me was wearing a tux, the jacket open because his belly was too big to button it. His hair was light brown and his suit was navy blue, he had the table out and was typing away on his laptop. I didn't see who had the window seat because he or she was leaning in his or her seat and the man next to me blocked the view. I sat down, taking out my phone and playing the few songs I had on it. I jumped as I was surprised when my phone rang, who could be calling me? I flipped it open as I thought of Maya, the number was new to me but I answered anyways.


“Hello?” I asked, sitting up, expecting to hear Maya's voice but was disappointed when no one answered. After a minute or so who ever had called hung up. Must have been a wrong number or the call fell. The captain announced we would be taking off soon and to put on our seat belts. After a while the man next to me wouldn't stop fidgeting, he looked at me and pursed his lips. He kept shimmying side to side trying to make himself comfortable, squashing my ribs in the process. “Can you excuse me?” He finally snapped as he took his seat belt off with great difficulty, it sprung up and slapped my arm, the metal nearly poking my eye out. I sighed, I wouldn't let this kill my mood, I wanted to see Maya too badly.


I got up and let him get through, he huffed as he got out, he opened the compartment and dropped a small suitcase on the floor and grabbed the other one as he made his way to a flight attendant not too far from us. I was able to see who was sitting in the corner, it was the same girl who had rushed by everyone. She was muttering to herself madly as she got up and got out of her seat to pick the small suitcase, she knelt down, her chocolate brown dress flowing on the floor like waves as she got up and raised it over her head. It seemed heavy, for she stumbled almost losing her balance but got on her tip toes and tried to get it back into the compartment. I started to hold the corner of it and try to get it in for her but she spoke. “I don't need your help.” Her voice was a mere whisper but very strong. She finally got it in and slammed the door closed as she made her way back to her seat.


I sat in my outer seat and watched as she crossed her legs and looked at nothing in particular. She wasn't much older than me, but she looked tall even without her heels. Her long silky blond hair caught the rays of the now bright sun and it showed the different hues of blond in her hair. Her round bangs covered her eyes but I was sure they were blue, her dress was what caught my attention. It was so elegant and dressy for just a flight on a plane. “May I help you?” I was surprised her voice didn't have some sort of accent since she was from Milan. “No.” I replied as I noticed how she held her hands, they looked frail for a girl not older than maybe 17. “Then what are you gawking at?” Again I noticed something about her, she didn't sound like most teens. The way she sat was the way an elderly woman would, her back a bit hunched and her shoulder inwards as though exhausted.


“Sorry, it's just your dress looks very nice. Don't take it the wrong way, I just mean the design, it looks like it's from one of those you see people at the Oscars wearing.” I answered, not wanting her to think I was gawking at her. My eyes were only interested in the sight of one girl who had captured my heart, my Maya. “Oh. Well thank you, I made it.” She finally looked up, her small mouth barely looked open as she spoke. Her rosy cheeks were covered by corner bangs that were longer than the middle ones but she looked older. As she raised her head a bit more to see me I noticed her eyes and the way they pierced you, as though analyzing everything or they had just seen a lot. Her face was pale and flawless, although no aging lines were visible, it looked worn out around her eyes as though she was about to pass out.


“You made it? Are you a fashion designer?” She turned to face me as she spoke, her hands folded loosely on her lap. I just came back from the Instituto Marangoni in Milan. I was studying fashion design, I became captivated by it while I was studying in boarding school and transferred there.” She replied, that was the only thing that seemed to almost erase the sadness of her face. “Oh wow, that sounds like some experience, I've never been to Milan.” I admitted, maybe Maya would go with me some day. “Yes, it's quite the place.” She nodded, then turned back to staring off as though remembering she was not allowed to talk to me. After that she didn't say anything, I was mulling over the idea of whether to one day ask Maya to marry me there, I chuckled at the thought.


In the corner of my eye I saw the girl unwrap a pair of white headphones off a silver Ipod, and turn it on. She seemed focused on untangling the cords while a song played. It was pretty loud, she probably wanted to tune out everything after that long flight, I bet a trip form Milan to California was not short. I was ready to listen to my own music and doze off until we reached New York but as I took out my phone I heard something I hadn't heard in many months, something I would have never expected to hear.


I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through


I turned to see the girl, shocked at whose voice was coming out of her headphones. She had her eyes closed as she mouthed the words and tapped her fingers against her arm rest. No one knew that song, no one who had not attended that party, it wasn't like Maya went around displaying her musical talents. The girl finally opened her eye and noticed I was staring. She sat up and paused the song, it was painful to hear Maya's voice fade. “No, don't turn it off.” I begged as she stared at me as I was insane. “Excuse me?” She leaned back as though I was rabid. “The song. How do you have that song?” I questioned. “This song? It's a recording. How do you know the song?” She inquired, as she analyzed my face with her owl like eyes. “Maya.” I breathed, at this she let a gasp out.


“How do you know her?” We both quickly spoke, each wide eyed. “I'm Ethan, She's one of my dearest friends.” Not to mention the love of my life, but why add that. “Oh, I knew her as well.” She answered. “You did? How? When? Has she ever been to Milan? Did she visit you?” Apparently I didn't know as much about Maya as I thought I did. “No. I am not from Milan, I used to live here in California. I was supposed to stop and visit my family but I heard Maya would be in New York, and I wanted to see how she was...to see how he was.” She murmured the last part, her eyes fell and she stared at her hands as they fidgeted. “Wait, why am I explaining myself? How are you related to Maya?” She recovered her composure and glared at me. “I'm going to New York to ask Maya to leave the tour and come back to California with me.” I admitted, not that the girl would know what I was talking about.


“Oh, she isn't holding up well then? I have to admit I was shocked when I heard she was joining the tour after all...we..went through. I cannot believe she's still by his side, but she does have those wonderful boys...” She looked like she wasn't even talking to me but to herself. She knew? Or at least some of it, who was she? What had she meant by we? “I'm hoping to see him again, see what it does to me. If I will ever get over that part of my life or if I need more time in Milan.” Again it was as though she was thinking out loud. I could see a lot of strain in keeping her face calm and smooth, like when Maya would fake to be ok with whatever she was put through. She almost looked as hurt and broken as Maya but there was a edge to her, as though she was fiercer or full of rage.


“Who are you?” I managed to ask, still listening intently to the song playing. She blinked and looked up, a smile broke out on her face. It was short but full of old grief and good memories. “I'm a friend of Maya's, someone who probably understands what she's going through more than anyone else.” She handed me the Ipod so I could listen to Maya's beautiful voice full of longing and suffrage. “My brother said Maya had mentioned a boy when he visited her. You must be him, the one that's been helping her cope.” She surmised. I nodded as the song ended, I wanted to replay it but I also wanted to know who this stranger was.


“Who are you?” I asked again, she half smiled as though I should at least have a clue. “I'm Emily. Emily Giannetti.” She clutched the seat as the plane started to take off, as though regretting her choice to face whatever she feared to see once again.
Ethan's POV Ends


Chapter 14
Arrivals


Thalia's POV
I was finally off the plane, it was impossible to run in heels but I managed a power walk. I think when the architects make the airport they decided to make the hallways to the waiting area the longest and narrowest parts of it. Just to make the arrival even more nerve wrecking. I felt like I'd been rolling my suitcase for an hour, I still did not see a door but an upcoming turn that led down another hallway. I could not wait to see Nick again, he was a blessing to me. I could not stand my father coming back to us, beginning my mom to forgive him and again she took him back; every stinking time. He was my escape, my savior.


He was the only ray of hope I had in this wretched life, I had been so ready to give up. I couldn't believe God had sent me the chance at happiness, which I would always thank him for. Nick was more than my boyfriend, he was the boy who taught me that there was still a reason for dreaming and not ending my life. I would love him more than he'd ever know, and that's was alright with me.


I broke out into a small jog as I turned and saw wide doors open, where I could hear the chatter of family waiting for their loved ones. I couldn't help but smile and let a tear escape as I knew that out there I had a loved one who was longing for my return as much as I was. I felt a small sting of fear, what if he wasn't here? As soon as I was walking through the doors that fear faded as I spotted Nick with a dozen roses and a welcome balloon. His smile was mesmerizing, I was glad that somehow I was the cause of him to show off those amazing pearly whites he had. “Hey.” I saw him mouth, I could see Big Rob leaning against the nearest wall, keeping an eye out for any rabid fans.


“Hi.” I mouthed back, I hadn't realized I had frozen on the spot as I saw his face. I broke out into a smaller jog but he also came towards me, meeting at the middle. I dropped the handle of my suitcase and hugged him, the familiar scent I had grown to smelling was as pleasing as always. “I got you these roses. I hope you like them.” His quiet voice spoke as I bit my lip. “They're beautiful.” I inhaled the roses aroma, so natural and refreshing. “Not as beautiful as you.” He chuckled, so cliché but yet so heart melting. I held the roses in my outstretched hand as I put it around his broad shoulder, and the other one around his neck. “I missed you so much.” I kissed him as causally yet as lovingly as i could.


I could feel his warm soft lips against mine, as he gently kissed me and put his hand on my elbow and one over my shoulder. His flannel plaid shirt warming my body and his body inclined toward me as we kept kissing and holding each other. “Ahem.” Big Rob's small cough was the end of our hellos as we smiled and grasped hands. He bent down and grabbed my suitcase while he kept our hands intertwined and we headed towards Big Rob, he tried not to look directly at us since some of my clear gloss was smudged on Nick's lips. “Hello Big Rob.” I grinned, he was not a bit intimidating when you knew him, well just a twinge. “Hello Thalia, I hope your flight was good.” He lightly commented as we started making our way out towards the exit. Headed towards the other gate where Mr. Jonas would arrive.


“Not as good as the welcoming.” I giggled as I rubbed the lip gloss off Nick's lips with my thumb. “Yup, I liked the welcoming too.” He winked at me, luckily Big Rob was walking in front of us so he didn't see the quick pecks we sneaked. My mother could deal with my father, I think I deserved a bit of happiness. If she wanted him to treat her badly, like he always did when she took him back, well that was her problem now. I was tired of having to see her save a loveless ex marriage that had no hope. I would not make the same mistakes she did, I had someone who loved me and I would never let some woman get between Nick and I. “Maya is going to be pleased to see you, she missed you a bunch.” Nick smiled as we swung our hands back and forth until we reached the car. “I missed her too.” I agreed, she was such an amazing person, how could anyone not love her?
Thalia's POV Ends


Ethan's POV
“So you're in love with Maya. Huh. Well I hope you and her end up happily together.” Emily smiled, although I could hear doubt in her voice, the same doubt I felt inside. "I'll never be happy with her as long as Nick is alive.” I answered, a little resentful. “Don't blame Nick for this.” Her tone was as fierce as ever yet barely audible. I could hear the echo of her love for him in her voice, although she doubted it still existed. “I'm sorry. It's just I still have certain feelings for him, actually...I'm not sure....” She put her elbows on the table as she put her fingers on her temples and rubbed them. Emily took deep breaths as she sat up again and her calm facade was on again.


“Sorry, I can see you're confused.” I apologized. Since we had started speaking I had asked her about what happened. After the party, she had left and gone home to bawl. She went almost 2 weeks locked in her room, after David had spoken to her she decided some time away would do her good. After a month in boarding school she heard of the Instituto Marangoni and realized her calling. I saw some of the pictures of dresses she designed and made, they were unbelievable. Especially since she's only 16, and such a young age to have her heart mangled like that. “Nick is unbelievable, he's not satisfied with breaking one heart, he's breaking them all over.” I bitterly stated.


This girl looked so breakable, not in the right state. She admitted she was recovering from depression, having to take certain pills. Nick made it terribly hard not to loathe him, but I could not because Maya loved him, I could never do anything to make her unhappy. “It's quite alright. All I need is to chat with Maya, I think if I talk to her she can help me. Something about her, it just straightens up your thoughts, you know?” She half smiled, her eyes seeking agreement. “I know exactly what you mean. When I'm around her, it's just so much easier to think, to breathe, to do anything.” I grinned, we would land in 20 minutes. “Yes. If she can handle it, being next to him, I should have no problem. I need to be as strong as she is. Or at least try.” The crease between her eyes deepened as she got out a white rose out of her purse.


“Is it hard? Being away from her? Knowing that at any moment he could see her for what an amazing woman she is?” She inspected my face with her intense yet sad eyes as she ran her fingers over the soft petals of her rose. “It's absolutely difficult. I live in the fear that he'll fall in love with her everyday, I feel so useless being so far away. The first opportunity I got as an excuse to go get her, I packed up and left. And here I am.” I replied, if Nick kept up his blindness towards Maya a little longer than I had nothing to worry about. This time I would not hold back, I loved Maya too much to not tell her. I needed her to understand that without her I could not be ok. I also wanted her to be happy, and I wished crazily that her happiness was with me.


“Well I wish you luck. Maya deserves the best, thanks to her I had a small taste of heaven alongside Nick. She deserves the happily ever after I'll never have, and maybe you're the best for her.” She laid the white rose on her lap as she took the water the flight attendant offered her. “Thank you. And I hope that you'll see Nick and realize that you can move on, and i hope you can make Maya see that as well.” I joked about the last part, she was too stubborn to be convinced into believing anything she didn't want to. “You honestly think I could convince her? Have you met Maya?” This was the first time I heard Emily laugh, it was light and short. Soon I would hear Maya laugh, and hopefully never have to leave her side, because she would come back with me to California. I knew where she would be staying, they always stayed at that hotel when they were in New York, all I would have to do is ask for Maya and I would find her.
Ethan's POV Ends


Maya's POV
I adjusted my scarf as I walked down the hallway towards the elevator, too tired to take the stairs. I knew I had to go to the doctor sooner or later but this was New York city, a few pains here and there would have to wait. I was wearing new gray ankle boots, they weren't too hard to walk on and I admit they were very cute, for shoes with heels anyways. I pressed the down button for the dining room where everyone would be having brunch, Denise had made sure we had it to ourselves for at least 2 hours. I could smell something being baked, maybe croissants?


I wobbled for a second, getting the heel of my boot stuck between the small gap the end of  the elevator had . “Are you Ms. Maya?” The hostess inquired as i reached the brunch room. “Yes.” I smiled, she led me inside where Denise, Joe, Kevin, Frankie, and Billy were waiting. “Good morning.” I sat down between Kevin and Billy. “More like afternoon.” Billy joked, he was wearing a pair of faded ripped jeans and a light blue dress shirt. “I was thinking you could teach me how to drive today.” I asked him as I was served a plate of fruit and pancakes. “Oh, sure. If that's ok with Mrs. Jonas.” He replied, Denise nodded and agreed. “Excellent.” I grinned, I had a weird feeling that I would need to learn soon. Besides, who doesn't want to drive at this age?


Kevin's phone rang, he opened it as he took a sip of his coffee. “Mhm. Ok.” He closed it and put his coffee down. “It was dad, he said he's on his way with Nick and everyone.” Denise lighted up as she heard her husband was finally back. “I cannot believe Nicholas invited Thalia without letting any of us know.” Denise huffed, probably feeling bad for me. “He just missed her. No big deal.” I said between bites of fruit. She raised her eyebrows, shocked that I was taking this so coolly. I grinned at them, I wasn't going to let this ruin my break, besides I was burying those feelings. “Why don't you teach Maya how to drive now, she can always say hello to Thalia later on.” Joe advised, I rolled my eyes. “Why? I want to see her, and Paul.” I stated, I was getting bored of these games.


I heard a small argument outside. The hostess seemed stressed, I stood up to go and see what was wrong. But as I placed my white napkin on the seat I heard a firm and wonderful voice. “I told you, I know Maya. She will very much like to see me, I was told she was here, can you go get her?” The voice was getting annoyed, for the time being my stomach pain disappeared. “ETHAN?” I yelled, this could so be a figment of my imagination. But if it was, it was very real looking, as I saw him push past the hostess. “Maya.” His wonderful smile was wider as I hurried back towards the entrance. There were no words to describe how safe and joyous I felt.


“It is you.” I chuckled as I ran into his open arms, I pressed my face against his arms, my life felt more complete than ever. “How are you?” He whispered into my ear as I looked up at him, his smooth face and pale green eyes as bright as mine. “I'm wonderful, now that you're here.” I admitted. He chortled as he pressed me against him and told me I looked as beautiful as ever. “Thanks. Wow, I still cannot believe it is you. How?” I managed to ask, but he told me to quiet down, apparently I was screaming. “I have a surprise for you.” He left my side, I felt a pang of fear, if he was a dream then he would fade. “I'm not going anywhere.” He saw the reluctance I had to let him go. “Come in.” He invited, someone was with him. I heard the steady and rhythmic steps of someone in high heels. A girl in a loose pony tail came in, holding herself with such poise and frailness.


Whoever she was, must be a model, she had the slenderness for one, and the beauty. She was wearing a lace long sleeve dress, it was a light champagne color, knee length. The dress was so formal and exquisite, the satin bow that hung around the waist band was a perfect touch. “Hello Maya.” Her voice was so low, but I immediately recognized it. “Emily?” It was her, her bangs were longer, and everything was different about her, but it was her. She sounded older, as though the perfect and brilliant smile she used to always carry around had long gone. “Yes. How are you?” Although she was using that same empty quiet voice, I heard the double meaning in it. “I'm perfect, you?” I went over and embraced her. Only this girl in front of me, could understand all the pain I had gone through.


“I'm extremely sorry I never said goodbye after the party, I just left.” Up close I could see that her old bright blue eyes had lost their sheen. “It's alright. How have you been? We have so much to catch up on.” I told her, she nodded as she raised her head and noted the presence of everyone else. “He's not here yet, he'll arrive soon.” I murmured, she curtly nodded her head and went over to say hi to everyone. Ethan came to my side, holding my hand, it felt as though he had never left my side. “I met her on the plane. She was headed here as well.” He responded before I could ask, he was always on the same page with me. “She's so much different than before.” I grimaced, I didn't want to imagine how she had coped alone.


“From what I was able to make out, she suffered as much as you did.” He kissed my forehead as we walked towards the long rectangular table. “He's not here then?” Ethan looked around, looking for Nicholas. “Not yet, he went to pick up Thalia and Paul. I was supposed to go, but...” I shook my head, no more sad thoughts. “He left you behind.” He surmised, I could hear that same old outrage he had when Nick did something. “It's cool, I'm glad he left me behind, what if I had missed your return?” I reassured him, he looked down at me and softly pinched my nose. “I love you, Maya.” His face was serious but welcoming, his eyes piercing through mine. My insides were bubbling, my stomach having a funny feeling. Probably the pains i was having were decreasing, what else could it be?


“How about you go say hi to everyone. I'm sure Joe missed you soooo much.” I offered sarcastically. “I bet he did.” He answered as he winked and we walked towards Denise. “Mrs. Jonas, it's a pleasure to see you again.” He took her hand and kissed it, she smiled and welcomed him. “Ethan, it's a pleasure to see you as well. Maya seems delighted at your return.” She noted, it sounded like I shouldn't enjoy it as much as I was. “Kevin!” Ethan grinned, Kevin got up and hugged him. They laughed and slapped each others backs in their man hugs. “Man, it's great to see you! What brings you to New York?” Kevin was as delighted as I was, at least I had someone on my side.


“Yes, what brings you here?” Joe got up and firmly shook Ethan's hand. Ethan was in full control, he didn't glare like Joe did, but simply smiled. “Some business matters, and Maya.” I bit my lip, trying not to laugh at Joe's frown. “Ah, so this is Ethan.” Billy started chuckling as he pulled his chair back and got up to greet him. “Yeah, that's him.” Frankie who had been quiet, crossed his arms and huffed. “You must be hideous Billy.” Ethan's voice full of playful taunting. “Yes that's me.” Billy agreed as he sent me a wink, I saw Ethan's jaw lock. “Yep, you definitely are the jealous type.” They both laughed and hugged, I sighed of relief, it was bad enough with Joe hating Ethan.


I looked over to the mirror that covered one of the walls, this morning's paleness and sick appearance was gone. My face radiated brilliance as I felt Ethan next to me, it wasn't a figment of my imagination but the real thing. Kevin grinned approvingly as he saw how much better I probably looked, Denise also smiled encouragingly because she knew that this guy was the one that helped me out the most. The hostess pulled up two more chairs for Ethan and Emily, in my mind I laughed at the thought I had come up with, Emily didn't look a bit interested in Ethan. As their plates arrived we all started eating, Ethan stealing the pancake syrup I was using. “Maya?” I looked up as Billy was slicing a pancake into two pieces, about to ask me something.


“Yeah?” Everyone was listening attentively to our conversation. “Why doesn't Ethan show you how to drive? I was hoping to stop and say hi to a couple of friends I have here. Would you mind?” I nodded, Billy needed this break more than me, and this meant more time with my best friend. “Sure! That'd be swell.” I beamed at Ethan, who laughed at how everything suddenly made me happy. “Here I thought you were having a horrible time, I thought you were dying of depression. But look at you, happy as can be.” He whispered as I rolled my eyes and nudged him. “I'm happy because you're here, silly. And i was dying of depression, but it's going away.” I answered as he held my hand under the table. “I think you and I should make this driving lesson a date, don't you think?” He was getting straight to the point, he wasn't even avoiding bringing up his love anymore. Thankfully he was murmuring this, otherwise Joe would have had a stroke.


“uuh....” I went bright red, not knowing what to say. “I'm joking. But we'll have that date some other time.” He chuckled, I gulped. “How's you're new movie coming along?” Kevin wondered as we all ate, Emily was as quiet as ever. “It's almost wrapped up, and after that Maya and I have those Disney shows coming up.” He reminded me, Denise was completely out of the loop. “Shows? What shows?” She looked at me sternly, I had forgotten to mention them to her. “Well Ethan and I will be in these Disney shows coming up. I forgot to tell you.” I apologized, but she brightened at the thought of me back to acting. “That's wonderful news, sweetie. After the tour wraps up it'll be great for you to get back to acting. You probably miss it so.” She sympathized. “You act?” Billy looked impressed, I just smiled, that's all I could do at the moment.


“Yes. She's a wonderful actress. She used to be on Broadway.” Joe spoke after so many minutes of bitter silence. “I'd love to see you perform some time.” Billy said, then everyone decided to go off and talk about my old days in Broadway. It wasn't like it was ages ago, maybe months. Yet everything that had surely passed these months felt like decisions I had made years ago, decisions that even though they had hurt me, I did not regret. They were decisions that I knew I would make all over again, because they had the best intentions for the people I most cared about. This picture was complete, no it wasn't I realized, there was one important woman missing, my mother. I barely knew what she was up to, it's not a good feeling being away from the woman who gave you life, from the woman who knew you the best.


“What's wrong?” Ethan quickly noticed the sudden failure of my smile. “My mom, I haven't heard anything from her. You think she's ok?” I was suddenly terrified something could have happened to her. “I'm sure she's fine, how about we call her later on?” He suggested, I nodded as I felt his reassurance calm me. It was as though Emily wasn't even here, she was to herself, not making any noise. She had suffered, maybe even more than I had. I remembered those days where she used to be the face of the house we were all in, how much she would shine because Nick had favored her above all of them, how Nick had kissed her, how in the end he left her with her heart in her hands. She sat with her back perfectly straight, her shoulders hunched inwards and her head bowed. She looked up and saw me staring, she gave me a half smile. It was so fake, not that anyone who didn't know her would realize it. She hid her real face behind a mask, she suddenly reminded me of myself.


She was forced to talk as Denise conjured up a conversation with her. Kevin frowned as he saw the same thing I saw in her, such frailness and brokenness. “Is this going to be good for her?” Kevin took me aside so we could talk privately. “I was talking to her, she said she wanted to see if it would affect her seeing him again.” Ethan commented as he stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders. “Well we'll soon find out, they're on the elevator.” Kevin pointed out as he read a text he got. “They're coming, ma'.” He told Denise, she stood up as waiters brought out a welcome cake for Paul. Emily's head sprung up as she realized who would enter through those doors. “Everyone get up! I want to surprise Paul.” Denise giggled as we all stood behind the cake ready to invite him back to our family.


Emily stood awkwardly next to Denise, not knowing what to do or how to react as they entered. I walked alone next to her, and looked at her letting her know I was there. She held a single white rose in her hand, her fingers wrapped tightly around it as her gaze was directly on the entrance. Ethan came behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I'm so thankful I arrived earlier than him. I wanted to be here for you, when they entered.” He grimaced, I sighed as I saw that he felt I was not ready for this. I could hear the jingle of Thalia's laugh becoming louder as they all were reaching the room. Emily's face was locked in place, not wanting to be taken by surprise when she saw him come in, when she saw the cause of her internal pain enter her life once again. “You don't have to do this, you know.” I whispered to her, she turned slightly to reply. “I do. It's something that I must do.” And she returned to her previous position. I completely agreed with her, this was something that I had to do as well.


Chapter 15
Meetings

       Big Rob and Paul walked in first, Denise's face broke out into that beautiful smile she had when she was with her husband. Both their eyes shone as though it was still the first day they met and you could see that their love was as strong as ever. “Welcome Back!” We yelled as his small eyes were still on Denise but they took in everyone who was celebrating his return. As Big Rob moved I saw the happy couple, but I was more worried about the girl next to me. They walked in, his hand around her waist and she carried a dozen of roses, while the girl next to me who carried one- had just dropped it to the floor. Thalia looked up as they finished laughing at whatever had caused them to in the first place and she spotted the crowd waiting for them.


Thalia's eyes locked with Emily's, who's did not hold any found resentment for the girl who had stolen the love of her life. But Thalia's gaze made me see that she did hold some, the way her eyes narrowed discreetly as she realized who was standing next to me. This lasted for only a few seconds, she turned her eyes towards everyone else and spotted me. “Maya! It's so good to see you again!” She walked perfectly in her heels as she came over and hugged me. Ethan moved back so she could and if I'm not mistake, went to staring at Nicholas. “Thalia, great to have you here.” I smiled, she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans with a blue top under a brown blazer with matching high heels. “Ethan! You're looking splendid!” She went on to say hi to Ethan, then Joe, Kevin, Denise and Frankie.


Nick's eyes were on me, as he spotted the wonderful boy who went back to standing next to me as Thalia moved out of the way. “Nick, look who came to visit me.” I announced as I turned to Emily who was perfectly motionless next to me. Nick's eyes widened and the smile he had come in with vanished. “Hello Nicholas.” Emily's voice was as quiet as before and i could hear the strained casualty of it. “Emily?” He squinted as though his view was blurred or as though she was not as clear as everyone around him. I wondered what went through his head, did he know the pain he had inflicted on this innocent girl next to me? Did he see what I saw, how her frame was more sharp yet her face held such sorrow. But if he didn't see the harm and internal pain I went through, then why should he see hers? Then again, he knew she had loved him, hell, maybe even still loved him. My love had remained hushed, which could explain his blindness to it.


“Yes, how have you been?” She continued to speak and I realized that this was just like that night. How after I had sang his song, I was forced to speak to him and had to hide the tears and screams. She was doing the same, she had to continue the conversation to show him she was strong, and that he didn't have such an influence on her. “I've been alright.” He answered, everyone around us was welcoming Paul and Thalia except Ethan and I. He held my hand tightly, he remembered how I went through the same thing, and he always felt my pain. “I think we should let them talk, she needs to be alone with him.” He whispered as I nodded and went over to Paul who I had not yet welcomed.


Emily's POV
He stood in front of me, so coolly, because he had no idea of what I had to endure. Because of him, my life was pure hell. I felt Maya leave my side along with Ethan, was this not what I had wanted? Wasn't my most desired wish to see him once again? Then why did I want to flee, and hope to see him suffer as much as I did? I wondered if Maya had felt this rage at him, had she wanted the worst possible fate for him like I did? No, of course she didn't. Maya was one of the purest and selfless persons in this world, probably never having hard feelings for anyone. Not even the guy who probably destroyed the innocence and pleasure she had. “So, how have you been?” He didn't even look up at me, probably too embarrassed, good. He should be.


How have I been? Let's see: going through depression, having to take medication, practically starved myself the first month after he left me, my heart pretty much bleeding... “I've been amazing.” I gave my biggest smile and shook my bangs out of my face. “That's good.” He replied, with his stupid amazing curls in his face. “So, how's Thalia?” The girl who's face was one of the brightest I had ever seen, just like mine had been back then. When he had chosen me, when he had kissed me, when we shared all those wonderful times together... “Um...she's great.” He shrugged, his hands in his pockets since he didn't dare look me directly in the eyes. Did he forget? All those wonderful long weeks we had spent together? That day in Six Flags, when he first kissed me?


It was humorous, in a depressing way, how I still noticed the small things he did. Like how he was running his hand through his hair, a nervous habit. And how his nose still wrinkled up a bit when he found himself in a awkward situation. How, his hands were deep in his pockets and his curls still involuntarily bounced to the front of his face. It was agony, trying to suppress a sob and a chuckle. How confusing! I wanted to yell at him, and hit him, and hope he had the worst future ahead of him. Yet I wanted to tell him not to feel so bad, and hope he was really happy like he could have been with me. “Do you remember? When we were at Six Flags, and you won that stuffed animal, but you never gave it to me, you decided it was for Frankie?” I babbled, it wasn't the most romantic memory I had of him, but now that I looked back it was sort of funny. “Yeah, sorry about that.” He frowned, he was still feeling bad. In my own way, his sadness brought me pleasure, so he could see the pain, even if it was minuscule, of what I felt.


“It's quite alright. So is that boy, Ethan, is it? Is that Maya's boyfriend?” I played stupid, of course I knew Ethan, we spent the whole plane ride together. The guy who was picking up the pieces of Maya's heart without asking for anything but a chance. “Absolutely not. He's just a friend of hers, nothing more. He's no good.” He spat, I could hear the loathe in his voice. I have never heard him talk with such disgust about anyone, how his hands curled into fists. “Really? He seems nice.” I shrugged, as I pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. “Looks can be deceiving. He's convinced Maya he's a good guy.” He retorted, dragging a chair and sitting down. “Are you saying Maya is stupid?” I replied, I doubted anyone could fool Maya. If he hated the boy, like Ethan had explained, that was another thing. “She's not stupid, he's just a good actor.” He stated, we went off into a conversation I couldn't keep track of because I was too busy torturing myself with the dreams of what would have happened if Thalia had never come along. Of what should have happened, how I was never given that chance just like Maya.
Emily's POV Ends


Maya's POV
“What do you think they're talking about?” I was a couple tables away from everyone, sitting across from Ethan. I had already welcomed Paul, hugged him, and took his thank yous for taking over his job. Now it was time to spend a good amount of time with my best friend. “I don't know. How about we talk about something else?” He took a sip of coffee and offered me his toast, I gladly took a piece. “Like what?” I smiled, it could not be helped. “Like what's been up, I know we've talked on the phone and all but I'd like to hear how you've been doing in person.” He said. “I'm doing great. Nothing is wrong.” I answered, but he squinted and appraised me. “Stand up, will ya?” He told me, I did as he said and got up.


“You lost weight.” He accused, and I could see that he knew I was sick. “What's wrong? Where does it hurt?” He took my hands and put his over them as I sat down. “I don't know, just some minor aches.” I shrugged it off, not something he should worry about. “Aches?! Maybe I should take you to the doctor, you don't look healthy.” His tone was more worried than usual as he saw how my top was a bit loose, everything was loose now a days. “They're not feeding you, are they? Nick trying to bulk himself up for his girl?” He joked bitterly. I half smiled as he shoved his plate in front of me. “I'm here now, you'll be loads better.” He fed me some fruit with his fork while I squeezed his hand. “It feels better, now that you're by my side.” I let him know, he was just such a great person. He chuckled as his pale green eyes penetrated mine, I held back a grin because I knew what he would take that as. “So will you teach me to drive today?” I wondered, ready to get behind the wheel. “Maybe. I was hoping we could go out, buy some stuff, visit some places.” He suggested, I found myself nervous at the words go out.


“By go out, you mean as friends right?” I cleared up, his amazing smile faltered a bit but he nodded. “Yes, Maya. Just as friends, are you happy love?” He pinched my cheek as he said this but I could hear the warmth he put into that last part. It was overwhelming, how much tenderness and love he could speak with. How his voice could warm my insides yet I could not feel the same way, how torturous it must be for him to have to stop himself from telling me how he feels. I would definitely feel awkward inside, but I would let him tell me how he felt, because I know it would hurt him to not be able to tell me his feelings. “Yes, very happy.” I stood up, ready to leave with him, go anywhere else because Thalia's presence was starting to get to me. Her presence just reminded me more and more of how Nick was breaking promise after promise.


“Want to see my room? It has such an amazing view.” I offered as i grabbed his hand and lead him out of the room, only to be blocked by Billy. “Hey- what's the deal?” I pretended to be mad, but he grimaced. “Sorry, Joseph asked me to not let you go to your room alone, with Ethan.” He explained, I turned to glare at Joe but he was faking being engrossed in a conversation with Thalia, who kept nodding. I could see that she was worried, she kept glancing over to Nick and Emily. Was she mentally handicapped? Honestly! She already won the guy, she had nothing to worry about, all Emily wanted was closure, a way to end it with out it being a tragic memory. “Alright, then I'm off to learn how to drive.” I told him as Ethan and I were getting ready to walk out.


“Wait!” I imagined it would be Nick yelling that I could not leave with Ethan, but it wasn't him. It was Emily, who's voice yelled for us to halt, not comfortable with being left with the people who would have been like her family, if he had chosen her. “I'm actually done speaking with Nicholas. And besides,” She added a small laugh, “It's not like I came to hang out with Nicholas.” She ended her chuckle by gracefully standing and walking to my side. “I'll be back later, Paul. Just hanging out with some friends.” He nodded as he ate a slice of cake, and even if he hadn't, this was a moment I wouldn't have cared whether I had gotten their permission. “Please don't be out too late, and you're all welcome to join us for dinner in the evening.” He waved as I walked out with two of the most wonderful people I could be around.


“Oh! Emily, please don't cry!” I found myself saying in the elevator, once Emily was sure no one would see her. She was a mess, and I wasn't trying to be mean. She was on the floor, her hair in her face, with mascara running down her cheeks and her frame would shake heavily while she sobbed. I felt ashamed of having no where else to look because the walls of the elevator were mirrors and I could see Emily cry in any angle I would face. “He's so happy!” Her hands covering her eyes while she cried, no, wailed. “He's so selfish.” Ethan rubbed her back as I grabbed a napkin I had put away in case I would need it later. “Here, he doesn't deserve for you to cry over him.” I handed her the napkin which she took and started wiping her eyes gently and breathing deeply. I could feel a sort of resentment for Nick growing, something I had never wanted to feel, and I prayed I wouldn't because he was my best friend.


“NO, Maya. Do not feel this is Nicholas' fault. We both know he just chose the girl who would make him happy, and I can't have you feeling any hardship because I'm not strong enough to deal with that.” With that, she stood up, smoothed out her dress and put her hair back into her elegant loose ponytail. I felt awe at how quickly she recomposed herself. How she took everything and deliberated it for only a couple of minutes and was back to being her quiet and wise self. “I'll meet you two downstairs, I need to go to my room and freshen up.” She half smiled as she got off and we kept going down to the lobby.


“Wow, I have to give her props, she can take a lot.” He frowned, it was hard to have to see someone suffer and not have an Ethan by their side. Ethan's phone rang, he opened it and answered. “That's funny, I've been getting a couple of phone calls but no one answers.” He told me as he shrugged and flipped it closed. “Probably wrong number.” I offered as we got off and walked to the lobby and sat on the sofa. He sat very close to me, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I love you Maya.” He grinned as he saw my tomato red face. “Uh-huh.” I gulped, this kid would kill me.
Maya's POV Ends


Nick's POV
My dad was busy talking to Billy on what he had worked out while he was gone, my mother listening while suggesting some ideas. Kevin was on his phone, who knew who he talked to so much. But he smiled a lot when he did, and he absent absentmindedly ruffled Frankie's hair so at least Frankie was distracted trying to smooth his hair once again. Joe was getting more food and checking out the hostess. This left a very stressed yet beautiful as ever, girlfriend of mine. I called her over to sit on my lap, she trudged over, her lips pursed. “Hey beautiful.” I gave her a small peck and brushed the hair out of her face, she was clearly mad, but why? “Nick, why were you talking to her?!” She quietly yelled, just quiet enough so my parents wouldn't hear. “Who? Emily?” I asked her, this was the wrong thing to answer. She stomped out of the room, and i followed behind, apparently she didn't want to explode in front of my parents.


“OF COURSE EMILY!” She yelled, sitting down on a small armchair nearby. “Why would you talk to her?! Of course she's only back to try and steal you from me!” Was that the problem? I couldn't help but laugh. “Do you honestly believe I would ever give you up? C'mon Thalia, I love you. Emily is a thing of the past, she just came to see Maya. And we sort of are friends you know? Just like you and I were friends before we became a couple.” I explained, hoping to soothe her unnecessary worry. “I love you too Nicholas. I don't want to lose you.” She told me, I took her in my arms and kissed her head, I doubted anyone could ever tear me away from her. Thalia had made my life more happier than I ever expected it to be. Like the song I wrote about her said, I never expected to be bit by this love bug again. So I sang it to her, so she could understand what she made me feel.
Nick's POV Ends


Ethan's POV
“Are you ready?” I asked Maya, I'd been explaining how to drive her car for an hour so she'd be good at it once she got behind the wheel. “Ready Freddy.” She giggled as she revved her engine, something she insisted I showed her how to do. It bothered me, even thought it wasn't intentional of her, to hear the name Freddy. She was just rhyming, but that name was part of my dark past, the past I had nightmares about. “Alright, so what do you do?” I tested her, the wind blowing her hair lazily around since she loved having the windows down. “I step on the brake and put it in drive?” She looked over to me, checking if she was correct, she took my smile as a yes and did it. “I'm doing it!” She grinned at Emily, who sat in the back seat of Maya's Jaguar.


“Congratulations.” Emily smiled, as she looked out the window of the slowly passing buildings Maya drove by. Her car still had the new car smell even though it had been stored for a while, luckily it was given to her now that she had her break. I could tell my arrival was a form of relief to her, and I knew that I would stay as long as she needed me here. Thalia's return wasn't as bad as it should because she had me here...her friend. I sighed heavily as I estimated how long I could go without Maya's love, maybe a month. In a month I would probably die, because of unrequited love. “What's wrong?” Maya peeked at me, trying to keep her eyes on the road but still seeing if I was ok. “Nothing, it's ok if you speed up a bit. I think snails could pass you at this speed.” I joked, she stuck out her tongue and slightly pressed on the gas pedal so at least now we were going at normal speed.


“Maya, would you care to go shopping later?” Emily wondered as she held on to that same white rose and looked at a couple we let pass in front of us before the light turned red for them. “I'd love to.” She responded as she did something I had never seen her do. My hand, that was resting at the end of my seat next to my leg was suddenly touched by hers. She took my hand and held it as she drove with the other, she had a huge smirk on her face. “What?” I wondered, what on earth was wrong with this girl. “Nothing. Just holding your hand while I drive, I thought it was something you had to have skills to do, but it's quite simple.” She was about to retreat her hand but I held it tight. 'I'm not letting go.” I winked, Emily laughed at this. “Oh, Maya. Give the boy a chance.” I nodded encouragingly but Maya just looked ahead at the road, but she never asked me to let go.


Chapter 16
Deadly Spills


     “Are you sure this looks ok?” I viewed myself in the mirror as I tried a dress on, Emily suggested we check out what was in here, since she was still in Milan mode; which was way better in my opinion. “It looks lovely, it shows what nice legs you have, and it fits you perfectly. Doesn't it Ethan?” She called Ethan in so he could see the dress on me, I automatically turned red as I saw his eyes widen. “Er- nice.” He gulped, Emily rolled her eyes and pretended to wipe his mouth, of drool I presume. “These are plain, you would never find me wearing something like this. Maybe I should make you a dress, Maya.” She smiled as she looked me up and down and wrote down some measurements. “Yes, I think I will. Take that rag off, us girls, we are too classy for these things.” She winked as I grinned and went back into the dressing room to change into the comfort of my skinny jeans and top.


I had safely driven us to the mall, where we were window shopping, not finding anything that was appealing. “I think I should buy a coat, it's a lot colder than I expected it to be.” Ethan told us as we nodded and headed to the nearest guy's store. As we rode the escalator, I felt the euphoria of today, how it felt filling and complete. A huge smile crept onto my face as I watched the two people with me, two people who just like me, deserved some happiness, yet were declined it. And for this little short amount of time, we felt it, the warm and elating vibe of acceptance, strong friendship, understanding, and sympathy. We got off and went into a luxuriant looking store, where nothing was under 200 dollars. “Maya, help me choose a coat.” He gave me a baby face as Emily nudged me and pushed me towards him. “Fine.” I replied as Emily sat down in one of the arm chairs by the mirrors and was offered sparkling water, tea, and anything she desired.


I walked around the store, which had very dim lighting with dark burgundy walls and a coal colored carpet. With one sweep of the room I spotted the perfect coat for Ethan, it was a simple check coat that tied at the waist and had two deep pockets in the front. It felt warm in my hands as I took it off the rack, the lovely dark gray fabric would make his face seem brighter, his pale eyes, his cheeks, his hair would have more blond tints in it. “Did you find one?” He whispered behind me, I jumped, startled at his sudden presence next to me, I was so absorbed on the coat. “Yeah, I think it'll look nice on you.” I offered him the jacket and we made our way to Emily who stood out of the way so Ethan could try it on. He untied the front and unbuttoned it and put his hands through the sleeves and raised the collar. He folded it down as he buttoned both set of buttons and turned to me.


The fit was exact, it emphasized his broad shoulders and his height while making his swimmer's body clear as water. “It looks lovely. You have good taste, if I'm not mistaken that's made in Milan?” Emily turned to the woman who was patiently waiting for us to go up and pay. “Um, yes. All the clothes here are Milan's finest. This is new and upcoming designer's collection, straight from Italy, are you a designer?” She wondered as Emily felt the different fabrics, her face showed appreciation for the quality of it. “You could say that.” She gave her beautiful smile, that never seemed to fill her whole face, her eyes remaining that sad yet unbelievably beautiful blue they had. “Oh- wow.” I raised my eyebrows at the price of the coat, no wonder no one really came in here.


“Something the matter?” The lady fidgeted with her thumbs, hoping to have her few customers pleased. “No, she's just apprehensive at the price of it, but no worries.” Emily swiftly moved forwards and took out a check book. “No. I cannot let you.” Ethan suddenly appalled, seeing as Emily was about to pay. “Take it as an early Christmas present.” She teared the check out as she took the coat to the lady could wrap it and put it in one of the large bags. “Definitely not. That is too much money, for anyone to give out.” He took out his credit card but Emily declined his generosity. “Ok, confession time. It doesn't bother me to give my money out because I kinda have a lot of it now.” She shrugged as she took the receipt and bag and handed it to Ethan.


“What do you mean?” I wondered confused, how much money could her parents supply her with? “Well, since I began studying in Milan, I took a job as an apprentice with a fashion designer. Well, she saw what I sketched and the prototypes I made and offered to help me launch a line. So I basically have my own line of clothes out in Milan at the moment, in lamest terms, I'm kinda rich.” She smiled apologetically. “Wooow.” Ethan let out a low whistle as I just gaped, she was a designer? But by the way she dressed, how beautiful the material and style of her clothes were, and they way she viewed normal clothes, it was easy to see that she was. How she had wanted to measure me, the obvious love in her eyes for refined clothing all around us at the moment.


“Well, enough about me. How about we go and boy browse? Maybe we can find Maya a boyfriend.” She teased as Ethan scowled and put his arm around me and Emily chuckled as we left the store. “Thanks.” Ethan ruffled her hair, the small draft that entered when someone from outside the mall made me cling on closer to Ethan's warm body.
Maya's POV Ends


Emily's POV
Ethan, I was awed at the unconditional love he had for Maya. How he just stared at her and she was probably the only woman he saw, because he was in love with her. Soon, I hoped, she would feel the same way for him. Why wouldn't she? No matter what, I knew Nick would break her heart even more, and Ethan, again, would be there to the rescue, and she would have to see the jewel he was. I was trying my hardest not to plead her to give him a chance, I was sure he had already done so and apparently she would not budge. But when she stared at him, I saw an intensity in her eyes, an appreciation, gratitude, whatever you might call it, for him. That would surely grow and grow until it turned into something more powerful.


We were out of the mall in the next hour or so, after not finding anything else to buy. Although Ethan kept trying to convince me into letting him buy me something, still thinking that I had wasted too much money. Honestly, the jacket wasn't much to me, the price was low in my opinion, probably since it was new to America, the designer didn't want to seem too demanding. I kept seeing the chemistry both Ethan and Maya held, how they just looked perfect together and not just in a romantic relationship. But if photographed, you could probably capture such a powerful exchange of wordless feelings through their body language. It gave me an idea, besides I also needed some for my upcoming clothing line photo shoot, and who better than a girl I knew well?


Maya's phone rang, she nodded a couple of times and hung up, her smile turned down as checked the time, we had been out for maybe 3 hours. “Paul says we have to be back by 6, dinner at, I forget the name of the restaurant but it's fancy.” She explained as I saw Ethan's reluctance to take her back to the mouth of the lion, but he would let her. He would probably let her go and be happy with Nick, like that would ever happen though, with Thalia in the picture, very unlikely, yet he wouldn't hold it against her. I hoped, that out there, I would find someone like him, that would be ready to catch me when I was blown down again. It would take us just an hour to get back to the hotel, with Maya's driving, which limited out time together. I knew that after tonight's dinner, my decision would be made, I would either choose to go back home with my wonderful and supportive family or flee to Milan once more.
Emily's POV Ends


Ethan's POV
Our time was being limited, and I was sure who was behind this. I was a coward, I had not yet asked Maya to come back with me to California. I was also being distracted with calls to my cell phone, whoever was calling kept hanging up and calling 20 minutes later. I wondered if it was Nick, trying to irritate me or Joe, but the number was not familiar because i knew their numbers and the area code did not match theirs. “How about we go and hang out in Central Park? It is right by the hotel.” Emily suggested since we were debating whether to see a movie or just go back and wait for it to be 6. “Oh! That sounds great! And we could ride on the carousel?” Maya became excited at the thought, so how could I say no.


The worst part was that I was positive we would run into Nick and Thalia, and I was ok with it. I was turning selfish, it disgusted me that I was willing to see her crushed so she would go back with me. But time was passing by, more faster than she might realize it, and she needed to move on before she got lost in the past. I knew I could supply her with more love than Nick would ever give her, and I could put a smile on her face every single day and put her heart back together. “Sure, park sounds great.” I nodded at her as she became delighted at my answer and raced Emily and I to where I had parked her car, since she wasn't able to do that yet. She backed out carefully and cautiously so she wouldn't hit anyone and she turned on the radio only to hear their new single, but she didn't turn it off, instead she hummed along.


I had so many plans for us, once she saw that coming back was the best choice for her, for her health, for me. If I ended up going back to California without her, I shuddered at the thought of what 4 walls surrounding me could do to me without her company, besides, I was sure she wanted to get back to acting, it was a part of her. We were on Broadway, heading towards the Columbus circle, and we smiled at each other. Broadway, so many memories we shared, and although I hated to admit it, I shared these memories with Nicholas and Joseph as well. Just the name brought so many flashbacks of who I used to be and into who I changed into, a better person. There were no needs for words, and Emily noticed the sudden blazing intensity of our eyes as we saw the theaters we passed by so she looked down and sketched in her small notebook, so Maya and I could have our moment.


We arrived at the Columbus circle, we could see our hotel but took Central park south down to 5th avenue and looked for parking. Once we had put quarters in the meter, we agreed to walk all the way to the carousel, this was a problem for Emily who was in heels; Maya had already changed into a pair of converse she had in the car. “No worries. I think I'll take a ride on one of those horse drawn carriages.” She mused, I silently thanked her as Maya turned to look for one. She gave me a smile, wishing me luck, and hopefully I could finally tell Maya about the need for her to return. “Well, I'll meet you guys here, in an hour and a half?” She wondered if this was enough time, Maya nodded and pointed her in the direction of a white carriage that reminded you of that fairy tale character in that pumpkin, but after it was turned into a sweet looking ride. What was the name? Oh, Cinderella, it reminded me of Cinderella's carriage except this one was a bit older, but the antiquity of it made it distinguished.


I had an idea, a way I could have Maya in an elated mood so when my question hit, she would hopefully oblige. “Would you like to go for a bike ride?” I raised my eyebrows, skeptical since she was wearing tight jeans, ugh, those guys influenced her too much. But then again, maybe she had been the one to inspire them with that choice of clothing, her and Kevin had taste, that was for sure. “Well if you can, in those pants.” I added with a smirk, she sucked in her cheeks, hating any defiance of her capabilities. “Of course, I could even beat you in a race and have time to go buy a hot dog before you even caught up.” She retorted with a teasing grin. I wanted a repeat of the night we were on that canoe, how close i felt to her, how I felt maybe there was hope.
Ethan's POV Ends


Maya's POV
“I want a nice bike though.” I joked, some of the bikes were rusted and looked like they would collapse as soon as I got on it. “Well, I was hoping we could ride together. A two person bicycle. Is that ok?” It sounded great, I had never been on one, I was kind of scared I would fall off or he would. “Don't worry I won't let you fall.” He promised, I felt such a rush of gratitude run through me because I also felt the double meanings of his words, even if it wasn't intentionally. “Alright, then. Pick one.” He offered as he went to the booth and paid for them- it, I found a shiny red one, and the young man inside handed me two helmets, I would have protested but it was mandatory, they probably didn't want to get sued. I walked it besides me until I reached where Ethan was waiting, already putting his wallet away.


“Helmets.” I scoffed which made him roll his eyes, he took out the new coat he bought and put it on, taking off his sweater. “It's a bit too cold for me.” He shrugged it on, and it looked great on him, just like when he first tried it on. “I'm used to it.” I replied, the cold didn't bother me as much. “Get on.” He chuckled, as he patted the second seat, he was already seated in the front, his body turned back to see what was the hold up. “If I fall, don't laugh.” I warned glumly, I was sure we'd have a bike accident. “I'll try my best.” He answered, I lifted my body up and put my foot over to the other side on the pedal. I felt the bike wobble a bit since i was adding weight to it, but it remained up. Here goes, I thought as I leaped and raised my other foot off the floor, as soon as I did we were off. The sudden motion startled me, I automatically reached for the nearest handle but I was only able to grab on to Ethan, I wrapped my arms around his waist, frightened I would fall.


My thermal wasn't up to the job to protect me from the weather, the temperature was dropping, so I held on tighter to Ethan and rested my face against his back. “You not feeling up to the ride? We could stop?” He offered, but I declined because I wanted to enjoy this, I put on the sweater he had taken off in favor of his new coat, it helped a lot. Now I was able to take in the beautiful scenery of Central Park, it had been such a long time since I'd been through here. Ethan had slowed down to a jogger's pace, I could see the beautiful trees that were filled with autumn leaves, most already on the floor, which would crackle when you stepped on them. The perfect sun, still a bit high in the sky, making beautiful shades on the trees and making the lake we passed, sparkle like it was full of glittering objects.


We passed by the high trees with their yellow leaves and some reds, in the path where you could roller blade, with the wooden benches welcoming you to take a break. I straightened myself up to watch the old couple walking together, their hands intertwined and their slow and gentle footsteps in a perfect symphony. I saw a man pass by with his dog, both running slowly and catching their breaths, he looked up and waved us hello. We waved back smiling, sometimes you could feel so much kindness from complete strangers, because that's just how some people were. Like Ethan, who was unconditionally a great person, even to those who were horrible to him. “You're so quiet.” I told him, even though I knew so was I. “I'm just enjoying the company.” He told me, our heads turned to the left where music was starting to play. A man, maybe in his 30's was tuning his guitar, starting to play. The song was so quiet and beautiful, his hand went upward and downward on the strings and his voice was very calming and mellow.


I was the first to notice the sudden misdirection the bicycle was taking. Our heads turned forwards, seeing the front tire was going over off of the pavement and onto the grass of the fields. “Oh crap! I knew we were going to have an accident.” I told him as I grabbed onto him, he gave a nervous chuckle. The problem with us going onto the field was that it had a small upwards slope which our bike would not be able to make it up. I felt the trembling of the bike as it tried to go against the slope and failed miserably. The bike fell sideways, trapping one side of our legs, and thankfully we were on grass, otherwise we would have slammed our heads. “Ethan? Are you ok?” I scrambled up, worried he could have gotten hurt. He had twigs and leafs stuck on his head, I started laughing and trying to walk to his side but I fell over a small rock. He slid off under the bike and rolled to my side, the leaves and twigs crunching and turning into bits of nothing.


“Hey.” He greeted me as he bumped to my side. I grinned, and waved, it was so pre-k of us to be on the ground laying there and laughing, but I liked it. “Maya?” His voice sounded a whole lot different then a few seconds ago, I raised my head to see what happened. His eyes were deep, full of so many unspoken words, yearning to get a message through to me. “Yeah?” I mouthed, I felt my heart go into a fit of quickened beats, I felt it knot up and await what ever I was fearing to hear. Ethan was still next to me, not moving, but his head was, it was turning sideways and his eyes only closed when he saw I wasn't moving. I knew what he was going to do, and I was too startled or frozen that I couldn't move, he was inching closer and closer. All I did was take a deep breath and I felt it, my heart right stuck in my throat, not letting me speak.


I bit down my lip, I was sure to cry because I didn't know what to do. If I put my hand on his face and pushed him back, I would clearly hurt him, but if I didn't....what would happen? I could feel his body heat and his breath right on me, inside I was screaming uselessly. “Maya? Is that you?” I heard the jingle of a familiar voice, Thalia. I quickly sat up, and Ethan grunted only so I could hear and also sprung up, holding out his hand so I could stand. “Maya?!” Oh god, I knew that voice too well, and it sounded far from happy. My faced scrunched up, knowing world war three was about to outbreak. I opened my eyes, and saw Nick's face horrified, oh god it looked like his head was going to burst with fumes and he would run me over like a bull. “Hi.” I mumbled awkwardly, his eyes were wide and in shock.


I didn't understand his outrage, it seemed out of place. But I analyzed myself, I had loads of brittle pieces of leafs in my hair and grass stains on my jeans. What I noticed above everything was that my ring, just like the one the boys stuck to, was missing. I was at least relieved to know why he was overreacting so I could explain, but then it quickly faded as I realized what he was thinking. “I lost my ring.” I got on my knees and started to inspect the ground we fell on and ran my fingers as I focused on the dirt. “Oh, I'll help.” Ethan told me as he started to get down but he was pulled upwards. I stared at Nick, who had his hand, gripping Ethan's shoulder, his stare was murderous. “I think, you've helped enough.” His voice was deadly, it was full of revulsion and Ethan's hand was in a fist. A fist that was trembling. “Nick, get your hand off of me.” I had never head Ethan's voice crack, it sounded like he was trying to keep himself from breaking Nick's hand.


I realized the danger of a fight breaking out, and finally found the ring, I slipped it back onto my finger. “Ethan, we should go find Emily, it's almost time to go to dinner. We should find her so we can get ready.” I warned him, he looked around until he spotted me, and regained his cool. “Absolutely.” He tried to smile but it was too strained, Thalia put her hand over Nick's and slowly and gently took it off of Ethan. He helped me pick up the bike and we put our helmets back on, steadying the bike, I noticed Nick and Thalia had been roller blading together. I should have known I'd find them here, together, on one of their many romantic dates. “See you later.” I glared at him, disgusted at how he could think so low of me and sickened just by the sight of their couple-ness. “Take me away.” I whispered to Ethan as I put my arms around his waist, purposely now, wanting nothing more than to get away. “With pleasure.” He sped up on the bike, I had to put some effort into pedaling so it would be faster. I took one last look behind me and saw Nick's face, full of betrayal.
Maya's POV Ends

6:16 pm

Emily's POV
Maya and I were getting ready in my room because I wanted to help her dress up since Paul had canceled our earlier reservations and made new ones at a very fancy restaurant. I had been feeding the horse that I rode on when I had seen Maya and Ethan walk towards me. They were silent and walked along side until we got into her car. I asked her if she was ok, when she broke out in yells about how Nick was disgusting for thinking bad things about her. I didn't bring it up again, until now and she was telling me everything and why he thought all that stuff. “WHOA! Wait, back up!” I found myself dropping my dresses when she told me why Nick had been outraged. “What were you doing laying on the grass with Ethan?!” I turned to see her flush as she tried on the number of dresses I picked out for her. Most of the designs I made were inspired from Selena's party, and some from Maya herself and how simple a beautiful dress could be.


“It's not like that. We were riding on this bike and then we fell. He was going to kiss me.” Her voice was silent at that last part as she eyed the floor, apparently embarrassed. He had been so close to reaching his goal, and once again Nick had gotten in the way. Did Nick have some sixth sense for bad timing? I was beginning to believe that, but what took me off guard was that Maya hadn't stopped him. “And you didn't stop him?” I was starting to hope, my suspicions were not far off the mark. “I was scared he might get mad.” I almost laughed at her answer, so it hadn't been what I thought, she was just scared her rejection would make him leave. “Which dress are you going to go with?” She tried on every dress but always took them off and grimaced in the mirror. “Don't you like them?” I hope she didn't hate them, that would definitely hurt my designer ego since she was my muse.


“NO, of course not.” She shook her head and apologized. “It's just that I don't think I look good in them. They're like for you, model like persons.” She shrugged as she started combing her hair. She was putting it up, into a sleek ponytail which she then turned into a bun that angled a bit more to her right. I handed her a pair of my pearl earrings because they would go well with one dress I realized would look gorgeous on her. “Ugh. Why don't you choose for me, I'm not up to these kind of things.” She replied as she sat in front of the mirror and frowned as she spotted the dreaded heels she would need to wear. “I was hoping you would say that.” I smirked as I went into the closet and took out a zippered case that carried some of my favorite designs. “Go and put this on.” I ushered her into the bathroom because we would leave in a couple of minutes. “Alright.” She grabbed the pair of platinum peep toe heels and marched into the bathroom.


I wasn't sure what to wear, because I felt as thought this would be the last time I would see any of them again. I realized I wasn't as strong as I thought, deep down I felt the same as I did when Nick and I had been together. This wasn't healthy for me, but it wasn't good for me to run away either. I just needed distance, and maybe I could work on getting my designs popular here in the states as well. I would heal, maybe in months, or a couple of years, and for that I needed to be around people who loved me, my family. I looked in the mirror as I applied mascara and lip gloss, for the first time I saw the truth. I never smiled, my face was never lit up or showed any emotion, I looked, not like me. But this wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault Nick ruined my life, and I wasn't sure I would ever forgive him for that.


“What do you think?” Maya, came out wearing the dress with the heels, her hands held out so she could balance herself in them. She looked amazing, like a model, her beauty surpassed Thalia's by light years. This dress was perfect, and I would let her keep it, it made her have a superior vibe, it made her look confident in herself, something she needed to relearn to be. It was a short satin dress, the color was blue satin, one of my favorites. I had made it a single shoulder with a bow detail on it, making it stunning. “Gorgeous. You look great!” She gave me a look that said she didn't swallow that lie, it wasn't a lie though. “Have you picked out your dress yet?” She saw that I was still in my pajamas I had changed into. “I'm not sure what to wear.” Could I make one last and final attempt to win Nick's heart, even though I detested him...I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. “I'll help you.” She started to say, but her face scrunched up, her hand automatically went to her stomach, clamping it and she started to take deep breaths.


I ran to her side, something was obviously wrong even though she waved her hand telling me she was fine. “It's nothing.” She lied. “I just get some aches now and then. Nothing major.” She straightened up and gave me a reassuring smile, lies. She looked skinnier, and her eyes looked tired when she wasn't keeping up her act in front of Nick. “How about this one? That way we can match, sorta.” She held up another one shouldered dress I had, it was a black stretch satin one shoulder dress with an amethyst rosette design on the shoulder that matched with the hem of the dress. It also had that same color on the thin band that went around the dress a bit below the bust, like an empire waist. “That'll do.” I replied, still worried about her 'aches', and I got out of my clothes and changed.


We were going to run late if I went all the way to the bathroom so I just changed and started putting my hair up in front of her. I found a pair of silver hoop earrings and put them on as I combed my bangs through and tightened my ponytail. I found a pair of patent leather heels, I grabbed my cellphone and we grabbed our coats and headed out only to bump into Ethan who was coming to meet us. He had his blond hair in that messy perfect way he carried it, he said hello to both of us and escorted us to the lobby. He stood in between us and we put our arms through his as we took the elevator, not once did Maya and him speak. He did look at her plenty of times and smile, but she just hummed along to the elevator music or looked at the elevator buttons. “You look amazing, stunning. You too Emily.” Ethan finally broke the silence and nicely added me at the end, but I knew his mind was on how great Maya looked.


Maya's silent thoughts were broken as she heard his voice, her head turned to his direction and half smiled. “Thank you, you too.” She answered and then looked at the floor. He did look pretty good, he was wearing his new coat with a white dress shirt underneath and a black tie with diagonal gray stripes that matched with his gray pin stripped tux and black converse, ugh that kind of killed it for me. “I was going to call you guys, Kevin called me to warn us that we should really dress up because apparently the place is way fancier than he thought, so they can't even wear skinny jeans.” He chuckled at the last part and I saw Maya trying not to laugh. “But you girls are already dressed up, and beautifully if I may add.” Paul met us as soon as we were out of the elevator. The boys were in black tuxes, all elegant, but they made them stand out, not wanting to look exactly the same. Joe added a bright electric blue tie with a yellow handkerchief. Kevin put a silky type of bandanna on instead of a tie. Nick had a forest green tie on that matched with Thalia's simple, solid green knee length satin, spaghetti strapped dress. “The car is waiting.” Denise smiled as she complimented both of us and we made our way into the cold and icy wind that was picking up in the busy and now dark streets of New York City.
Emily's POV Ends


Maya's POV
The car drive didn't feel too long since we were all talking about the stores we had gone into. Denise looked radiant in her black dress she favored when going out. All the boys looked adorable as they tried to undo the suffocating ties, while Frankie had decided to skip the fancy dinner and favored a visit to his friend Jeremy's house. The awkwardness I had felt in the beginning after the park incident faded as Ethan acted like nothing had happened. I was thankful he wasn't pressuring me or anything, but I did intercept some glares from Nick who was convincing Thalia she looked amazing, she felt as though she wasn't as dressed up after seeing Emily and I. Once we reached the restaurant, I heard the footsteps of paparazzi scramming to get pictures of the boys, and even Ethan was recognized. I kept my head down, because in NYC there was no way I wouldn't be recognized. The boys waved and took two seconds to pose and we all went inside.


The place looked like a castle, there was a chandelier hanging in the heart of the restaurant, I was positive those were real crystal diamonds hanging from it. The walls were a light jade color with a black wood band running through the middle, and the black linoleum floors echoes could be heard as we walked in our heels. Peoples heads turned, I focused my eyes on the direction we were being led, although I couldn't cover my ears as I heard them murmuring. Thalia seemed delighted as she had her arm through Nick's since they were walking in front of me. Emily was right beside me and Ethan was behind, speaking with Kevin. Joe was looking around, all the way in the front walking beside Denise and Paul. “Here is your table. The waiter will be with you shortly.” The host bowed and turned to go back and lead the next party to their table.


The table held 9 velvet cushioned chairs. The table was a long rectangle covered with a silky white table cloth that held a wrought iron swirling candelabra which illuminated the dim room beautifully. Paul took his seat at the head of the table, with Denise at his right side. Nick took the left side of his dad with Thalia next to him, Kevin sat beside Thalia and Joe at the other end of the table, right across from Paul. Denise, Emily, Ethan, and I were seated on the other side. The waiter came with our menus, the plates didn't even have prices, I guess it was one of those places. “Anyone up for lobster?” Joe moved his eyebrows up and down, licking his lips thinking about it. “Joseph, you're allergic to shellfish. Remember?” Denise let out a low sigh, how close Joe always came to have an allergic reaction since he always forgets he's allergic.


We all placed our orders and the waiter left with the menus, I could go for some music, it was so quiet at the table, I think they could feel there was tension. “Guys, I have great news. See, the reason I was taking so long to get here was because we got an offer and I was working it out.” Paul started, we all payed attention, even Nick who was having a side conversation with Thalia. “You're getting your own show, it has such a great plot and the cast is ready to get to work when the tour is over.” His news took the boys by surprise, they started into a conversation which I was not in the mood to get into. “Speaking of TV shows, I have to tell you something Maya.” Ethan spoke to me, only loud enough so I could hear him, in case someone overheard. “Yeah?” I took a sip of my water as I saw Emily look away, not wanting to intrude.


“The reason I came here was, of course to see you, but there's something else I haven't told you.” From the corner of my eye I saw Joe's head snap in our direction. “Is something wrong?” I felt my stomach worrying anxiously, it sounded grave. “Are you finally telling her the truth?” Joe's voice was pitiful and snappy, as though there was something that made him feel sorry for Ethan. I realized it was the truth I had once wanted to hear, but decided not to because I trusted Ethan fully and whatever it was did not matter, because he had saved me over and over, nothing could crush the trust and friendship I had with him. “Joseph, please stop yourself from making idiotic remarks. This is none of your business.” Ethan's voice was furious, yet it wasn't loud, as always, he was being the gentleman. “Anything to do with Maya is and will be our business. She's family.” This time it was Nick talking, Paul's conversation was dropped and everyone at the table expect Joe, Nick and Ethan were quiet.


“As I was saying, I need to tell you something.” Ethan restarted, ignoring the daggers that seemed to come from the boys eyes, except Kevin's. “Mom, do you have any idea what Maya was doing today?” Nick never took his eyes off me but was speaking to Denise, and Paul. “Nick-” I was shaking, the accusations he was about to make were atrocious. “Of course. Her, Ethan, and Emily went out shopping.” She replied, confused at the question. “Oh, I think Ethan had more than shopping on his mind,” He spat sarcastically, “Emily wasn't even there.” He added, at that Emily reacted. “I was there, I just couldn't walk in heels so I took a ride on the carriage.” She defended herself, her deep pale blue eyes glazing at Nick who looked down, embarrassed, for many reason, I presumed.


“I believe you, Emily. I think, Nick is just overreacting.” Denise answered politely, flustered that Nick was accusing her of being a liar, when Emily was nothing but sweet and forgiving. “Overreacting?! They were on the floor! Her ring was off! They had leafs in their hair for crying out loud!” His voice was getting louder, almost yelling. “Nicholas. Quiet.” Paul was very serious, calm and under control but his voice was full of authority. I was just trembling, ready to hurl something in his direction, but Ethan was holding my hand under the table, rubbing it soothingly with his thumb. “SHE WHAT?! That's not even possible. Maya knows better.” Joe bellowed, Denise kicked him under the table but the boys were fuming, all except Kevin. “Guys, how dare you think something like that about Maya. I'm sure there's a perfect explanation.” Kevin scorned them, and there was, my temper was going down as I at least knew some people believed I wasn't capable of breaking my promises.


“She was on the floor....her ring off....and was laying there with him!” Nick barked slowly, as though talking to a mentally retarded person.. Kevin shook his head, not believing him, looking at Ethan for reassurance, and he found it. “Nick, you are very lucky lady's are present, or I would fuck your face up.” Ethan was straining to keep himself seated, so was I. “Stop acting like you're the good guy! We know what you've done! Drop the charade!” Joe's chair fell back as he stood up and slammed his fists against the table. “Boys, this is the last time I will ask you! You are drawing attention! Be quiet or face the consequences.” Paul was gravely serious, angry, embarrassed, I was being put through this, not as much as I was. That had been the last straw, I could not take anymore, I stood up as well and slammed my palms against the table. Ethan wasn't even saying anything, just trying to breath in, Emily and Thalia were quiet, seeing what they'd have to do, knowing what side they'd take.


“You are saying Maya is...what exactly?” Emily stood up, put her hand on my shoulder, showing which side she would stand up for, who she'd protect. Her height made her confidence stronger, the way her perfect face was calm yet fierce, I felt secure. Thalia also got up, glaring at Emily, ready to appose her ex rival. “When we arrived....what would have you thought?” She snapped back, Emily's jaw clamped, trying to control her thoughts. “If you knew Maya, you'd know she'd never do anything like that, just because you might...” She left it there, whispering that as long as I was telling the truth I shouldn't have to deal with this, that we should leave, that she knew I would never do anything like that. “We know Maya, but you don't know Ethan. You have no idea what he's capable of!” Nick acidly retorted, I felt Emily flinch at my side with the way Nick spoke to her.


“You don't know him either!” I yelled, not caring if people were staring, not caring that people were starting to whisper abut how crazy I probably looked. “You won't take a second, to see that he's not that bratty kid he was back then! You expect all of us to accept your girlfriend, yet you won't give my friend a single chance!” I felt the tears brimming over my eyes, almost falling but not quite. “Maya! Ugh! You're too innocent, he has you thinking he's a saint, TELL HER!” He was standing, Ethan got up as well, not caring what would happen next. “It doesn't matter to me! Did you not hear me before? I'll repeat myself! I trust Ethan fully and whatever it is, does not matter.” I fumed, the tears now spilling, I didn't even care to wipe them, Emily took a napkin and cleared my face. “Don't say that, until you hear what it is.” Joe warned, Paul had his face in his hands, distraught that this was happening in such a public place. His face already red with disappointment at the scandal. Nick looked back and forth at me and Joe, who were just glaring each other down, it was implausible how we looked at each other as enemies at the moment.


“HE SOLD DRUGS! WE SAW FREDDY HANDING HIM DRUGS! TO SELL TO THE KIDS WE WORKED WITH!! HE PROBABLY STILL DOES IT!” Nick exploded, I almost laughed at the absurdity of what he had just spoken. But the exasperation in which he spoke...it felt as though he was sure he was telling the truth. I looked up at Ethan, smiling, waiting for him to smile back and explain this stupid and crazy tale Nick was telling. I kept waiting, but Ethan wouldn't even look at me, he was looking away, from everyone. I realized I was gripping the tablecloth in my fist as I tried not to cry and stay on control of my actions. “Ethan! It's ok, you can curse him out, hit him, and we can leave. We don't have to listen to his lies.” I wiped the stupid tears off, we were better than this, and I would leave. I waited again, but he wouldn't move, he looked like a king, thrown off his throne, demolished. “Ethan....?” I didn't understand, why wasn't he defending himself?! He covered his eyes with one hand, and sighed, like a man who'd seen too much in his short life.


“Maya, I should go....” He finally met my eyes, my answer seeking eyes. The look on his face, left an answer I was not expecting. His eyes were begging for understanding, full of revulsion for himself and they were watery, as though he was...guilty as charged. “Defend yourself! Tell Nick to stop lying!” I was crying, clinging to his cuff and shaking his frame. He closed his eyes, tormented by my voice, and my touch, for he took my hands off of him, but not as tormented as my heart felt right this instant. Then it hit me, what I was afraid of, since the beginning. Before Ethan could start walking out, I left everyone behind and started running, I saw the heads that turned as I ran past tables and tables of people, who never had to deal with anything because they were so rich everything came at ease for them. I was outside in the cold dark world, filled with neon lights that lit the sky, but that did nothing to wither the darkness that was storming in me at the moment. I was breaking a promise, because if what Nick said was true, and the boy I thought i knew was guilty of those assertions, of selling drugs...to kids. Then no matter how much I thought I knew him, and no matter how close he was to me, he was hurting others, and that did matter.
Maya's POV Ends


Chapter 17
Attempts To Think Straight


        I could barely hold myself up, I wanted more than anything to drop to the floor and cry until I couldn't anymore. This could not be happening to me, after all of this, why was I still being put through so much? Didn't I have enough torture to be set for life? I had to take off these stupid heels, they were not helping me walk away as fast as I hoped. I bent down to unstrap them, as I did I heard the lightning start to rage in the dark blue sky. I welcomed rain at the moment, anything to cool this burning conflict inside of me. I jumped at the sound of my cell phone, I had placed it inside of the bow on my shoulder, it was safe to answer, it was Kevin. “Hello? Maya....” I heard grunts and curses as two peoples voices tried to dominate over the phone. “Hello? Maya? Come back! You shouldn't have to leave! Come back inside!” I heard Kevin apologizing in the background for letting Nick take the phone. “Nick,” I had to cover both sides of the phone so I could let a hack out of me because of the sobs I was trying to keep in. “You ruin everything!” I wasn't able to keep my voice straight, it came out as a yelp and a tormented cry.


As soon as I hung up the phone, I felt the drops of rain start to fall from above, and they splattered on my face and mixed with my own tears. The hotel was at least 49 blocks away, I didn't care, I would walk them. I was spared any more pain, there were no glass fragments on the floor I walked on, no shards of rocks or gum, just the moist cement floor. I kept walking, just focusing on getting to the hotel room before any of them, and locking myself in. I quickly felt the presence of someone behind me, I turned around only to be startled by no one I knew. “Excuse me, miss? Are you alright?” A police man eyed me, not suspicious but worried at the distress in my face. “I'm okay.” I lied, I thanked him and kept walking, seeing people point at the unusual girl who was walking barefoot, soaking wet, with the most raged facial expression possibly ever attained. I could have cared less if a car jumped onto the sidewalk and ran me over, everything I had been working on building back up had just been crushed.


I arrived back at the hotel in maybe what felt like an hour or two, I hadn't checked my phone, I had chucked it after I had seen a tall guy with blond hair, who reminded me of someone I was trying not to think about. I stepped onto the gray marble staircase that led into the hotel, I smoothed down my damp hair I had pulled on as I walked down the sidewalk, trying to make out why God decided to make me his punching bag. “Can I help you?” The woman at the reception desk raised her eyebrows at the mess that was standing in front of her, I just showed her my key to let her see I was a guest and took the elevator. As soon as I was inside, isolated, locked in away from everyone and anyone, I dropped to the floor, the iciness didn't bother me after walking so many blocks under the constant rain. I held onto the golden pole that went around the walls and held on to it as I yelled in outrage and in pain. The stomach aches were even worse now, but I took them, just wanting to get to my room.


I reached my hallway, not bumping into anyone, thankfully. Either they were still at the restaurant, which I highly doubted after that fiasco, or they were somewhere else. As soon as I was inside, I locked the door, with the nigh latch and the regular deadbolt lock. I stripped off the damn dress and changed into a pair of blue flannel pajamas and a tank top. There was no way I would be able to go to sleep tonight, it would be close to impossible. I wound myself around the enormous room until I was away from the view of Central Park in the bedroom, I walked barefoot to the den or living room, I wasn't sure what it was. The TV was positioned at the corner of the 2 window walls, right between the two windows who's curtains I opened. From both wide windows you had a perfect view of the city lights, the taxis zooming through traffic, trying to get their passengers to their appointments. There was a small wooden table with 2 chairs settled in front of one of the windows, to overlook the busy streets and survey the color changes that occurred throughout the day and night.


I walked to the table to take the remote and sat on the bouncy and warm sofa, deciding on it instead of the armchair because it was too small to feel comfortable in. I flipped the TV on, putting it on mute, just wanting some other form of existence near me but not wanting to hear anything. I looked out the windows, the now lighted skyscrapers illuminating the gray and depressing rained on city night. There was no feeling of love for anyone at this moment, I felt nothing but betrayal, deception, hatred, fear, and anguish. Even my mother, who I knew nothing about, had left me, I had no one in this world at this very moment. Never in my life had I felt so alone, I had always had a person or people who made me feel safe, now I felt vulnerable to any danger that could come my way, with no form of protection. I stared out one of the windows, not seeing much, because I couldn't see anything but a face, a face that I had admired and gotten used, but now felt like a complete stranger.


Among the few things I knew I was certain about was my new found and deep hate for Nicholas Jerry Jonas. I felt like I would never be able to forgive him for everything, because at this moment, everything was his god damn fault. From the time we were kids to a couple of days, or a months ago, I could always trust in him, I could always turn to him for anything. Now he was the last person I would ever want to see, I could live my whole life without seeing his face again. He was already happily in love, but that wasn't enough, he had to ruin the only bit happiness I was starting to get used to. Ethan, I didn't want to think of him, but I couldn't delay it any longer. A few hours ago him and I were....and now....i did not know who he was. Did I ever? Was Nick telling the truth? Was Ethan pretending this whole time. I felt the tears fall again, Nick had to contaminate the pure image I had of Ethan, he changed the order and sanity of my thoughts and feelings. I turned the TV off, the people on the sitcom were arguing, that didn't help the cause. Joe, what to do with him? I didn't know if I hated him as well, but I knew I didn't loath him or feel disgust at the thought of his name like how I felt about Nick.


The door was rapped on, I stayed as quiet as possible, my sobs stuttering as I tried to cease them. I tip toed to the lamp standing on my right and clicked it off, so no light would emit under the door. I didn't care who it was, I wouldn't open the door for any of those people, not even innocent Emily, who was so kind to me, I was in no condition to receive anyone, I was a walking time bomb. “Maya, I know you're in there. Would you please talk to me, or would you listen to me?” I was expecting 3 voices, but it was neither of those, it was Billy's. That took me off guard, he was hanging out with his friends today, what could have caused him to come. “No one sent me, I'm not here as anyone's ally or spokesperson, just as your friend.” He told me, as though reading my thoughts. What if someone was with him, I couldn't afford to make the mistake of opening the door and either Nick or Ethan or Joe run in the room. “Are you alone?” My voice sounded husky from crying and coughing.


“I'm here by myself. Honest to god.” He replied, I believed him. I wiped my face, no use because although I had no mirror I could envisage my extremely puffy eyes and flushed face. The door fortunately had a peephole, I put my eye against it and saw Billy standing there, with his hands in his pockets and a huge black sack standing against the wall. “What's in the bag?” I inquired, I wouldn't expect less of any of them to try and sneak their way inside my room. “It's my laundry bag.” He smiled, I nodded and opened the door. He stood there, grimacing at the state of me, I could see his worry as he came to me and gave me a small hug. “I'm terribly sorry about tonight, may I come in?” His voice was very low, not wanting to scare me. “If you want.” I shrugged as I walked back in to the den, I waited for him to come in. “Lock the door behind you.” I ordered him, I heard the lock's click and felt a bit secure, knowing no one could get in.


“If no one sent you, then how did you know about last night?” I snapped, how else could he have known. “Kevin called. Told me what had occurred, he didn't tell me to come, I came on my own accord.” He responded as he laid his laundry sack down gently, it looked too stiff to have clothes in there. “So, what do you want to talk about?” I decided to sit at the table instead of the couch, so I could have a conversation with Billy. “I don't know, whatever you want to talk about. I'm here to listen to you, I'm here to be your friend, not to stand up for anyone. If you just want some company, or want to talk, I'm here.” He grimaced, as I just looked out the window, I could see his face clearly on it, very worried, like the policeman's. “I don't know what to think, about anything. I don't know if I want to see any of them, ever. I don't think I deserved this, do you?” I found myself opening up to him, because he wasn't on anyone sides, he was a spectator of this mess.


“You don't deserve any of this, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, 'they' should feel horrible about themselves.” He replied, serving himself some water from the pitcher on top of a thin wooden tray on the the round table. “How can I not beat myself up about this! My friends! My brothers! It wasn't like a one side thing, both sides kept things from me. And..i don't know if I should believe them or if it's true....” I couldn't hold back the tears although I tried, Nick's voice rang in my head with the words that made my world crash down, “HE SOLD DRUGS! WE SAW FREDDY HANDING HIM DRUGS! TO SELL TO THE KIDS WE WORKED WITH!! HE PROBABLY STILL DOES IT!” “May I say something? Again, I'm not taking sides, but I think it's key, that you get this.” He was looking out the window, where the traffic was increasing as the night grew longer. “Sure.” I sniffed, it was humiliating not being able to stop myself from exposing my weaker side. “Wait, could you turn the lights on?” He sounded amused, I hadn't even realized the darkness we were sitting in with the source of illumination coming from outside.


I got up and walked to the lamp, I clung my hand to my abs, again, the acid burning feeling getting worse, I had to hold on to the side of the night stand the lamp was on. “Maya?!” Billy's chair fell backwards as he heard me cry of pain, I took deep breaths. “I'm f-fine...” I inhaled, and exhaled repeatedly. “You are not.” He helped me to the sofa and helped me lay myself horizontally so I could rest. But I didn't want to rest, as soon as I did I would have dreams, nightmares and swirls of thoughts surrounding tonight's events. “No. I just haven't had anything to eat. Just really hungry.” I lied, if I even took a bite of something I was likely to throw up and that would not help my stomach. “Nice try. But I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow morning, no excuses.” He informed me, I just sighed because I obviously had no choice.


“Ok, what was it you were going to say?” I felt his laundry bag, it didn't have clothes in, automatically by the shape of it, I knew what it was. “What are you doing with a guitar?” I wondered, he didn't play. “Kevin. I told him I was coming to see you, and he suggested that I bring it to you. He didn't tell me to tell you this but he did tell me, that when something like this...happens...it's better to let it out then keep it bottled up. He also told me you sing and compose beautifully.” My guitar, my only friend in this world at the moment. “Thanks.” I tried to smile but I failed miserably. I seemed to fail miserably at everything, that was what I was best at. “As I was saying. I think you should take time to think things out, and maybe you shouldn't rely on one person's accusation. Maybe hear what others have to say. I know that Kevin knows the full story.” He shrugged and put his hands out to stop my protest. “I'm not saying Nick lied, I'm not saying he's telling the truth. All I'm saying is this, he obviously does not like Ethan. So this coming from him, could be Nick extending the truth or putting it out so bluntly that it could only be half the truth and half his speculations.” He ended as he got up and came over to me and patted my shoulder.


“I would give you a hug, but you're obviously in pain. I'll leave now. Please don't do anything rash, and just mull things over.” He waved and walked out, closing the door behind him. I started to hear another voice, had he brought someone with him? No, it sounded like arguments. Billy's voice was getting louder, so that I could hear it very clearly. “She doesn't want to see anyone, I'm lucky she even saw me. Do not disturb her, or I will deal with you.” I heard the warning in his voice, and I heard someone retaliate but again Billy repeated himself and the voice lowered. I felt my heart stutter and thump against my heart as I imagined Ethan outside, wanting to explain everything.... “Maya! Please open the door! I need to speak to you!” But it wasn't Ethan, it was Nick. I heard Billy tell him he would leave but if I was being disturbed to call him. “Maya! I will wait all night if I have to, but we have to speak.” I heard him slump himself onto the ground, he must have sat against the door, because I felt it shudder a bit. “I'm not leaving until we speak.” He bellowed so I would hear him, good, he could rot there forever.


I wasn't about to leave for my bedroom, where the view was perfect, I could see Central Park, the place that was haunting, full of recent yet old memories of what bond Ethan and I shared. I went back to the couch, the pain of my stomach had lessened to cramps. I started tuning my guitar, I didn't need a tuner or a piano, I could just listen and know how much to turn the knobs. I started with a few scales, making sure I wasn't rusty, but I of course wasn't, those extreme lessons I put myself through with Kevin had gotten me to be as good as him. “You're awake! For a minute there thought you went to sleep! Open the door, please.” He could beg all he wanted, I would not give in to him, not anymore, maybe not ever. I just played the notes, they came to me so very easily. I didn't have a pick on me, as I tried to figure out what chords and notes went perfectly, I felt the force my fingers would come down with on the strings, and how it ached my index finger, but it didn't matter. I felt words start to come and mix harmoniously with the song, I let it fill me and mouthed a couple of lines I knew belonged to the song. The song was about deception, hurt, enlightenment, begging, and every emotion that was filling me up.


I kept playing, but I felt an urge to scream, so I instead finally decided to speak to the guy outside my door. “Why do you do this to me? You ruin everything, you know. Couldn't you leave me and focus on your happy life instead of ruining my mangled one? This is the second time you ruin a dinner for me, do you realize that? I just wish....sometimes you didn't exist.” That last part was becoming more clear to me, and sometimes I did wish it. If he had not existed, I would have never had to deal with so many heart breaks over and over, each one killing me slower but to a greater extent. I just played, I felt my cuticle start to bleed, it was morbid how I didn't care, how everything seemed to cease to matter because the person I had considered my friend, my brother, the love of my life, had just cut off my supply of air. And then Ethan, the boy I thought I knew, the boy I was always hanging onto, because I felt he would be able to bring me back up, was now unfamiliar to me. Every second we spent together, I didn't know what to make of it.


“I'm sorry. I've broken so many promises, and I left you out there in the rain, I didn't go after you, I should have. But Thalia.....she thought it was best to let the shock sink in...you know...she's on your side you know.” At this my mouth clamped, it was always about her. He couldn't leave his perfect little world and pick me over her, not even as a friend. The truth was, I was alone in this world, either I moved on or I would stay behind, because evidently no one would help me back up. “I have screwed up over and over. When we were little, I promised you I would never let anyone hurt you, and I always renewed that promise. And now, I am part of the cause, that you're injured.” I heard the disappointment and hurt as he realized what he had done to me. “You're not part of the cause....” I wanted to pick my words wisely, and make him understand, even the parts he had no clue about, like my old love for him. “Then-” He was beginning to sound elated at the sound of me taking the blame off of his shoulders. “Let me finish,” I answered aggressively. “You are the entire cause of my hurting. Not part.” I heard my guitar fall to the ground, I had dropped it onto the couch to run so he would not hear me cry of rage and pain, but it had slid off onto the floor making a thud.


I wouldn't be able to sleep in my room, I ran to the bathroom, it was just as I remembered it this morning, tremendous and very elegant. The bathtub was an Oceanic Tropic 68 super aeromassage, the only reason I knew this was because there was a little note hanging off a golden string that read:

The Oceanic Tropic 68 super aeromassage tub will take you away on a tropic vacation with it's splendid features. With it's 42 air massage jets, turbo sensor electronic control with water detector and integrated heated element, it'll feel like a day in the spa in the comfort of your bathroom.

The surrounding of it was black wood just like the other room's furniture, it stood against the wall with a rail with two towels on it, and a foot above the rail 3 small black wood frames with small pictures of tropical beaches. It had a leather like cushion pillow built in, as my eyes started to flutter and want to close, I locked the door behind me and got inside. I sighed as felt the cool feel of the tub, since it felt seldom used or probably new. I laid my head against the pillow and shut my eyes, I could tell it would be a long and restless night, I was sure Nick had not moved, I could sense his presence, and that troubled me.


I turned sideways, trying to make myself comfortable, so this was what it came down to. Nick had cornered me into a small room, making me flee from everything and everyone, making me feel as though I was closed in on, and that I only had this bathtub to protect me. He was like a hunter, waiting for his prey to walk out unsuspecting and take every last shred of life he or she had. “I will forever hate ever loving you.” I muttered to Nick, not that he would ever hear me, it was less than a whisper. Tomorrow was a new day, a new opportunity for someone else to beat me down and take the last bits of my heart that remained. I needed answers, I wanted answers, I wanted nothing, and I wanted everything, nothing made sense. I doubted anyone could feel as hurt as I did, but then I thought a little clearer. How did Ethan feel? Was his mind as tormented as mine? Then I felt my stomach knot up as I realized the betrayal and deception he might also feel. The girl who had promised him that nothing in his past mattered had just deserted him, with a crowd of people who believed Nick's accusations. Was I any better than the boy sitting against my door? Probably not, and that made me feel repulsive.


Chapter 18
Face It, Head On


I turned my head sideways, again, I hadn't looked at the digital clock on the right wall for a couple of hours. It was finally morning, 7 am, I hadn't slept, too engrossed in what was now my life. I tried not to think at all, I had let these hours pass with just staring blankly at the room, trying to keep my thoughts clear of anything that had to do with human beings. After a while, or hours, I could block out the door's banging and a pleading outside that screamed for a chance to speak. A person's mind could accomplish so much with concentration, or apathy, that was what kept my mind clear for these hours. If my memory served correct, the boys had a press conference and an MTV session, and no matter what, I was still an assistant, or a JAMF. I couldn't use my pain or emotional breakdown as an excuse to miss work, work had been what kept me strong all these months.


I finally sat up on the tub, my body aching from the inertness and now quick movement. I felt the stings of my fingers from last nights guitar practice, and the constant finger thumping against the tub. I pressed my ear against the bathroom door, making sure no one was inside, after a couple of minutes I creaked it open, and peaked. I heard no sudden movement or voices, so I thought it was safe to come out, I stepped into the warm room, compared to the chilly bathroom. To my surprise, there was someone leaning against my bed, in a crouched and stiff position. It was Kevin, he held a room key, and one leg was up and the other laying flatly on the ground, he was sleeping. Somehow he must have been able to get in without Nick's knowledge, or the room must have another entrance, I knew Nick wouldn't have let him come in without a fight to get in as well...unless he had left...


Even if I tried to find a reason to be mad at Kevin, I couldn't. He had always stood up for Ethan, just the name made me shut my eyes, but even though he always had his back I couldn't hold that against him. Billy's advice voiced itself in my mind, and I sighed as I walked over to Kevin, ready to hear the whole truth, or more deceptions. I bent down, poor Kevin, he must have been looking for me, waiting, and fallen asleep. I tried to carry him long enough to lay him on the bed but I was only able to raise him for a second and a half, he was a heavy boy. “Wuz, goin' on?” Trying to speak coherently although he was half a sleep. “Hey.” I said, not too happy with the upcoming conversation we would have. “Where were you? How'd you get by Nick?” He took his hands and ran them over his face, and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up. “I was here.” I replied, sitting on the edge of my bed, my hand outstretched so he could get up.


“No you weren't. I was here since who knows how long.” He yawned and joined my side giving my shoulders a small squeeze as to say good morning or hoping to provide some comfort . “I was, I just stayed in the bathroom.” I shrugged, he seemed alarmed at that. “How are you?” He asked after a while, I finally realized where all the light was coming from, the windows shades were drawn. Central Park's autumn colors filled the city streets, many images passed through my mind as I remembered the red bike, the secure feeling I had, the just right feeling of holding onto Ethan. “Mom and dad are worried, mom was hysterical after you left, she pulled us all out of the restaurant, we had to leave through the back, she exploded on them, she was so scared for you.” He let me know, I pulled my legs up, and placed my chin on my knees, ready to hear what had happened.


“Emily excused herself, she was going to try and catch up with you and call us once she found you. Dad, it was ugly, he was red in the face, raging and in a murderous state, Joe probably won't be saying a word in days. Nick, stayed to hear it and then left, looking for you, he walked all the way to the hotel.” As though this should lessen my hard feelings toward his younger brother. “So? I walked too.” I argued, it didn't take an athlete to walk that long. “I should start getting ready.” I wiped a tear that escaped. “You guys have that press conference in a couple of hours.” I stood up and rummaged through my dresser to look for today's outfit. “You are not serious I hope. After tonight you should never help us, I wouldn't be offended if you didn't talk to us.” He responded. “It's my job, I can do my job without chatting.” I told him, I looked over to the door, worried.


“He's still there.” Kevin replied to my unspoken words. “Get him out of there or I'll call the police.” I warned, and I would do it, I felt so much despise towards Nick. “Alright.” He waved and started for the door. “Wait! You haven't brought up....Ethan....” My voice sounded desperate for some news on him. “I didn't think you'd want to talk about him, or that maybe you didn't trust what I would tell you. After Nick's little speech, I didn't know if you'd believe the real story.” Did I want to know? What could cause it to be less severe, he did it, and that was that. “It's a lot more complicated than what Nick said. But I think you should talk to Ethan, and if you want to confirm his side, you come and talk to me. Is that ok?” He came over and gave me a hug, I laid my head against his arm, exhausted. “I know, everything just flipped your world upside down, I don't know why this is happening to you, but I know God has his reasons.” He gave me a kiss on my head and left.


I sprinted to the door and stopped him before I forgot. “Kevin? Could you do me a favor?” I wondered if this would work. “Absolutely.” He waited for my requirement. “I told Billy he could take me somewhere, tell him you took me, don't ask what it is, could you just say you took me?” I pleaded. “Alright.” He was confused at my request but I knew he would do it. As soon as he was out I locked the door behind him, already hearing the arising Nick and Kevin's struggle to push him away from my hall and down to their floor. I fell against the door, and laid my head against it, my hands in my hair, torn between doing what I knew should be done and wanting to isolate myself. How complicated could this be? He sold drugs, end of discussion.....was it though?


I had taken a shower, but the so called aeromassage did nothing to relax me and whatever else it guaranteed. I grabbed a pair of the blackest skinny jeans I had, my black converse, and a black button up Henley. As I got in my clothes I noticed that they matched my mood, it all felt black, a swirling despair I was stuck in. After my hair was dry I put it in a ponytail and applied some eyeliner, I was good to go. My time was up, I would hide no more, I grabbed my identification and car keys. Before I left I had to pluck up the courage and go to Ethan's room and hear everything. I called up the hotel concierge and asked what room Ethan was in, he was down the hall, a shorter walk than I had hoped for. I closed the door behind me, making sure I had my key and looked for his room, feeling the fear inside me swell.


It wasn't hard to go and knock on his door because it was a bit ajar. I could see his back, bent over, stuffing things into a suitcase. I felt my heart stop and then quicken it's beats, he was leaving, and that was not okay with me. It was like one of those movie scenes, where the guy is packing up messily, picking up things off the floor, too hurried to realize someone is at the door. He turned to go and check another drawer, and spots me, hanging out awkwardly at the door. I wanted to say, 'maybe, this isn't a good time', but I end up inviting myself in. What would be a good time? When he's on his way to the airport, two seconds before his plane leaves? This was it, and I could feel the first (of many) trickle of sweat on the side of my face, I wiped it casually. “.........” I opened my mouth to say something, but all I could do was inhale and exhale. “......” It seemed Ethan was not sure how to respond either, it was a first for the both of us, I don't think we've ever had a problem speaking.


“You shouldn't be here.” He finally said, not what I was expecting and it stung. Did he not want to see me after I left him, was he that mad? “You don't want me here?” I gulped, feeling rejection slowly and painfully sink through me. At first he looked aghast, and then he gave me a half smile but not full of any amusement. “Of course I do, but you should stay away from me. After yesterday....i just don't think, actually I'm positive, I'm not worth to be in your presence.” He wasn't meeting my eyes at all, what was worst was that he felt like I was something precious that shouldn't be defiled with something like him. It was horrible, he looked like a little kid who was being reprimanded by an adult, and just with my presence I was making him feel low. “You're leaving?” I moved in closer, I knew he wasn't dangerous, although of what I knew now, so I had no fear of coming in contact with him, after all, he was still my Ethan.


“I don't think I have anything to do here, I've caused too many disputes in such a calm and peaceful family. I'm not meant to be your friend Maya, I'm deplorable.” He replied, my instant reflex was to hold onto him and tell him to stop talking nonsense but after yesterday too many walls were suddenly up. “Nothing to do here?! How about explaining to me? How about not letting me doubt who I think you are?” My voice was getting a bit loud, I had an urge to dump all the clothes from his suitcase because he kept eying it like it would grow feet and run off. “You heard Nick, last night. What else do you want?” He bit his lip, I don't think I've ever seen him do that, it meant he wanted to add more because there was more, but maybe not a bad more. “I want your account, I know you, or I think I do,” At this he sort of flinched, at how I doubted who he was. “Tell me what Nick didn't say, what he might not know, tell me the truth.” I moved towards the door, to close it, I wanted this to be private.


“This could be long, it depends how much time you have.” He warned me, I looked at him more clearly, he looked as tired and agitated as I was. “I have all the time, for the truth.” I told him, he nodded and pointed to a over sized armchair. I walked like the dead, to it, maybe hoping it couldn't get any worse and hoping I could run out if it became to much for me. “Are you sure? I want you to know, to know everything about me, even this, but I'm terrified that I'll never see you again.” I heard his voice tremble, and I trembled too, I didn't want to never see him again. I just sat, my legs up and crossed indian style, what could I say to that, I couldn't let him know how much it would hurt losing him too. Unlike my room, his was a dark red, a warm color, with the same kind of black wood furniture except it only had one closet with shelves, the door had been left open since he had been packing. There was a glass vase holding white lilies, like mine, but they were starting to shrivel at the ends, but the now rising sun might fix that.


“As you know, when I was younger I didn't have many friends because I was egotistical, conceited, narcissistic.” He began, looking out the window, it wasn't as big as mine but he had a small but clear view of the park as well, I wondered if it was hard for him to see it as well. “You've told me this before.” I remembered, that night when Nick and Joe first began their war against Ethan, and I had called him over to my house so we could speak. "Yes, but I need to go more into Freddy.” Just the name brought newfound fright to me, and I could see Ethan turn cold at the thought of him. “To me, back then of course, he was my idol. He kept such cool to everything, I wanted to be just like him. I saw how his looks caught everyone's attention, and I wanted that too, he saw that I liked to differentiate myself from everyone and started speaking to me. I saw that the more I hung out with him, people would stare at me too, more than usual, and back then, I liked that. Freddy was older than me, way older for us to be friends, he talked about things I still didn't understand.” He paused, I could see we were coming to the, I hate to use the word for this but, the 'juicy' part.


“Freddy started inviting me to high school parties, I was just 13, you were 11, and I guess I wanted to be as popular as you were. It sounds idiotic, but I was jealous of you and at the same time I wanted you, as much as the rest of the younger kids to surround me and talk and hang out like they did with you. But now I had a cooler crowd, with older kids who found me, although I was young, to be as cool as them, I was the king of the world. I also started realizing, to be considered cool, you had to do things they felt were cool, things a thirteen year old shouldn't be doing.” He paused, he let out a big sigh and ran his hand through his hair. I felt the fear grow, but I was frozen in my seat, not wanting to leave, and I started feeling cold. “That was the first time Freddy and his friends offered me alcohol, I took it because I was afraid if I didn't he'd think I was just a kid. I spent half that night in the bathroom, puking and hung over the next morning. As I went from party to party, Freddy was more open with me, he told me what he did for money. In a way, I figured he sold drugs but I was reluctant to believe he did that, especially since he looked so healthy and all.” Ethan laid back on his bed, his face covered with his hands and he gave another sigh.


“Then, I saw him really messed up one day. Said, he needed to sell more because he was running out of money. Told me he needed younger and more inexperienced clients, kids. I told him I didn't do that kind of stuff, he told me he wasn't asking me to smoke it, he was ordering me to sell it.” I couldn't look at his face, but I knew he was remembering it so vividly it disturbed him. “I was so scared, because I knew who'd he'd want me to sell it to. My fears were realized when one day, when we had rehearsal, he came in late and his side pocket looked packed. I was trying to focus on the play and our acting coach's instructions but he cornered me. He gave me a big ziplock bag, told me how much the stuff was worth. And I was to convince the guys who were in the musical, he wanted me to have sold half the bag by the end of the day.” I heard him swallow, and I had the scene playing in my head, how Freddy's tall dark figure could have easily controlled Ethan, so desperate for friendship, that he was forced to do this.


“Oh, god. He was barely twelve.” I heard a desperate cry from Ethan, his shoulders started to shake, and I realized what must have happened. “You...don't have to continue....” I realized I was shaking as well, my nails digging into my leg. “No. I have to, if you never speak to me again, I at least want you to know everything, before you leave. I've kept this a secret for too long.” He controlled himself and cleared his throat. “When rehearsals were over I was getting all my stuff together and he came over to me. He saw that I didn't even open the bag, that made him angry. Apparently he was really out of money, and I was to blame if he didn't pay his bills. That was the first time I saw his true colors, the first time I realized I was never his friend, just someone he was using as his apprentice or follower. He looked at me and told me that I had better sell them or I was going to pay. I told him I didn't want to do this, that I was only a kid. He replied that to be cool, to be his friend, it was the only way. I dropped that bag in his hands and ran for it.” Ethan stood up, walked over to the window and stared out of it, his hands loosely twirling the curtain at the end.


“That was a big mistake, because he knew where I lived. I got home and there he was, sitting down and chatting with my mom. I understood what his visit meant, if I didn't do it, he would hurt my mom. I remember when my mom saw me come in, she had this kind smile and told me: Look who stopped by, Freddy, he's such a sweet boy, he was just waiting for you to get home. When she left, he gave me this smirk and dumped the bag into my bag, and I knew I had no choice but to sell the wretched things. You have to understand that the only person I had was my mom, I couldn't let him do anything to her.” He finally met my eyes, and they were wet, both of ours. The next day I spotted a scrawny little kid who sometimes tried to hang out with us, Peter. He was hanging out with kids like Freddy, so I thought he might take some. I was in a corner, the right side of the stage, talking to him and then I took out the bag, and at first he wasn't sure but he ended nodding his head and taking it.” I heard him wipe his eyes with the back of his hand or maybe that was me.


“I remember turning around to see if Freddy had seen that I had done it, so I could be sure my mom would be safe. But looking back at me was Joe and Nick, Nick not so sure what was going on, but Joe trying to make Nick look away and I felt so ashamed. I skipped rehearsals, told our acting coach I was feeling sick, and I was. I knew my mom was the most important thing in my life, but I didn't want that kid to become a drug addict, I ran all the way home and broke my piggy bank. I went back trying to catch up with Peter, but it was too late. I saw the ambulances surrounding the theater and a stretcher going back into it. Freddy was trying to be inconspicuous, helping the adults round up the kids and keep them calm. I was out of my mind, kicking myself and thinking I killed the boy, I was a murderer. I went to the boys bathroom and flushed it all, when it got backed up I dug my hands into the toilet and made sure it went through. When I was back out, the teacher was stunned at how drenched I was. I was hysterical, and I remember looking at Freddy for some reassurance, and he didn't even look my way.” I just listened, remembering that day. When one of my friends, Peter, started to look faint, and then just started getting icy cold and dropped to the floor shaking.


“As soon as our parents were called, I went over to Freddy and told him I had sold it all, gave him the money and left. He knew the kid couldn't have bought it all but he didn't want me blabbing if I got blamed, if Peter wasn't dead. I begged my mother to take me to the hospital, she was surprised since she knew I mostly hung out with Freddy and that Peter and I were never close. His parents were horrified when the doctor told them what they had found in Peter when they analyzed him. My mom was there, comforting them and I sat in the back, relieved that he was alive. I stayed the whole night until they were allowing his family to go and see him. His mother let me see him first, she was thankful Peter had such a great friend! Me! The boy who was the reason he was in there, but as ashamed as I was, I went in first. It was so hard for me to walk in and see him plugged into so many machines and seeing needles going into his arms.” We had gone and seen him the next day, I remember seeing him extremely pale white and coughing every now and then.


“I was as scared as he was. His parents were going to ask him who had given him the stuff, and then I wondered if I'd go to jail once he told them it was me. Peter was wide eyed when he saw me there, I couldn't stop asking him to not rat me out, that my mother's life could be at stake, and that I was truly sorry. I ended up telling him everything. He actually patted my hand and told me he forgave me, he even smiled, and it's haunted me ever since. How easily he could forgive me for almost taking his life. How dangerous Freddy truly was, and how I had been manipulated so easily.” He was crying, there was no way around it, I was looking at him and I could see the younger Ethan in his eyes, the young lonely and vulnerable boy. “Peter and I became friends, it was unbelievable that he would even talk to me, but we became brothers, and we both quivered whenever we saw Freddy. But we stood together, and we'd thwart his attempts to befriend other kids, because we knew what he'd try,” He sighed and fell to the floor, his hands over his mouth. “That's my story. I am sorry I never told you Maya, and I don't expect you to forgive me. But believe me that even though Peter and I are close till this day, brothers, there isn't a time that I can't ever look at him without feeling remorse and shame.”


I got up off the armchair, I wiped my eyes again, the tip of my sleeve very wet. He also got up, starting to pack again. The sun was now fully up, the lilies bending towards the rays, starting to regain their color and opening as much as they could, ready to soak up their energy. I checked the small clock on his drawer, it was getting late, the boys would need my help soon. “I have to go.” I told him, he nodded, not bothering to turn around, probably too ashamed to look at me, too full of old grievances he probably tried not to think about. He wasn't perfect, although ever since I had met him again, I believed so. How empty he must feel and the work it must have taken for him to be able to stand being so close to Peter, how much hurt they both must have carried and the constant fear of Freddy, who was capable of things I would have never thought of. I knew this wasn't my business but I wanted to know. “Did Freddy ever talk to you, or do something to you two?” I stood by the door, my hand already on the knob.


“Yes. Before he left, he cornered Peter and I with a couple of his friends.” He cleared his throat as he zipped up his suitcase and checked that he had his papers. “Remember the day Peter and I came into the theater? When we said we had been mugged while walking over from school?” I recalled that day perfectly, both of them had come in with a bloody nose, their clothes full of blood mixed with dirt, and I remember Ethan having been worse off than Peter, who had only suffered a couple of scratches and one purple eye. Ethan had been covered in dirt all over, his arm broken, one side of his face already swollen from bruises and his clothes covering a broken rib. I realized he must have tried to protect Peter, tried to save his brother from any harm. “Oh.” I walked out, I shut the door behind me running down the hall to catch the elevator before Ethan could add more memories of pain and placing more fear of Freddy inside of me.


I had been way off, when I thought of Freddy as just a bad kid. He was someone to watch out for, a guy who would keep his promise. Although Ethan didn't tell me, I vividly remember my mom rushing over to his mother's house, telling me she called and had been robbed as she went into her apartment, how she had a broken nose. I wondered if Ethan knew that was Freddy, or if he thought he was satisfied with beating them. In the elevator I thought over a couple of ideas. If Freddy was still out there, if he was putting other people in harm, he was maybe 23 now. If I could believe Ethan's story, what if it was just a story. And lastly how I dreaded never seeing him again, and how I knew even if it wasn't true, that I believed him and that I was scared for him and that I wanted him to stay with me more than anything.


Chapter 19
Mourning Goodbyes


        I wasn't sure if I could get away with this, driving with a permit and no legal driver to look over me. That thought didn't register until I had reached the building where I had to meet the boys and get them ready for all the press, arriving earlier than necessary. The room was being setup with a table in the front along with 3 seats facing an area with loads of fold up chairs, the room behind the press conference room was to make sure the boys were prepared, my room. I maneuvered my way past all the men setting up with the right lighting and carrying in more chairs, not wanting to come in contact with anyone. As I reached the room their names were written on a piece of paper, in a nice script computer font.


It was a simple white room, with a snack table full of fruits and different energy drinks. The tv hanging on the wall to the left was on the weather channel, a hard storm was going to be hitting in a day or so. Their stylist, Michelle, wouldn't be arriving until they did, which meant there was very little for me to do but sketch out polite answers to any impolite questions. My newest one to their purity ring obsessed paparazzi: 'We actually want to focus on promoting our new cd and answering music related questions if you don't mind'. They didn't get many rude questions, seeing as they were clean cut well mannered guys, I wanted to scoff thinking about one of them in particular. I moved around the couch so they could watch tv comfortably without straining their necks and on a separate table laid out sharpies with some posters they had to sign for some radio stations and internet sites.


On the side I put down a copy of today's schedule, I knew Kevin liked to know what was on today's list. There was a pot of coffee and I started it but ended up turning it off, I was sure if a Starbucks was near, Kevin would make sure a pit stop would be made. I allowed myself a few minutes of rest by closing my eyes and thinking over a couple of things. I hadn't seen Emily since the dinner, had she left? After seeing how hard it was to be near Nick for me and doubted she could handle such circumstances? But the question that I was trying to keep myself from thinking was about to burst and explode in my mind, the question that mattered to me the most. I slapped my hands over my face and shut my eyes as hard as I could, not that the force would stop me from reaching that topic. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Ethan. Did he really leave? Maybe he just changed hotels, maybe he couldn't leave my side as I wanted to believe. But I had put him in a position that brought him injuries it must have taken him time to try and heal, now open cuts that stung because of me.


He was wrong....i wanted to continue that sentence, that thought, but I knew I would argue with myself once I put it out there. Instead I sat up and focused on the 3 pair of footsteps making their way, the light tapping of patent leather shoes, sneakers, and what sounded like boots. I heard a short dry chuckle, which I found odd during what felt like a mourning. Maybe the feeling of loss was just in me, maybe none of them -except Kevin- felt any remorse or any tragic feeling. I sat up and stood by the door, ready to assist my bosses, that's what they would be from now on. I felt self-reproach at what I was going to do to them and myself, I was going to tear any form of relationship we had, this was just business, I would take my check at the end of the week for assisting the Jonas Brothers, not my family.


Kevin came in first, carrying a venti latte, he was the one with the boots. Behind him both Joe and Nick came in at the same time, pretending to be interested in the room. “Good morning Mr. Jonas, Mr. Jonas and Mr. Jonas.” I felt idiotic at how I had repeated it three times, but I would not use names and what should have I said? Mr. Jonases? “The press will be arriving in forty minutes, if you would like to view today's tasks, they are listed on that sheet, meanwhile, if you would please sign those posters. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.” I rushed that out, all in one breath so I would have no need to speak again unless I was spoken to. They just stared at me, as though I was insane, as though I knew better than to address them as unfamiliar people. As though I had not known them for my whole life. “Maya -you don't have to....” Nick actually spoke, he looked resigned to start a fight with me, but before he could beg me to forgive him I spoke. “Mr. Jonas, this is my job, to assist you. I am only here for that, so unless it has to do with your work or anything you require, there is no need for me to converse.” I excused myself, to make a quick call to Billy. Where was he?


“I'm right down the hall, sorry.” He replied on his phone, I could hear his hurrying footsteps as he rounded the corner into the back room, I waited for him outside the door. “I was under the impression that this would be a co assistant position. Correct me if I'm wrong.” I mocked with a smirk, for some reason I was able to find some amusement during this hard time for me. “That was the old me,” He waved off my cold impression of him when we first met. “before I knew how cool you were.” He added, he noticed my choice of wardrobe. “Are we mourning a death?” He wondered, the humor lost and sympathy taking over. “Yes. The death of the old Maya, and the birth of one I didn't ever want to become.” The answer escaped from my mouth without realizing this was what was happening. “You don't have to be like this. Maya, I expect better of you. You aren't a sulky child, although you are younger I've always thought of you as mature. Don't make me think of you as just another 16 year old.” He ruffled my hair and went inside.


I slid onto the floor, and hugged my knees, I was better. But something was missing, something that always made me grow stronger and find the best in me...no, not something, someone. I sat there for a while with my face hidden inside my arms over my knees thinking of nothing, just anything that would come to mind. I felt the presence of someone over me, I hadn't even heard footsteps. I wasn't expecting this person, but her presence made me furious although I knew my anger was meant mostly for her boyfriend. “Hello Maya. I hope you are good this morning, I brought you a vitamin water. It's dragon fruit, I hope it's ok.” She squatted down to give me a small hug and left the drink at my side. One thing that always struck me was her outfits, they just always captured my attention. She wore one of those black berets that hung on your head, the kind that looked like they were about to fall off, yet they miraculously didn't. Under a electric blue unbuttoned cardigan sweater she had a basic v neck gray tee with a pair of gray leopard print skinny jeans and black high top converse that almost reached her knees. She was beautiful, she really was.


“Thank you. I really like your outfit.” I told her, and how her wavy hair made her face even nicer and the way she did her make up made her look like a model or celebrity. She belonged here, she had the style and she was gorgeous, no wonder Nick had chosen her. At the beginning she was just sporty but now she showed another side, that exceeded expectations. “Really? I thought it might just be a bit over done, but you know much about style, I'll just have to take your word for it.” She wasn't being sarcastic, she actually thought my opinion of fashion was the law for some odd reason, probably because of them. “No, it's definitely perfect. Although, you could probably wear pumps with those pants as well.” I offered, she didn't strike me as a converse type of person. “Hmm and I wouldn't feel so short.” She giggled, so used to wearing high heels. “Is...” She trailed off, not knowing whether to name her man. “Yes. Mr. Nicholas Jonas is in there.” I replied, Thalia looked surprised at how I addressed him but thanked me and went in.


I opened the bottle up, while I finished gulps I read the label, I always did. I heard the noise of a crowd coming in, the buzzing of gossip getting louder as chairs were pushed or squeaked once someone sat on them. I sat up, my alone time was over. I knocked on the door and creaked it open a bit. “The press is ready for you, Mr. Jonases.” I tried the other form of using the plural form of their sir names. “Thank you.” Kevin answered as they walked out besides me and I lead them to their table where 3 microphones were set up and waiting. Flashes started in a frenzy as camera men saw the boys come in, they gave a small wave to the group of people as they took their seats and said polite hellos. Billy and I stood at the side as we chose which reporters/interviewers would ask questions. I spotted Thalia all the way in the back, not being noticed since everyones eyes where on the boys and she gave Nick a thumbs up and smiled. I excused myself and Billy took over as I left for the back room and laid on the couch.


They really didn't need my help, Billy was more than enough assistance. I just could not see myself being content with them anymore, it was all muddled with circumstances that made it more awkward for us to speak. What was keeping me here was the tug of family, the people I had always known and filled my life. There was nothing waiting for me anywhere, I was either with them or alone in the world. That wasn't true, I had my puppy, all the way in California, I could always go back home. But I knew the temptation that would upbring, not being so far from Ethan, I would have to fight against going to see him. But what was wrong with that? It was the fact that I still couldn't digest the truth, the hope this was all a horrible and long nightmare. Everything was just scrambled, I wish I had some time to sort it all out, to see what was really going to happen. My eyes were always tired now, just wanting to rest, I felt my lids slowly start to close, I didn't fight against the slumber I would fall into.


I awoke to a feeling of warmth under my shoulder, as though something was about to scoop me. “Should we carry her to the car?” My eyes fluttered open to find Nick's face inches from mine as he was bending down to scoop me up and carry me. “Get your hands off me.” I said with such force it woke me up and I stood up although I was barely aware of my surroundings. Still at the press conference, but it sounded like the press had long gone. “Time to go Maya, sorry it took us a bit longer than we expected.” Joe spoke to me, I kept a steady gaze, not wanting the dislike towards him to appear in my eyes. “Alright. Well Mr. Jonases, you have a TRL event in 3 or 4 hours so would you like me to call Big Rob and have him take you to your hotel or what would you like to do?” I collected any papers I had left laying around and got myself together. “Stop that.” Nick's snarl made me turn around and meet his eyes, he quickly lowered his stare. “Stop what Mr. Jonas?” I answered through my clenched teeth, I knew this was it, we would both explode here and now.


“Stop acting like you don't know us. Like you're just an employee. You know us.” He was fighting to keep his calm. I am your employee Mr. Jonas, and do I know you?” I retorted and I made it clear that I questioned everything we had ever established. “Maya, I am sorry. Not about what you found out but about how you did, that wasn't the best place or time.” So cynical, I wish I could just grab a bat and give his head a good swing. “Would you like Big Rob to pick you all up or shall I make other plans?” I repeated my question fiercely, taking my phone out. “Hotel.” Joe and Kevin answered as Nick just looked at me. “Mr. Jonas, you can glare at me all you want but this is strictly professional, I will not discuss any personal questions while I am working for you.” With that I dialed Big Rob and asked him to pick them up, I went to my car accompanied by Billy just in case I would be caught driving without a legal adult driver.


“So you're pretty much giving them the silent treatment?” He sat in the front passenger seat as we followed behind the black escalade. “I am just focusing on my job, there are lines bosses should not cross with their employees.” I responded as I made a quick turn at the light, not standing that at every stop the car would make, Nick would turn around to stare with Thalia under his arm. “You're just avoiding the inevitable. Sooner or later you'll either have to forgive him or not, and you'll have to tell him.” I grimaced at him as I took the shortcut to the hotel and realized I had 3 or 4 hours to kill. “I don't forgive him, Billy. I can't.” I replied as we reached the parking and I went under ground and chose the nearest parking towards the exit. “What about Ethan? Do you forgive him?” His question wasn't something I couldn't answer, what was there to forgive? What wasn't there to forgive?


“Looks like you have a harder time facing Ethan than Nick. Have you at least talked to him?” I turned off the car and felt a lump in my throat. “Yes.” I replied as I tried to swallow. “And?!” He didn't like it when I gave simple answers. “He left.” I could feel the strain of keeping my composure, the flow of pain as I tried to keep my eyes dry and my throat burned. “He left? Just like that?” He was as astonished as I was when I had seen him packing, it was hard to believe that the guy that claimed to love me left so easily. “Yes.” I stuttered at breathing as I tried to force myself not to weep. I thought he would comfort me or tell me it was the right thing but I heard him click his tongue in disapproval. “And you let him?” He faced me and gave me a confounded expression as though I was being stupid. “Make up your mind. You wanted to be with Ethan and Nick, and you saw what happened. Now you get the truth and you're mad at the world. You should have seen the repercussions of wanting so many off limit people around you. I am your friend Maya, but you're just being impractical.” He left me with my mouth gaping as he walked out on me and went inside the hotel leaving me standing by my door, mute.

--

I got out of the elevator, just hoping to reach my room without anyone getting in my way. I started to pass Ethan's unoccupied room, the door was wide open as the housekeeping lady was setting new sheets and putting clean towels in the bathroom. He was really gone, probably an hour into his flight. I was at the door without really thinking about it, holding onto it as I looked around, only an hour ago or so we were both in there, where he was telling me everything. I looked around, for some sign of his self in there, it felt and looked so empty, vacant. “Oh. I was about to go and leave this in the front desk, but I should have guessed you would have returned for it. I must say this is one luxurious phone, it is very nice.” The short lady in her light blue uniform came over to me with a small smile and put a cell phone in my hands. She laid it in one and folded my other hand over it as I was reluctant to grab it and i just left it in my open hand. “I hope you enjoyed your stay here, miss.” She rolled her cart full of sheets, soaps and other things out of the room and left me standing there.


The woman must have thought it belonged to me, that this had been my room. I looked down at the phone and automatically knew that it belonged to him. What hurt the most was that when I touched it and the wallpaper lit up, I saw a picture of me on there. I squeezed the phone as I tried to choke back tears, it didn't work though, I fell to the floor and cried. I mean I really cried, I just let everything come out because I was miserable. Was it impossible to want to be everyone without any harm? No, because otherwise Ethan would be here and Nick and Joe would be ok with it. He had made me happy. Happier than I had been in a long while, for the smallest moment I had started to begin to move on, maybe. I wanted him here, I wanted him to always be here, to always catch me. “Finally.” I heard someone sigh, it was such a small and calm voice. “It's alright. Let it out Maya, stop holding it in.” I looked up to see Emily give me a tiny smile and she sat down next to me and put her arm around my shoulder soothingly.


It felt normal to cry in front of her, she could understand better than anyone. I thought I felt her cry as well, she must be suffering more than she led on. “Emily?” After thinking over this question a million times I finally decided it wasn't too rude to ask. “Yeah?” She let me sit up as I ran my sleeves over my face to wipe the moisture. “Do you ever wish you would have fought harder for Nick? Do you regret letting him get away?” I looked down at the floor as I saw her face fill with grief. “I......i think it wouldn't have mattered. Thalia was just stronger, she would have fought harder too. But I don't feel as though it should have been fighting. you know? I think it would have been me giving it my all, but I had already done that, so no. I think that we wouldn't have worked out anyways, even though I want to tell myself we would have been happy.” She wiped her eyes quickly, I pretended not to notice. “Do you still love him?” That would be my last intruding question. “Do you?” Her answer was perfect, because it made me realize I had no answer, just as she might not have one.


“Maya, I think it's time I start saying my goodbyes.” Emily surprised me with this when we were in my room drinking tea. “You're leaving? Now?” I choked on my tea, she gave me an apologetic smile as she placed her cup gently and perfectly on her crossed legs. “Not at this precise moment, but soon. I have no business here, and my hopes are done. I was here to see if I still felt the love I had for Nicholas, and I do, but it's not strong enough to keep me here being miserable as it is for you. I don't think I'll go to Milan, but back to California. It's time I go back to my family, that's the best comfort.” She reached out and gave my hand a squeeze, I didn't gain sense of how much I would miss her till now. “Visit me, ok? Whenever you go back to Cali, stop by. I just wanted to say goodbye now instead of the day I leave, I don't want it to be sad that day.” We were quiet after that, just listening to the sound of the busy streets, where cars were speeding and people were heard laughing through one of my open windows.


After 3 hours of just enjoying each others company, and after Emily told me of her dreams of making it big here as big as she had made it in Milan, it was time for TRL. “Will you come with us? It'd be great to have some company.” I told her as I brushed my hair and tightened my ponytail. “On one condition.” She seemed in a happier mood or about to laugh, it made me smile. “What?” I wondered as she kept looking at me. “Change.” She laughed and I did too. I didn't know how to interpret that, did she mean clothes or change the way I was starting to act? Whichever she meant, change would be good.


Chapter 20
Retreat and Recover


TRL was no different from any other time the boys had attended, the fans inside (and outside) the studio were loyally there as always. It was only slightly unlike every appearance because of the weather. The sky seemed heavier this evening, the storm must be coming like the weather man said. The sky was darkening quickly, the clouds were spreading over the sky, making it close to dark but not quite. Thankfully we were inside, I couldn't say that for some of the hundreds of fans outside with their posters and banners they made. Many of the posters' colors and writing were fading, ruined by the now drizzling rain, blotches of black or other colors were dripping down them. I was watching from one of the windows that let you see down into the streets from the studio, this was because I was up with the boys since I was the 'best friend' and Damien, the host, had questions for me.


“You feeling bad for those fans Maya?” He had asked me. “Yes, I feel sorry that they have to stand out in the rain. They're so sweet to care so much about these boys.” I replied, Thalia was next to me, and she agreed by taking the microphone and telling Damien she is a fan herself and knows that the fans care so much about them. “So, you are Thalia? The famous Thalia, you and Nick are dating, is that correct?” Damien smiled as he looked around the studio, not many girls looked too happy about that. I gave Emily a small smile, she was sitting along with some girls on the side. “Yes. I have to be one of the luckiest girls in the world. Nick is truly such a sweet guy.” She went over to his side and put her arm under his as she laid her head against his shoulder and just stood next to him. I had to give her props, she had to be very confident not to realize that many fans were sending daggers with their eyes, but then again she was ready to take the responsibility that came with dating a Jonas Brothers. Not many could be able to take the stress or some might take advantage of the publicity, but not Thalia, she truly loved him.


That night we went back to the hotel, but not after a performance in the studio and the boys trying to give autographs to the fans outside. That night the storm's reign (no pun intended) began, the skies were at it's darkest, all very gray and threatening, no one went out and yet no one spoke because in the end all had been said and done. To me, there were two sides to it, Nick's and mine and I didn't know who to count on mine. I knew Emily was on my side of things, but Kevin? He was his brother and I knew Joe wasn't even a choice after what he had helped procure. I laid in my bed, leaving the window shades wide open to welcome the colors of the overcast night and went back to what had happened today. Something weird had happened to me at TRL, there was a moment where I was alone in that room and for one second I felt whole again. It wasn't the fact that everyone had clapped instantaneously when I was announced, while it had taken Emily to begin the claps for everyone to join in and applaud for Thalia. Not even when his phone had rung and I almost jumped but when I answered no one would reply. Or the fact that Damien had told me backstage that he had thought I was Nick's girlfriend since we just looked like we belonged together. It was something that didn't even exist, it had just been an illusion, but it had been the best thing that had happened to me since that night where everything had changed.


Since most of the questions had been more for Nick about his new relationship and about the boys new CD I knew what the answers were going to be, so I was instantly bored. I looked around the studio, at all the joyful faces who were amazed to see their favorite band, but I focused on one. He was standing behind the corner of the wall that led down into the studio, out of sight. I strained my neck to the side to get a better look, it wasn't possible. The familiar blond hair, his skin tone....but the eyes were brighter....and the type of clothes he was wearing didn't make sense, they were too casual. I squinted to get a better look, and I did, it brought an ache to my chest. Billy smiled encouragingly and clapped along with everyone else. Billy. Not Ethan. Not the boy I imagined or yearned to see.


The next day

The storm continued, it had not stopped once during the night, it raged and struck and erupted as a storm should. I woke up in the middle of the night at least twice, his phone had rang again but like always there was no one speaking on the other end. I would wait until whoever it was would hang up, the silence filled me for about 4 seconds until the call would end. I wanted to speak, to ask if it was him, but I could never find a way to say anything and the silence frightened me more than anything, it was eerie. Every time I had woken up I would sit and watch the ongoing rain that would fall and then the lightning that would follow, I couldn't look away. It was hard to give the lightning a solid color, it seemed like there was a definite white to the strike of it but the edges of the bolt had a light shocking pink tone to it.


This morning the rain eased up, but it never ceased, the feeling of demoralization was always on me. One of the many things i had learned over these years with the boys schedules was that there was never a real day off. Today was off, except, a performance at the Ross School of East Hampton, a luxuriant school that teaches kids from 5th grade to twelfth. This was not just another performance at another school, this was basically a gala event, where there would be news reporters, an after party and a sophisticated atmosphere. There would be fans but there would also be an incredible amount of celebrated people, all the money was going to charity, which is why the tickets costs as much as a scalper would sell them for ($360). There was no way I was evading dressing up today, everyone had to, and I was not an exception.


“Hold still. Or I'm going to prick you.” Emily fussed as I tapped my foot, it was bad enough everyone was in the same room and now I had to be the center of attention in a dress. “I just have to fix this minor error on the dress.” She repeated, the worst was that Nick was two feet away, Michelle using her lint brush on his tux jacket as he placed his watch on his wrist. “I don't understand why I can't just wear the white v neck tee and that dumb skirt.” I mumbled as Denise gave me a 'I know honey' look while Michelle went over why those dress pants went better with that shirt with Joe who didn't see the problem with the clashing colors. I could tell Emily was uncomfortable with Michelle overlooking her work with me, Michelle was making critical notes every time Emily gave me an option on what to wear.


“Hun, are you sure you know what you're doing? I could always work on Maya, her and I have been working on outfits since the last tour.” Michelle prided herself in choosing the best clothes for all of us. “I am a well known designer in Milan, I think I'll manage.” Emily rolled her eyes but otherwise held no annoyance in her tone. There, she finally finished adjusting the strap of the dress she had decided I would wear. “I feel like an idiot, and I hate this color.” Everyone was staring at me, if the walls had eyes they'd probably be gawking too. “Sucks for you that, that color makes you pop.” Thalia grinned, it sounded like she was calling me fat, I didn't like that very much. “Pop...” I gave the dress a frown and I touched my stomach. “She means, it really makes you glow, above anyone.” Kevin let me know, I didn't like that either, I didn't want to out shine anyone. The dress was too much in my opinion but I had promised Emily I would change and that's what I was trying to do.


“What is it again?” It was amusing seeing Emily describe every detail of the dress in one breath. “It's a braided halter dress with a ruched empire waist. I decided to call the color gypsy because of the bright pink and its a charmeuse material, it's a lightweight fabric, very classy and perfect for events.” She was out of breath by the end, and I saw her eye Thalia up and down as though to state that she wasn't close to being classy, I cleared my throat. “Sorry, I just don't like her sometimes. Nothing to do with her taking-nick-from me-and me-having-my-heart torn-out.” She whispered, I laughed at that, and it started to feel good to have something other than rage and sorrow full emotions. “I'm wearing those heels I wore last time. No way I'm wearing the ones you're taking out right now.” I warned Emily as she took the lid off a shoe box with these heels that could leave me crippled with one wrong move.


The torture did not end there, next was my hair. It was styled into a bun, the front hair hung loosely around the frame of my face while the back was very sleek and tight. “Are we done?” Kevin was trying to keep us on time since he was the first one done, while Joe was finishing the last section of hair he was straightening. “Almost, I'm trying to see if Nicky- I mean Nick, would look better with this bow tie I bought him.” Thalia blushed, I heard Nick groan, and I heard me trying to stop snickering along with everyone else. “Did she....” Joe had the biggest smirk I had seen in weeks, he would never let this go. “Shut up.” Nick threw his shoe at him, but Joe dodged it with ease. “I didn't say anything....Nicky.” He ran before Nick could even stand up so he didn't bother to chase him. I kept trying to suppress the fit of giggles I couldn't control, Emily had a grin on her face but no one's amusement was as great as mine. The irony of it all, he had always told us he hated the gooey couples, yet there he was, with his girlfriend calling him Nicky.


“What are you laughing at?” Nick snapped at me, I swirled in my chair and stood to face him. “At whatever I want. Do you have a problem?” I was stepping closer to him, I wanted him to feel intimidated, to feel as though he had to step away because I could hurt him in so many ways. I stared at him until he had to look away and whisper 'I guess not'. It was an extraordinary feeling to make him the weaker person, to see him struggle with words, to see him suffer even if it was minimal. “Maya, you look beautiful. Let me go and change quickly and we'll be off.” Emily dashed out of the room and grabbed a dress that was on a hanger as she made her way to the bathroom. “Sh-she's coming?” Thalia's voice was full of nervousness and her hands suddenly clung on impatiently on the perfectly ironed dress she had in her hands. “Is there a problem?” I realized what dress Emily was wearing, and it did not bring any good memories. She was wearing that same dress in which her heart got broken, and the dress I was wearing now was supposed to resemble the one I had worn that night. It was sickening, I felt my stomach start to cause me pain, in that same exact spot it always did.


“No. No problem.” Thalia's polite voice was so overdone I could tell she had more than one problem with Emily coming. I saw the embarrassing blush Nick had when he saw her dress, the guilt he must have felt, and I enjoyed it, I was feeding off of it. “I remember that dress.” That was the wrong thing to say, Nick should have seen all the responses that would have come from that. “Do you? Oh, I know I remember it. It's not something I can forget so easily, you know? But maybe you don't know.” She was staring directly at him, her voice hard. “Time to go. Big Rob has the car ready.” Joe peeked his head in and saw the confrontation, Nick and Thalia vs. the broken hearts who were trying to heal. We all nodded as we grabbed our stuff and we said good bye to Denise and Paul who were staying behind since Frankie had caught the flu from his friend Jeremy. It was just us kids, with the accompany of Big Rob, no one doubted we would have more than enough supervision just with him.


We were about to go on a 2 and a half hour drive all the way to Long Island, in a car full of people who were not speaking to each other at the moment. “Hey, B? Would you mind if Emily and I would follow you in my car? I wouldn't want us to be all crowded in the Navigator.” I turned to Big Rob, he would realize the desperation in my voice, the need to get away. The dresses were getting to me. “Sorry Maya, you'll need an adult to go with you and Nick already asked to be able to drive behind in his car with Kevin.” He seemed chagrined at the disappointment that must have appeared in my face. “Oh, I guess it's alright.” I shrugged but no one was buying it, Kevin looked like he was suddenly regretting to agree to be in the car with Thalia and Nick. If Ethan were here, he could have gone with us. I couldn't help but let the thought escape it's imprisonment in that corner off my mind where I was suppressing any more thoughts on him. For all I knew, I was a thing of the past, I couldn't bring myself to belief such a statement, what we had was special.


“How about Joe and I go in the car with you Maya? Theres no point in me driving the Navigator if it's only going to be Danger in the back seat. That way you can drive.” Big Rob didn't see the difficulties to this as quickly as I saw them. First off, I was not sure he would fit but then again the car had enough head space for a six foot tall person and I would love for him to squish Joe.... But what I wanted was alone time, I wanted to ask Emily questions that were boiling in my blood. “Fine.” I shrugged as I got my keys. Nick, Thalia and Kevin walked away and got in his BMW Z4 Coupe while we made our way to my Jaguar XF. We would leave first since Big Rob knew his way around and was directing me from his GPS system. Nick revved his engine from behind, I just focused on the road, it was still early and the band would arrive in the tour bus because after this we were all back on tour, no more breaks.


We we only an hour and two minutes into the drive, just passing exits with names that would be hard to pronounce, the LIE was full of cars making exits at places like Ronkonkoma, Medford, and East Port. Emily was in the front passenger seat right across of me, looking at the attractions at the exits, the giant hotels, the warm looking restaurant diners that would make you feel secluded if you wanted to. The beautiful green grass you barely saw in NYC, the different smell the air had here, a hint of freshness and the rain had a pleasant aroma that was thicker in light of there being massive amounts of trees here. “It's nice. Can you smell that?” I asked her, she closed her eyes and smiled as she inhaled the moist fragrance the air had to it. “Yes, It's lovely. The rain makes it more potent.” She replied, we were quiet enough Joe or Big Rob wouldn't be able to hear us, Joe was listening to music and Big Rob was listening to the news on his hand held.


“I think you want to ask me something?” Emily guessed as she saw that I opened my mouth several times but regretted speaking. “Yes.” I turned on the windshield wipers as the rain started to fall heavily, I turned on the heat to eliminate the fog that would start inside the car. “I don't think I can continue to be here, on the tour. I've tried to tell myself this is for the best, that work will keep my mind off of certain matters, but it doesn't. Even though I know he's gone, I still see him, in my head, when he's not there, because he's so important to me. I think I've lost him.” A quick sob came out as yelp, thankfully I had not put my make up on, we had decided to apply it fresh, when we arrived. “Do you think this is only about Ethan, or is this how you are feeling about the relationship between you and Nicholas?” She handed me a tissue. “Nick and I, it's not going to work out. He's ruined the friendship we've always had, he's not the same, I don't want him to be a part of my life anymore.” She nodded in understanding, I had to get a hold of myself since I was driving.


“Leave. If it's what you have to do, then do it. Don't worry about them, they'll be fine. But you won't if you keep this up, Nick is trying to tear Ethan out of your life but he doesn't realize he's tearing himself out as he does this. He hasn't even apologized has he?” I shook my head and cried harder, I knew Joe must have heard since I no longer heard his music playing. Big Rob would give me the privacy I wanted and pretend to be immersed in his stuff. “Y-you're leaving? Why” Joe took his headphones off and his eyes filled with that sad irresistible hurt, for a minute I was full of guilt thinking about abandoning my family. “I think so.” I sniffed as I wiped my eyes. “Why Maya? Why?!” It sounded like it hurt him as much as it would hurt me, all the laughs we had shared, all the memories that were now overshadowed with the feeling of betrayal.


“Joe, I'm going to be completely honest right now. Nick has completely broken me down to such a point that Ethan was tarnished in my mind, you and him changed the way I was used to seeing him. You knew he was helping me move on, and yet you took him away from me.” I let out the small portion of hatred I felt towards him, I exhaled as I steadied my hold on the steering wheel. “I'm...sorry.” He looked away, ashamed of having caused me pain, although we both knew most of the fault was on Nick's shoulders. “Me too.” I was able to answer as I focused my mind and eyes on the road, not wanting anything to take me by surprise. “You should be.” Emily whispered as she patted my shoulder, I couldn't do anything about the tears that were falling down my face, there was nothing to do. “Are you sure? I know I'll miss you loads, Nick more than anyone, so will mom and dad, Kevin, Big Rob, the band, Frankie...think what this will do to Frankie.” And I did, and it hurt more than anything to think about him asking me not to leave, he was my kid brother too. “Don't guilt her into staying!” Emily shot him a reproachful glance as I cried harder thinking about going home to an empty house where memories would surely surround me. “I'll do whatever it takes to keep my family together!” He yelled back, which for some reason brought my tears to another level.


“I think I should drive, Maya. Pull over.” Big Rob ordered as I obliged and saw that behind us, Nick's eyebrows furrowed as he saw us get off the lane. “Open your umbrella, she can't get wet.” Emily asked Big Rob as he did and my hair was completely protected from the rain, I didn't raise my head to see if Nick was looking, he was the last person I would want to see. “Push the seat back if you need to.” I mumbled, since I took up less space, he pressed down on the button on the right side of the seat and it automatically moved backwards. “Maya I'll miss you.” Joe put his arm around me as I tucked my head under his and shivered from the cold. “Me too. But....maybe....for Frankie.” I could not leave him behind, he was as much my brother as theirs, and Kevin too, he had been by my side since the beginning. “You should talk to Nick. If it's to finally get everything out or just to say goodbye.” He gave a large hug, and I realized anything he had done had faded, I held no more resentment.


Our cars were being inconspicuously parked in the main entrance, right at the front while all the fans were mobbing the tour bus. The school was very big, the roof had many skylights that probably lit up the libraries perfectly on sunny days. There were 6 marble steps that led you to the front entrance which would have been full of beautiful people dressed their best except that the weather made everyone occupy the lobby as they waited for friends. “Let's get you fixed so you can say goodbye to Nicholas.” Emily was sure of my decision, more than I was at the moment. “Thankfully your hair is still perfect.” I applied my eyeliner as she did her eye makeup and put on lip gloss. “I'll have to add some blush, is that alright? You're very pale, and I might have to fix the puffiness and shadows under your eyes. Otherwise your complexion is perfect.” She showed me the products she was going to use, I shrugged and let her. “I know you don't like it but we don't want to give them the beneficence of seeing you like this.” She put a cold cream like liquid coming out of a pen-like holder under my eyes and smoothed it out. After that she took her brush and stroked small pink minerals on my cheeks in upward angles.


I looked happy, that was the point of the makeup, to hide what I really looked like underneath. Not Emily though, the makeup added to her beauty, the sad broken angel beauty she had, yet didn't show off. As soon as we were done, we all grabbed our umbrellas and opened them so they emerged up and covered us from the rain. Kevin, Thalia and Nick followed behind, as her hand was through his while Kevin walked a little quicker to reach us. “You all look lovely. Can I escort you young ladies?” He gave us his as always charming laugh followed by a small smile that made his eyes glimmer. “Who am I supposed to escort?” Joe sprinted to us, feeling left out. “I guess you could escort me.” Emily shrugged, showing me that she could be nice and I grinned because she always was. “It would be an honor.” Joe did a little wave with his hand and bowed as Emily played along and curtsied as she put her arm through his.


As we went up the steps, the boys were careful with each one us making sure we would not slip, the cameras caught sight of the elegant trio making their way with their lady friends. Our umbrellas were being held by the boys which is why they were saved from having to stop and explain who they were with and why. “Sorry boys, how would we look if we left three beautiful ladies holding umbrellas while they waited for us?” Joe grinned at them, who would have made a months salary with pictures of them and unidentified girls. When we reached the front door 2 men in uniforms held our umbrellas as we made are way inside the cozy and astounding school. “Welcome Jonas Brothers, and lovely ladies. Thank you for gracing us with your charitable presences, I will be your guide of the school while the stage is being set up in our new auditorium.” A young woman with red hair that flowed to the front of her face smiled and led us to the halls of the school.


We walked down a hall that held the library, it was so warm and snug looking I could have stayed there. As we entered it there was a small statue on the left that a student had made, the lights that lit the room were stage lights, lighting up different angles of the room. There were sofas arranged paces from the walls that surrounded the room with books. While there was a two person table that held a carved in chess table with its pieces still in position from a game that had gone on earlier in the day. I knew that Nick's eyes were on the piano that stood in a corner of the room, not too far from a table where you could have easily done your homework on. “Must be nice to go here.” I commented, I could sense the tranquility the students had at this school, where everything was perfect. “If you would care to follow me to the art studio, some students made sculptures and paintings for you.” The lady's kind eyes sparkled as she saw the boys appreciativeness towards all the art work, it was easy to see that the students had taken days, maybe weeks to perfect their work.


“This hallway, along with another one leads to our new auditorium, this is actually the first time it will be used, so all the students are very excited. It even has a balcony seating area, but I think it will not be in use until next semester.” She explained as we walked down a long and narrow hallway paneled in glazed and stained wood. “That's cool, we're breaking in the new auditorium.” Joe surmised, although breaking in wasn't quite the right analogy. “We're quite pleased with it, although, the only problem is it has a side exit, so if we keep that door open you can see our track outside. Seems a bit tasteless.” She added, the twinge of regret for having mentioned it was noticeable, as if we would judge. “It seems reasonable, just in case of emergencies.” I guaranteed, she seemed relieved at that. “Well, here we are. Our auditorium.” She held out her arm gracefully, letting us walk first, into the circular and elaborate arena like place.


The stage was a large semi circle, with its high walls, the frame a large rectangle with round corners. Two sets of curtains, the outside one, a deep red and the second an evergreen forest color, the seating was just like an opera house, all the seats a deep colored velvet with wooden frames, cushioned and forming semi circle angles as the evenly spaced rows went all the way back, 5 feet away from the edge of the hallway. Six feet above the walls, widely spaced lamps hung to give the room the exact dim lighting necessary while the small ceiling above the last 12 rows (the floor of the balcony above) held eight flat luminescent circles of light spaced out far from each other. As we walked down, and the balcony floor was no longer above us, we were able to see the full ceiling, a lit chandelier was painted on, but it was so realistic with the bright colors the artist must have used.


“One of our former students actually painted that.” The lady noted as we walked forwards where the band was tuning and playing some beats, I could hear the buzzing of students and fans as they must be waiting on the other end of the other hallway, anticipating the performance. “We're letting all the guests arrive through this hall, I wouldn't want to put them through the craziness of the fans trying to get in, so you still have a couple of minutes. The fans will be allowed in 20 minutes later. That way the guests can be seated, no roughhousing and besides, the fans will all end up in the front of the stage anyways.” She smiled as she left to check up on any last minute details while the boys hurried to the stage to check the view of the room. I could feel the goodbye starting to solidify, every minute my decision was becoming stronger, every second I knew I could not be part of this adventure any longer.


“You're leaving.” Kevin accused, I hadn't seen him stay behind. His arms were crossed, not in a sullen form but a perception my internal dilemma which must have been clear in my face. “It's becoming clearer now. I'm no longer needed.” I didn't mean to sound disappointed or snippy but I could tell. I only thought I was, Billy was more than enough help, and now Nick didn't need a friend to cling on, he had Thalia. Emily didn't need to suffer alongside, I knew her intention was only to stay as long as I needed to. “Maya! We'll always need you, you're our sister, our friend. Forever. Just because Thalia is here doesn't mean she's taking your place.” He assured me. It wasn't all about her, it was about me feeling stable, feeling whole again, not being torn by my friends. “It doesn't have to do with her, alright maybe a little.” I confessed as he raised one eyebrow, not buying it. But only a bit, the rest had to do with myself, letting one of the best friend that had ever happened to me, go, letting him fall. Letting myself be torn from the friendship we were forming.


“Well it's not goodbye. So I'm not saying any farewells. We'll see each other soon. This is just a vacation.” It seemed he was trying to convince himself more than myself, but either way he gave me his brotherly hug and I embraced him, not knowing when we would see each other again. “You're saying goodbye.” He pulled away upset, he smiled encouragingly, telling me it was going to be ok. “Last but not least.......” Kevin mumbled as Nick came over to see what the predicament was, his face beaming as it had been ever since everything had started to go right for him. “Something the matter?” He was smiling but I could here the concern for us, for me, he cared, he had never stopped, and I knew he had done everything to try and help me but it didn't lessen the fact that it had the opposite effect. Kevin shrugged as he patted Nick's shoulder and went off to the stage to prepare, giving me a last bittersweet smile.


“Maya?” He was getting worried, I looked up to him, he was getting just a fraction taller, less than a head taller. His eyes were at their brightest, his curls shorter since his new haircut had snipped away that growing fro that used to cover his eyes. His new haircut matched his newfound personality, he was the young boy he used to be, so chipper and able to laugh, and smile, and break hearts with that face..........................I realized I hadn't answered him yet, he was expecting me to say anything and i had gone into a sort of trance, reliving moments I had already started tucking away. “I'm ok,” I responded his worried glance, not adding that he might not be after what I would tell him. Deep down, and not so deep down, I felt as though I would hurt him, letting him know I was about to leave. This was like a scrape, slowly healing, on the surface it looked messed up, broken, injured, scarred. But inside it was healing, nothing had changed, it was still part of the body and skin it belonged to, its roots still intact, only superficial damage. That was me and him, everything we had put in these years was still there, all of our memories, our rare conflicts/fights, the friendship that held us high in each others eyes, still there, inside of us.


“I have to tell you something.” I told him simply, he nodded, understanding it was private, Thalia a few feet away would have to wait a little bit longer to have her moments with her boyfriend. After this she would have him all for herself, I just needed two or three last minutes with him. Although our scrape on the surface was minor, it had made a small strike internally, and for it to heal, to not cause anymore damage, I needed to retreat and recover. “Alright, let's go to the hallway?” He offered, but I spotted the exit to the track. Big Rob entered, carrying a couple of our umbrellas, I went over to him and grabbed two, I handed one to Nicholas. “How about we take a walk?” I gave him a small smile, only one of my cheeks responding to the requirement of the action. “Ok.” His eyes were squinted, as he tried to figure out what my intention was, but my face gave nothing away. We walked side by side, maybe for the last time in a while, but I shied from that thought. My heels made their click clack sounds as we walked across to the exit, our umbrellas covering us as we made our way into the open sky where the amount of light had declined quickly. Now night taking over and the wet moistened air from the rain clung onto the surface of trees and grass on the edge of the track.


Chapter 21 Goodbye


Maya's POV
We walked slowly, and evenly, like a burial march, towards the track, stopping right on it. The rain poured lightly and splattered on the umbrellas, then sliding downward and onto the ground. We both had to raise our umbrellas a little higher to be able to see each others faces, although I was in control, I sensed my emotional state shaky because I would be breaking part of myself leaving him, leaving all of them. I took a deep breath, my eyes were scared and I could tell he could guess something was about to happen, but he could never know it was this. “Are you ok, Maya? You're shaking.” He was looking down at my legs, and I realized he was right. Although my dress covered my knees, I could sense the shivers starting from there down to my feet, it was barely noticeable but I was standing still and my dress trembled when I did. “Cold.” I cleared my throat, and started thinking over how I would start our good bye.


Joe had told me that this would probably be a goodbye or me finally letting everything out, and I chose the goodbye. It's a shame that it had to be this way, but I could not breathe around him anymore, I felt that pain increase, not just physically but emotionally, it kept getting worse. I was afraid something inside me was actually tearing apart, slowing leaving a huge deadly gap inside of me. “I have something to tell you.” I started, the trembling was getting worse. “Well, I would hope so. Since we're standing in the rain.” He joked lightly, my smile came out pained. I was stalling, even by thinking about how I was stalling, I was stalling. “Nick, I don't know how you'll take this..” I began, that was a lie though. I knew exactly how he would, his exact reaction, how his face would scrunch up in confusion as if I was speaking another language because my depart would make no sense in his mind. “What is it? I promise I'll understand, or try to.” He added, waiting patiently, knowing that I need time to let it out.


“Nick, this isn't going as I'd hoped it would.....” My lips quivered, but I took in a deep breath, ready for the worst. If this would take the pain away, then the best thing would be to leave, and heal. “I have to -” Thalia came out running in her heels, with an umbrella, with an anxious look, checking her back every other step she took. “Nick! Maya! The concert is about to begin, the fans are already making their way to the front of the stage! Kevin and Joe are ready to go on! What are we waiting for?” Nick was already walking behind her, as though not needing to think about it twice, as though her word was law. I just stood there, frozen in time, stung, with my goodbye on the tip of my tongue, but it was rejected before it could even get out. “Maya, c'mon! What are you doing standing there? It's time to go.” He motioned me to follow quickly behind. “I know it's time to go. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Nick.” My voice was high and unstable, they were already by the door, I was still standing on the track.


“What are you talking about?” He didn't understand, Thalia glanced back and I could hear the fans chanting their names, waiting anxiously. “Nick. You haven't been listening, and you haven't let me talk. I'm leaving, I've been trying to tell you, but you just won't listen!” The end of my little speech came out louder than I expected. “What do you mean, leaving? Back to the hotel...?” Just like I expected it, his mind couldn't grasp the idea of my absence, it couldn't process the thought correctly. Though he would forget, he had someone he loved who would fill my empty space. “Leaving. I'm going home, back to where I belong. Home.” I stretched out the word into three syllables. I don't know how simpler I could phrase it. He stood there, looking at me for a long time, and I think it finally hit him, what I'd been trying to say all a long. “You c-can't go. You belong here, with us. Why would you go back home?” His eyebrows furrowed, as though I was not making any sense, his lips pouted involuntarily.


“Nick, it's time to go!!” Thalia was back at the door, Nick had come back to the track but looked back. “It's time to go, Nick.” I agreed, his eyes were hard and they looked as though I had tricked him in some way. “Stay here, I'll come back and talk to you during the break. That's an order, you are still our assistant.” His voice was unfaltering as he stormed back inside, kicking his umbrella as he made his way back inside. “No.” I cleared my voice and made it loud enough so he could hear, he came to a halt, almost tripping. “What do you mean no? I said wait, Maya.” He was furious, but not as much as I was. “I'm going now. I am not waiting anymore, I'm done waiting.” I didn't even care that I had dropped my umbrella to the floor and that the rain was now pouring on me.


“Maya, why do you want to go home? So you can see him?” He barked at me, coming back and standing right in my face. “Why would it matter why I want to go home, the thing is I just do. And I am.” My hair was now wet, my dress as well and my- his phone started going off. “You can't just leave, you'll be all alone....unless you have another plan.” He assumed, as though it was the worst thing he could imagine me doing. “Nick, that's none of your business.” I snapped. “Maya, I forbid you to go.” He stuttered as he said this, my eyes were wild. “You forbid me? Who do you think you are? I am leaving, this doesn't have to do with going and seeing Ethan. This has to do with you, you lied to me, you made so many promises you've broken over and over. You're not the same person, I hate you Nicholas. That's the truth, I loath you so much it makes me physically sick to be around you!” I was crying, but it was barely visible in the downpour, my fists were clenched and my eyes piercing.


At that moment the world could have ended and we both wouldn't even know. It was just him and me, standing there, nothing around us, there wasn't even a background, no up or down to where we stood, no color, no space, just the both of us on different sides of the spectrum. “If you leave......” he was trying to come up with some sort of threat, something to hold me back, and I wished it would not work because I was becoming weak and could cave in any second. The phone started going off, and I took it and looked, I knew I wanted to answer, to tell him I was on my way. To tell Ethan I could not leave his side, and I was about to leave everything behind so we could be the way we were before everyone went and ruined all of our beautiful friendship. “It's him isn't it? Thats why you're leaving me? How could some guy be more important than us?” Nick looked down at me as though he was ashamed, as though I had committed a naive mistake. I laughed at the way he spoke, as if there was ever an us, as if I had cheated in our relationship.


“Are you listening to yourself? You're such a hypocrite, and it's like you don't even know it! Maya, you're my best friend. You and my family come first.” I mocked, something he had said so long ago, and now was forgotten in the wonderful whirlwind that was his life. “You forgot. You forgot you promised you'd never leave me behind. It's better off this way, you won't miss me, trust me. Now go, you have a show to do.” I encouraged, my tears gradually getting bigger and running consecutively after another. “Maya, if you leave.....I won't be your friend.....if you leave....it's over...” It was such a childish threat, his eyes wide, scintillating. He was bluffing, trying to find a chink in my already weak armor. “I won't be welcome at the Jonas house anymore?” I asked, he nodded, his face grave. “Then goodbye Nicholas.” I stood there, as Joe and Kevin appeared at the exit and called us over, I shook my head but Nick walked forwards without another look at me. “Go to the bus and do your work. That's an order.” He spat on the ground and walked faster, slamming the door behind him.


I heard the crowd yell, they must have gone on stage and sure enough I heard the guitars start playing and lyrics begin. I had one missed call and one message, well it was his call and his message but I dialed his voice mail to retrieve it. My fingers were shaking, I didn't know if it was from the freezing wind that hit me harder with the chills of the rain or the stun of Nick's words. The rain was falling harder and harder, as though it was a faucet and it was being run till the knob could not turn anymore. He did not have a pin number for his voice mail which let me listen to the message. The rain splattered on the red track and started forming small puddles on certain spots, where the lamp posts shined on the floor. I took off my heels and hurled them on the grass area, I started walking barefoot on the track, knowing that it would have nothing for me to prick my foot on because a school like this made sure everything was spotless.


Then I ran, I started running as fast I could, the track floor bumpy but stable as I dashed past everything, my legs flexing and bending higher as I picked up speed. I waited for the message to play as I ran, tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder, in less than 2 minutes reaching the spot where I had started.


Hello?! Ethan, you there? It's Peter, bro I need your help. Peter, Ethan's best friend, he sounded like he was nervous. No not nervous, scared, completely terrified. I could hear his deep breathing, short deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. Bro, when you get this please call me back. Like right away man. Shit, I'm fucking scared Ethan. I never thought he'd mess with us again. I don't even know how he got a hold of my number! At this point it sounded like Peter was trying to hold back a sob, as though he wanted to get his message through. Ethan, it's Freddy. He says we gotta do something for him, 'for old times sake', he says if you don't go he's coming after me...that he's gonna make sure I don't wake up this time. Call me back man! I just need to make sure you're ok. If he calls you don't answer. Call the police...I'm going to your house, make sure your mom is ok. Be careful.


I had stopped running, constricting the phone in my fist, as frightened as Peter sounded. If I had been shaking a while back, it was nothing compared to now. I was biting down on my lip to stop myself from screaming. Freddy, the monster who had tortured Ethan and Peter's childhood had suddenly appeared again. He was cornering them like when they were kids, and threatening them, as though....wait. He had said something about Ethan's mom, she could be in danger, just like Ethan and Peter. My whole body was yelling in pain from the freezing cold rain and running. This wasn't my problem though, none of it had anything to do with me or my family. I was safe, none of them were related to me. That was completely false though, I was in fear right now, for every single one of them. Although I had only had Ethan's accounts on how scary Freddy was, I could imagine him, how he would be looking for them, making them do his bidding, what he could do.


I didn't know how long I just stood there, not knowing if any of them were safe. Not knowing if Ethan somehow got Peter's message and if they were out of harm's way or not. Suddenly I dropped the phone, it had vibrated and the sudden jolt struck me as though I was in danger, so afraid. I bent down, my muscles complaining as the dress billowed down and got soaked from the rain on the track. There was a message from another unknown number, my stomach turned as I imagined the worst. Luckily I recognized the same petrified voice, it was Peter.


He says he'll let me go as long as you bring a car, a fast one. I left a message in your house phone as well, write down the address...There was a struggle between two people as far as I could tell, a new voice took over the phone, a harsher and deeper one. One that sent jolts running up and down my spine and all the way to my fingertips.

Hello Ethan, long time no see. Now, just do me a favor and let's not make this harder than it needs to be. Get me the car and your boy is free to go, I need you here before 10 tomorrow night. And I mean, a fast car. Got that? Good, I'll put Pete back on the phone...


It was as though God was insisting on bringing more pain to this boys life. As though his childhood had not been confusing and hard enough, here was the same guy insisting on making life hell for him. Out of the blue he decided to drop into his life and make a mess of the barely rebuilt one- and now condemned thanks to my idiocy- and take over as though he had a claim on the wonderful boy who's only joy in life came out my friendship.


As I walked I knew Ethan meant so much more to me than I had ever let myself know. Here I was, planning on how to risk everything, and I held myself responsible for making sure he was ok. I kept walking, my direction becoming more and more clear. The lamp posts surrounding the track, spaced out wide and evenly lit my passage as I took deep breaths. Instead of looking up at the stars where I thought I could get my answers, I looked down and stared at my shadow. There was two shadows though, caused by the specific lighting, one behind the other. The first shadow was more dominant, beside me, but of course on the ground, miming my every little move. The second one strode right on its heels, less than two feet behind. It was unsettling to see how the second shadow just couldn't be at the same pace as the first one, what gave the shadow, that kept pace with me, to keep the other one from being equal. The second shadow deserved a chance, a chance that it was being neglected just because the first shadow had delusion that since it was there originally, the second one had no right.
Maya's POV Ends


But, why shouldn't the second shadow receive a chance at first place? What if it had inexhaustibly exerted itself to be the best, and finally achieved that in the eyes of the shadows' proprietor? If that was true, then the first shadow was no longer the original but the one who had won her over. Not sure who was with her, which black pitch eidolon was at her side, and which was making it's attempt to take over as she ran. Her tears blurred with the rain as she looked to her right, at the shadow trailing behind the one right next to her, she could have yelled at the distraught she felt when even though her speed quickened to the point she might fall flat on her face, it could not catch up. She found herself morose at the fact that her shadows were not hers anymore, but in her own eyes and mind taking on longer, angular silhouettes, with characteristics that distinguished them easily. As she tried to keep her eyes up now, she thought she saw the bouncing curls that would surely be there if he was alongside, and the slightly messy hair that in human form would be blond.


Maya decided to look down as she ran, fearing who's shadow would be at her side, in the lead. Fearing disappointment and fearing her rejection of the original, she became mad. As far as she could tell both blurred frontwards and backwards, exchanging seconds of claiming their place at her side, more tears fell as she gasped and heaved to get normal breaths in, failing in total and having to continue her psychotic flight, right off the track and onto the path back into the building through the exit door. She didn't expect the piercing high blaring noise coming above her head as she froze at the door, although the boys turned to see what the problem was from the corner of their eye, they continued their astounding playing trying to keep attention from her as she bolted towards the nearest hallway that would lead her out to the tour bus. The shrill annoying fire alarm kept going off, nearby fans glared briefly, then reassessing who was going by, stupefied by the state of Nick Jonases best friend.


She turned her head back just once, hoping to get a last glimpse of the boys, hoping to remember them smiling or having fun on stage. But her eyes directed themselves upon one person in general, as though her eyes had a power and desire of their own. Nicholas Jerry Jonas was staring her from the corner of his eyes, guitar in hand, mouth in front of microphone as he sang in that angelic voice of his, head faced forward but eyes on the back of the retreating figure who was running as though someones life depended on it. Her face turned back and she focused on reaching the bus before someone could stop her, she recognized the scrutiny of his still unreasonable chocolate brown eyes, the answer to her running would arrive soon. She passed the same library she envied, wanting no more than to lay on one of the comfortable and welcoming sofas, but she realized she had wasted time thinking over her decision, when she had the answer right in front of her, she could not deal with losing Ethan.


She almost fell down the marble staircases as she made her way out of the front of the building, her eyes searching wildly for the tour bus. Luck was on her side, the tour bus was making its way to a wide parking space only a few feet away not too far on her left. People stared as she went by in her crazy state, dripping with rain, make up probably smeared all over her face, hair tangled all over, but it did not matter to her. Billy was getting out of the bus, helping the driver see how much space there was for him to move in, his eyes found her running figure and narrowed, raising a hand to shield his vision and make sense at what was darting forwards. He was completely worried as she got close enough for him to judge, it was as though a hurricane struck through her, he kept the door open so she would step out of the rain as quickly as possible. “Thanks.” She huffed, not bothering to make small talk and already moving around like lightning although she had just entered the bus.


Maya was relieved that no one else, to rephrase -no one who would push an answer out of her- was on the bus. As soon as her feet were inside the warm lit bus, she quickly scanned the room for a bag. It seemed irrelevant to bring a change of clothes, there was no time, but she was perfectly sure that there would be no round trip. She had to take everything, and hope, as soon as Ethan was sure out of harms way, there would be a place she could stay. She let out a humorless laugh, it wasn't as though she did not have a home, she was being melodramatic now, only in the sense of having no place to sleep. As soon as she reached her bunk, the suitcase underneath came flying out at the tug of her hands, she unzipped it quickly and went to the drawers, trying to keep all the folded clothes neat as she stuffed it all into the suitcase. Her hands hauled at her belongings at the top of the dresser, as a poker champ would to claim his chips. She let them fall onto the top of the clothing pile; her comb, agenda, laptop, deodorant, and every other little thing she possessed. Running to the bathroom to pick up her toothbrush and all bathroom necessities is where Billy cornered her, already having seen the suitcase.


“In a hurry?” He was very concerned at the agility she moved with, her eyes not even paying any remote attention to what she took and threw in the case. “Yes.” She struggled with her voice, not stable at all he noted. Maybe he ought to call Kevin, make sure she had not gotten into a fight with Nick. “You're leaving? Did it go that bad with Nick?” He stood against the wall across the bathroom as she seemed distracted and jumpy, cursing under her breath as she picked everything up only to have other things fall. “I'm not welcomed with the Jonases anymore, as long as Ethan is part of my life.” Her forehead creased, he observed, she seemed confused at her own words as they flew liquidly out of her mouth. “You can't honestly believe that.” He countered, she knew her best friend better than anyone, she should know this would blow over the next time he saw her, was that what was rushing her? The thought of him taking it all back, caving in and begging her not to go? “I don't know what I believe anymore. I just know Nick and I are done, I am trying to be happy, and that seems to be thousands of miles from him.” Her voice was seething, something that made Billy stagger, since when did she sound so bitter.


“Where are you going? Back to your house? I could drive you...” But already she was shaking her head, he felt his own plead starting to surface, wanting to voice itself. “I'm alright.” With that she had her bag zipped and a duffel, searching for any last minute thing lying around, her eyes widened, she froze in place and set her back to him as she tried to stuff something inside her bag and finishing quickly, that in one swivel she had the handle of her suitcase, wheels starting to roll quickly with her pace and was on her way to the door, only to have Billy fly by her and block her only way out, her eyes furtively flew to the wide windows as an alternate escape. “Really?! Are you that desperate to leave you'd jump out the window?” His voice hysterical as he realized something had to be truly wrong, this was not the normal Maya, well the one he already knew, the normal Maya was long gone before he even entered the misery that her life had turned into.


“I have to.” She gulped as she beat herself internally at how much time she had just wasted on things that could be replaced, Ethan on the other hand could not be. “Why?” She tried to move to his right, where his hand was high on the wall but he was stationed in front of her, not moving until he got answers. “Someone needs my help, Billy. It's serious, I'm not trying to escape Nick, trust me.” Maya was in no mood to play games, lives were at risk every minute she delayed her depart. “Ok.” Was all he answered as he moved to the side, grabbing her suitcase and helping her out. “Thank you. The cars are right up front, would you mind leaving the bags by them?” She must be forgetting something he thought, she was casting looks back to the school. “Sure- oops. I think Big Rob moved the cars to the back of the building, I think someone said something because girls were starting to walk by it. He said he was parking them by the grassy area? Something about a track...” At that she took her bags and grimaced as she looked at Billy, her goodbye plastered in her eyes.


“We'll all miss you.” He didn't want to let it be that obvious how much she had taken a hold of his life, he knew he did not love her like that, but her life filled his empty life with something to do, something more than work and paying bills. “Me too. I'll call, just make sure it's you answering the phone.” She was torn between coming over and embracing him but he swatted her away. “Go, you said it's important.” He turned, hands in his pockets, not sure how the boys would take the news and deliberating whether to pack his stuff, surely he would get the boot for letting her go. She was still in her dress but she had exchanged her heels for the comfort of her converse, people veering out of her way as she jogged in. The man at the front was saying something to her, even from the distance he could see her ears turn bright red, for one second she seemed to be returning to him, but she just walked along, going around the building instead of through it, the school was very strict about appearances. Her haggard appearance would alarm anyone, she didn't fight with the man, simply nodded and strode to walk along the small fence that encroached the track, until it would lead her to the cars.


As Maya walked, she no longer heard the singing or guitars playing, only the sound of the same fire alarm, apparently it couldn't be shut off. She found with relief that the library held a single wide, semi open window in its corner wall, facing the track. She knew the cold was getting worse, the rain soaking her down to the point her fingers were already pruney. A long narrow wooden table stood on the other side of the window, she sucked in a breath as she lifted her suitcase and swung it over, rocking on the table. With her body already crouching into the window she kicked it and it tumbled onto the carpet, she slid off the table and shut the window behind her, not wanting water to spoil the pages on any books nearby. “M-maya? What on earth....” It was Kevin's smooth and harmonious voice that struck her with surprise, she turned from the window to spot all three of the boys in different ends of the library. Joe had been playing a one man chess game, while Kevin seemed to have been walking along the shelves of books, lastly, Nick who as sitting at a large desk Maya had described earlier as easy to do homework on. His head was lowered, his back to everyone, as he seemed to be scribbling something, his foot beating down in even stomps but now his attention was on who had just jumped through the window.


There would be no avoiding the questions that was on every single one of the pair of eyes gawking at her and the bags. But she must make it quick was her only thought, every second counted, and she had already wasted much time, had she no sense of the danger Ethan, Peter was in? “Why do you have a suitcase? I told you to wait for me in the bus.” The last voice she expected to talk was demanding answers he obviously knew. He stood up, the chair he was sitting on, now being screeched back into place as he came forward. “We had to leave the auditorium, the noise was bothering the hell out of Nick. The fans didn't seem to mind as much.” Kevin explained, as he realized the question she would ask any moment, why weren't they on stage? “Huh. Everything seems to bother the hell out of him nowadays.” Her response wasn't loathing but just as though she was stating a fact. “Maya, please do not start,” Nick took a deep breath as he ran his hand slowly through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. “this is between you and me. We'll fix it in the bus.” He didn't look well, pale, and tired.


“Is something wrong?” Joe came forward but Maya cowered back towards the window, she could always leave the bags and make a run for it. “Joe..” Kevin rolled his eyes, at the statement, he knew everything was wrong. “SO. You were just going to sneak out? Didn't you think of anyone! Mom? Dad? Us? Wondering where the hell you were, and why your stuff wasn't in its drawers? where they should have been!” He was biting his index finger as his hand was in a fist, trying miserably to control his previous temper. “I- I would have left a note, but I had no time...” She glanced up at the clock at the entrance, it was 7, knowing there could be loads of traffic, for her trip. “I'm going. I just needed to....” But Nick was already at her side, her arm clutched, painfully in his grip. “You. Are. Not. Going. Anywhere.” Her eyes bulged out of their sockets at the force of his voice and grip. “You're hurting her.” Joe's voice was low but grave, and full of threats at his brother if he didn't release Maya.


Nick's eyes were savage as he stared down his brother, although he was not as tall he looked up at him his jaw tight and his nostrils flaring. Joe was a goof ball but when he needed to be, he would not think twice to take charge and put his brother in his place, this never needed have done, surprised everyone. “Enough. You have hurt her enough, no more Nicholas.” Every word was out with warning, whether physical or emotional damage were already done, and when Maya saw the confrontation between the usual playful brothers it sent that horrible aching pain in her abdomen going harder. As though something was whithering acidly at her insides, she had to get out. She slammed the window open jumping out and praying Big Rob was inside one of the cars. “Oh no you don't!” Nick's voice trailed behind her, she tried to run but his hand was around her waist, carrying her backwards. “Nick stop! It hurts!” Her warning came out in a shriek as he unconsciously tightened his hold exactly where she was in pain.


“See! You can't leave! You're not right. We have to talk.” The last part seemed crucial to him, but it was too late. Maya used enough force, clawing at his grip to make him let her go, she was done pretending she was not hurt, because she could not handle staying any longer. It was never going to get better with him, everything would get harder, each blow hurting, there would be violence, had he not just lost his temper? “Theres nothing to talk about, what's done is done.” The rain would just not lighten up, it matched each one of their moods, deadly. “Is it too late Maya? Really? Too late to even talk it out? These are years of friendship you are throwing away. Is he worth that?” He wasn't yelling, but he was horror struck that someone could 'destroy' what they had, he was dead wrong who it was though. In her eyes it was too late for everything, the love she had for him included, it was still intact but it had been tucked away, the key thrown away very far. “Nick. Think about what you're even saying. Who threw what out, I didn't. I tried to cling on desperately to it, but you let it fall, you let me fall...constantly! Do you know how much pain I've been in? Of course not, you're far too busy living a life that does not include me anymore.” She didn't mind the whimpering that came along with the crying, she was laying down all the cards anyways.


“Pain?” He stammered the word, Nicholas did not have an ounce of knowledge of how much pain it really was. “Yes! Pain! But I've cried for you enough, I wish you could understand, fully, how much it hurts, but you never will know. And you don't have to, I've tried to tell you from the beginning but you never gave me a chance. Nick I loved you, you were part of my life.” Of course he didn't see the way her voice cracked at the pronunciation of the truth, a whole truth he still did not get. “You don't love me anymore?” There was no way around the fact that the boy in front of her was crying, silent tears he furiously cleaned with his sleeves. Not that it mattered, they were under the sky's own agony, it's millions of drops falling unyielding over them. “But we're best friends....forever...” His hair was plastered onto his face, covering his agonizing eyes. “I thought so too. I guess it didn't work out.” Her voice wasn't as loud now, seeing him break was what she thought she had wanted, but wasn't it enough that she was killing herself by leaving him? It was unreasonable but Maya wanted to go over to him and hold him, tell him not to be upset, that maybe in the end they could be together like before. But nothing could ever be like before, not after everything she had had to endure.


“That's it then? 'I guess it didn't work out', see you around?” His voice resentful, eager to hear this was all some bad joke his best friend was pulling on him. “Goodbye Nick.” She sighed, giving in to what she wanted, to touch him, she stuck her hand out. “Whatever, go and never EVER talk to me again. Don't even look at me Maya, I don't know you anymore.” His voice barely audible and menacing as he turned and walked back to the window. “Nick, you don't know me anymore? What about you? Forgetting your family, forgetting me, I had to take all of that not you! You know what? Forget it, I'm not going to bother, because every word I say just goes out your other ear as soon as Thalia comes. Have a nice life.” She bit the insides of her cheeks to end the conversation, he made it clear he never wanted to see her again. What was the point of her telling him how much she really loved him, how much it hurt her to leave him, and how much she wished she didn't have to leave but that she hoped to be able to be well enough to return and be fully happy for that boy.


As Nick jumped back into the room, his brothers made space, since they had been by the window, trying to catch what they were saying, not that it was hard, they had been screaming. “Let's go, the fans are waiting.” Nick growled, going to the table he had been sitting at and crumbling a sheet, only to then open it once more and scribbling down something as quickly as he could. Kevin saw Maya try to get in, only to fall, he held her hand as she stood on the frame of the window and he carefully carried her in. “No problem.” He replied, not wanting her to strain her voice as she tried to clear it unsuccessfully. “Bye.” Joe waved sadly as Nick glared at them since they weren't stepping out of the room quickly enough, she cried harder but took her bags and sat down on the sofa, needing a moment to get herself together. The brothers walked out, the youngest one slamming the door shut behind him. Instead of having to bump into each other she called Big Rob, hoping he had his phone on.


Big Rob, who's this?

Maya

Are you alright? I saw you running after you set the fire alarm off *chuckle*

Fine, I have a question.

Shoot

Well, Billy needs to get some paper work. And he needs a really fast car, Nick said it was ok if he borrowed it. Would you happen to have Nick's car keys?

Um, sure. Want me to start the car for Billy?

Yeah, just leave them there. I'm going with him so I'll be by the car in a few minutes.

'kay. Tell him to watch out, not to go too fast with the rain, it's dangerous.

Mhm.


Maya hoped this lie wouldn't get Billy in trouble, after all she dragged his name into it. From the address she had memorized, the place Ethan – but it would be Maya- had to meet Freddy was back in California, a usual 5 day car ride from New York. She had to fit it into one day, and be there before 10 tomorrow night. Impossible. She sat there, thinking over the possibility of just calling the police, but if Ethan was there, and he was caught, what could happen to him? Those quick thoughts had left her sitting there for maybe 10 minutes, she shook her head and stood up, ready to leave. As soon as she headed to the door, she saw someone come in, his face looked anxious but still fierce, yet relieved to find her there. “Leaving yet?” He sullenly asked as she walked towards him, who was blocking the door. “Yeah. What's it to you?” As she responded he moved out of her way, they both made their way down the hallway, Nick in front, not turning to even look at her.


“Nothing I guess.” He finally answered. “Aren't you supposed to be on stage?” The bags seemed heavier now that they were wet. “We were. But the guys are memorizing this new song I wrote. It goes out to you, you know. Just wanted to let you know.” He shrugged, his voice hard as ever, he hit a door with his hand to the side and raced to the mouth of the hallway where security covered him as the fans saw him go back to the stage and strained to get one touch of his hand. As she reached the mouth of the the hallway that led to the auditorium, she also spotted a closed door, she pushed it open, knowing it would be the staircase to the balcony. Maya wouldn't be able to stand being around so many people, she left her bags behind the door, this would only take 3 minutes tops. The staircase were carpeted with a black velvet material, she jogged up and walked onto a red carpet with golden floral designs that was under the red cushioned theater seats on the balcony. Each section had a small golden rail along side the first seat as very small steps lead to the first row. The back seats from where she had entered were higher up and the ones leading to the edge of the balcony were descending as she walked forwards.


She stood directly in front of the edge of the balcony, holding on to the same kind of golden rail that curved and followed the border of the balcony. The band was huddled up reading a single sheet of paper as Nick was using his hands to explaining how the beats went, when to play and the band nodded as they followed. Kevin and Joe were reading over something else, lyrics. Kevin and Joe exchanged glances as they saw that Nick had only given them certain parts of the song, not wanting to share the full length. Joe and Kevin took turns singing to themselves hearing if the pitch was correct, making sure they were in harmony. The fans just watched excitedly as they realized they were about to be the first audience to a new song. As soon as the lights went back off the fans yelled excitedly and raised their posters.


“Hello everyone!!!!!” Joe made his voice as enthusiastic as possible, grinning at the shrieking of the swooning fans. “My name is Joe Jonas.” He continued, taking his place in the middle, the crowd screaming even louder. “Hi guys, I am Kevin Jonas.” The spotlight switched to Kevin as he took his spot on the left of the stage and more screams started. “I'm Nick Jonas.” Nick announced from the drums. Nick's eyes scanned the front of the crowd at the edge of the stage, trying to pick out a certain face. His eyes then flew to the balcony, seeing the only person he wanted to see. His glance quickly went back to the crowd, and continued speaking. “So, this is a new song. You'll be the first to hear it, here we go.” He backed away from the microphone and turned to the band to tell them it was time.


Ryan was on the keyboard, confused at the fact that Nick had told them all to come together, and then pushed a new song on them that they had no clue about. But it was easy to follow, the keys were not too hard, they repeated mostly and it was a nice change to play something new. John was using his electric guitar as Kevin used his favored acoustic one, as Nick told them he need both kind for this song. Garbo's bass was needed as always, he was eager to try out his brand new see-through bass. Nick had also ordered Jack, well not ordered but told him to take a break as he would be drumming, so he was given the tambourine. Joe was center stage as always with his vocals, not sure how this would turn out. Ryan started off along with Nick, the drums and keyboard going first along with Nick's voice and the song started to flow to the point where the guitars joined in as well as the bass.


Broken hearts and last goodbyes, restless nights
But lullabies helps to make this pain go away
I realize I let you down
Told you that I'd be around
I'm building up the strength just to say


Nick started off softly as he beat a slow beat on the drums and started singing, his voice velvety and soft. He was hurt and wanted to let it diffuse out, ashamed at himself as he realized how true his lyrics really were. It didn't dawn on him until he spoke them, flashbacks ran through his head as he remembered every time Maya looked upset, he saw this was all his fault. Even before Thalia had come into the picture, his promises had been made over and over repeatedly and he had made more after she had entered his life, but he had let Maya down. And she had never expressed how hurt she was until now, until there was nothing Nick could to to hold her back.


I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way


Joe shared the guilt of the lyrics as he knew that he had also been part of Maya's downfall. Grief stricken he sang the chorus along with Kevin, who shut his eyes as he sung, probably feeling bad as well. Joe wasn't sure if Nick was singing part of the chorus, if he was it was very low, but he heard the constant drumming, he turned to look at his brother, to see him concentrating on the way he hit them with the drum sticks and putting all his focus on the song, angrily and heart broken. Both Kevin and Joe would agree to say that fourth line was false, they would continue to beg her but she was already gone in their thoughts.


Filled with sorrow, filled with pain
Knowing that I am to blame
For leaving your heart out in the rain
And I know you're gonna walk away
And leave me with the price to pay
Before you go I wanted to say
yeahhh!!


Nick's voice boomed in his high notes as he shut his eyes and sang the parts he had kept from his brother, too private and too afflicting to share. He hit the drums harder as he continued, only John who was closest to him could see the strain on his face as he tried to keep his eyes dry. He hit the symbols when he needed to and the tempo of the drums increased and went back down as he finished his part.



That I'm
I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way


Maya stared in shock as the chorus played again, she was far but saw that Nicholas was putting everything into the song. His face hard yet still so soft as he played with his soul, she bit her lip back to stop herself from crying. This was his way of venting, nothing else, she would not let herself think he was playing for her. After what he had yelled, she didn't believe they would be ok, not for a very long time. Nick was waiting for Joe and Kevin to be done with the chorus, ready to play the next part, another part he had kept from their eyes, otherwise they would have never agreed to playing the song. It wasn't offensive to her but it also wasn't friendly. But he hoped she could hear the desperateness in his voice, how truly sorry he was and how he knew she might have to think about it for a long time, to think over whether to forgive him but he was willing to wait, as he now saw her face for the first time. Seeing how much pain she had really been in, why it was that she had been distant and why she would pull away from him. But Nicholas was still naive, not realizing how much love there really had been, not knowing that there could be more pain to the one he thought he fully knew now.


I Can't make it alive on my own
But if you have to go,
Then please girl, justleave me alone!
'Cause I don't want to see
You and me going our separate ways


He was looking right at her when he sung this part, his mood shifting back from being destroyed to wildly enraged. Their eyes locked as he was telling her this, singing it to her. Telling her with every inch of himself that he would not survive without her friendship, and his insides started to twist as he remembered why she was leaving. Although in Nick's eyes he felt it was right to feel angry at Ethan for taking her away from him, he couldn't put his finger on why it was hurting so much more than it should, why it suddenly enraged him, the thought of Ethan and Maya together. Why did it infuriate him to the point he wanted to haul her back to his side and never let himself make the mistake of leaving her behind again? But it only made his voice more beautifully angry in those perfect high notes, his eyes squeezed shut and his nose scrunched as he focused on each word and felt them come from his core.


I'm begging you to stay
If it isn't too late


Joe turned his head quickly around to his brother, surprised and pissed at what he had sung. But he saw that Nick's eyes were focused on something else, something ahead, he followed his eyes to where the balcony was. Joe was horror struck as he saw the lone girl standing against it watching her own personal performance of Nick's rage. Joe sung those first two lines with as much feeling as he could, moving forwards to the edge of the stage looking directly at the girl who was reduced to pieces, Maya, who was overcome. His throat starting to close, he couldn't take the look of his little sister so rendered to nothing, a spectator of Nick's ignorance, Joe was sure Nick would regret this as soon as he saw her walk away. Because this would make the end even more definite.

I'm Sorry
For breaking all the promises that I wasn't around to keep
It's on me,
This time is the last time I will ever beg you to stay
But you're already on your way


Maya observed how repentant Joe seemed to be, the way he stepped forward and spotted her. His eyes appraising her state, seeming determined to make his apology for him and his brothers, although she was sure they both doubted Kevin would need one. She noticed how he alone sung the first two verses of the chorus, his voice deeper yet still perfect like his brother's. Joe raised the hand that wasn't holding the microphone, lifting it away in the air but letting it fall as though resigning to the truth; Maya would leave. Kevin deduced something was happening as he heard with what anxiety Joe sung, he followed his brother's eyes and also spotted Maya, who was now crying as Kevin laid eyes on her. For Maya it was one thing to have Joe or Nick look at her, but Kevin, who was so intent on having her with them, only wanting the best for her, it made her sad to see his eyes so worried. She let out a desperate sob as she only stared at Kevin, who had supported her the most, who was truly the best brother anyone could have.


She had had enough humiliation from Nick's part, it was very cruel of him to submit her to this as well. He stared at her retreating figure, her wavy dark hair damp and bouncing on her back as she walked away. To him there were no words to explain why he was so upset, it was more than he could understand, it pissed him off that she thought there was something Ethan could offer her that he couldn't. It left him a small wound, as he imagined him waiting for her outside, or Ethan kissing her, that was intolerable. The band kept playing, Kevin as well, and even Nick, who didn't even realize he was doing so. His thoughts were on someone he continued to hurt even though he didn't want to, she also was done with being hurt and so she left. She walked into the bright light leading her to the staircase, which would lead her to the car. Which would lead her away, and eventually to Ethan. Whom she knew she had to be with.

But your already on your way


The curtain falls


Chapter 22
Champagne's For Celebrating

        As soon as the curtains fell, Nick, along with his brothers, were out of the fans sight, Nick hurled his drum sticks to the floor and stormed out the back stage. Kevin and Joe gave each other weary glances, not noticing that along with his drumsticks, Nick had snatched off his omni pod. Nick's eyes were stinging, he would never admit to himself that he was crying, he had cried over a girl before, Miley to be exact, and she had not been worth one single tear. It made him furious to cry, but Maya was completely worth it, not that he wanted to be crying, this made him feel worthless. Joe and Kevin had once seen how angry his brother could become, and would rather wait for him to come around and than face the guy who was storming out of the school and running into the tour bus before any fans could catch up.

She'll come back, she has to, he kept thinking to himself. This was too familiar, like when she had run away from the Burbank Mansion, but this time she had somewhere to go, someone who would meet her. He forced his fists into his closed eyes to try and block those images that kept flashing through his mind, trying to force himself to think about Thalia, his love, to block out his best friend's betrayal. As soon as he passed the front room he went to the bunks area, just to have a reminder as he saw the drawers that used to contain Maya's clothes, empty. He plummeted to the floor against the bunks and sat there with his head in his knees, wondering why he had never realized how unhappy Maya really had been. He vividly remembered her smiling all the time -before these weeks events- she always had that small yet filling smile that made him feel as though he had the whole world's support behind him.

It was bothersome for him to think all this time she had been hurting, always hiding herself behind a mask of love and support, never complaining. Had he lost the real Maya? Had the one he'd been spending time with all just a facade, and at what point had she changed? At what point had he lost her? His fists were now wrapped in his hair, as he yanked it and put his head against one of the bunks bars, trying to see how he could remedy this. There was no point in fussing over it now, he thought. There was no way he would make her regain her senses, both of them were too irrational and frenetic at the moment to be reasonable.


Nick knew his brothers would be in the bus soon, so he quickly changed out of his clothes and got into his pajamas, knowing a shower would only keep him awake and mulling over the idea of chasing Maya. He could have gotten in his bunk, but he went across and climbed the ladders and stepped into Maya's, which only made his insides ache and squirm. All his thoughts were trying to focus on Thalia, to distract himself from the situation occurring. It wouldn't be any help because his thoughts would flow freely as he lost consciousness and his eyelids would flutter and eventually close, he would have no control over his tired and exhausted minds workings.


He turned over to the side facing the wall when he heard his brothers getting on the bus, complaining about how hard the rain was falling and how it wouldn't be good weather to travel in, very dangerous. Nick squeezed his eyes even harder, where was Maya? How he prayed she wasn't in a car with him, that she was safe and warm in her hotel room and not wherever she had decided to leave for. “Is he asleep?” Joe whispered to Kevin, who's teeth were chattering from the icy rain that soaked his clothes. “I think so, he's had a rough night so even if he wasn't let him sleep Joseph.” Kevin stared at the top bunk his brother was in, sensing he would be around a Nick who would be crushed and hurt for a while, until he realized he had lost Maya, maybe permanently.


“Get some rest bro, it'll all be ok, it has too.” Joe whispered with a grimace as he passed the bunk and followed Kevin to the back of the bus. Although they were far, Nick could hear the broken and resigned sigh Kevin gave as he seemed to mumble something to Joe, Nick was too far and too tired to be able to continue listening. The night's wrath continued outside, the rain would not lighten and the wind was like shards of ice scratching a persons face and skin if they were outside, although the bus was warm Nick felt the need to take the fleece blanket and cover himself. The extra warmth it provided was what finally what let him doze off, tomorrow would be strenuous for him, he had a lot of things he would have to digest, like the fact he wouldn't see Maya's face in the morning.


“I couldn't...Kevin it's quite alright...” There was no point in arguing with a gentleman like him, Emiyl realized. “We have like 3 extra bunks, what are you going to do stay in a hotel when you could spend the night in the tour bus? We can't even leave this place, the rain is too strong and dangerous to be out in, so we're staying here till the morning. Come in! Please, you must be freezing.” She was standing outside their bus door under her tiny umbrella. Emily gave up and took his hand as she stepped into the warmth and shut the giant door behind her. From what information she could gather, Maya wasn't here anymore. There was no reason for her to stay anymore, unless it was to murder Nick because she knew it had to be his fault. “Would you like to tell me what happened or do I have to drag Nicholas out of his bed and get the information I need?” Emily wanted answers, Maya wasn't here. The bus had an eerie feel to it, as though it was deserted.


“Nick is very torn up at the moment, he's not thinking straight so it wouldn't be good if you bothered him right now.” Kevin replied, he didn't like taking sides but he didn't like people making any kind of threat towards his brothers. “Oh yes, because Maya is perfectly fine.” She snapped sarcastically. Kevin's eyes began to drift, they were bloodshot, tired, and ran his hand across his face to try and stay awake. “Alright, might as well start from when we began to perform. This could take a while, I want to explain everything to you, after all I guess you're the only true friend Maya has and needs.” He yawned. “I'll get us some coffee, I think we both need it.” Emily got up and made her way to the small kitchen where she started a pot of coffee while Kevin made himself comfortable and tried to lay on one side of the booth. Emily sat on the other side of it, her hands folded and waiting to hear the story that just never ended; Maya's suffering.







The next day
Nick's POV


So why'd you have to go?
Is there something I could say to make you turn around?
Cause nights like these I wish I'd said don't go
Is there anybody there?
Can anybody help to get me out of here?
Cause you're walking down a road that I can't go


As these lyrics were being blasted from ipod on speakers I found myself awake, completely exhausted and thirsty. Last night's terror still hung over my head as I sat up, only to find someone doing the same, from across, on my bunk. “Maya?!” Could she still be here? Were last nights shouts and torment all a bad dream? “Oh yes.” A voice laughed bitterly, my vision was blurred and I could only see an outline but the voice did not belong to Maya. “Because after last night, and everything you've done and said to her, she'd still be here. Right?” Emily, I realized, after I rubbed my eyes. She made a small thud as she jumped down to the floor and her hair flew and fell back down as she stood down there with her arms crossed and went to glaring at me. “Nice song.” I gritted through my teeth, the lyrics were meant to get to me but my head was pounding already and I was sure her and I would be fighting soon enough.


As I jumped down, I wobbled and stumbled to the floor, my head spinning and aching. The room was spinning and I began to feel nauseous so I stayed down. “Are you alright?” From the groan of her voice i could tel the last thing Emily wanted to do was help me, but she did. She supported me until we reached the living room area where she let me fall onto a seat. “Thank you.” I said as she gave me a glass of water she grabbed from the fridge, she left the pitcher on the table next to me. “So did you sleep well?” She sneered, she seemed so cold compared to how sweet she was to Maya. There was the difference, I realized, she probably liked everyone except me. “Can we please not do this, Maya messed me up enough last night.” Last nights screams and confessions still rung in my ears as I took another glass of water.


“She messed you up? Nick please do not tell me you plan to play the victim in this. You out of all people. You who.....” Emily looked down and took a deep breath, she stopped herself from saying something. “What were you going to say? Just spit it out, I know you want Maya with Ethan.” I bit the inside of my cheeks as I said this. Was she with him already? Were they still in New York or on their way to California? Was she laughing along with him, after leaving me? “Nick, if you think this is about me wanting Maya to date Ethan, you are completely out of your mind.” She shook her head as though I was stupid. “It's not?” I snorted. “Nick, do you know why I want her to give him a chance? Because in case you didn't know, Maya has been rejecting his love every time he offers his heart to her.” She said this with such empathy I could only imagine who she was comparing him to.


“He doesn't deserve one anyways. After everything he's done, do you think he's the best choice for her?” I was doing my best not to yell, my mood was not getting any better from last night. I had to remember Emily wasn't Ethan, no matter if she was on his side, she was not the one who drove Maya from me. “Nicholas, we all know what Ethan did in his past, you made it loud and clear. But obviously you don't know the whole truth, you should try speaking with Kevin sometime. But putting that aside, who else does Maya have? No one, yet Ethan is there to pick her up every time you let her fall.” She was calm and serious although she probably wanted to yell and be cold to me. “She has me! She has my family! She has you!” I yelled, she didn't jump or yell back but smiled as though I was missing something. “Nick, I mean to love. Someone who won't break her heart, who will be there for her, who will see her for the jewel she is. Could you be that person?” She challenged.


“Umm...she's like my sister.” At that, she laughed and went back to being serious. “I am trying my hardest not to flip on you, so you should be gratuitous with me. Maya, she told you she was hurting yesterday. Do you know how much?” She scrutinized my face, now I looked away. Last night I tossed and turned, still digesting the sad truth, I had hurt Maya. It was hard to accept it, but I knew I was to blame for most of it. That day Maya and I were on our way to the movie theater, I had told her it was silly of her to think I would leave her behind for Thalia. But I had, and I did, and there was no way I could take back what I had already done. I knew I shouldn't judge her relationship with Ethan, she could be friends with whom ever she wanted, it was horrible of me to accuse her of the things I had, but I did. And I had told her she would never be welcomed back, I had encouraged her to leave, there was a never ending list to the pain I had caused her.


“I think I have a good idea.” I mumbled, looking to the floor. “ I don't think you do.” She replied automatically after I had finished speaking. “Nick, you not only tried to prevent her from choosing who her friends would be, you manipulated her, you pushed her aside, you didn't see the signs! You didn't even notice when she changed, a good friend would have. And most importantly, you didn't realize-” But Emily hushed as soon as Kevin came in and met her eyes. “Good morning Kevin.” She gave him a half heartedly wave as he waved back. “May I speak with you in the kitchen? He asked her and she stood up and followed him as Joe also came to the living room and sat next to me. “How are you holding up?” He had bags under his eyes, it seemed everyone was being affected by her departure.
Nick's POV Ends


Emily's POV
“What were you about to tell him?” Kevin seemed worried, but also tired. “I don't know, I was thinking it was time he figure out why Maya is even more hurt that what he knows.” I replied not looking at Kevin's glance. “But maybe it's not up to you to let him know. Maybe you're only doing this so he can hurt over the fact that he's lost his best friend, and that she loved him and he broke her heart and when he realizes he loves her too he'll be in so much pain that it'll be like pay back.” He knew before I did, but it was all true. “Kevin, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize...” My throat closed up and my tears were about to fall. “You didn't mean to, you're just upset he's hurting Maya like he hurt you. I know, it's alright.” He took me his arms and comforted me, as he wanted to comfort Maya, but she had decided to stop taking comfort and leave. This was close enough and I needed it.


“You still don't know where she is then?” I sniffed and recovered after a few minutes. “No, but I'm sure she's fine. Either at the hotel or taking a plane back home.” He replied, I nodded, but why hadn't she said goodbye. “You said something, you said that he'll realize he loves her. Do you really think so?” I was hoping he wouldn't, if he did it would only cause more pain. Not only for him, because there wasn't a doubt in my mind that Maya had finally developed feelings for Ethan. But for Maya herself, Ethan, and Thalia. “I think he's getting there, he's taking it very hard, harder than I thought. And he hasn't even called Thalia yet and she's only on the other bus.” Kevin confessed, worried as well, as to what would happen if Nick saw Maya that way. “Let's hope he's blinded a bit longer, Ethan deserves a chance.” I told him as I went back to the bunk area to grab my stuff and leave. “They both do.” Kevin stated as he walked back into the living room with his brothers.
Emily's POV Ends


Nick's POV
“You really screwed things up, you know?” Joe was not stopping, even when Emily went by and muttered that he was no saint in this situation. “Joe, shut up.” I snarled, as I realized the pitcher of water was now empty, and I was still thirsty but I had to use the bathroom so I left. After using it, I just sat over the seat and thought about what Emily had been saying, and about how Maya deserved someone who loved her, that part kept replaying in his mind. Was she with him? Did she love him? Why was it I couldn't stand the thought of them together, she took in Thalia as a sister when I chose her. Why couldn't I be happy for her and Ethan if that was the case? What if I forgot that Ethan had sold drugs, if I tried to forget that, why was it that it still infuriated him to a point of pain to imagine them holding hands, or hugging or even kissing (that was the worst part I tried not to think about). I was trying my hardest to put myself in her shoes or at least not in mine, trying to see this from every possible angle I  could think of.



What if for example, Maya had been in love with him, while he dated Thalia, she would have still been happy for them. She would have been there and supported them, even though she loved him.....through thick and thin....no matter what...because she was his best friend...and because she loved him even more now.....
Nick's POV Ends


Sobs mixed with tortured screams could be heard from the small bathroom as it all clicked in Nicholas' head, everyones heads snapped in that direction. “Oh boy. Well I am out of here guys! Thank you for your hospitality and please let me know if any news as to where Maya is comes up.” Emily tried her hardest to suppress a laugh, Nick had finally gotten it, and it was too late. “Do you need a ride?” Joe wanted out of the hell he knew he'd have to deal with right now, as he heard Nick punch and kick the walls from the small cubicle that was the bathroom. “No thank you, Billy is driving me since he's off to get some paperwork. Good luck.” With that Emily, as happy as could be, walked out of the bus.


Nicks tears were gradually growing harder and would not stop, they weren't just sad tears but angry ones as well, everything fused into one big explosion, the final epiphany he would have. Kevin worried as the door wouldn't open, and he was torn between speaking and just letting Nick compose himself. There were no words to explain how broken and frail Nick looked if you saw him, so vulnerable and soft, so child like compared to the mature and grown man he used to act like, before he became a lovesick puppy anyways. His soft angelic face scrunched as he cried and his hair tangled in his fists as he sat in a fetal position, wishing this wasn't what he knew it was. He seemed so small now, a boy who was just told a shocking truth he could not handle, a truth that was so obvious it crushed him to be the last to probably know.


“Nick. Care to open the door?” It wasn't Kevin quietly rapping the door in a soothing voice, he was already overwhelmed with all of this he had no strength in him to tell him brother it might be too late. Joe would now have to take over this job because Kevin being the oldest and wisest had to deal with so much and to see his own flesh and blood hurting, wasn't it enough seeing everyone else being in pain? Nick couldn't hear Joe over his own screams and his own mumbles of words that he himself couldn't make out, but they were all words for Maya. Of course it all made sense now, every single thing could be explained, and it only made him angrier and sob harder. He fell to the ground and cradled his legs, so revolted by himself and so scared of what he might never get to say. His headache and dizziness were only making him less stable and pain stricken.


Joe paced back and forth in front of the bathroom, he wanted to ask Kevin for help but Kevin needed rest from this. It sounded like Nick was dying in there but the door was locked and he was not answering, 'if Maya was here...' he found himself saying. But it was because of Maya that Nick was like this, not that it was her fault. “Nick open the door!” Joe was concerned, Nick was not the type of guy to cry. There was only two explanations, either he realized Maya loved him or he realized he loved her. Nick heard Joe's voice, he wiped his eyes while he whimpered and tried to calm himself to face his brothers. Besides the hate he felt himself he also felt fear, fear he may never see Maya again because he knew she had a right to never see him again. He was scared she might never know something he just realized, something that might have just happened with the realization of her feelings, or maybe it had been happening for a while and he just never saw it. Why he couldn't stand Ethan and her to be happy, why it all made him furious, why he couldn't be happy for her. The realization of her feeling brought the realization of his own, he loved her too.


(this is the same night, not the next morning as it was for Nicks chapter. But the days will change for diff povs)

Chapter 23
Everything Against You


As Maya put her stuff in the trunk of Nick's Z4 coupe the rain kept pouring down on her small figure. She was in no condition to be behind the wheel, especially since she had to shorten a 3 day trip into one. She had difficulty getting in with it's low slung frame and the doors were so long she had nothing to hold on to as she ducked inside. It was foreign compared to the large spacious navigator she was used to being in. The smell of new car was mingled with the scent of cologne and it infuriated her as she tried to buckle her seat belt only to have trouble with it. She hurried to turn the car on and it purred under her, Maya took a deep breath and she told herself it'd all be good in a small time.


She turned the windshield wiper on as the rain fell uncontrollably and Maya started her race against time as she began to drive. The wheel squealed as she accelerated in the parking lot under the puddles of rain. As soon as she had turned the car around, she reached 50 mph outside the school's fence, she had never gone as much as 30 before. Every minute that passed by she knew she had to hurry, people were counting on her, even if they weren't aware of it. Ethan's face, his smile, his soft whisper of a voice was always in her head now, there wasn't a moment when she wasn't thinking of him and how much he was to her. Although she had not said or thought the words yet, she knew there was something more, something stronger than anything that was driving her towards him.


On the LIE she reached 80 mph as she got on the HOV lane, thankfully only one car was behind her. And it was a miracle no police cars were in sight. The warmth the car provided soothed her to the point of sleep but she opened her eyes, widening them, and reminded herself where she had to be. There were stains on her face where her tears had made their path, she tried to rub off the black smudges but they had already dried on her face. Maya tried to keep her eyes off the clock and off how many hours had passed by and how many she had left, but her run down body was demanding some sort of rest. She told herself she would take a quick break soon and through barely opened eyes she continued to drive until she was out of Long Island.


Stopping in a rest parking lot near Queens, she knew although her mind fought against her body, she needed sleep. It was around midnight when she gave in and let her eyes and body rest, only after making sure the windows and doors were locked. Her mind entered a calm, serene get away where it shut down and let her sleep dreamlessly. When Maya felt the warmth on her skin and the brightness trying to seep through her close lids, she knew resting had been a mistake. Her heart thumped rapidly against her chest as she inspected the amount of light seeping through the front window of her car. It looked like the sun had only risen a couple of minutes ago, she was right she checked the car's clock, it was 7 in the morning.


The dread in her heart was visible in her face, the bags under her eyes giving her a sickly appearance. She had no chance of reaching California by car in so little time. But maybe that was the answer, by car she had no time left, but if she jumped in a plane she'd have time to spare. As though this was a sign from the heavens, she saw a sign that led traffic to the JFK airport only 2 blocks down from where she was. She slapped herself awake as she started the car and wiped the few tears that had escaped her eyes, the car's gentle purr was the only company she had. Even when the cars wheels screeched beneath her, it never swerved sideways, it was always completely steady and smooth under her control. Although there was to be expected more police cars around, she sped through traffic until she was on the highway leading to the airport. Of course it was jammed with hundreds of cars headed towards that same direction, so she was stuck between so many cars, barely moving a foot a minute.


She occupied herself by fixing her face, taking out makeup wipes she had shoved in her duffel and cleaning her face up. She untangled her still damp hair with her fingers and clipped it up. Although the morning looked brighter today, dark clouds could still be seen floating around, ready to pour when they pleased. Maya looked around the town she was passing, completely different to the place she had been last night. Stores upon stores were next to each other, people walking feet above her since the road to the airport was low compared to ground level. People were already out and about doing their errands or off to work. She barely had a clue what day it was and although she picked her brain to try and figure it out, she stopped knowing she'd have to go through everything that had happened in the past days.


Finally, maybe an hour later traffic was flowing freely and she entered the airport's parking lot. But this was a problem, she needed the car where she was going. A parking lot security saw her sudden hesitance as she was stopping the number of cars behind her, trying to park. The man was average height, his face very tan and full of birthmarks. His nose was long and thick, his eyes seemed to scrutinize everything. He was in uniform of course, a dark blue windbreaker with 2 wide white stripes over a white dress shirt. “Miss, you're holding up the line.” His voice startled her, she hadn't heard anyones voice in hours, but his wasn't reprimanding, just wanting to help. She pulled over to the side and the security man went over to her, to see what the problem was.


“Is there something wrong miss?” He bent down and looked at the driver, she grimaced and told him that she needed her car to go along with her to California. She sounded crazy to herself as she asked him if there was any way it could be arranged for her car to be delivered to the LAX airport. The man chuckled to her surprise, telling her it was a definite possibility to do this. “What you'll wanna do, miss, is take that lane of traffic and go to the office at that gate and fill out an application with the cars information and they'll help you with the rest.” He smiled as he saw the relief in her face, she let out a despairing sigh of relief. “I'm here to help. Have a nice trip.” He waved as Maya sped down to the lane and followed the traffic as the man had told her to.


Once reaching the office, she parked the car in the area reserved for pick ups and took out all the car's papers, and conveniently everything was under her mother's name. The lady inside, handed her a 4 page application, once she was done she handed it back and the lady told her once she had a plane ticket, the airline would call over and let them know it was ok for the car to be put in the cargo hold. Maya knew this was way more than a couple hundred dollars, and her credit card was to be only used during emergencies, but she handed it over without even looking at the price. She had to walk the rest of the way to the entrance to the airport with her suitcase and duffel.


Praying that she could get a ticket at the last minute she stepped into the main entrance of the airport and looked for Continental Airlines. Spotting the specific airline sign she went over a receptionist and asked for a flight to California, the quickest one. The lady typed away and told her the quickest flight would leave in 4 hours and would arrive at the Lax airport in 6 hours and 10 minutes. Maya nodded and agreed as she handed over all her needed papers and the receipt of her car's registration for cargo hold. After paying once again, she realized she had paid with the credit card Denise had given her, feeling terribly guilty, she snapped it in half and took out her own so she wouldn't make another mistake. Before handing over her suitcase she had to take everything out and make sure the things she needed and didn't need went into the right bags.


She carried her duffel bag to the bathroom, which was full of people and tried to change and make the time go by, but the bathroom was filled to capacity with women either using the bathroom, cleaning it, or looking in the mirror. Knowing she needed quiet she left and bit her lip as she knew what she had to do. The airport had special waiting rooms you could rent, like a hotel room; she put it on her credit card. A young man led her to her room where she closed the door and threw herself on the bed where she bounced until the springs got used to her weight. She laid there for a few minutes as she composed herself. Knowing the first thing she needed to do was take a shower she ran in there and did what she had to. As she came out, she took out clothes from her bag and put them on, feeling more and more relaxed every minute.


The only thing that brought her back to reality was the text message waiting for her, a message from a complete stranger, but that stranger brought out such fear in her.


The time has changed. Be here at 8.


Maya began to shake, her lip began to tremble, but she choked back her tears. She couldn't understand why this was happening, her head would not, could not, wrap around this nightmare. She suffered a moment of fear and confusion, she sat on the bed with her arms wrapped around her legs thinking of the danger there really could be. She had crossed a line, a boundary that was there to keep her safe, she had gone over it and enjoyed the company of someone who she wasn't used to having in her life. That person came with a history, a history that seemed to haunt him and now chase him, but he wasn't aware of it, because in some form it was Maya being chased. If she had listen to them, when they told her he was not good for her, that she was too good.... Her head was hurting, she wasn't making any sense. How could Ethan be a bad thing? He who was so sweet and cared for her, just thinking of him as he was put a smile on her exhausted and pain filled face.


It was a moment of weakness, fear for herself but then she thought of the other people who could be in danger and that ended that. She got off the bed and combed her hair, her jeans started to slide down a bit as she stretched to brush her hair, she was puzzled, probably shrunk. It made her mad for a moment to think she was starting to think Ethan could be a bad idea, it was their faults for changing her thoughts of him. Ethan. Her life was so much better and lively with him in it, to not see him again, to not have him be there when she needed help, it would be hard to imagine. So what if Nick's car had to suffer for that to happen? Hadn't she suffered for him day in and day out? These thoughts soothed the guilty conscious of hers through the lunch she ordered to her room.


--


Getting off the plane and carrying her duffel Maya made her way through the crowd of people walking along the halls that led to customs and the luggage area. The plane had been delayed and caused her to lose time, her phone read 9pm which translated to 6pm in LA. Maya's anxiety was rising as she knew time was running out, now that her phone had service it would not stop vibrating, it was delivering all her missed calls, voice mails, and texts. She knew getting out of an airport, with its tiresome paperwork, crowdedness, and luggage took at least an hour and who knew how long it would take her to find the place. Her first stop was to customs, showing her papers and being led to where she could pick up her luggage and her car. She rolled her suitcase and placed the duffel over it as she sped outside the airports doors and the door of Nick's Z4 Coupe was open by an airports valet boy, keys in the ignition already.


Maya thanked the guy as he placed her bags in the trunk and as soon as she heard him shut it close she hit the gas and switched gears as she sped out of the airport parking. She placed her cellphone on the dock to recharge as she used the GPS system to find the address Freddy had sent to Ethan but of course she had received since she had his phone. The sun was starting to make it's way slowly from its high point to a more horizontal level.
Maya's POV Ends



Joe's POV
Nick finally let the bathroom door open, and when he came out his eyes pierced through mine as though trying to unravel a secret. He looked horrible, he had slept in the bathroom and I had dragged a chair and slept outside of it. When I stared at his face I realized it was paler than normal and the bags under his eyes were swollen, he slowly stammered out of the bathroom and surprised me with what he did. For a moment I thought he was falling, collapsing forwards so when my arms reached forwards to catch him I didn't expect them to be gripping on to me but to be limp. Nick was hugging me, but not only that but he was mumbling in a slurred manner from loss of sleep and ache. “She loved me right? She loved me...” I didn't know how to respond because he was scaring me, his energy seemed drained and his eyes bloodshot.


“Are you ok, you don't look well.” I supported his weight all the way to the black diner booth in the kitchen and made him rest against the cool table. “I hurt my best friend...my...Maya..” His throat sounded dry, and I knew that even though I had slept through it he had probably been screaming while he let the bathroom sink run. “You want something to eat? You should drink something, coke?” I busied myself with getting him some food and laid an apple and some sodas in front of him while I stood over him. “Stop ignoring me, Joseph!” He slammed his fists against the table and threw it aside, thats when I realized something was definitely wrong. The color rose to his face and he started taking deep breaths, whether to control himself or regain the few energy he had I wasn't sure.


“Nicholas, pick that up. Now.” Kevin was up, he gave me a concerned look. I just shrugged and helped Nick but he pulled it up quickly before I could set a finger on it. “Excuse me for trying to help.” I was starting to get annoyed but I had to understand what he was going through. “Why didn't you tell me, huh?! Why didn't you tell me Maya is in love with me?” This time he spat his questions at Kevin who was stretching and picking up the napkin dispenser and things Nick threw off the table. I stared outside the window, watching as the sun had already risen a while ago.


“It wasn't for me to tell, Nicholas. I was told to keep it a secret and that's what I did.” Kevin didn't want to take sides but it was hard not to choose between Maya and Nick both so close to him. “From your own brother?” Nick retorted, biting the insides of his cheeks. “I consider Maya my sister and family as we all do. Which reminds me, you have no right to speak for all of us and saying she is never allowed to come back to us.”Kevin crossed his arms and sat in front of Nick, who was trying to compose himself. “I wish I had known, I would have helped.” Nick replied stupidly. “Well it's too late for that buddy. And how would you have helped? By telling her you didn't feel that way and to put it aside?” Kevin started. “No I would have...” But Nick couldn't answer because the realization of his feelings had just happened.
Joe's POV Ends


--


Maya's POV
As I continued to drive and the rain began to pour here as well, I realized I was not in streets filled with houses after I got out of the touristic and well known parts of LA. Taking in my surroundings I found myself surrounded by deserted streets with abandoned apartments that eventually led to a chain linked fence that was open. It led to a 2 way road that seemed to no longer be in service because it turned right 2 miles away and led back to the entrance. It was a quarter to 8, I was early and that did nothing to calm me in any way because I was in a place that was far from the city's populated hot spots and how would I get back to LA? Walk? Or did Peter have a car? Maybe I could call Ethan..


I rested for a few minutes, shutting my eyes and restoring some energy when I heard engines roar and the screech of speeding cars coming my direction. Sitting up I looked through the rear view mirror. There he was, even though I hadn't seen him in years, Freddy's face was recognizable. Another face I saw was Peter's, although barely knowing him I could tell it was him. Out of everyone getting out of their cars, he was the one that had come with Freddy and the one that stood out. Unlike all the guys and few girls coming this way, he was dressed differently and his face looked scared. “Ethan m'boy, is that you?” Freddy bellowed to my car, I took a deep breath and decided to walk out. I had no idea how hard the rain was starting to pour, but it began to seep through my warm clothes as I opened the door of the car and stepped out.


“Well, you're certainly not Ethan.” Freddy chuckled while the others with him laughed and Peter looked dead at me, recognizing me even though we had not met in years. “I'm Maya. Ethan's friend.” throat was scratchy and my voice came out weak but he heard me and although he stopped smiling he kept staring at me. “Ethan too busy to come and pick up his best friend? Or did you volunteer.” His voice was full of curiosity and his eyes pierced through mine, he was trying to remember me. “Here's the car, Peter can leave with me now.” I threw the keys at him expecting them to hit him but his quick hand caught them before they hit his face. “Who says I only wanted the car?” He smirked at me as he looked me up and down. He pushed Peter towards me and he came straight in front of me as Freddy and his posse got into their cars and made their way closer to the fence.
Maya's POV Ends



Emily's POV
The thing about karma is, it comes and bites you in the ass. When they say karmas a bitch it true, at this moment it's the truest thing for me. A couple of hours ago I left happily knowing Nick was sure he lost Maya forever, I was happy she might be meeting up with Ethan somewhere. But right now I have to return to meet the Jonases in a car I had to rent and who's mileage I'm completely fucking up. Kevin called me back an hour and a half ago, it's night time, I don't like to drive at this time especially alone. But then again I'm usually always alone. We're all meeting up at the same parking lot they were at, I wouldn't have come only Kevin said it was urgent.


Before I finish parking my car, Kevin is already coming out of the bus with a big umbrella making his way towards me. I shut the engine off and come out giving him the friendliest smile I can, the most I can manage is a grimace. “Sorry for calling you back but I think we have an emergency or something close to it. It's Maya.” He adds when he sees I'm barely interested. My intuition says she's either in trouble or about to get into some, it had seemed odd she left that night without saying goodbye. I enter the bus and I am shocked at the yells and conversations going on, Joe and Thalia are on the computer talking about credit cards, Nick is being yelled at by Frankie, Big Rob is trying to calm down Frankie and Mr. And Mrs. Jonas are no where to be seen. “GUYS! I only left for a second and you're going nuts!” Kevin yells next to me, making me cringe at the volume.


“Has Maya called you? Texted you? Do you know where she is?” Are the first words that come out of Joe's mouth, beating Nick who was starting to get up. They all look worried, anxious for good news, even pale. But Nick beats them by a mile, his face is almost translucent and he looks like one poke could send him crashing to the floor. I realized I was staring at Nick who is just staring at the table while Big Rob takes Frankie to the other room to chill out. His eyes sunken in, he looks famished but I decide to turn to Joe and answer. “No, sorry. But I don't think she has her phone, she got rid of it a while ago.” I reply, she told me she had chucked it out the night we had all gone out to dinner. “I saw here carry one when she was leaving though.” Billy says coming from the bathroom, with the same worried face every one has.


“What's going on?” I say after getting sick of the silence. “Maya left last night with my car, she didn't have permission to take it.” Nick muttered glaring at Big Rob and Billy. “She said she was going out with Billy to get some paperwork. That Nick said it was alright.” Big Rob replied not looking at Nick, embarrassed. “She told me she had to leave, that it was an emergency, she packed and left.” Billy grimaced, worried letting her go was a bigger mistake than he had though at first. It didn't seem that bad to me, so Maya got a bit vengeful and took his car, a bit rash but maybe at the time she had some logic behind it, like dropping it in a lake or slashing the tires.


“See but there's more, we got a call from the credit card company. They just wanted to confirm everything that was charged on one of mom's cards was ok because it was a lot of money. Of course I confirmed, I couldn't reject it or Maya would probably be in trouble wherever she used it again.” Kevin explained as he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “But then I went online to check what was bought with the card, she bought a plane ticket, and the shipment of a car via plane, and she rented a hotel room in the airport for a couple of hours.” They all still looked weary, they couldn't make out anything that fit. “What scared us was the shipment of Nick's car, why does she need it, why couldn't she taker her own?” Joe asked himself as they all suddenly turned to me as though I held the answer.


“Sorry guys, I haven't talked to her since the day she left. She didn't even say goodbye.” I frowned, which led to me walking away and start dialing a number I had not looked at since it was given to me. That day on the plane Ethan had given me his number, house and cell. It was a long shot since I wasn't even sure Ethan was in California let alone his apartment. But at the third ring I let a sigh of relief escape me, and I heard the voice of the new friend I had been getting used to. “Ethan here, who's this.” He sounded awful, depressed, worried, just like the guys with me at the moment. “Ethan, it's Emily- from the plane...” I explained, unsure if he would remember me. “Yeah of course I know who you are. Emily it's nice to hear from you, but I'm in a bit of a hurry theres an emergency.” I could hear him rushing around his place, grabbing his keys and coat.


“Is everything ok? Are you in trouble?” Although I had stepped away I could tell all eyes were on my back as I talked urgently and in a low voice. “No, everything is not okay.” He sighed, I could almost hear him sobbing. “Peter, my best mate was sort of taken by Freddy to the outskirts of town. He left me a note saying he had to take my car and to just watch over my mom. I dunno what's going on but I think he's in trouble and I'm sure Freddy was looking for me but Peter being so caring probably went so I wouldn't get hurt.” Then it clicked, although Ethan didn't know. “Maya, she's there.” I mumbled to him, tears escaping my eyes. “What are you talking about Emily?...Maya is with the Jonases.” He was distracted, until I explained what I was told by the boys. “I have to go.” With that he dropped the phone, I could hear his footsteps as he ran out of his place and the door slammed behind him.


I hung up the phone and turned to face everyone, Kevin stood up seeing my face probably smeared with the mascara that was not waterproof. “Emily what's wrong?!” He came over and put his hands on my shoulders, I only cried harder knowing these news would kill them. I moved forwards to face all of them, hiccuping as I controlled myself. “I know where Maya is...”
Emily's POV ends


--


Maya's POV
Peter and I had been arguing for a while in whispers as Freddy and his friends exchanged money and handed it to someone to hold. Him and his friend smirked as they shook hands as everyone else cheered, then Freddy turned to us and made his way to Peter and I. “Maya, I don't know how you found out about this but you have to leave. I left my car maybe a mile and a half down, get to it and leave. Get Ethan or the police.” I looked over to Peter's face, how his light sky blue eyes trembled but his face was set. “No Peter. I'm not leaving you behind, we'll face this together. Would Ethan want you left behind?” This silenced him, I was here and that's all that mattered, we both were here to keep the same person from harm. He turned to me and grimaced, “But if we die, I told you so..” He joked, I smiled and pressed his hand.


“It took me a while, but I remember you Maya. That smile brought it all back, you're from back in the day.” Freddy trudged over and circled us as a hunter looking over his prey. I wouldn't meet his eyes although he gazed at me, I had my eyes on Peter and how brave he stood as he got in front of me. “Peter, why so tense? We're old friends are we not?” He sneered as he ruffled his hair, Peter whipped his hand up and slapped it away from his head. “You have the car, let us go.” Was all he told Freddy. “But if you call the police, that won't do for me. So you see I need you here, as for the girl...well maybe she wants to get to know me.” Freddy came closer to me, his breath right on my back. I went rigid, this was all too familiar and it froze me on the spot, my lip trembling. “Get away from her!” Peter yelled as he charged at Freddy who fell sitting down on the asphalt, he got back up and pinned Peter to the floor.


My reflex to help was what had me run to them, I pulled Freddy up, he smiled thinking I was helping him. Then I struck his face, my fingernails leaving three small oozing gashes on his face. “Oh love,” He sighed as he grabbed me by the elbow and threw me in the passenger seat of the car. “And I was gonna let you go.” He locked the door after taking the keys from me and talked over things I couldn't hear with his friends and his other victim. All I could do was watch the rain fall harder and harder, making puddles on the ground, the sky turning a nasty black-purple.
Maya's POV

--


Emily's POV
We were all rushing around making plans, who would stay behind to tell Mr. And Mrs. Jonas and keep Frankie calm? Who would go, how would we get there, and what would we do once we got to California? “I just got off the phone with the airport, they're willing to let our jet land on such short notice. But they agreed only for an hour, we have to get picked up and leave straight away because there is another plane landing later on.” Kevin said as he threw the phone on his bunk and grabbed his Louis Vitton bag throwing in his laptop, some clothes, his PDA and wallet. “I'm ready, guys we need to leave soon, we'll take Maya's car, leave it at the airport and be on our way.” Kevin set the plan out as the guys finished with their own bags, all putting on shades and hats.


“Emily, is there anything you need before you leave? Want to grab anything from the fridge? Some coffee?” Joe asked as he made himself a cup, they were all so appreciative of the information I was able to get. But at the same time it was their manners which never faulted, even in an emergency. “Maybe when we're in LA. But I could really use a hoodie or something, the rain soaked my dress, probably not the most sensible choice of outfit on a crappy day like this.” I ranted, they all went nuts, all dropped everything they were doing to find a hoodie for me. Nick being the smallest found one of his own that would fit me. “Sorry, this is the smallest one I have. Here, you probably can fit into these skinny jeans as well. You'd look weird with a hoodie and half a dress showing.” He mumbled as I thanked him and walked to the small stall of a bathroom they had.


It was stupid and foolish of how I was overcome by him speaking to me, especially over clothes. But the fact that we were on the same side now, trying to help one another brought a rush of emotions that I forcefully pushed back to their rightful place, out of my head and heart. I strapped off my heels, holding on to the small porcelain sink as I bent over. I raised my hands as I took off my dress, a bad timing because the bus started moving although Kevin had said we'd be taking Maya's car. Moving too quick for me to grab onto something, the side of my head slammed against the sink as I topple down. It must have been loud because Kevin was at the door knocking in seconds. “Em! You ok?” His hand was twisting at the knob. “I'm ok Kevin, just got a little bump on the head. Didn't realize the bus would move.” I replied as I put on Nick's pants, they were comfortable and snug my ankles, a bit wide at the hips but they fit. I threw on the hoodie that read Penn state and got out quickly, the humidity and wet at my feet too gross for me.


“We just drove to where the car is parked, the rain is too hard we didn't want you getting sick.” Joe shrugged as we started walking out, leaving Frankie asleep in the back lounge with Big Rob and the band. As soon as we were out of the bus, the door shut behind us, the rain pouring down they all tried to simultaneously pull my hoodie over my head, all basically slapping my head. “It's alright guys, I'm waterproof.” I remarked annoyed, rubbing my head as it stung. “Sorry, we just like to be careful. You remind me a lot of Maya.” Kevin mumbled since he was the closest. “That's probably the nicest compliment I'll ever get. She's so..there's not an adjective large enough to describe her..” I told him smiling, he smiled a tight smile. We all got in the car, Joe called shot gun without having to since Kevin asked him to locate the airport on the gps. I got stuck in the back with Nick, but before we left there was a slim and tall figure running to the car, in heels...


“Nick?” Kevin turned to him, demanding an explanation as to why Thalia was tagging along. “This isn't a road trip.” Joe heaved as he unlocked the doors after Kevin glared at him for locking them. “Sorry guys! Sorry, I just found out.” Thalia gasped as the rain ran down her face, she slid in pushing me closer to Nick. The car is for leisure, for show so it's not the most spacious car meaning I was squished in between them. Kevin started the car and started driving as Joe gave him directions, I was stuck between a chat going on either of my side. “I'm so sorry Nick! I found out from Big Rob, I came as soon as I could.” As though I wasn't there, she leaned over me and put her hand over his in a comforting way. “Thanks.” He pulled away gently and looked out the window, not the response she was probably expecting, my lips curved into a tiny smirk.


“Hello Emily.” She got around to noticing I was there a couple of minutes later, I turned my eyes on her and smiled. “Hey Thalia, glad you could join us.” I said politely, Kevin staring at us from the rear view mirror as he stopped at a red light, the windshield wiper failing at clearing the window. “I know Nick needs some support, well everyone does.” She added as she spotted Kevin watching, he turned his eyes to the road and drove as the light turned it's bright green. “Actually we're all holding up pretty good.” Joe piped up, bored of the silence and joining in the conversation. “Oh, well I'm glad.” Thalia replied a bit stung, Joe just looked at me. “Of course we wouldn't have a clue on whats going on if it wasn't for Emily. She saved us time and helped more than we could have achieved on our own.” He explained, at the same time giving Kevin the last set of directions.


“That's...very nice of her.” Thalia swallowed, I rolled my eyes. Yes, I thought sarcastically, this is some evil plot of mine to lure Nick from you and claim him as mine. “I'm just worried about my best friend, you know.” I shrugged as we finally reached the airport. “We're here.” Joe said as he adjusted his beanie and paid for the parking. “Let's go.” Nick was impatient to get out, to move and feel as though something was getting done. As soon as we were done parking he got out, Thalia expected her door to be open for her so I just slid all the way to Nick's door knowing that wasn't going to happen. When we were all out, on our way I realized two things, one was Thalia's dejected face and the other was I didn't have any shoes on. “Um, guys. I don't have shoes on.” I looked down at my feet along with them.


“Well then, how did that happen?” Kevin chuckled as he went back to the car, I remembered as well as he did that Maya had a pair of sneakers in there from back when we went to Central Park. “Sorry, no socks.” He said as he placed them in front of my feet as Nick stormed in, too inpatient to wait. “I don't care.” I said as I put them on and rushed, I didn't want to be the cause of delay, that was Thalia's job apparently. “Sorry about him, you know even though it's hard for me to say since I care for Maya like my own flesh and blood, this is probably harder on him than all of us.” Kevin grimaced as he helped me up and we ran to catch up.


Being on a jet was something new for me, but I never wanted my first time on one to be under these conditions. It got gusty which did not help the rain, when it hit you it was like a small pinch or cut on your face. I stepped on the small staircase they brought out so we could all enter the jet, I was first followed by Thalia and the rest of the guys. Entering I found myself a 2 person beige leather seat, I took it knowing I would want space so I could sleep comfortably. Sleep was the only option because planes rides in this case jet rides gave me a sudden killer migraine. Thalia sat in the back lounge of the jet on the long sofa that looked like it turned into a bed. Kevin took a seat in the front of the cabin, choosing the single armchair that faced the rest of the seats. Joe sat on the double seater across from the marble top table in front of Kevin, while Nick went to speak to the pilot.


Although I tried to keep positive something inside of me was telling me we might be too late, but too late for what? Thankfully there was another double seater in front of me so Kevin or anyone else wouldn't see me wipe the tears from my eyes, I wondered if Ethan had gotten to Maya yet. I looked out the window, the people who worked on the runway pulling the staircase away while one of the pilots helpers started closing the door from the inside. I stared at the rain falling down as I tried to trace a drop before it twirled down the panel. Minutes later I could feel the plane start to crawl down the runway, it began to pick up speed until I could feel one side increasing in altitude, the wheels being tucked in as it began to pick up speed and air.


Once in the sky I dared to look out, because while it took off I could only focus on clutching on and waiting for the shaking to stop. Although I did not enjoy plane rides, I did have a favorite part. When you are about to land or you take off, you get to see the beauty the lights of the city form. Like little orbs of rainbow colors floating under your gaze all shimmering, trying to compare to the glow of the moonlight. My eyes were tearing once more, either from staring out my window for so long or because of the same intuition I had, I was not sure. I wiped my eyes with the back of the cotton sleeve, I laughed, who knew I'd ever wear cotton again, my instructors would be disappointed.


Nick passed by right at the moment when my watery mascara made contact with the hoodie's sleeve, his troubled brown eyes flickered towards me. Oh shit, I thought, this must be his favorite hoodie and I got it dirty with makeup. “Sorry about this, I'll wash it. It should come right off.” I told him, he was puzzled but took the empty seat next to me. “Is it ok if-” He hesitated and just hovered over the seat, as though I would deny him permission. “Sure, it's your jet.” I sniffed as I gave him a small smile. At first he was hesitant, but I laughed and he relaxed. “You don't look so good, are you ok?” He made himself comfortable and stared at my skin, the bags under my eyes, observed the wreck I was. I grinned although my headache made me dizzy, “Nick, it's been a while since I've been ok.”.
Emily's POV Ends


Nick's POV
I didn't know what to respond to the last thing Emily had said, I knew although we both were worried about Maya there was a part of her that was uncomfortable with me. “Sorry, I do that a lot. I don't mean to put you on the spot, it has nothing to do with you.” She replied as she shut her eyes and rubbed her temples only to pull away her hand from one side. “Ah, it's still stings a bit. Do I have a bruise? It's not bleeding is it?” She turned her body towards me, her head sideways so I could see the side where she had hit her head against the bathroom sink. “Oh wow, that's some bruise.” I whistled, I touched the skin that had swollen into a small round bump which had some discoloration. She cringed as I traced it with my finger, I pulled away as she bit her lip in pain. Although the skin wasn't broken it did her some damage, she looked impassive and feverish. I wanted to touch her forehead but I was afraid of too much contact with her as I looked at her eyes, so different yet still brilliant.


Instead I played around with the plastic bag which held headphones, I wanted to be able to talk to Emily. Not just talk but be able to have conversations, laugh, make jokes like we used to, but it could never be like before. I never dwelt on it but I must have caused her pain, I hadn't even really ever thought of it twice until we recently met. She used to be so fun and smiley, her eyes were bright and they shook you until you smiled. What could I say? I'm sorry I didn't choose you that night? I'm sorry you were so hurt, and you had to watch your best friend hurt too? “Nick you ok? You're all tense.” Emily glanced at me with those eyes which had lost their happiness, I met her glance and held it. “If you're trying to hypnotize me, it's not going to work.” She whispered after a while, not breaking our locked eyes but she raised her hand and moved a lock of my hair and it bounced to the side. Her fingers cool and silky.


“You don't have to worry about me, Nicholas. If that's what got you all tense.” She told me with a half smile as we broke our trance. “I'm not trying to make your life impossible or anything, actually I doubt you believe that but your girlfriend does. I'm quite over you in that sense, it took me a while to be honest, but I'm cured.” She smiled as I let out a 'huh' sort of breath since when was I a disease. “Well I'm glad I'm not the cause of your sadness then, you should be happy.” I replied as I flicked away the bangs that purposely covered her eyes and face. “I should, yet here I am.” She sighed as she rubbed her head, and then I touched her forehead, she was beginning to burn up. “You need some Tylenol, I'll get it for you.” I got up and went to get it, she grabbed my hand. “Thanks Nick.” She sighed as she tried to rest, and let my hand go.


I came back with a bottle of cranberry juice and 2 Tylenol, her eyes widened since they were starting to droop. “Thanks.” She took the pills and popped them into her mouth as she swallowed the juice. “Well I should go, check how much time till we get there and such...” I awkwardly said, but she shook her head. “It's ok, you can stay if you want.” She yawned, I sat down and sighed deeply as I ran my hand through my hair. “You always do that, run your hand through you hair I mean. I know you're impatient to get there but relax Maya is going to be ok.” Emily patted my hand as she moved her neck around trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. “This isn't supposed to happen, she hasn't done anything wrong, she hasn't done anything to anyone.” I shook my head, distraught.


“Every thing happens for a reason, Nicholas. Although I'm not a big believer, I'm sure God has a reason for everything.” She yawned again as she clicked on the TV in front of us. “It's hard to keep hope when he does this to my best friend, who I love.” I mouthed as we stared at the movie playing. After 5 minutes either the exhaustion or the Tylenol had knocked her out. Her head tumbled slowly to her left side falling on my shoulder, it would be rude to pull away so I stayed in my seat and watched the movie uninterested. Her even breaths, hot and short made me quiver as it hit my neck, it made me go red. What would have happened if I had ended up choosing Emily? She still would have been friends with Maya, that's for sure. And maybe she would let me breathe a bit more than Thalia, and she wouldn't be as..clingy. It was foolish to dwell on something that never happened, and never could. There was a major difference between Thalia and Emily, Emily's skin was a silky white with her cheeks a pinker white. Her hair clung to her damp forehead and was swirled over her face, her mouth was open a bit so silky platinum strands were around her lips.


I moved my hand gently and barely touched my fingertips to her jaw, pulling at the hairs so they wouldn't bother her when she breathed. “N-” My head snapped at the sudden unheard footsteps that lead Thalia to observing how close, literally, I was to Emily. “Thalia, this isn't...” But she had already walked away quickly and I heard the bathroom sliding door slam after a couple of minutes. Great what else could go wrong, but that was the wrong question to think of. I don't know how long I was on the jet for, Joe was sleeping and Kevin had left to talk to the pilot or make a phone call. I was desperate to land so I could make sure nothing ever happened to Maya, and to take her away because one thing I had figured out was that Ethan was dangerous to her. He was a bigger danger because he was what stopped me from being happy with Maya, but what about Thalia? I sighed and slammed my head against the leather seat in front of me, although the noise didn't stir Emily it did make her a bit restless. She moved her head around and yawned, still sleeping and as though sensing my troubled mind her hand slowly moved to hold mine.


For now this is what kept me calm, a sense of comfort from the person who I had hurt. Holding Emily's hand made me feel hope, hope for the future, hope for Maya.
Nicks' POV Ends


Maya's POV
I was still in the car, my head against the window because the rain cooled it and therefore cooled my tired head. I could barely see the outlines of anything, the sun going down and the few unbroken streetlights lit the outside. But the raindrops were followed by a watery figure coming closer, I quickly pulled my head away as the door opened. Peter, his face anxious and devastated, met mine hungry for answers. I scooted over to the passenger seat as he came in, dripping from the rain. “No good news, huh?” I guessed as his fear stricken eyes met mine, he shook his head. “I'm sorry Maya, I really couldn't do anything. Freddy got mad that you hit him and he's not changing his mind even though I begged.” He said all in one breath, looking over his shoulder afraid he'd run out of time.


“What's going on? What is he going to do to me?” I sensed I was falling into a more dangerous situation than I bargained for. “Well if you haven't guessed what he needed the car for, and all the money he has, well it's drag racing. He makes and deals with bets, you know a race between cars, who ever get to the finish line wins. That kind of thing.” Peter said simply and quickly. “So he's taking the car?” I was relieved in a way, I could handle losing the car. “Not exactly, this is a stick shift, he wont be able to drive it. I was the one he was going to use to drive it, but I wasn't told. So when you hit him, and he realized I wouldn't be able to, well he's making you race against the other cars.” He summed it up, revulsion and terror in his eyes and voice. “I have to race....” I told myself, I was scared of going over 50, I would surely die. I shook my head, for the first time unable to deal with the danger I was handed.


“You have to Maya, god knows what he'll do to you if you don't. My only concern is your well being, if Ethan got my note we'll be out of here soon. He will come with the police and save us, ok?” He placed his hands on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes trying to comfort me and relax my anxiety. “You'll be ok, just do as he says. It's all we can do.” I felt the floor being pulled from under me as he said this, I couldn't feel any balance, I was going to fall. “Ok.” I answered meekly, my heart pounding and racing in my chest, everything suddenly speeding up. But the promise of Ethan rescuing us was enough for me to agree, he would get here and make it all better. “You're just as Ethan described.” He smiled although it did not reach his eyes, he was trying to distract me. “Does he talk about me to you?” I asked, so I could fool myself into thinking this was just another normal conversation.


He chuckled, “He never stops, but I can see why. You're so selfless, you'll put everyone before yourself.”. I hugged Peter and clutched his back with all my strength. “It'll be ok. Your car is made for speed while these cars are no comparison. Just be very careful and concentrate. I'm sorry you have to do this, I would take your place in heart beat.” He swore, I nodded as I took a deep breath. At that moment the car door was opened so quickly and hard he could have pulled it right off. “Out of the car Peter, you're going to wait at the starting line with the rest of the racers. If you try anything, don't expect to get out of here with Maya.” He smirked as he looked at me, I flashed my eyes anywhere else.


--


I was at the starting line, which technically is the finish line as well since the track is basically a U turn. As the car inched to the white line that was the starting line, I looked forward and turned the windshield wipers on, they helped very little. It was hard to see anything but the darkness in front of me, I turned the headlights on as bright as they were. “Be sure to start as soon as they say go, alright? If we start even seconds after they say go we'll end up behind.” Freddy said as he tapped his fingers against the dashboard, his window down to be able to see the flag go down when it started. “We...? I'm the one doing the driving.” I uttered, enraged. “I know, and I'm the one who could lose money if we don't win. You do not want to be the reason I lose money.” He glared quickly, his voice full of implications. “What I usually do is imagine the thing I want the most, at the finish line. It gives you a drive and reason to win, alright love? Get ready.” He stroked my hand on the steering wheel, I pulled away as soon as his made contact with mine.


I looked over to the car next to mine, it was a medium blue Mitsubishi, it looked like a good car. It had those vent things, I don't know what they're called but they help with the speed and power. The guy in the driver's seat honked his horn at us, smiling, while his girlfriend had this proud look on her face. I followed all of Freddy's directions, to tease the guy by revving and showing him the potential the car had. To honk three times, once we were ready, I looked through the rear view mirror and saw Peter tense and full of worry. 'I can do this', I pepped myself up, I had to. I lied to myself, told myself the thing I wanted the most was waiting for me at the finish line. I closed my eyes and imagined Ethan waiting for me at the finish line, his face breaking out into a big grin. His eyes lifting as his mouth was wide with a beautiful smile that made my heart jump out of my chest...


“MAYA? OPEN you eyes! We're about to start.” Freddy snarled as he hit my shoulder. “Ok, I'm ready.” I gulped as I readied the car, my hand at the stick ready to shift and hit the gas. “GO!” A woman in shorts that barely covered her yelled as she dropped a small black and white flag. As soon as I heard her mouth the G, I was hitting the gas, the other driver took a little longer only seconds though. I squinted to see through the screen on raindrops fogging my view, listening to Freddy tell me the exact moments to change gears. The speed was incredible in a positive and negative way, the rush of the wind and the sound it made was a rush as the speed increased and the wheels screeched underneath. I was concentrated but still afraid as the rain threatened to make me lose my course and stability. Freddy only yelled to go faster as the other car made it's attempt to pass us. I held the wheel hard as I made my turn quickly and dangerously, then sighed as the rest of the path was lit by the rest of observing cars far at the finish line.


I just had to concentrate now, the rest of the track was straight, no dangerous slick turn. “Keeping hitting the gas!” Freddy hit the dashboard as we were neck to neck with the guy next to us. I closed my eyes as I hit the gas as hard as I could, the car pulling us forwards in microseconds and leaving the other driver feet behind. He sped as well, his forehead scrunched in concentration trying to pass me. Ethan, I told myself, he's waiting for you, you cannot lose. I changed gears again and sped until I could see the finish line feet away and gave it one more push until I reached it. It was bittersweet, I had done what Freddy told me to, but Ethan was not waiting for me there. Freddy got out of the car with a big laugh and smile as he looked over to the driver who just pulled in. The crowd feet away roared with cheers and boos as some had just won some money and others lost it.


I could see Peter coming over, I got out of the car and went into his open arms. “Are you ok?” He asked as he looked me over making sure I wasn't injured. “I'm fine.” I cried as I clutched him, hoping he felt like Ethan when I was in his grasp. It wasn't the same but he was the closest thing I had to Ethan, and it felt comfortable to feel safe. “I think Ethan is on his way, with the police. Don't worry this will be over soon.” He breathed quickly into my ear as he hugged me, so we wouldn't be overheard. We turned over together to face Freddy who was celebrating 'his' victory with his pals, they all hooted and laughed happily, making all some quick money. As a good sport Freddy went over to the other driver and shook his hand, they smiled putting any bad feelings aside. “Next time, you won't be so lucky.” The driver warned playfully. “Right...” Freddy smirked as they talked over things too low for us to hear.


“Freddy only signed up for two races, the rest of the time he'll just be handling the bets and cheering on his friends. One more race and you'll be safe and sound, alright?” Peter tried to comfort me with the news, but it seemed to easy to be over like that. “You sure Ethan will come soon?” My stomach lurched, the rain was splattering over me but I hardly noticed it anymore. “I'm positive, he would never let anything happen to you.” He squeezed my hand as a reassurance, I squeezed it right back. “Or you.” I interjected, he smiled and nodded. It was nerve wrecking how dangerously fast the rain fell and how drenched we were while everyone either had coats on or were warm in their cars not minding at all. I looked over the car, no visible damage but I was probably ruining the engine or tires at least.


Freddy finished his laughs with friends and turned his gaze in our direction, he smiled widely and came over. I squeezed Peter's hand harder and he whispered to not worry. “It'll be over soon. Just think about Ethan.” He whispered as Freddy came closer, but I was and I needed something more. “Well love, we have one more little race to win. You did a good job.” He patted my back and then his hand wasn't moving it was just there. I moved my shoulder back and out of his grasp as Peter glared at him. “Chill, just being friendly. Well we should get in the car, rain is really falling and the race will start soon.” He informed me as he put his hand over my shoulder and dragged me from Peter. We passed the car that was already lining up next where mine was. It was crawling as it positioned itself a couple of inches from the starting line, the driver flashing a smile at me as he looked how close Freddy was to me. “This your girl?” He spoke to Freddy in a familiar voice, he must be a friend of his. “Maybe.” Freddy chortled but I smacked his arm off me and got into the car, this only made them laugh harder; jerks.


I looked over the car next to mine, it was impressive for sure. It wasn't just some regular car, it was made for racing and speed which made me fear I had to speed even more. The car was a bright orange, a Lamborghini Murcielago according to small plated words against it's frame. “Like my ride? I could take you for a stroll in it. Name's Wes.” He raised one of his eyebrows in a sort of interested way. “I like mine better, and I really don't care what your name is.” I snapped acidly as I rolled my eyes and got myself ready for this. Freddy laughed at the stung Wes as he got in the car as well. “You might be changing your mind when I win.” He told me as Freddy told him not to take it personally, that I wasn't very open with strangers. “Especially if they threaten you.” I muttered but he just grinned.


Once again I honked my horn three times to note I was ready, I revved my engine at Wes as he did the same. My light were on, as well as the windshield wipers, my heart racing as I told myself that it would be over soon. The flag fell to the floor once more and I hit the gas and made sure I was shifting into the right gears so I could accelerate, making sure the clutch and gas were being hit at the right moments and being let off gently when I needed to. But this car was faster, it zoomed by us in a couple of seconds, it was an orange blur as it passed me, and it's car purring loudly and it's zooming leaving my hair in my face. “GO!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!” Freddy grabbed my arm and squished it as though that would help, it only made my arm hurt from his tight grasp. Although Wes was far ahead he was no where being close to the turn. I squinted as I tried to see through the rain in my way, I accelerated until I was gaining on him, my hands holding the wheel with all my strength. I let the gusts of wind hit me and push against my skull and pin me to the leather seat.


My tires made squealing noises as the rain spluttered underneath them and left vapor behind them. Ethan, I told myself, he's waiting again, win. I ignored Freddy's existence next to me as he looked out his window and tried to measure the distance between the cars. I hit the gas pedal harder than I had before, I switched into the necessary gear for this speed and felt my heart lurch at the adrenaline and fear all mingled as I saw the speed I was reaching. “YEAH!” Freddy yelled happily as we were making progress and tailing Wes, I was glad myself because I was that much closer to the end. But the rain was blocking my view and the wind made the drops blur my view as they ran quicker and made foggy splatters. Then Freddy became quiet, we both heard the noise that brought different feelings to us, I didn't have time to feel relief but my heart's beats started to go back to normal. Freddy's face blanched and panic was clear on his face. The sirens were growing louder and it was more than one car, the speed of the police cars could be felt.


Even far from the crowd I could here the yells of 'run' 'police'. All I could think was Ethan was waiting for me at the finish line, this made me hit the gas pedal and know that reaching the turn I would be that much closer to ending this. I was too busy squinting through the rain to notice the sudden screech of tires that were changing their directions, I was at a speed too fast to notice the bright white lights coming in my direction very far away. My hair was soaring behind me as I kept zooming almost at the turn, that's when I head Freddy yell. “Watch out! Wes is turning this way!” He shook my shoulder trying to warn me. It was like being underwater, you can barely understand anything, everything sounds miles away. I was only concentrating on this turn and trying to see if I could hear Ethan's voice somehow. But then I saw the lights, bright, making my eyes sting, somehow Wes had turned the car around and was coming at the turn in the wrong direction. He was facing us, only feet away, he swerved to his right and I tried to swerve to my right but the rain made my tires go the wrong way our cars collided.


It was like rolling and flying at the same time, the car flew feet into the air filled with rain and then turned and rolled downwards and across the track. Sparks flying around as the metal made contact with the asphalt and made screeches as it skidded. I could feel the rolls it took until it could come to a stop my body thrashing against glass that was shattered and sharp metal, rocking back and forth. I felt detached from myself, as though I was a spectator because I could not feel my body for a minute and I couldn't breathe. I felt something trickle out of my mouth and I felt a pool of warm liquid underneath my body and mostly around my head. I felt perplexed, not being able to process anything. Although I couldn't see, I felt i was broken and injured and i worried for Wes and Freddy's condition. Wes must have heard the police and turned around thinking we left as well, I thought, it was the only thing I could try to process without my head pounding. I felt like my insides were bruised, especially my head and brain, as though you could see a chunk of it. I heard a voice scream, but that was all, as though my ears were covered, everything was muffled. It was so far away but I recognized it and tried to smile but something poured out of my mouth as i opened it. Stay awake I told myself, I tried to move but I couldn't it, was as though I was frozen solid or had no control over my body. I knew my eyes were open, but I couldn't see a thing my, eyesight was hazed as though there was only a white screen in front of my eyes. I closed them feeling more pain building up, I felt as though I was upside down because I could feel the blood going to my head. My breaths were coming out as pants and my heart did not feel normal. I was beginning to shut down, I couldn't stay awake even for Ethan. The pain was going away, I was drowning and it was peaceful. I was no longer fighting and everything started to go dark, I felt myself floating to a bottom of darkness that no longer scared me. I just let it take me away, only having enough strength to try and imagine Ethan's face.





Chapter 24
Because I live and Breathe Only For You


Ethan's POV
It was too nightmarish for my mind to process this, this horror movie happening before my eyes. As I saw the car I knew she was in collide with the other one, speeding in the wrong direction, my legs moved on their own accord as I sprinted and suddenly stopped. My mind went blank trying to understand what was occurring, the car she was in flew and started rolling and with each thud it slowed, crushed, and compressed the people in it. I could hear myself screaming over the piercing loud sirens arriving behind me. I told myself that if I ran fast enough I could somehow rewind this and save her, make sure this didn't happen, but as I ran and realized how far I was from where she laid under the remains of the car, I knew this wasn’t something that I could change.


My legs burned and throbbed as I pushed myself forward to reach her, screaming her name, waiting for a cry of help. But no answer came, I rubbed my stinging eyes, I couldn't let anything block my vision of where she was. Reaching the car was the worst thing possible, it only confirmed that voice in the back of my head was in panic, Maya was dead. “Maya! Please, please wake up! WAKE UP!” I skidded to a stop when I was right in front of the car, I felt like throwing up. I saw a carpet of wavy hair soaked in blood. There was too much blood, everywhere. I knelt down wiping my eyes and trying to open the car's dented and distorted door. The sickly ironic part was that her mouth had a sort of smile to it while she was unconscious and far from being ok. I dug at the door's handle which was stuck under some dirt, I could hear footsteps behind me but I could care less. Who cared that Freddy could be dead? Or that I was clawing at metal and dirt, my fingernails bleed and complained? All that mattered was that I could get Maya out and most importantly alive.



“Son, move out of the way. We can handle this.” I heard someone say over me with their hand over my shoulder trying to get a grip on me. It was futile, I was the one that had to get her out, she was my responsibility. “It's alright, son! She will be ok, let us take over.” This time I was pulled up and moved aside while the paramedics got the door open with some kind of pliers and electric chainsaws. They were all huddled trying to get them out, as I moved aside the gurney was rushed over and they managed to pull Maya out, I couldn't look but I did.



 I tried to go over to them but I was held by other paramedics who tried to calm me down, it wasn't working. “If you touch her even a little, in the wrong spot you could put her in more danger than the state she's already in.” The man tried to explain but I could only see the amount of blood that was not in her, that it was too much, that she could die. I kicked and shoved until I was able to get out of their grips, crawling out of the way, my hands covered in moist blood and dirt as I scampered through the sandy colored dirt and followed the sound of the wheels of the gurney. I was dazed, then I stopped, confused as to what was occurring, I felt myself flail as they held me against my will, I felt like I was entering an oven, my face flushed and I was shaking. “He seems to be in a mild shock.” One of the paramedics said and I was held in a clasp iron grip. “He's having a catastrophic reaction, can you sedate him?” The other paramedic was ready, syringe at hand and after holding me still enough, the needle made contact with the skin. “Let me goooooo!” I didn't understand what they were saying, I was screaming at them, I had no idea what, but I was screaming though my strength to fight began to crumble. My eyes began to droop, my shouts turned into slurs but I had to fight this, I had to go to Maya.
Ethan's POV Ends



“Just put the kid against my car, he'll come around soon right?” The cop inquired as the men laid Ethan against the car in a leaning position. “Yeah it's a minor sedative, he'll come around soon. We'll have another ambulance come for him and the other guys.” The paramedics ran back to the ambulance, the sirens blaring, flashing red and white lights spinning around through the clear plastic. The headlights flashed the way back to the entrance, and a car that wasn’t there before could now be seen..



“Drag racing...these kids don't understand how dangerous it can be. I hope they take this as a lesson.” The cop shook his head as he saw the wreck that the car was, as another ambulance came for Freddy, he had already talked to Peter and understood how Maya had been forced to do this, and who was the real culprit. “He's going to be arrested right?” Peter glared as Freddy was taken away in a gurney with a minor gash and sprained arm into the ambulance. “First he has to be looked over for any injuries, parents must be notified, you know. Take it easy son, he'll get what he deserves, no need to be hasty.” The cop calmly told Peter who's fists clenched. “If Ethan was awake, he wouldn't have reached the hospital alive.” Peter took a deep breath and sat against the cop car, waiting for Ethan to come around.



The moments passed and in less time than expected, Ethan’s eyes began to open. His hands raised to his head, completely unaware of what had just happened to him. He sat there, finally awake for two seconds and then everything came back. He stood up quickly, losing his balance, still under the sedative’s influence. “Maya, where's Maya. Maya, where is she. Is she ok? Wheres Maya?” He looked back and forth from his best friend and the cop. “She's on her way to the hospital. Now son I'm going to need you to come back with me for a statement and information on what occurred here.” The cop made his way around the car and to the driver's seat. “Get yourself together and once you're ready we can head off, just gotta let the doctors know you came around..” His voice trailed away as he was in the car.



“Maya, Peter I have to go see Maya!” He had the look of a deer caught in the headlights as he walked forwards only to be dizzy, Peter got a hold of him. “You need to calm down Ethan, alright? She WILL be fine. First we have to go and charge Freddy of all thats he's done. So this never happens to anyone ok?” He had his hands on his shoulders as he tried to get through to Ethan.



A voice could be heard from afar, running their way as destructive as a storm. Both Ethan and Peter turned around to see who it was. There wasn’t a violent enough picture to describe the facial expression that screamed murder in his face. He was yelling, and as he came closer it could be made out, all sorts of threats to Ethan's life. His face was distorted, not that serene playful face of a kid too young to be this wise, that had vaporized. Instead his face had eyes only for Ethan as he came closer, Peter tried explaining what had happened but Nick shoved him aside. Emily, Kevin, Joe and Thalia all running behind trying to catch up. “ARE YOU HAPPY? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MAYA? I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE, I KNEW IT! BUT SHE WAS TOO NAIVE TO SEE YOU FOR THE MONSTER YOU ARE!” Nick panted as he took a break from his shouting, he was only inches away from Ethan, who was still under the sedative, too confounded and still waking up to be able to say anything. “HERE'S THE GREAT ETHAN, IN ALL HIS GLORY! YOURE NOTHING BUT SCUM, YOU'VE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND! YOUVE KILLED THE ONLY PERSON THAT I WOULD GIVE EVERYTHING FOR. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO WATCH? MY BEST FRIEND LOOKING LIKE SHE'S DEAD AS SHE WAS BEING PUT INTO THE AMBULANCE, AND YOU know WHAT THEY TELL ME? THAT SHE HAD BEEN DRAG RACING...DRAG RACING. THAT’S NOT MAYA! YOU MADE HER DO IT- -- “Nick, that is enough” Peter tried to separate them because Ethan began to regain awareness and Nick being here was not good. “This wasn't my fault. She came to me because you were a dumb ass and let her go. She came to me, but I didn't know.” Was all Ethan's mind could use to retaliate. Nick's eyes became wide then a murder squint, he threw a punch to Ethan's jaw that had his whole head turning sideways. Ethan was on the floor, getting right back up only to have nick continually punch him in every spot he could get. He had him on the floor he was hitting and kicking him with every fiber in his body, making sure every blow injured Ethan. “If I lose her, you will die.” Nick panted as he could no longer keep going, Ethan used this moment, although he was very weak, to get up, coughing up blood and all. He lunged at Nick and threw a punch to Nick's eye, then lip and stomach. Nick caught his breath and got a piece of metal from the car, he was breathing heavily, out of breath, pale as a ghost. He took the piece of metal hovering over Ethan, who was badly injured, clutching his stomach blood running down his mouth and nose. Nick only glared at him from above and then struck him with the sharp metal. Ethan dropped into unconsciousness as the metal made contact with the back of his head.




Mayas POV

              Voices were speaking in another tongue, or at least too fluidly and rapidly for me to comprehend. I couldn't move, my body was limp against whatever I was laying on; it was a challenge just to try and bat my eyelids open. I could breathe, that should be a good sign, but it wasn't. I felt like it wasn't my body doing the work, as though I was being kept alive by something else. As though I was a marionette and the puppeteer was the pilot of my body and movements. It was impossible for me to remember minor things, but all I could process at the moment was that I was slowly feeling pain.



I could begin to hear footsteps, as though I was slowly surfacing from the depths of the ocean and I could finally slowly start to hear the world once more. I could hear footsteps, increasing in tempo as they got closer and my heart's beats quickened. My limbs shook in fear, what was i afraid of? Pain? I began to feel it increase, it started running weakly through my body like a small spark, starting from the tip of my toes slowly and painfully making it’s way up. The footsteps hastened, then stopped shortly, a click and the sound of a knob turning followed them, then the quiet steps walked once more. The pain did not follow the same tempo, it kept slowly crawling its way through my whole entity and it only got worse. The pain did not only increase and I couldn't handle it but I felt as though my brain was on fast forward. Scenes and voices zoomed through my head in a vortex of colors and volume, all blurred together not making sense. I was too resigned to try and stop it, all I could do was pray it went away. 



“Her heart rate is rising.” A male voice with concern detected.” I got it Dr. Daniels.” A sweet voice replied, smiling. The tone sounded amused as though it should be obvious thats why she was there. “This ought to help sweetie. It'll go away in a minute or two.” I could feel a shadow hovering over me, I could hear the small flicks of her finger against a vial or plastic. My hair was patted and the foot steps started to fade. It took a few seconds but I felt as though something was making its course through my body and it slowly then gained pace and fought back the pain from its roots. Just like that the paint began to vanish, I fell into darkness; my senses blindfolded once more, too tired to fight it's promise of serenity.
Maya’s POV ends



Hours passed like years that first night, having to deal with staying out of sight, they had put Maya in the best private hospital in California; and for the comfort of Nick; very far from the public hospital Ethan was in. The Jonas family would come into the  beeping room and watch as their girl was being kept alive by a machine, but that was only the fist couple of days. Denise was usually not allowed in seeing as she would start breaking down with sobs of “my little girl”, “why did this happen to her.” Joe and Kevin would only stand there with such anguish and faith in their faces it would have broken Maya’s heart if she were awake. Nick, was always outside in the waiting room, what he was out there for, maybe to make sure he would intercept any kind of visit from Ethan or Peter. Or it could have been the fact that he couldn’t help but blame himself for this, if he had only held on to Maya, if he had known everything she was being put through; she wouldn’t have almost died. 



It killed Mr. Jonas always coming back to the waiting room to update his son on how Maya was, to see a detached and eerie always uninhabited look in the eyes of his son. The part that killed Kevin senior was when his son saw him coming towards him, his eyes would regain their color as though being alive was just a facade for the world when it bothered him with it’s presence. “The doctor says she might wake up soon, Nicholas.” Mr. Jonas tried to make it sound like a concrete statement but Nick didn’t even look up, he let out a longer breath, but Mr. Jonas may have imagined it. “Nick do you want to talk?” Another futile attempt of making his son open up to him, Mr. Jonas’ prayers had been split between Nick and Maya this whole time. “I just need to be alone.” His voice hoarse and monotone. “Alright son.” He patted his son’s shoulder and left, desperate to understand why he would not respond to anything. When Maya wakes up, it’ll all go back to normal, we’ll all be a family once again. But this was so far from the truth.


Nick’s POV

It was impossible to be left alone, nobody could just leave me the fuck alone. I don’t need them telling me if she’s going to wake up or not, she WILL wake up. I walked down the hallways of the hospital with my hands in my pockets as i kept my head down just in case. Again the first night at the hospital tormented my mind, my parent’s horror, my brother’s tears, my own horror, and not knowing if Maya would wake up.


Arriving at the hospital with my lip cut open, blood gushing at the sides of my mouth, and my left eye swelling was the first thing my parents saw. They rushed over to me and my mom squeezed me in a hug looking me over. “WHAT happened Nicholas?” She was crying, probably since Joe had called her and told her to wait for us in this hospital and not too many details, only that Maya had an accident. “Ethan, happened mom. Ethan happened.” I gritted through my teeth and my lip cut open a little more. “Nick just shut the fuck up about Ethan okay? Is your hatred for him so big you don’t give a rat’s ass about our sister dying in there?” Joe shoved me and went through the doors of the hospital, Kevin following. 


My mother cried for an hour without stopping, she had to be given pills to calm her down, my dad was speaking with the doctors and surgeons. I was quiet enough i was able to sneak past the nurses who were supposed to keep watch at the main desk. We were in the waiting room of intensive care, and after being held back by my brothers and security guard after trying to go into the room, ignoring the “you can’t go in there sir, you have to wait until she’s been cleared of intensive care”, I was able to sneak in. The sliding tinted doors made no noise as i went in, the surgeries weren’t being performed yet, there was a little delay as my father had to have proof he had legal guardianship over Maya. This is when i took my chance, I put on a mask and went in not expecting what i would see. 


Maya was covered in bandages soaked in blood, her skin bruised very badly and severe gashes over her leg and head. She had tubes and iv’s all over her, but worst there was a large machine that was attached to her, I had seen enough movies to know it was the only thing keeping her alive, and that it was a temporary thing. I ran out of the room, only to be caught by a doctor who was yelling after me, i knew the fear could be seen in my eyes. 



“MOM! MOM!” I was sobbing, i knew it and i didn’t care, i didn’t care that my whole family were all suddenly standing up to see me crazy and crying. “Mom she’s going to die, Maya’s going to die!” I was on my knees, my mother came over to me crying as well and holding me, and then my brothers, dad, and Emily all standing over us. 


What I’ll never forget is the horror and sudden stop of my mother’s heart when i started convulsing and having a diabetic seizure. 


My body started twitching and jerking, my eyes rolled over and my mother screamed.



“NICK!! NICK” My mom was sobbing as she tried to get a hold on me but i was in no control of my body. 


WHERE AM I? MOM WHERE ARE WE? WHY ARE WE HERE? 


My mom cried even harder and my family called for the doctors.


MOM WHAT’S THAT SMELL, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THOSE FLASHING LIGHTS GO AWAY!


The doctors were calling over nurses and trying to pry my mother off my convulsing body.


I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS MOM, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEGS? MA? PLEASE JUST KILL ME!


“What’s wrong with him doctor? What’s wrong with my boy?” My dad was choking on tears as i started ‘foaming at the mouth’. “We’re not sure at the moment, wasn’t he with you all earlier? Did he have something, did he see something?” They were pulling up my record but i was not registered at this hospital, my dogtag somewhere in the streets where i had fought with Ethan. 


“I think he was talking about Maya, i think he went into wherever you guys were keeping her.” Joe was stuttering as the doctors started talking about shock, and other medical terms no one was understanding. “Shock maybe, but it would not explain the convulsions and manifestations he is having. Has he been sick? Is he on medication?” They were just throwing questions at my family who were too concerned with me screaming in another room and making noises. 


“Joe, Joe. I don’t think Nick has been wearing his omnipod for maybe days.  I haven’t seen it on him!” Emily said, tears running down her porcelain grief stricken face. “He has diabetes! Type one!” Kevin told the doctors as they nodded and wrote this down and both muttered “hyperglycemia.”


“Your son has a diabetic seizure, which could possibly lead to diabetic ketoacidosis, dka.” They explained as nurses rushed to his room with vials and injections. “What’s dka?” My father asked, already prepared for the worst. “Well in his case it may be advanced dka, I’m sorry to say this but it could lead to a diabetic coma.” My mother faints at this, my father catches her. My brothers grip each others shoulders and Thalia and Emily hold hands while sobbing. While I am in a room screaming for Maya. 


“Nick, did you hear me?” Joe was behind me, his eyes bloodshot, the cause of sleep depravation. “No, sorry, what’d you say?” I woke from my reverie and looked at my brother. “If you wanted to go with me and get some food at the cafeteria? At least some caffeine.” He shrugged for me to follow him, i nodded and walked behind him, he slowed his pace to match mine. “Bro, this is hard on all of this, you have to understand that. But we’re coping, you aren’t.” He got right to the point, his dark brown eyes really staring at me, i looked away. “I’m fine Joseph.” I said curtly and frustrated. “No man, listen, you really aren’t. You won’t even go into Maya’s room, she doesn’t look like she did the first day, you know. I know that’s what led to...” He suddenly stopped, no one ever brought up that first night, how i had almost gone into a coma but thanks to god and their prayers I was able to recover and be discharged 2 days later. “Joe, i really don’t want to talk about it. I know she’s alive, that’s all i care about.” He raised his eyes at this answer, an answer that came out wrong. “Don’t look at me like that, you know what i meant. I’m relieved that she is alive, i can sleep at night because of it, I know she’s recovering and will be waking up soon, I don’t need details. Just that information is good enough for me.” I explained once more, but it still sounded horrible. 


“So that’s it? You don’t want to see how her leg twitches every now and then? Or how she’s now breathing on her own, after a week? Or how she only now have 3 ivs instead of 9? Or how she sighs? How she’s regaining the color in her face? None of that matters, huh?” He was doing a good job at making me seem like a complete dick. “Or how the -” He continued but i interrupted him. “I care, I just....” My hand went over my face, covered it and i breathed heavily. “We’ve all been talking to her, she may not be able to hear us or open her eyes but we kept her company, why haven’t you been there? Even after realizing you are in love with her.” That’s all it took for him to cause me break these walls, Maya’s smile throughout the years zoomed through my memory, all the times we shared, her advice, her loyalty, even when she was hurting. “I love her, that’s what scares me. I can’t look at her and help but realizing i almost lost her and how it was my fault.” The answer of why i was behaving this way escaping my lips without hesitation, without realizing it. 


“You love her? So you go over to that room and tell her that, but only if you’re sure.” Joe looked at me one more time and left me standing there,  “She’s awake.” I heard him tell me as he walked with his hands in his pockets, head down as though not knowing if he was making the right choice.  

Nick’s POV Ends



Chapter 25
Resurfacing 


Nick’s POV
Just do it, you know you want to see her, this is what i kept telling myself after standing at least 15 minutes outside of Maya’s door. I could hear voices on the other side, I thought it was Emily and my mother, but i wasn’t sure. Every time my hand placed itself on the cold metal door knob i came up with some reason to not go in and I retracted it. 

I could feel her on the other side, probably smiling and making conversation to her visitors as she lay in that white patient outfit they always placed people in. It’d been about 2 weeks since I’d seen her face, 4 days since she’d been awake. What would she say to me, something clever that probably made me smile. What would I say? What would I tell her? This had my heart beating out of control: would we kiss? This made me go numb and warm, Maya and I close, our lips touching, our bodies intertwined. My hands around her, holding her in my arms, holding her hand, and then i came to a halt.


I have a girlfriend.


Well this shattered all my fantasies and hopes for the future, and worst of all I was ashamed to admit it but I still had feelings for her as well. Hadn’t i put myself through all of this to find someone like Thalia? I had been stupid enough to do a reality show in order to find the girl of my dreams, but now I didn’t know who that girl was. But of course I knew, I knew it was Maya, but another part of me still yearned for Thalia. But at the moment, and possibly forever, my body ran hot and on it’s ends for Maya and these burning emotions she brought out in me. 


What could I tell her? That I loved her? Yet that i loved my girlfriend?


Then without realizing it, the door sprung open, voices saying goodbyes for now. It was my mother and Emily, both surprised to see me there, but both expressing different forms of surprise. My mother had a happy look on her face now, as though relieved I was finally acting like myself. But then Emily’s long gaze, her eyes still, but forming some sort of conclusion or deciding whether leaving was the best idea. “Oh Nick! I’m so glad you’ve finally come to see her! She’s been asking about you, oh c’mon Emily, I’m sure they have a lot to talk about.” My mother smiled at Emily, who blinked out of her thoughts and faked a smile for my mother. “Of course, Denise, shall we go to the cafeteria?”  She mused as they both walked away, Emily turned around once to see me, her eyes always covered by her bangs, when I looked back she turned around and walked in that graceful pace she had. 



It was now or never, and I didn’t have forever to make Maya understand how much  I loved her. She had to know, she had to know before it was too late. 
Nick’s POV Ends

Nick made his way into the room, very large for only one patient residing in it, and that patient laid peacefully in her bed. It had been silly for him to worry about seeing her once more, she did not look anything close to what she had looked like that first night. Her eyes were shut, not sleeping but just resting, her hair flowing around her pillow. The room hummed with machines and the heater by the window. He slowly made his way to  the chair positioned right by her bed, he counted the steps it took to reach it and couldn’t help but look at her. This was who he almost lost, the girl who’s life was almost taken away, the girl he kept falling in love with every second of every day.


There were minor scratches on her arms and face, slowly healing, but not even those lacerations blocked the image that she was to him right now; perfection. It only took being close to her for Nick to realize, this was it. The point of his existence, the reason why he was and could be happy, this broken girl in front of his eyes. New emotions rushed through him, emotions he had only had a small taste of, but now he could feel them inside him and he knew that Maya, his childhood friend, the one person who was always by his side, was his forever and ever. 


The little light coming in from the window who’s shades were drawn spilled on the floor, Nick walked over to the window and let all the sunlight in; hoping Maya, would open her eyes. As he walked back he saw that his family had brought things from home to make her room more familiar and less cold. A guitar, from Kevin probably, was perched on it’s stand by her bedside, a basket of cookies, pictures, balloons; all decorated the room. But finally her eyes started to open, and Nick made his way to her side, hoping she would smile for him.


Her head rolled to the side, she had been asleep but she opened her tired eyes and took in her surroundings. Although she would never admit it, she smelled him. Maya was so in sync with him, she knew his smell, it surprised her and when she look to her side there he was. He stood over her, his eyes could not get enough of her but what shocked him was the cold stare she had for him, opposite of what he was expecting. 


Maya’s POV 

  Nick was standing there, half wanting to turn back and sprint out of the door and yet stunned by my stirring awake. Two emotions coursed through me; relief and fury, both tangled to the core. "Maya, I'm so gl-" I interrupted him before he could utter another word. "Nicholas Jerry Jonas, would you like to explain what the fuck you were thinking?" I stammered as he came closer, confused to my sudden outrage. "Maya, are you ok? Do you want me to get you a nurse..." He thought I was going nuts. "Am I ok? I'm just peachy. How about you?! Have any seizures or comas recently??" I was having trouble keeping an angered tone when it made it difficult for me to breathe.


"Oh. So I guess you heard?" He seemed embarrassed to talk about it. He shrugged it off meanwhile inside I was reaching my boiling point. How could he treat it so casually when I went through an anxiety attack when I forced it out of kevin. "Maya it's no big deal, just my diabetes acting up, it's bound to happen one time or another." He had kept his eyes diverted from me when he explained this. "Oh really? Because that's not what the doctor told me, would you like to know what he had to say?" I snapped as I sat up knowing world war three would commence any second. "Maya can we just drop it? You're the one in the hospital gown, not me." he pretended to be interested in the beeping machine that showed my heart waves, but he had spit that out with acidity in his voice. 


"Why did you take off your omnipod Nicholas?....For approximately 3 days. Were you trying to kill yourself? Or better yet, your parents? Because it killed them seeing you have a seizure." I paused to take a breathe and relax because that would speed up the machine and the nurses would sprint to me and make a fuss over my ‘condition’. Besides, I wasn't done with Nicholas; not yet anyways. 


"This is getting you upset and it can hurt your health, let's talk about it later okay? I promise." That did it for me, I grabbed the empty plastic pitcher of water and launched it at him, I didn't completely miss, I was able to hit the side of his cheek. "I am so tired of hearing lies from you, Jonas. Especially the promise part. Why don't you just be honest for once, speak the god damn truth. Why'd you do it huh? It could have killed you, do you understand that?" I was panting and I was red from the screaming. As I paused I could tell I had gotten him furious, he was glaring at me, to be specific, returning the glare I was giving him. It was probably the plastic pitcher I threw at him that had him frozen on the spot, trying to decide whether to strangle me, punch me, or scream at me to death. He ended up choosing the latter.
Maya’s POV Ends


Nick’s POV

“First of all Maya, don’t you EVER throw something at me again. Second of all you have no right to demand answers from me! You fucking stole my car, took it to the airport, charged a hotel room on my mother’s card and got my brand new car totaled! So excuse me if I fucking don’t answer your questions, and expect YOU to answer mine!” My throat was starting to ache from how loud I was yelling at her. 


Everything I had felt before she had opened her eyes -but mostly her mouth-, had flown out the window. All I could feel was this rage consuming ever cell inside me. Why was she so angry at me??!! Couldn’t she see that every stupid thing I had recently done was for her? About her absence? Why couldn’t she just have smiled at me and been happy to see me? Maybe hug me, and then my head come close to hers as I would have whispered my realization of my love to her, and she could have renewed her feelings for me?


“You’re not even listening to me!!!” I snapped out of my daydream, because that’s all it could be right now, and realized she had been yelling right back at me. “Screw the car! I will pay Denise and you back! Alright?” She stuttered as she tried to take a full breath, failing, and having to settle for small ones. She was still not completely healed, and these screams were not going to help her. Mad or not, I loved Maya too much to put her in any extra pain. “This isn’t about the money, okay? So screw the paying us back crap.”  I dejectedly sighed as I sat back down next to her, she scooted as far away from me as possible and glared out the window. 


“Why’d you do it Nicholas?” Her voice had a different tone this time, her voice hitched at my name and it sounded scared and desperate. Could I tell her without making her any angrier? “You really want to know?” At my words she turned around slowly, still not being warm towards me, but nodded. “Don’t be mad, promise?” I knew she wouldn’t promise, and I knew we would yell again, but I couldn’t keep anything from her anymore so I flat out told her. “When you first left I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t believe you were walking out on us. I got so pissed and I just wanted to kill someone. And then I realized that maybe if you saw that I was sick or not acting right, you’d come back. I didn’t realize that a seizure would ensue, I just thought I’d get a fever or something minor, that maybe mom would tell you about, and you’d come back and I’d be able to convince you to stay.” I ended, feeling dumb and empty as I realized that the only reason Maya would have returned was because she’d feel sorry for me, but  not because she would have wanted to be back with all of us.


“Nicholas, you are one of the stupidest person I have had the misfortune to meet. How could you do that to your body? Or most importantly, to your family? I wouldn’t have returned, no matter how badly you tried to blackmail me. You couldn’t have had one thing you could have offered me that would have changed my mind. I needed to leave, which you then agreed to and kicked me out of your life. So that was completely pointless of you to do.” She ended bitterly as she bit on her lip angrily, she readjusted herself on the hospital bed and didn’t look at me. Instead she played with the thin sheet that served as her blanket as the awkward silence passed between us. 


“I know that..now. But we’re all together again, and I swear I will never treat you like that again Maya. You are too good for me, you’ve been such a good person, friend, sister, companion, and I haven’t. But I’ll spend the rest of my days making it up to you, I swear. It’ll be just you and me, like old times. But better.” I smiled, I could see nothing wrong with this plan, it was fool proof. Except, Maya, didn’t smile back this time.
Nick’s POV Ends  


Maya’s POV
He had it all planned out didn’t he? Our lives would be perfect huh? Too bad it wasn’t going to roll that way. Too a fan perhaps it was like being cinderella, sweeping the floors, being normal, and all of the sudden Prince Charming bursting through the doors promising you the world. But the only problem was that this fairytale had already happened and exploded in my face before, I knew it would never work. Nick didn’t have space for me in his happy-girlfriend-filled life, and this time, I didn’t want to be a part of it. The only thing I could do was open my mouth, and stab that plan of his in the heart, and this time it wouldn’t kill me to do it. 


“You know Nicholas, ever since I woke up from the accident and even before I opened my eyes, I had a lot of thinking that needed to be done. I thought about my life, my family, my friends, and my future. I’m young, and I have my whole life ahead of me and I’ve been dealing with crap I really shouldn’t have to deal with. It’s time I take my life into my own hands and do what inspires me, be that future I always wanted. Be with the person that makes my heart pound a million beats per second. Be happy and in love.” I paused, my eyes wanting to brim over with tears, but I didn’t understand why. 

“That’s what I’m saying Maya! You get it, see it’s all obtainable. We’ll be together and the world will be ours.” He had the most promising smile, his eyes jumped in his sockets, I could see my reflection so clearly in his eyes because they shone like jewels in the sun. “You need to know something, something that’s too strong and amazing, to keep inside. You could say I realized this a a couple of weeks ago, but I think this whole time it’s been there, leading up to this: me feeling it in my heart and soul..” He paused, and my mind tried to put 1 and 2 together, I was just too dumbfounded to keep processing all of this. His mouth opened once more...

“ Maya, I love you.”



There it was, everything my heart and core had been waiting for. It was supposed to penetrate me and take over my body, make me feel like my life was complete. He had said the words that I had pined and ached for and promised myself I would never hear, but he had just stated them like nothing could ever change it. This was what I had cried over, suffered, endured, suffocated in; the love I had for him and the feeling of unrequited love. But Nick was staring at me as though his eyes could see inside of me, and he knew it could never get better than this because I was who he wanted and in his mind who he had always wanted to be with all along. 

Then why did I feel unaffected by his proclamation of love?

Why was a numb from apathy?


“Maya? Could you say something, the silence is a little awkward for me.” He made a face and smiled, expecting me to laugh in return. But I couldn’t laugh, I couldn’t move, I was speechless and frozen. My heart tore a bit from the rejection I would have to give him, because I could not return the words he put his heart into, simply because mine wouldn’t be in them. I could not tell him I loved him without my heart chanting “Lies, Lies, Lies!!!” I was no longer in love with Nick Jonas, or at least I was moving on from the extensive heart break he had caused me. What could I do? Break it to him easily or be blunt and have him suffer the way I had been suffering my whole life since I had fallen in love with him? I would be honest, that’s all. 


“Nick, before you said...that, I was going to say something myself. Something vital and true to this moment. When I said I had been thinking about me, what’s best for me, my life, my future, my happiness...one thing I knew and still know is that you aren’t and can’t be a part of my life, because there is no way that I can acquire all of that with you in the way. I don’t want you in my life anymore Nicholas, I’m sorry.”  It killed me to explain it like that, but it was true. I no longer found him vital in my life, he had no place in this happy life I was going to start to build for myself. Everything about him brought negativity and sadness, he had become my downfall and my pain. I wanted a clean slate, a new chance at life and maybe even love. At that moment, my heart thumped against my chest and it was as though it was speaking because all I could see, hear, and need was Ethan. 


“W-w-what? Maya, what are you saying?” I looked at Nick, and his eyes were shiny and blurry because there were tears in them, that so desperately wanted to fall but he was trying not to let them. I could see every detail of his face: the beauty marks, the tiny scars that blended in with his creamy pale skin, the freckles that would appear on his nose when they felt like it, his small but long defined light pink lips, his laugh lines at the corners of his mouth, the lines formed on his scrunched forehead, so defined and soft if I ran my hand over them. His broad cut nose that had the illusion of being small and long in different positions. His arched eyebrows so close to his small chocolate eyes that had so much depth to them I could have free fallen down their never ending gaze. 


“Nick, you heard me.” My voice shook and turned into a whisper, I couldn’t hurt him the way he hurt me, I would never want to cause anyone so much pain. “B-but, you love me Maya. Just the way I love you.” He was so certain of this, he must have realized what I had felt for him before. “Kevin told me, well after I figured it out Emily confirmed it and Kevin didn’t deny it. You don’t mean that Maya, I know you love me. This hurts, please don’t kid around like this.” His voice was so weak, so desperately hanging onto the hope I was joking. “Nicholas, I did love you. I was truly in love with you. Wasn’t it written all over my face?” I stared at him, his face full of defeat and his eyes looked up pleading to me. 


 He took my hand into his and held it gently and he stared desperately into my eyes trying to find some doubt in my resolve. “Maya, it’s not too late for us, we can be so happy.” He put my palm against his heart, I could hear it thump but I gently pulled my hand away. “I’m so sorry Nick, but it just no longer beats for you. My heart tried so hard to forget you and it finally did. I am just not in love with you anymore Nick. I will always love you, you were like a brother to me, my best friend, but not anymore. I need to get away from all of this. I need me to have my own life, not to be just a part of your life.” I had to stay strong, because I knew this would lead to shouts, and this time I was ready.


"Where’s Ethan?” As soon as those words were out of my mouth his head snapped up and the tenor and loving way he had held me were gone. He stood up out of the chair so quickly it flipped over and slid until it hit the wall. “Ethan.” His hands formed into fists and he stood in front of me, hatred seething through his shaking frame.
Maya’s POV Ends


Nick’s POV

So this was the problem, story of my life now a days. I couldn’t control the fury that was building up inside me. It didn’t matter than Maya no longer loved me, it didn’t matter that I loved her, all that mattered was the plague he was becoming in all of our lives. “Maya he doesn’t matter anymore! He won’t be in your life ever again! Look what he’s done to you! I-We almost lost you because of his existence, he’s done nothing but ruin your life! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT PIECE OF SHIT FOR A SECOND?” I had to turn around before I lost it in front of her, I turned to the chair I had toppled over and threw it across the room. She flinched a little but her face was composed and determined as though she was expecting this and bracing herself for a fight. 


“Nick, he is the reason I am alive! In every sense! He’s been everything you stopped being for me! My friend, shoulder to cry on, older brother, companion, everything I needed. So don’t you tell me he’s nothing, HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME. AND GUESS WHAT? YOU CAN BE HERE WITH ME BUT ALL I AM THINKING ABOUT IS HIM!” Maya sat up, ready to get out of the bed even if she was too weak to. “SHUT UP MAYA, SHUT UP. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!” I tried to cover my ears, it was as though hearing her say this made me burn alive. 


Suddenly we both heard voices outside the door, and the doorknob started twisting and pushing against the lock. “Is everything okay? Maya are you alright???!! Open the door Nicholas!!!!” Emily yelled over the other voices joining her, asking her what was going on. She explained she heard yells and realized it was Maya and I and we weren’t answering her. “OPEN UP NICK!!” Kevin and Joe started rapping on the door but I looked over to Maya, who was suddenly out of bed and I knew both of us would ignore it until everything was out. 


“YOU don’t tell ME what to do Nicholas! I no longer work for you, I’m nothing of yours so  don’t ever try and make me do what YOU want, I am done with that bullshit!” She jammed her index finger against my chest. I could have taken her into my arms with her being weak and all, shut her up and kissed her, making her realize she still loved me. But in my stomach I could feel the fear that maybe she was sure of herself and no longer loved me. I recoiled that thought, she loved me and I loved her that was all there was to it.


“You just don’t stop loving someone like that Maya, you can’t just make love vanish like that.” I responded to her yells, she was taken by surprise as I didn’t scream back and looked into my eyes in a way I wish she hadn’t; sympathy or maybe it was pity. 
Nick’s POV Ends

Maya’s POV

“You’re right,” I replied, stretching my legs since I was rarely allowed to get up from my bed.  “Love, like the one I had for you just doesn’t vanish. It took so long for my heart to stop hoping, it resigned itself, and it finally moved on. That’s what happened Nicholas.” I came closer to him, I no longer became nervous being in such a close proximity. “Can we disclose this topic? The end? Please?” I put my strongest face on for him, I didn’t want him to hurt, just to understand and it killed me to put the person who had been my best friend in so much pain.  


“Now, can you please tell me where Ethan is in?” I was so anxious to see him, I didn’t understand why he hadn’t visited me since I woke up. But I realized he probably didn’t want to start anything with Joe or Nick, so he was keeping his distance. I shook my head, he was always thinking of what was best for me but now that I was awake we both knew no one would try to keep us from seeing each other. He was the perfect friend, but when I told myself this it didn’t seem like a good enough title for him. 


“Ethan isn’t in this hospital Maya, I would never have him stay anywhere near you after he almost killed you.” He was glaring coldly out of the window, but I thought I saw a tear roll down his cheek. The way he had phrased his answer, why did that sound wrong, and why did it make me nervous? “What do you mean Ethan isn’t in this hospital?” Nick didn’t reply and I could feel a lump rise in my throat. He wasn’t in this hospital...but he was in a hospital; Ethan was hurt. “Where is he Nick?!?!” I tugged on his shirt, tears spilling over my eyes and my fear taking the best of me. “Why is he in the hospital??? Nick answer me!!” I could hear the doorknob trying to be forced open as I screamed. 


“Because, Maya, I put him there. That’s the least of what he deserves, God I hope he doesn’t come around.” He spat, I looked at his eyes and absorbed the truth. Ethan was in the hospital, because of Nick. Nick had harmed Ethan. Then something snapped inside of me.


All I could feel was my fingers cutting into his skin as I tried to inflict as much pain as my weakened and bandaged body would let me. “How could you, Nick?!! Ethan! WHY NICK WHY?” I was sobbing and attacking him, so disoriented, my mind trying to ascertain so much information. Here I was getting visitors everyday, keeping me company, humoring me and not knowing that Ethan was hurt somewhere. I then realized he was trying to get my hands off of him, I tried getting his hands off of mine and as I did I managed to dig my fingers deep enough into his skin as I slapped him. Small pearls of blood came out, he put his fingers against them, shocked. Then he came towards me and shoved me until I fell and skidded against one of the walls. 


The pain that came with that shove was tolerable, but the shock of what he had done was what hurt me. Since I had God knows how many ribs cracked, bones broken and cuts over my body, I knew I didn’t have the strength to get back up. “Maya!” The door swung open  and everyone poured in, absorbing the scene in front of them. Emily was the first to move, she ran to my side and picked me up holding up my weight with her frame as she helped me limp to my bed. I tried to suppress the pain from that fall but a choking gasp escaped my lips as I tried to hold myself together. “What. the. fuck. Nick!!??!” Joe and Kevin were right in front of him as though we would try to go for each others throats. Denise was at my side as soon as I was on the bed, her eyes filled with worry and stress. “Honey, what happened? Emily and the boys called me over, said they heard screaming.” She tried to hug me but wasn’t sure what part of me wasn’t throbbing in pain. 


“What happened?? Your son put his hands on Ethan! That’s what happened! And not satisfied with that, he then shoved me against the floor and against a wall! Get out Nicholas, I hope a car runs you over!” I kept screaming and throwing curses at him as his brother’s pushed him out of the room. When he was gone, I broke down and cried into the arms of his mother; my mother. 
Maya’s POV ends


Denise's POV

It's a difficult thing convincing yourself that your children are sweet and innocent in instances such as these. Then looking at my child, maybe not by blood, but my daughter nonetheless, I could tell Nicholas had done something horrible. But hadn't I just witnessed this? I couldn't defend him after seeing Maya on the floor against a wall.But he was my son, and I would. And then what he had done to poor Ethan, a victim of this as well. My son’s life had derailed somehow and was going down and eventually would crash.


"I'm sorry you had to see that Denise, we were just arguing and then it just got out of hand." Two tears were oozing down her cheeks, what hurt was that I didn't know if it was from her physical or emotion pain. Or both. "Oh honey! You have absolutely nothing to be apologizing over, if anything I should be begging for your forgiveness. Look at where Nick and his antics have landed you!" My forehead creased from the nightmare this was all turning into. 


She took deep breaths or at least tried to, until she could look at me without tearing up again. "What landed me here was the car crash, and Nicholas had nothing to do with that pain." she sniffled as she tried to get her body to move so she could sit up.


"A few days ago, when I was with the doctor and he was explaining what was wrong with you," I still choked up when I remembered her mangled body and all the fractures and lacerations the doctor informed me of. "he told me of why you had such a grave position and why it would take you a while to recuperate. He explained you had one of the biggest ulcers he'd ever seen. Said that he did some check ups and the only explanation was enormous amounts of stress. That the ulcer had to be there for a while and because of the force of the crash it exploded."


She sat there quiet absorbing all of this, she knew I had figured out she was aware of the signs of something being wrong with her; but she had said nothing to anyone. Everyone I asked had explained that they had at least once seen her doubling over in stomach pain, telling them she was either hungry or it wasn't anything to worry about.


"Maya I am so sorry for all this pain you've been going through and now this accident, and to top it all off Nicholas almost fist fighting with you! I would understand if you would never forgive us, we've been such a bad family towards you." I shut my eyes and let my own tears fall, I was surprised when I felt 2 arms around my shoulders and comforting me.


"Oh denise! This is none of your fault please don't be sad or angry at anyone, it kills me to see you upset." She took my hand in hers and look into my eyes. "I'm gonna be okay, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow or in a few weeks; but I will heal." When she spoke I knew she spoke of the emotional stabbing Nick and Joe had taken at her heart. 


"But what I need to know now....if you know, I'm begging you please tell me. Where's Ethan?" she starts uncontrollably sobbing and trying to speak, all I could make out was the words hurt and hospital; she knew what Nicholas had done.


"It's alright Maya, he's awake and in good conditions. That's actually where I just got back from. The boys would kill me, well except for Kevin, bless his good judge of character, but I've been visiting to see how Ethan was doing. Ever since he woke up all he's done is ask about you and blame himself for everything and anything possible." For the first time she was able to take a full and deep breath and she managed a small smile.


It was incomprehensible to me, how strongly and deeply he felt for Maya. I mean she's such an amazing and special young woman but when he spoke of her it was as though she was oxygen to him...


"Did he tell you..." Maya looked up to me worried, always worried about everyone else's position. "Yes, he told me everything. Everything from years ago until now." I smiled and stroked her hair out of her sad face. "Are you mad?" she covered her face with her hair and looked up at me through the strands, guilty and frightened. "Mad at his past? Of course not sweetie. Mad at him for being a victim of a bully? No, none of this could make me think less of Ethan as a person. I'll admit I now have a newfound admiration for him and I see him in a different perspective but no bad thoughts on him. He's a good kid through and through." I laughed at her relief, she had nothing to worry about yet here she was stressing herself. It's what landed her here in the first place for crying out loud!


"so he's okay?" she seemed to cheer up after our conversation.


"Better than you are, that's for sure." I smiled as I looked for a brush and began combing the tangle that was her hair.


"he's really been askin’ about me?" she seemed surprised at this piece of information, what a silly girl.


"are you not aware of how he feels about you? Maya, I think it’s pretty obvious.” I teased her and that made her turn red but she sighed heavily. 


“I just don’t understand how he can still...like me, even through all the pain and suffering I’ve put him through. He’s just such an amazing guy, I don’t think anyone could deserve someone like Ethan.” She probably didn’t realize what an emphasis and tenor she used when she spoke his name. But it was quite clear to me; to everyone. 


“Maya, that boy doesn’t just like you. You know that right?! Ethan is absolutely and hopelessly in love with you. He also wanted me to pass that information along to you, he said, “just in case she forgets.” I was completely bewildered when I saw her crying again, she seemed so upset with herself and distraught. 


“are you feeling alright? Do you want me to call a nurse?” Was her body too exhausted and hurt to still be awake? 


“No..I’m fine, it’s just..” She started crying again, hiding her face in her hands and her frame shaking. “I miss him so much Denise, and I wish I didn’t because I just put him through so much. What did Nicholas do to him?” I bit my lip, I couldn’t tell her the truth without putting Nick on her top ten least favorite people. But I had no right to keep information from her and I could not lie. “You have to understand Maya, that when Nick saw you he thought it was all Ethan’s fault and that he was involved. So he punched Ethan and then started fighting him, Ethan only fought back in self defense and then.....well Nick hit him in the back of the head with a piece of metal from the car..” I looked away, too ashamed of the violence that could come from one of my son’s. We had always taught them that violence was no way to solve any problem. I was shocked and so thankful that Ethan had not pressed charges, and even more surprised when he told me with all honesty that he forgave him; even if Nick wasn’t sorry or wanted to apologize. 


“Before you say anything dear, I know that Nick is completely out of place and I don’t know what to say except that he just isn’t himself right now. That’s the only explanation I can give you, but I promise it will never happen again. But please talk to him, let him apologize before he does something crazy again, I don’t think I could see him hurt...” I began crying, I was in just so much fear, Nick was not the same as before. There was a dark side I had never seen in him, so out of character and it frightened me. 


“I will Denise.” She tried to smile as she wiped my tears and then her tears, all the same pain. 


“Here’s the address and number of the hospital Ethan is staying at. What are you going to do?” I felt a goodbye coming on, and it hurt to see my daughter growing up and leaving to find her place in this world. 


“I don’t know. I just know I have to see him, or I’ll go insane. It’s so hard to explain, it’s just like every part of me knows that if I’m with him theres a promise of a better tomorrow. I can’t explain it in words, it’s just something so strong there aren’t words for it.” She looked up to me, her eyes sparkling as she looked out the window, trying to grasp all the answers that escaped her. 


“It’s not hard at all Maya, you know the answer. Are you looking hard enough Maya? Look inside your heart, it shouldn’t take long; the answers right there.” I smiled in encouragement. How could she not see it? How couldn’t I have seen it coming?


Her face became dazed with amazement, then she put her hand over her heart and looked up at me and smiled. Then she really smiled, a smile that lit the room because she was crying  from this newfound or at least suddenly clear piece of information to her. 


“I’m in love with him, Denise. I love Ethan, so much.” Her face was so full of awe and...love, she truly understood the meaning and weight of her words. 


The world was complete to her now, filled with color and meaning, nothing could ruin this blissful moment for her. Except the door slowly opened and on the other side was Nick, his eyes full of pain and tears that had been wiped away. “What....Maya..?” He was completely dumbstruck and in a blink of an eye his life had taken an unexpected turn; his own heart break. 
Denise’s POV ends




Chapter 26
I Was Crazy When I Said I Didn’t Love You


“I think I should go and let you two talk. I hope you get better Maya.” Denise wiped her eyes and tried to smile as she patted Maya’s thigh and stood up. “Behave Nicholas, she’s still in pain.” She warned her son as she walked by to exit the room, the tension was completely obvious and hanging in the air. Nicholas, slightly nodded as he moved into the room some more, as his mother closed the door behind him. He finally raised his eyes and gazed at, Maya, who was sitting up and intently observing her folded hands. What pained his heart the most was that there was a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth. 


He cleared his throat, which he had some difficulty with, and spoke first. “Maya, I seriously don’t and can’t understand what happened a few minutes ago. That wasn’t me, I don’t know what took over me and I am sorry. More sorry than you could ever imagine, I would never want to hurt you, and especially when you’re already hurt. I was completely out of place and a total dick head. I understand if you can’t forgive me now, I’ll work forever if I have to get your forgiveness, but trust me, I feel disgusted with myself.” He took a deep breath from his speech and glanced at her, she was looking out the window very thoughtful. 



“The thing is Nicholas, that was you. I understand what happened, you did want to and did hurt me and you’re right, you were completely out of place.” She put so much emphasis into those words, it was as though they were cutting through his skin. “But I forgive you, and I don’t want anymore problems. Is that clear?” She spoke sharply and although she said she did, there was no forgiveness in her voice. I sat in the chair that was pulled next to her bedside, she didn’t flinch at the proximity but she didn’t seem happy about it either. “You’re not really forgiving me are you? You’re only doing it because you feel sorry for me, or you promised my mother you would..” Or both he surmised as he saw her clench her fists and not make eye contact with him.



Nick’s POV 

“She’s worried about you; immensely. She says that you’re not yourself right now. So this is why I’m forgiving you, because I don’t need Denise scared of you and because I hope she’s right. I hope this isn’t who you’re turning into.” She glanced up at me and her eyes weren’t warm or full of hate; just not interested. The warm brown and hazel eyes I was so used to seeing bright were now dull and haunted. It frightened me how my presence or psychotic self didn’t touch her, I was just a burden that was starting to bother her too often. That frightened me most of all, that maybe her previous conversation held some truth and that I no longer had a place in her life. 



“Don’t worry Maya, I promise you this isn’t who I’m turning into. You’ll see, I’ll be myself in no time, I just need to clear my head and it’ll be just like before.” I tried to sound as cheerful as possible, to emphasis how hard I would work and start from zero to gain her trust and friendship back. I couldn’t let her think I thought I was off the hook, I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me. But she was worth it, everything about her was too much to lose. 


“Well I hope so, I hope everyone sees the change in you and that you’ll lead a happy healthy life, Nicholas. Could I ask you a favor? As you leave could you call Emily into my room, I have to discuss some stuff with her.” She looked at the door in emphasis that it was time for me to leave. It cut me to the core how she sounded when she wished me a happy life, she evidently wasn’t going to be with me to witness it. “What for? What’s there to discuss?” I couldn’t help but sound worried and possessive as to what she was planning on doing. 



“I need to discuss the transfer or release from this hospital and a change of residence.” Maya spoke so flatly and icily I could feel my body begin to tremble as I tried to keep myself calm or at least in control of my fear and anger combining. “What are you talking about Maya?? Don’t be stupid, you can’t leave, you’re not better yet.” I barked out and I could feel my heart in my throat and my knees buckling and ready to betray me any second. “I know I’m not better yet, which is why I am trying to transfer to another hospital, specifically, Cedars Sinai Medical Center.” She read off of a piece of paper as she started dialing away on the land line the room had, all I realized was that I snapped the phone cord and flung it out of her reach.


“Nick!” Maya put her hand to her heart, she was completely shocked and surprised. “How do you know where he is?!” I walked away from her as I tried to rub my temples and try not to think of how they always managed to find each other. “Are you on something? Why did you do that? I have to call Emily right now!!!” She tried getting up, I sighed and brought the phone back, even though I hated it, but I knew if I didn’t she could get hurt. “Maya, listen to me for once. Stop, just rest and forget this stupid plan of yours okay?” I was trying to fight a battle already lost, but it was an escape from a conversation I knew would be coming up and would tear me to shreds.


Maya started laughing, but it was maniacal and harsh, “You just can’t stop telling me what to do, can you? It’s like some form of joy to you.” She stared at me until it made me uncomfortable and I moved to the large window. “I’m not going to let you go and transfer into the worst hospital in Los Angeles, I’ll...” I stopped shortly, not knowing where this threat was going. “What, Nicholas? You’ll what?!” She spat at me crazily, her eyes sending daggers my way, I could feel them though my back was turned. 



“Maya, please just stop, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t..” With that, something took over and I slumped to the floor as though a wave of fatigue was drowning me. The room spun, and I was honestly tired. I sat against the wall with my head propped by my hands  in my face. “N-nick? Are you okay?” I wanted to snap my head up at the sound of the name she had always called me until recently, but I was exhausted. I knew what was exhausting me, always fighting against the current, always trying to change whatever wasn’t going the way it was planned. 


“No Maya I am not okay, far from it actually.” My voice sounded dead and came out so low I was surprised she could hear me. “Well, you do know you started this fight right? I just go along with it nowadays.” She stated, trying to lighten things when just a few seconds ago she was yelling, we were yelling. “Today’s fight? Or this whole...thing?” I could feel my eyes sting as tears began to form, the conversation was about to begin. A conversation in which I would lose no matter what. “Nicholas, we don’t have to fight. It just ends up taking that route because you decide it’s necessary. I’m willing to have a mature conversation with you. You can tell me something and I will listen, and you could do the same for me.” My heart somehow restarted when she spoke my name with some concern and kindness even though I didn’t deserve it. 


“Okay. I love you, Maya. I love you and I am in love with you, forever. I can’t feel the way I feel for you with anyone else, that I know.” I bit my lower lip as I looked down not brave enough to meet her eyes. I heard the rustling of the stiff bedsheets and the crinkling of the plastic covered mattress as, Maya moved around. I sighed and finally looked up to see her adjusting herself into a more comfortable position. She had moved her pillows and body so she wasn’t laying in the bed unable to see, her head laid on her folded arms. “Sorry, it’s easier to have a conversation when I can see the person and I like laying on my stomach.” She explained, as she chewed on the words I had spilled out with so much passion I didn’t see how it could not touch her. 



“It’s hard to respond to that, Nicholas. That’s a mouthful if there was ever one.” She squirmed in her bed as she rubbed her eyes raw and put her face in her pillows. “It’s not hard at all, Maya. All you have to do is say you love me too.” I wondered if she realized how vulnerable and  pleading I sounded. As a guy it was against my own rules to appear weak and soft  but with Maya, it felt right; it was right. But at those words her head snapped up, her face had an expression I didn’t understand and had never seen before.


“No, Nick, it is hard. Harder than anything because what I will tell you isn’t what you want to hear. I don’t love you, I can’t and for one enormous reason. I am in love with Ethan, in love with him in a way that I can’t put it aside like I had to when I was in love with you.” Her voice was so strong and confident in the words she spoke, I didn’t know if I was imagining things but it was as though a glow lit her face when she said his name and when she repeated those words. Those words that were stabbing at my heart as though it was pillow full of feathers and as the knife tore through and made a gash they were thrown and fell, scattered all over the floor.


“Maya, you can love more than one person. You could start to love Ethan, but you’re in love with me too. Something like what you felt for me, and what I feel for you, it isn’t erased so easily.” I knew it was a long shot, and I allowed myself to hope just a little, hope that I was right and she could still have feelings for me. But as soon as I saw that her face didn’t change and her expression didn’t falter; my heart broke once more.


“Nicholas, I know you can love more than one person. But I don’t, I love Ethan, and nothing can change that. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way anymore. But maybe it  was for the best, you have a girlfriend and I had no right to feel that way for you and expect you to feel that way in return. Ethan was honest from the beginning, he told me when his feelings for me grew and knew how I felt about you. He waited, he waited and waited and was everything I needed him to be. But now I see how stupid I’ve been, this whole time I’ve been falling in love with him, but I wouldn’t admit it. This is my chance at happiness, and for once I’m going to do whatever it takes to be happy. For once I’m going to focus on what’s best for me and not put everyone before me. I deserve that.” She was close to tears, her voice was cracking but she poured everything out and was honest and direct.


I looked up at her as my eyes stung and I blinked and didn’t care if the tears fell, I didn’t care if she saw me cry. “Maya, is it too late? Really? Is it too late for me to tell you, I love you?” My voice came out hoarse and in a defeated whisper, her own tears fell as she saw mine and she looked out the window behind me. “I’m sorry Nick. But this is my choice, you can hate me but you have to respect my decision. And I am leaving, I can’t stay here with all of you. It would be extremely unpleasant after all that’s happened. I’m going to move out as well and live somewhere else.” She sat up so quickly and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. 


I got up as well but the room spun, my stomach churned and my heart felt like it would literally tear through my ribs and fall out onto the floor like a fish out of water. “Maya, please, don’t leave. I’m begging you.” If she wanted to I would get on my knees and plead and cry, anything. “Nick, please, don’t. This is exactly what I’m talking about, if I stay this will only get worse. You need to go back to your girlfriend, she doesn’t even know about this does she?” Her voice was sharp and accusing, she slowly tested to see if she could get up on her feet; she did. 


All I knew right now is that she was the girl for me, I couldn’t let her go, not when I knew what she really meant for me. I put aside the fact that my body ached and I could probably faint and dashed over to her bedside where she was putting her hospital slippers on. “I’m going to break up with her, Maya. I love you, I’m in love with you.” I held her by the elbows and shook her frame lightly as I looked into her eyes, she looked taken back as there was barely any space between us; her eyes widened and quivered but I wasn’t sure because they seemed full of accusations.


“It seems to me, Nicholas... That you’re trying to convince yourself of that, more than explaining it to me. You said it yourself, you can love more than one person..” She gently removed my hands off of her and walked out of the room and out of my life. 
Nick’s POV Ends



Maya’s POV

As soon as I was out of earshot, I began to cry and I couldn’t stop; even for a breath. I sank down on the edge of the hallway corner and put my head between my legs. I knew I was loud and what scared me the most was that Nick, would come out of the room and see this, he would confuse my crying for lying to him about my feelings. I had been honest with him, I no longer felt the strong passionate love I had for him, I truly was in love with Ethan. But I couldn’t help but cry because I had hurt him, I had made him cry which was something I had only seen once. What made me cry harder was the fact that this would have been easily avoided if he had loved me when I had and would have done anything for him. But he hadn’t felt the same way, and I had put myself through all of that just so he could treat me so poorly and ruin our friendship. 


If I was seeking revenge this would have been perfect, but I wasn’t that kind of person. So I couldn’t help but feel awful about everything, my tears blurred my vision to the point   my eyes stung and it was easier just to keep my eyes closed. I tried my hardest to get up but I just slumped back down, my body too weak to try and do anything anymore. I rested my head against the light yellow wall and rested my eyes, eyes that would never stop crying for Nick, apparently.

---

“It was the craziest thing, I found her laying on the floor like 20 feet from her room!” It was Joe’s loud explanation that stirred me awake. “She’s waking up!” It was Denise’s voice which made me open my eyes, and I could feel tears start to brim over. “Oh, honey! It’s okay! It’s okay!” She sang as she held me in her arms, it only made me cry harder but this time I didn’t make a sound. “Everyone please leave the room, she’s fine now, I let you all stay because you were most likely to riot if I didn’t. Only a guardian can stay.” The doctor’s voice asked politely, yet tired. I heard the shuffling of feet, I felt someone ruffle my hair before leaving.  “Can you ask Emily to stay as well?” I managed to whisper to Denise. “Sure, honey.” She told me as she left me for a bit and went to fetch Emily. 


“You gave your family quite a fright, Maya.” The doctor held a clipboard with white sheets and he looked them over as I wiped my tears away. “Then again, you’ve been through quite some stuff yourself.” He looked at me as though analyzing what type of person I was. He pulled over a rolling doctor stool and sat by my bedside. As soon as I saw my bed I realized it wasn’t the same one. I looked around and saw that I was in a new room, it wasn’t filled with so many machines, it was lit differently, more brightly and I could feel a gentle breeze through the open window that had a view of the sunny city. “Yes, I moved you into another room, seeing as you’re recuperating so quickly,” he explained “ and seeing as someone refused to leave your old room..” He whispered more to himself, but my head snapped in his direction as I had heard him. “Oh, I see, that’s the problem huh?” He questioned, I looked confused but he tapped the heart monitor next to me with his pen. “When you heard about the boy, your heart rate went up quickly. Is there anything you want to talk about?” I bit my lip, trying to clear my throat and manage not to spill anymore tears. 


“I just don’t want to see him, and he makes that impossible. We had a small fight earlier.” He nodded as I spoke, and turned over my forearm. “That would explain that newly forming bruise I hadn’t noticed before. Maya, if he’s physically hurting you....a relationship isn’t about control....” We sat in silence for a bit until I spoke up. “It’s not like that. We’re not in a relationship, we just can’t speak at the moment, and it’s hard on us especially since we’ve known each other since birth. His anger just got the best of him, he’s never hurt me.” I lied at the end, no need to explain to the doctor in how many ways Nick had hurt me and my heart. 



“Well, I am sorry to hear that. It still gives him no reason to lay a hand on a young woman, especially who’s already in the hospital.” I didn’t need him thinking Nick was a violent person, I changed the conversation. “Do you know if it's possible for me to transfer to another hospital?" I played and twirled the bed sheet through my fingertips, he stared pensively and went back to looking through my hospital records page by page. "Well, I see that your fractures have been healing and you look in much better health. I don't see what the rush to leave is, but I would suggest you not to. We will be able to release you in about 3 days, no point in leaving. Am I right?" He smiled and patted my leg as he got up. "Thanks doc. I would also like it if you only informed Denise, about my release." I looked up to him to show this was of the utmost importance. "Okay, get some rest, Maya." He gave me a half smile and on his way out, greeted an incoming visitor. 



"Good morning doctor." I heard emily's sweet voice say as she entered and closed the door behind him. "How are you feeling?" She walked to my bedside and got straight to the point, looking tired and sleep deprived. She looked at me with such anxious and worried eyes, like the way Denise looked at me. I had never had anything like an older sister, but the way, Emily stared and took care of me it was easy to see that's how she viewed me, like her younger sister. Now that I thought of it I looked at her like a little girl would look up to her older sister; I took her hand and squeezed it.



"I'm better. I just want to thank you for always being there for me, you know that I look at you as my sister. I don't know what I would do without you and Denise." I stuttered the end as happy tears started to well up. "Oh Maya! I look at you the same way, honey. Now you're gonna make me cry." She laughed shakily as she looked up at the luminescent lights to prevent any tears from falling. After a bit, when she was sure the tears were gone, she spoke, "Denise said you wanted to talk?" I nodded as I grabbed a pad and a pen that were laying on the nightstand by my bed and wrote down addresses. 


"These are the addresses to the my house and the Jonas’. I have a set of keys for both. I need you to pick up all my clothes and belongings from both houses. Anything that will fit in a car. Do you have a car?" I asked tentatively, if she didn't then this would screw my plan.


"Yes, I rented one and I think David wouldn't mind helping. For some odd reason he's always found packing and moving 'fun'." She wrinkled her nose at her distaste in her brother’s odd enjoyment, while I smiled. "That'd be great. Tell him I appreciate it a lot. If some of my furniture fits that'd be swell. And lastly I need you to do something that might be harder. I need you to sneak onto their tour bus and take everything of mine from there." I swallowed as I realized how thoroughly I was going to pull myself from their lives, not leaving one little fingerprint of my existence.


"If that's what you want, Maya, you know I'll do it. Yeah the tour bus might be a little harder. But on the upside, I have the bags you had packed in Nicks car." She pointed to a corner of the room where the bags laid covered in scratches and dust, I shuddered from the memory.


"I'm sorry. I realize It must be hard...." She let the sentence die there feeling bad for bringing that up. "It's fine, Emily. It's just a bad memory now. But I have to admit one of the best things came from it." I felt a smile spread across my face as I could feel Ethan's face consume my mind.


"'Maya, what good thing could have possibly come from you being inches from death?!" She looked at me completely flabbergasted and alarmed. "Emily, I'm in love with Ethan." I sighed as as I saw her next words coming and the gleam in her eyes. “I knew it! I told you so, I told you so!” She clapped her hands giddy and spun lightly around the room, her dress swaying around her. 


“Yeah, yeah. Now will you help me?” I asked, completely serious. She had to see how serious I was, I was asking for a lot from her. I was asking her to break into 3 different homes. I was asking her to risk tearing her relationship with the Jonas’, by helping me leave this hospital without anyone else knowing and then to vanish from their lives. “Maya, we’ve been on this together from the beginning, whether we knew it or not. Your time has come, you will be happy. I’ll make sure of that.” Her face lit up with the brilliant smile she wore with complete confidence as she came over and held out her pinky. I put mine out as well and they intertwined as we looked at each other with so much appreciation and began our escape plans.





Chapter 27
I Can Feel You, All Around Me


By the time you get this letter, I’ll be gone. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, if I did, seeing all your faces, I would have stayed. But this is my chance, my chance at happiness. Please don’t blame anybody, this was no one’s fault, if it was, then it would be mine. I can’t begin to explain how much I will miss each and everyone of you, I love you. For now I must say goodbye, but someday we will see each other again and maybe, just maybe we can go back to being like before; a family. Take care of yourselves, and be happy. I know I will.                Filled with love, Maya.


4 days later

“Maya, how many times are you going to change outfits?” Emily was in a swiveling leather computer chair, spinning away as I looked over my outfit again. I rolled my eyes as I turned sideways, back, and sideways again. I stared at the soft white ruched satin dress and striking black heels I dared to wear. “I’m sorry, Emily, not all of us own fabulous designer clothes, and we all can’t be as pretty as you.” I chided, as her eyes popped and she looked at me incredulously.



“Are you kidding me??” I was about to explain that I was, but she continued. “You look amazing! He will take in your presence, like it’s air.” Emily stated, as I tried not to blush and tell my heart to stop racing. She came over and stood about a foot taller than me, she strutted like a professional in her stilettos and beautiful yet simple short black dress with pearls. “Stop freaking out, he wants to see you as much as you want to see him. He’s crazy about you, and there isn’t anything in your way to stop you from being together.” Anymore, we didn’t have to say it but I knew we were both thinking it.



Stop. I had to tell myself that repeatedly. You did nothing wrong, stop feeling like you’ve killed someone. All you’re doing is finally taking charge of your own life, now be happy. “Maya? Did you hear me?” Emily was playing with my wavy hair that spilled around my exposed collar bones, I blinked and realize she was speaking to me. “Sorry, spaced out.” I admitted unwillingly, she probably knew what I was thinking though she didn’t show it. “Well c’mon, visiting hours will begin soon.” Emily reminded me, she grabbed our purses and we headed out the door, our heels clicking in sync.



“Hi, I’m here to visit a patient. I was told I could be told what room he was in, here.” The lady behind the desk looked up at me, my legs shook from anxiety and fear. I gave her his name, age, everything that I could think of as she looked him up int he hospital’s system. “He’s in room B328, that’s on the second floor. Are you a relative?” She inquired as she wrote out 2 passes, one for me and the other for Emily, who stood a few feet away. “Uh, no. I-I’m h-his girlfriend.” I stuttered as my heart hammered even faster, she nodded as she handed them over. “Have a nice day.” She waved as Emily, had a fit of giggles as she mimicked my voice and I tried to get the blush out of my cheeks.



We walked down the hallway to the elevators, the floor tiles a speckled sea green color that matched with the simple hospital walls. People rushed by with baskets of flowers, teddy bears and balloons that read ‘it’s a boy’ or ‘it’s a girl’, and bags of home made food. “I feel like we should have brought something, I’m so stupid, how could I forget?” I slapped my forehead as the elevator doors opened, she held it open as we walked in.



We walked out on our floor and read the small directions that pointed rooms B315- B236 to the right, I could feel my heart in my throat. “How about I wait by that little visitor’s lounge? You know, while you guys ‘settle’ everything.” She offered as we reached his room, I looked up at her while my insides scream. “Don’t worry, everything’s going to go well. Good luck.” She smiled and waved as she hurried away and left me standing outside Ethan’s door, my knees ready to give out. “Here I go..” I muttered, I twisted the doorknob before I could let myself run away and opened the door. I stood at the entrance, but I could clearly see a figure laying down on the bed inside; his sandy blonde hair lighter than ever against the white pillow.



“Finally! Jesus christ! I called you guys about an hour ago! What if I was dead by now?? I need to get stitches again, the ones on my side tore, I’ve kinda been blee-” Ethan stopped his rant as he saw who was really standing by the door. “Shit! Shit! What did they put in my iv? I’m fuckin’ hallucinating now..” He put his face in his palms and then slid them back against his hair. I managed to burst out loud laughing, his head snapped up and peeked at me through the spaces between his fingers.



“Unless, you’re not hallucinating?” I offered as I walked straight towards him, his eyes widened as he took me in and my smile grew bigger. I sat in the worn out armchair facing his bed and stared at him; I was home. “Hi.” I bit my lip as I saw how strong the urge to be in his arms was, how much I wanted to feel his strong arms around my waist and the way his face would lie against my shoulder and I couldn’t stop looking at his lips. The way the corners of his mouth would turn up when he smiled or laughed. The way his face crinkled and his eyes exploded with brilliancy as he laughed, how could I have missed all of this before? It was so obvious, and so amazing, and I wanted to see it and be the reason behind it.



“If I’m not hallucinating, then how..why, are you here?” The change in his voice snapped me out of my own day dream, he was accusing me as though I did something wrong.  “Ethan...I came to see you..” I smiled as I reached for him, but he turned the other way, I felt stung by rejection and the feeling of being alone. “What did I do? Is it the clothes?” I had to have done something wrong, why was he acting like this? If he had told Denise he still loved me, why was he acting as though he felt the opposite.



“Don’t be stupid, Maya. You look beautiful, gorgeous as ever!” He spat, as though I was being ridiculously stupid to think otherwise. “Then why won’t you look at me? Can you please look at me?” My voice was barely audible and I could begin to feel my throat burn. He sighed and turned back slowly, he was unaware of how close I had leaned so when he turned back his eyes widened at the proximity between us.



“Maya, you should go.” But his bottom lip quivered and his eyes were burning, if I wasn’t mistaken, they were burning with the same feelings mine were. “Why?” Was all I could manage to ask, as I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “You may look fine now, but a few days..weeks..ago, you were close to dying. Because of me, because of who I was - used to be- associated with. You were almost gone, because of me. I can’t forgive myself for that. I was stupid to think I could have someone so pure and perfect for myself, that was so selfish. I love you, but I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve you, you belong with someone who won’t hurt you. I can’t ever forgive myself for almost losing you, I should have just died from this concussion.” He threw his head against the pillow and put his hand over his eyes.



I hit his thigh with my fist as hard as I could, then regretted it quickly, maybe he had hurt his leg too. “I’m not leaving, and how dare you say any of that! I made the choices that led to that accident, I decided to act before thinking. It’s not your fault that psycho came after you, you haven’t seen him in years!” I was becoming so frustrated with him, how dare he blame this all on him. If anything I should be apologizing for the fact that it was my fault he was put in this hospital. “And you’re wrong...you deserve better than me. Someone who’s as beautiful as you are. Someone who can look as amazing as you, someone who isn’t just a dumb little girl with a crush on the cool kid. You deserve more than that, I wish I could look like Emily, then maybe, just maybe I would be in your league..” I was speaking so quietly and mostly to myself that I didn’t realize he was staring at me incredulously and confused.



“Maya, what are you saying?” He stuttered, his eyes blazing but at the same time hesitant, as though not wanting to get his hopes up. I stood up and lifted myself onto the edge of his bed, I looked down at him and I could see his heart rate speed up on the EKG. I moved closer so that I was almost on top of him, my arms pinning him down, my body almost pressing against his since I was on the bed hovering over him. His eyes widened in shock, if someone walked in it would look completely inappropriate but all I was trying to do was make sure he couldn’t escape when I told him the truth.



“Ethan, I am completely and forever in love with you. I can’t eat, sleep, breathe, without you knowing this. I am in love with you, and I don’t care if you think you’re not good enough, because through all you’ve done I know it in my heart that you’re perfect. And if you can settle for someone as plain as me, then know that I love you.” I breathed as he stared at me, unable to speak, I bit my lip scared, could it be too late?



I was done being scared, always hoping people would answer the questions I was never brave enough to ask. I knew now, that in life, to want things that you can’t possibly have, you have to take chances and do things you would never do. Which is why I put my heart on the line and asked the question who’s answer could make me the happiest person in the world, or bringing my heart another destruction.



“Ethan, do you love me?” My eyes penetrated his, they widened then crinkled, then stared confused and incredulously. “I could never stop, my broken heart only beats for you; always.” A smile spread across his face, and he sat up, startling me as I scooted back but he shook his head.



He pulled me in quickly with such strength, I felt my heart skip skip a beat. He pressed me gently against his skin as he placed his hand on the back of my head and tousled my hair. He looked at me with such a fierce gaze I felt my insides slowly melt and then he closed the minuscule gap between us. Our first kiss.



I felt his lips against mine and as our mouths began to become familiar with each other, while our lips brushed and pulled and yearned for more, the kiss deepened and became wild. It was as though we had been together for years and were separated until now, the  desperation and desire we felt take over as we explored each and every detail of our faces, lips, bodies. “This is either a very vivid dream, or I am the luckiest man in the world.” I felt him speak against my lips, which sent quivers down my spine.



“I think, no, I know, I’m the lucky one. I thought..it might have been too late.” That fear still made my heart stutter but it faded as he pulled me in and cradled me in his arms. “Never. When I told you I loved you, that was the first time I have ever said those words. I’m positive I can never say those words to anyone else, because there can never be another you, you’re the only one I can possibly love.” When he spoke, it was full of warmth, a sort of fire that made me blaze and fill with happiness. “I love you.” I peeked at him, and he was looking down at me with such a focus that I knew I was the only girl he saw. I held his hand and it fit perfectly, as though they were meant to be together, our fingers meant to intertwine and caress each other.



“I don’t mean to ruin this perfect moment...” He began, but I had to kiss him again, make sure this was real and I wasn’t just imagining it; pinching myself wouldn’t be enough. “Then don’t.” I grinned as I bit lightly on his bottom lip, he rolled me over and was on top of me. “I really don’t want to, but my side is still bleeding, I should probably call a nurse in..” He chuckled as he kissed my cheeks and forehead.



“Ethan! Why didn’t you say anything before?!” I got up and smoothed down my dress, as I pushed the button that called the nurse in, seeing the bed sheet pressed against his  ribs that had a moist dark scarlet stain on it. “Yeah right! And ruin what is the most happiest moment in my existence?” He squirmed from the pain, that until now starting to bother him. I started to head to the door since the nurse wasn’t coming but he pulled me back in by my wrist. “Don’t leave me.” He gave me a puppy dog face, a face I hadn’t seen before, and a face I couldn’t say no to. “I’ll stay.” I nodded and sat on the armchair holding his hand as he pressed it against his face. “You promise?” His voice and the way he looked at me made my heart sputter, his eyes held my gaze. “Forever.” I uttered solemnly as I gave him one last kiss before the nurse came in.
Maya’s POV Ends

---


Ethan’s POV

“After we stitch this up you can be released from the hospital, young man.” The nurse explained as she pulled at the threads and cut the ends with scissors as she knotted it. “Does it hurt?” Maya held my hand through the process, her hands as smooth as silk, but had kept her eyes closed. I grinned as the nurse chuckled at her and patted our hands and walked away to get my release forms. "Quite a lot actually! So much, maybe you should kiss it better.” I offered, she opened her eyes and elbowed me but gave me a small kiss. I stared at her in wonder and amazement, Maya, with me and we were together. I stared at her beautiful face, her bright brown eyes and the high cheekbones and dimples at the end, her lips, her everything.



“What’s wrong?” She questioned seriously, I couldn’t stop staring at the beauty in front of me, I only had dreamt of this ever since I had felt this way about her. I didn’t understand how I could deserve her, how this innocent yet fierce creature could want to be with someone as underserving as me. “Nothing, I’m just still in shock.” I laid my head against her shoulder and she put her head against the top of mine. “Ethan, I love you. I’m going to be with you, what don’t you get?” She laughed as she toyed with my hair and ran her fingers through it silkily. “That you want to, actually.” I admitted, from the beginning I had known I had not one fighting chance of winning her over when, Nick, had such a strong hold over her.



“I’ve been in love with you for a while, I just hadn’t realized it. It’s been there for a while, and it’s only growing. So get over it, you’ll just have to deal with me being around.” She kidded as the nurse brought over my papers, I signed them and got my copy as she bid us goodbye. “I can’t believe they’re making me sit around in a wheel chair for a week.” I grumbled, now that I had my girlfriend, I was limited to sitting her on my lap. “Was there anything important that you needed to do this week? I didn’t think so.” She smiled in victory as she was right, but I wanted to pick her up and swing her around. Walk around the park, take her out, dance, do everything now that we were together. “Well, now my girlfriend will have to wheel me around everywhere.” I tried out the word nervous as to how she would react, I peeked up at her but she was glowing.



“Well, my boyfriend is lucky I am free this week as well, huh?” She kissed the top of my head as we headed down the hallway and she stopped by what looked like a visitor’s area. “We’re ready, Em!” Maya sang and then someone stood up, Emily.  She stood looking happy as could be as she saw how I held Maya’s hand as she steered the chair; I smiled up at her feeling as the luckiest guy in the world. “So, I’m guessing you two are together?” She shut her eyes and crossed her fingers, we laughed and I motioned her to come down and give me a hug. “Thanks, you believed in me from the beginning.” I whispered as I gave her the hug my stitched up body could manage. “Just make my girl happy, Ethan.” She whispered back seriously, Maya didn’t even realize our little exchange.



“Let’s get you home.” Maya said in a soothing voice, I had so many corny replies, but I had the rest of my life to be romantic with her. But I told her the easiest and most truest statement, “Home is wherever you are, Maya.”
Ethan's POV ends


This note is just for your eyes, so I hope no one else reads it. I’m leaving, for a while, don’t ask me how long, because I don’t know that myself. Don’t look for me, this is something I hope you can promise to do, and keep this one promise.  Take care of your brothers for me, especially Frankie. Never let him forget I love him. Take care of Denise, this is going to be the hardest on her. As for you, Nicholas, take care of yourself and I hope the next time we might run into each other, we can be civil when we speak. My hopes are that someday everything will be like before this whole mess, and we can be a family again, and be those little kids running around fighting for our dreams together.                                                ~Goodbye, Maya.


I read the wrinkled and torn page that I ended up taping back together, and mashed into a paper ball for the millionth time. I was the only one in her room, everyone had left hours ago, no longer necessary for them to be in the hospital, with no patient. I was furious and out of my mind, I walked out only after picking up the very abused note and stuffing it into my pocket. As I left the hospital room, I slammed the door behind me and left because no doctor would give me the information I wanted; the information I needed.



I didn’t understand how she could have left without anyone knowing, someone had to have known. My fingers pulled at my hair from the frustration and feeling of incompetence as I had no idea how to get her back. Joe had left me his car, to drive around and blow off steam, but that would only remind me of why I didn’t have a car. I had called Kevin, he had told me everything was gone from the tour bus and something told me that everything was gone from our house as well.



She belonged with us! She was our family, and we were hers, it was ridiculous of her to leave us all behind. Already Frankie, had cried when mom had told him she had gone away for a bit. She cancelled her cell phone I reminded myself as I reflexively started dialing her on my phone, I chucked it to the back of the car.


Don’t look for me, this is something I hope you can promise to do, and keep this one promise

Those words rung in my ears as I drove, and I realized the direction I was headed in. I was headed to the hospital where he was, and where I knew I would find, Maya. I sped down the road and hit 80 as I veered in and out of lanes, I had to find her in time and make her realize she couldn’t leave me; couldn’t leave our family.



As I reached the hospital parking lot I ran out of the car, the car wasn’t even parked, I left it in the middle of an exit and ran out towards the automatic hospital doors. I could feel myself running out of breath as I sprinted into the hospital, the trees and cars I sped by a blur. It was as though I could feel her presence already; all around me.



I stopped in my tracks, and took a breath. Don’t look for me, this is something I hope you can promise to do, and keep this one promise. This is exactly what she was talking about, she couldn’t stay because I made it impossible. I persisted until I got what I wanted, and I broke my best friend’s heart in the process. I was going to go in there and drag her out, making her fight my protection from what wasn’t worthy of her, even if she couldn’t see it herself. My frame shook as I bit my lip, I could feel the blood starting to spill out, and tears rolled down my face.



I had the world to give her, and she didn’t want it; from me anyways. I didn’t know this is what the world had in store for me; finding the love of my life and then having it taken away from me. How could I make her see she wouldn’t be happy with him? How could I, when I wasn’t sure myself. I was paralyzed as I tried to remember back to the time where life was easy, when I was in love with the right person and when I wasn’t hurting my best friend. A time back where life was simple, there was music, there was family, and there was Maya. I felt like I was 7 again, and my mom hadn’t noticed I’d fallen down on the concrete but I kept walking, my scraped knee bleeding along the way. No one knew the pain I was in and I wouldn’t make their lives difficult by complaining about the pain.



But then I remembered how Maya, had come running after me with a band aid flapping in her hand. She had told my mom to wait, she then put it on my knee and gave me a hug as Karen, came running after her pig tailed daughter. “I’m making the pain go away, mommy.” She had explained when Karen, had finally caught up, both our moms had laughed but I had only stared at her in amazement.. I walked out of the hospital and back to my car, if I gave her space maybe she would come back and realize her place was with us. I wiped my eyes I got back in the car and made my way out of the hospital, I took one last glance back at where she was probably with the guy she loved, “I wish you could make it go away now, Maya. I really do.”
Nick’s POV Ends


3 months later

"Stop! Sorry guys, let's take a break." Joe backed away from the microphone which he has been singing into. Garbo shrugged as Jack and John Taylor asked him if he knew what was going on. They walked off the stage on which they were rehearsing and headed for the other room that held the catering.



"What gives, Nick? You missed half the notes and messed up your solo!" Joe was irritated since they were going to announce their next tour; there was no time for anything less than perfection. 


It looked like Joe's snarl pulled Nick out of his reverie because his head snapped up with confusion, "Huh?" Joe let out an annoyed yell as, Kevin, came over and put his hand on Nicks shoulder; worriedly. 


"Whats going on little bro, spill." Kevin had always been more sensitive to  situations such as these. Nick looked up at his eldest brother, knowing that he wouldn't be angry when he said the next words. 


"I think we need to cancel the upcoming tour." He mumbled gravely as he strapped off his guitar and put it on its stand. 


"What??! What do you mean you think we need to cancel the tour? Are you out of your fucking mind?" Kevin glared at how insensitive he was being, Nick was coping better than he had imagined. But at the same time, he wasn't. Nick had turned lonesome and apathetic, he would put on a mask for his girlfriend and the public but when neither were in sight, it was like seeing a dead man walking. He would drag himself out of bed, eat, rehearse, play with Frankie and then lock himself in his room. Nowadays he always had dark puffy circles around his eyes and he appeared gaunt. And now that he closely inspected him, he saw his knuckles were just healing but had tears as though they had repeatedly punched something and broke both the item and his knuckles. 



"Maybe I am, Joe." He said more to himself and it frightened me to see this raw side of him. "I'm asking nicely Joseph, I could just let you all go on tour and let it be the Jonas-Brothers-minus-Nick tour." He spat acidly and Joe’s eyes burst out of their sockets. "You wouldn't dare!" Joe threatened but he knew Nick was a man of his promise and not an ounce of his face contained a sign of humor; only tiredness. 



"Keep acting like an asshole and you'll find out soon enough." He walked away and jumped off the stage and out of the theater. "I'll go talk to him," I warned Joe as he was about to run after him, "you've done enough Joseph."



I gave Nicholas some time so he would calm down and I could talk to him. I thought that maybe after some time he would move on and realize he had so many other great things in his life he should enjoy; but his mind was apparently always one same person. Of course I missed Maya, it was as though my sister had run away. But I avoided thinking or speaking of her for Nick's sake, for everyones sake. I also looked over everyone as they all coped differently with her absence, she had made her choice and I couldn't be angry at her for it. She needed a change in her life and as long as she was happy, I would withstand the sadness of not having her with us. 



“I know you’re here, Kevin.” He looked around the parking lot, I stepped out of the shadows and headed towards him. “I know you might be angry, but you should talk about this with someone.” I sat on the concrete with my back against his car next to him, he looked at me with a humorless grin. “And that someone is you?” He rested his head against the car door and waited. “If you want it to be. So, why do you want to cancel the tour?” He stared at the sky and tried to get his thoughts in order, I waited as I wondered what advice Maya, would have given given him.



“I can’t sing songs that I don’t believe in anymore. If I sang on stage, in front of all our fans, my heart isn’t going to be in them. I’ll sound horrible, the band will be boo-ed. I need time off from all of this. Maybe stay away from the spotlight, and write my own stuff.....without the Jonas Brothers.” My head snapped when I heard the end, I looked at him and he looked grief-stricken, it would hurt him to leave the band as much as it would hurt us; everyone. “So, is this the end of the Jonas Brothers?” I had to admit, it was great while it lasted, our dreams turned into realities, traveling the world, meeting new people, changing lives.



“No, Kevin. Just a small break from JB. At least for me. You can all focus on something of your own, you know? It’s like a vacation from ourselves. Maybe it’s for the best, something good has to come from this.” He replied, a burden off his chest as he was able to confide his hidden feelings with me. I couldn’t ask him to sing every night when he no longer felt the pull of the music, the desire to be heard, the need to put your heart and soul into every lyric. 


“How do you know something good will come from this?” I asked as we both got up and headed back inside to break the news to everyone. “Because, Kevin. For once, in a long time I have faith.” Nick actually was able to form a small smile as he walked in front of me, hands in the pockets of his levis; looking up at the bright blue and white sky.  

Nick's POV Ends